My boyfriend of 4 years hasn't told me he loved me: Advice?

I have been seeing someone for about 4 years now. We do not live together yet and occasionally stay over night at each others house…I am ready to settle down and take our relationship to the next level but I feel awkward about sayign something to him because we have never once told each other we love each other…its just been…weird…what could be the reason he hasn’t told me he loved me yet? Am I wasting my time in this relationship?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend of 4 years hasn't told me he loved me: Advice?

Sounds like a friend’s with benefits instead of a relationship.


“WE have never once told EACH OTHER WE love EACH OTHER”. You are part of the we. You are also a part of each other, which means, you’ve never said it either. What’s holding you back from saying it? Maybe he hasn’t said it because you haven’t. He could easily be thinking the exact same thing you are. It seems like communication is lacking on both sides. Neither of you have said it, but do both of you show it? Do your actions show it even though you haven’t verbally communicated it?


It’s time to move on. Clearly he’s looking at this like a good friend with benefits relationship. It’s been 4 years.


Move along, Darling. You have so much love to give AND receive!


I feel like you’ve been delusional about the nature of your relationship. Sound exactly like friends with benefits and why haven’t you told him you love him if that’s how you feel? If there’s that much tension around saying “I love you” this doesn’t sound like something that will lead to settling down and getting what you want. “I love you” should come out smooth an easy without stress or tension. If there’s tension or he hasn’t said it yet after all this time he’s not with you for a relationship. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need to be realistic about what’s actually happening here. He’s been keeping you hanging on and using you for the benefits.


My SO and I were together for four years, with two children and a third on the way, before we verbalized “love” for one another…. We love each other…. We know we love each other. It just wasn’t something that was/is said often. It’s shown.


You should have left a long time ago. 4 years is way to long to not tell the person your dating that you love them.


It sounds to me like you need to have an open honest conversation with him on where you both stand with one another. Relationships are all about communication and if you don’t feel like you can do that with him maybe it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.


If neither of you have been able to say the words then this relationship may not be the right one.


Sounds like friends with benefits


I never say I love you to my husband and we ve been together almost 23 years . Saying I love you does not mean anything anymore… actions does. Love is a language in it self . Some people just can’t say the words but their actions towards you will show it :100:. Why don’t you sit with him and have a discussion talk to him be open and see where it goes . But you need to have communication in your relationship without that you won’t last.


Umm if y’all been together for 4 years and haven’t said I love you to each other then y’all don’t actually love each other. Y’all just like the feeling of having someone that’s it. You asking for a reason why he hasn’t said it but you haven’t said it to him either so stop blaming him cause you haven’t said I love you to him either.

So either say it and see his reaction and if he seems annoyed or irritated or weird after you say it then leave.

Sit down with him and actually talk to him not the internet. Only he knows the answer not us


Sounds like communication may be lacking here. I think you guys need to sit and talk about it. You guys may be on different wavelengths or maybe there’s some underlying reason (anxieties, bad past relationships, etc) that have kept him from saying anything, maybe he’s just afraid to be rejected (yes, even after years this fear lingers with people). But, we don’t know what’s going on in his head, only way to figure out where you guys stand is to have an honest, open, adult conversation with him about your relationship. From there decide your next steps. :slight_smile:


What kind of a relationship does he think you’re in??
Have you ever asked?
If you both do in fact agree you’re in a monogamous relationship and both wanting marriage, yes it’s time to ask WTF??


Why don’t you just sit down with him. Have this uncomfortable conversation an so you both can be on the same page. It does sound like friends with benefits but we don’t know what happens behind closed doors.


You say you want to settle down and take your relationship to the next level but didn’t say you were in love. After 4 years you need to tell him how you feel and take it from there.

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If you love him why haven’t you told him you love him? Or do you love him or is he just convenience? A lot of soul searching has been being put on the back burner for too long. And both of you need to have a very serious conversation.

Does he know that he’s in a relationship with you? Or does he think it’s a FWB kind of thing? Y’all dont live together or say I love you, sounds like a fling and not a relationship

“We have never once told each other we love each other” maybe he is waiting for you, or since one can assume that he is getting the milk for free, why pay for it!

I’ve been with my husband for close to 15 years and he’s only said “I love you” to me maybe 2-3 times. It’s just not his way. He shows me he loves me by his actions. The only people he willingly says it to on a daily basis are our 2 kids. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Wasting your time unfortunately. Move on and be happy :blush:


Don’t say I love you to him expecting anything in return. He has to do it on his own time. If after you say it, he says I love you too, could be just repeating it because he knows that is what you want to hear. ACTIONS speak louder than words. Some things to think about are : are you together a lot, do you do and like the same things, do you live close to each other, do you see each other daily, is he there for you in and for all things ? You could hear the words I love you daily and they could be just words with no meaning.

The reason he hasn’t said it is most likely because he doesn’t. Time to move on


Does he show u that he loves you? Maybe say it and see if he responds …

Your not getting any younger. Talk to him about it.

If it’s real nothing should feel weird.

Definitely just friends with benefits… I been living with my husband since I was 16… we been together 16 years. He told me he loved me after about 2 months! Big red flag in your situation, ur either the side chick or friends with benefits


And this is where communication comes in girlie…if you want to know then ask him…if you don’t find the answer you’re looking for, then it’s time to move on…

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Move on!! Thats way to long with no commitment. What does he say about it? Maybe he married…

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Why can’t you say it first ?

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Talk to him. Some guys don’t say it but show it? Maybe say it first?

After 4 years, I wouldn’t waste any more time.


Definitely sounds like a friends with benefits situation not a relationship.


Why don’t you say it to him first? Maybe he’s worried like you about the same thing and doesn’t wanna mess it up a lot of the times or partners are on the same page but we don’t communicate our feelings and therefore gets mislead and assumptions happen take the chance and go from there it will help you find the answer because communication is one thing but comprehension is another


And if you say it and nothing comes of it or he doesn’t say it back it’s the appropriate time to start asking questions I mean you’ve known and been around this person for four years you should be able to ask the hard questions now without feeling likes he’s just gonna up and leave and if if feel that way you possibly already have your answer

Do you love him, or do you just feel like after four years you’re invested or even stuck?

.…. It’s been weird because he doesn’t have the same wants and desires as you obviously

:joy: mug imagine wasting 4 years of your life

Sounds like a situationship. Time for a very open conversation.

He doesn’t love you, that’s why.

Definitely wasting your time

Definitely wasting your time

Are you sure you’re in a relationship?

He’s not that into you

Quit wasting your time! Time to move on!

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FOUR YEARS?!?! Are you even sure he’s your boyfriend?

Yeah, you are definitely wasting your time 

Have you told him how you feel ? Maybe he waiting for you to say it

4 years is a long time to not say I love you.