My boyfriend keeps bringing up how "fit" I used to be...advice?

My boyfriend for the past week has been constantly bringing up how fit I ‘use’ to be and how hot I ‘use’ to be and how he can’t wait for me to look like that again. He asked me to send him these pictures of myself with 6 pack abs from a few years ago before we met. It’s making me feel super insecure and bad about myself. The fact that he keeps comparing how I look now to how I looked when I was extremely depressed, unhappy and unhealthy is really bothering me. I don’t want to feel like that again but feel an overwhelming amount of pressure to ‘look’ that way again.


Honestly dump him. If he can’t appreciate who you are as a person he isn’t worthy of you. It’s not all about looks.

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Bring up how he “used to be” your boyfriend :ok_hand:

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As human beings, and especially women, our bodies change over time. It’s not just pregnancy that does it (but yes growing a whole human being can take a toll!). Hormones, and the way our bodies store fat or build muscle… and over time there are wrinkles, gray hair, hair in places there wasn’t hair before lol… if he can’t accept that and love you exactly as you are in the moment, go find a man that will (because there are good men out there).
He doesn’t sound emotionally mature enough for a healthy relationship.
However, you need to be honest and talk with him. Communicate to him that you feel hurt when he says things about your physical body. Talk about it and see if he truly understands what will eventually happen to all of us over time and see what he says before making a decision.


No love there, he sees you as a trophy :trophy:! You are so much more than that! He’s not worth your time and will continue to drag you down! Walk away!!!


I’d be getting rid of him, real fast!


A guy like this really isn’t a guy that is a life long partner. You are going to age, and your body is going to change… this is a given. You need to be with a guy who will love you and your body in any form. He doesn’t love all of you now and he won’t love all of you later. Best to dump him now.


Lose the “weight” of him.


We all become wrinkled old sacs, looks fade, health fades… id consider this a big red flag… I dont look how I used to and never will again …

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He clearly doesn’t care about you. Show him the door. You deserve so much better. I was there and put up with it way too long! You are so much better than him and he knows it and this is the only way he can knock you down!



I dated someone years ago for almost 5 years and I was around 140-50lbs. I eventually was not doing well and was 100lbs. He had never paid as much attention to me as he did then. I knew then something was wrong. When I put the weight back on finally, he saw my rolls when I sat down and called me a moo, I laid on him and he said I was too heavy. Then after I threw him a birthday party, I caught him messaging a prostitute saying he always wanted a girl like her and that I was in the other room sleeping. She was no heavier then a plastic bag.

Fast forward years later, I got with my now fiance. I use to be around 150 in the summer, I’m now 190. And he never looks at me any different. He’s put on weight too and I love him just as much.

There is a difference between unconditional love and shallow love.

People change over the years and if you are in a solid relationship, it won’t matter how you look, he would love you just as much as he did in the beginning.

Don’t let him pressure you into that again, find someone who appreciates you no matter what. Never let a man change you, worst thing you can do.

You have 3 options
1- have a conversation with him about it.
2- Work on that “image” he has
3- leave

I believe you should have a conversation and see where it goes. There is a difference between being healthy and unhealthy (you can be super skinny and unhealthy). Looks fade and change, if he can’t love you as you are there is concern here. Yes yes, we all have a “type” and sure he’s allowed his wants but don’t sacrifice happy healthy for unhealthy skinny!


How long have y’all been together

Lose the bf. Tell him how unhappy you were before and if he can’t love you and appreciate you as you are, someone else will 100%. Coming from someone who used to be a lot thinner and had 2 kids in 3 years. Trust me. Women’s bodies change. My husband and I met in hs. We’ve been together 14 years and multiple kids later I’m just not who I was. He appreciates my body as it gave him beautiful babies and he’s a real man. They’re out there girl. Don’t settle

I was like you back then. I was really skinny, I’m kinda glad I actually gained weight. If they don’t like you the way you are it’s time to end it. I was told by an ex if I got fat he would leave me. I also have health issues. I’m glad I gained weight but wish I could lose some of it lol.


I would sit down and talk to him. Tell him that when you were the old you you were unhappy and had a bad mental health. Tell him his words hurt you and ask for clarification on what it is or why he’s asking. Don’t just dump him. He may not be aware of how his words are hurting you. Speak up. Then if he doesn’t get it step out. Good luck but keep loving yourself enough to be healthy.


Don’t walk RUN! He sounds like the type that you will never be good enough for no matter how many things you change! If he can’t accept you for the beautiful person you are he doesn’t deserve you!!


I feel like it’s ok for him to find you attractive in a certain state, but to keep implying that he can’t wait for you to look like that again (essentially hinting at wanting you to) and not being equally attracted to you as you are now, isn’t ok. Be with somebody who not only loves you as you are, but cares about more than your looks.

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Girl dump his behind. If he truly loves you, he’ll love you no matter how you look. My dad told me the other day that he notice him and his gf gained weight since dating and he said it’s because they’re happy with each other and weight is just a number :woman_shrugging:t3:. Whether you are supper skinny or have fluff it’s still you, he should respect that


I’m sorry to say this, but he doesn’t love you for you.

My question is how does he look?

Tell him how it makes you feel. If he’s worth it, he’ll stop comparing or maybe you guys could workout together, if you want to.

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The next time he mentions how you look now versus how you used to look, look him deadass in the eyes and say

“You know what, you’re absolutely right. I should lose some weight. How much do you weight?”

Then tell him to kick rocks! Look at that! Depending on how much he weighs, you can lose 100+ pounds in an instant!


I would definitely talk to him and let him know how it makes you feel when he says/asks for things like that. My husband and I have been together for over 9 years. We have both obviously changed in that time. He’s trying to diet now and has a weight goal for himself, BUT he’s doing it for himself. I love him the way he was then and the way he is now. It makes no difference to me what he looks like. To me, that’s a part of loving someone unconditionally.


Well…you could always do the same thing to him. So he can see how it feels. Then dump him. The past is the past for a reason. If he wants to live in your past, he doesn’t deserve to have any part in your future. This fixation he has likely won’t get any better over time, either.


So he is basically giving you a ultimatum.
You should not stay with a man who is causing you so much anxiety and stress because of how you look , we all change With time and there’s nothing we can do about it not matter how much we try .

I don’t think he has an interest in someone else like someone stated above. He asked you for your photos. I’m not saying that he’s right in anyway but he clearly has interest in you if he’s telling / asking you. I’d sit him down and talk to him about how he’s making you feel. Men don’t say things the way we’d like for them to. Sometimes they say things we take wrong and hold to heart when in reality they don’t mean it to be harsh. Find out his reasoning behind this as his partner before making any sudden jumps

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That usually means he has eyes on someone more “fit”. Tell him your clothes “fit” nicely in a suitcase then pack your bags and leave him!


Seems like he doesn’t want you he just wants a version of you. Don’t be with a guy who only harps about your looks.

I’d start bringing up how much I loved when his hair was fuller, how I loved that he USED to make me orgasm when his dick was harder.

Its important to him that you get yourself back to what you were before kids if you don’t think this will happen its time for the chat or hes gonna keep at it.


Tell him to kiss you A$$
And make sure you tell him he use to be better than your ex bf but now he’s slacking …

Uhh. No thank you. Next.
That’s definitely a red flag.


What does he look like, is he with you for looks…dump him, then get that body back for you, for a good reason.

I would sit down and talk to him, he may not realize how he is making you feel.i may be wrong but you may want to try figuring it out before you chuck it all.

If a guy loves you he will love all of you and won’t say or do things to hurt you. My answer would be well I could go back to that weight but I will be sad, angry etc which would you rather have?

Ditch him bc he wont be happy with you as you age

Run, don’t walk! A
Definate red flag!


I have been 115-120 lbs pretty much my whole adult life. I have been with my husband my whole adult life. I just had another baby 6 months ago and I am now at 140. I have love handles and a belly. My husband tells me that I am beautiful every single day. Get you a man that loves you for you not your body size. I am sure you are beautiful no matter what size you are :blush:

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If he cannot except you as you are now get rid of him

Huge red flag :triangular_flag_on_post: I would tell him in no uncertain terms to either accept you or else hit the road.

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No I’m sorry you need to leave this man because he’s just going to make life horrible for you if your body or your personality changes it all in any way which happens all the time

I’ve been with my husband for almost 23 years my body’s changed multiple times I’ve gotten really skinny and I’ve gotten very big and either way he’s loved me and never said anything about my body that’s love that’s respect not what your man is doing to you that’s disrespect that’s not love

Eek, this is a tough one. That’s incredibly rude and hurtful, but some people can’t get past looks. I don’t think he’s interested in someone else but it makes me think that he COULD get interested in someone else because he’s trying to tell you how he wants you to look for him. Idk, pretty shitty… I’d be telling him he ugly :joy:

Go get you a man that loves rolls. Trust me they’re out there


I would tell him to carry a child and go through traumatic life altering body changes and have the same body afterwards. That’s rude as hell.

Remind him of how he used to look.

Tell him to get over it he does not look like he used to

Throw the whole man out. Try again. I’m sorry he has made you feel this way.

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Dump him and tell him there I just lost 200+ lbs


You don’t need that. :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

Does he look like a cover model? Bet not


Communicate with him how you feel. His reaction is your answer to how he views you. If he pushes your feelings to the side and keeps bringing it up then, he doesn’t respect your feelings or care about you.


What a narcissist pos​:nauseated_face::face_vomiting:
Drop that deadweight :100:

I had a bf who did that once. I thought he was just trying to motivate me. He wasn’t. He was being an ass. And mean and cruel. I had weight loss surgery, lost way too much weight, gained most of it back. In that time frame, I met a man when I was “skinny”. Even tho we’re not together at the moment, he still tells me how beautiful I am and he doesn’t care how much I weigh. If you feel some type of way about how fit you are or aren’t, then you change it. Don’t do it for him.

Sounds like a boy, not a man. Move on!


Ask him to see how he looked like before you got with him, and do the same

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Red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:! Time to move on


Ew no ma’am, leave. That’s mental abuse, making you feel bad about your body. Get out before it gets worse


Get a new boyfriend :woman_facepalming:t2::woman_shrugging:t2:

Throw the whole dude away :melting_face:

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i have gained 60lb since being with mine, had 2 kids and just no time to maintain body (i will soon lol) but he is in love with me new and old body. he tells me i look amazing no metter if i have poop on my head hahah he kisses my flappy huge stomach and all ! this guy is a loser and u need to dump him

You do you and if you feel that way then kick him to the curb. If you feel unhealthy and want to get back to it then do it.

My ex use to be like that and imply that I already ate to not eat anymore. I hit him where it hurts lmao I remember telling him he wasn’t a price himself and to humble himself because being 5’2 with a small P isn’t something to be proud of :face_with_hand_over_mouth: I got choked and punished but he now holds that for the rest of his life for making mine miserable. I definitely play with fire when it comes to try bringing me down.

You have to be honest with yourself. If you are truly happy
with owning your own you would automatically tell him to eat rocks or make some snarky comment back to him.

So maybe you need to think about how this bothers you as that’s what he first saw when he met you right. Not his fault guys are a bit ignorant without meaning to be.

Maybe you want to work on your in a healthy way but have no idea how to start and because he is poking the bear your driven to deflect cause you feel guilty.

You shouldn’t. Don’t feel guilty.
I would tell him that you are aware of your body image atm. And you have been wanting to work on it but in a positive way instead of fast/binging (food workout trend)
And because he is such a d@&k about it you actually don’t want to because of his nagging.

And ego will set in and he’ll step back. And you can decide how you feel about you and what healthy decisions your going to make to make your self HAPPY.
Hugs you got this. You !!

And at least you know he’ll be a cheering squad if you need one. Maybe he’ll get a six pack too while you tone and curve.

Lose 200 pounds by dumping him

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I agree with you… She should talk to him about it and listen to what he has to say, his response will determine her next move.