My Boyfriend Pushes Our Daughter Away in Favor of His Other Child: Advice?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

"My boyfriend has a child by someone else and every time our oldest daughter is around, he has the tendency to show off and be very rude.

And when I say rude, I mean it’s as if she doesn’t exist, as if she’s a bother to him when all she wants to do is say hi.

She’s three and he’ll push her away; it’s very disheartening because it’s not the first time. I’ve spoken about it, and I’m always the bad guy in the situation… Anyone else experience this or have any info?"

RELATED QUESTION: Does it sound like my mother in law is playing favorites?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“That’s when you throw the whole man away. Your kids come before anyone else.”

“If he can’t accept your child as well as his then he doesn’t deserve a spot in your life.”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t let anyone treat my daughter like she is less than. Father or not, they would be hitting the road.”

“Throw the whole boyfriend out. Never date a man who doesn’t treat your child the way he treats his own. It’s only going to cause your child heartache growing up if he becomes a permanent part of her life.”

“I would never let my child be treated like that, I’d be out of that relationship asap.”

“Run Forest Run. Don’t look back. It will never change. Make this your positive move for 2020!”

“Does the other kid visit and not live there? This could be him trying to spend time with one while he has them there. Although I’d definitely pay attention to both my children and not EVER leave one out.”

“Tell him flat out and then record him. People often change their tunes when they see how assholish they are. SHOW HIM.”

“Break up with him, file a parenting plan with the courts, and move on with your life. Co-parent with him, but otherwise, remove him from your life. Also, submit any proof of his behavior you have to the courts showing he isn’t being a good parent to your child.”

“That’s just sad. Shame on him. Do not tolerate this as it will harm your child’s self-confidence.”

Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!

READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

21 Likes
2

Well change “my bf” to “my ex bf” first of all because that shit isn’t acceptable. You and your daughter both deserve better, especially your daughter. He teaching her how to be loved as a women and letting it happen is you reinforcing it. Get out while you can.

3

That’s when you throw the whole man away. Your kids come before anyone else

17 Likes
4

If he can’t accept your child as well as his than he doesn’t deserve a spot in your life 🙅

2 Likes
5

Video it… So u have proof then take your kid and leave.

1 Like
6

Hes a Dick…flick him…

7

Your kid(s) come first. Always. Do what’s best for her and leave

2 Likes
8

Does the other kid visit and not live there? This could be trying to spend time with one why he has them there. Although id definitely pay attention to both my children an not EVER leave one out

9

Run Forest Run. Don’t look back. It will never change. Make this your positive move for 2020!

1 Like
10

I wouldn’t be with someone like that if they can’t respect my child then bye bye Felicia

2 Likes
11

Keep telling him about it and even bring it up when he is being good to your guys daughter. Remind him why he isn’t like that when his other child is around. I believe Men do it because they feel they already give less love to the one that doesn’t live with them but they shouldn’t be giving extra or special treatment. You treat them the same. There’s no need for it. It’s life!! when they are with you they will live with you as normal and when they are with the other parent live like normal. So it STAYS normal. Parents tend to favor or treat kids with gifts to buy kids off it’s so ridiculous. Kids notice that too so if the other child notices, that’s when they get entitled and act like little shits because they are being treated extra special. So many people do this. I don’t get it. All it does is make other kids feel like shit. I grew up with divorced parents. We weren’t treated extra. Like it is what it is.

12

Why would you be with someone like that? Kick him to the curb!

1 Like
13

Tell him flat out and then record him. People often change their tunes when they see how assholish they are. SHOW HIM

1 Like
14

technically until your married its not really his kid… he has no legal paternal rights to your kid… does he only have shared custody and see his kid only a couple days a week?

15

Break up with him, file a parenting plan with the courts, and move on with your life. Co-parent with him, but otherwise remove him from your life. Also submit any proof of his behavior you have to the courts showing he isn’t being a good parent to your child.

16

Throw the whole boyfriend out. Never date a man who doesn’t treat your child the way he treats his own. It’s only going to cause your child heartache growing up if he becomes a permanent part of her life.

1 Like
17

Honestly I wouldn’t let anyone treat my daughter like she is less than. Father or not they would be hitting the road.

18

That’s just sad. Shame on him. Do not tolerate this as it will harm ur child’s self confidence

19

Poor child he will never accept her what arsshole you must leave for sake of this child she could end up another statistic

20

Throw the bf away, hes broken. No child should EVER have to feel unwanted.

21

Leave if he doesn’t see anything wrong …he will never change.

22

if its hes the bio dad or not and he treats ur child like that then why r u with him?

im like the kind of person that if u treat my kids bad or even make them a face i will be like get out. out of my house and out of our life. everyone knows, my mom my siblings and everyone.

ur kid/s come first.

23

Throw that man away. Your child needs to come first

24

I would never let my child be treated like that, id be out of that relationship asap

25

How does someone anonymously have a child with someone else?

1 Like
26

Sorry your child is having to go through this. Three year olds don’t have a say, but I can assure you that it’s making an impression on her. My three daughters are adults now, but when they were younger my rule of thumb was that if any adult was rude to them or made them feel uncomfortable, that person was dead to me from then on. Adults should know better. If they don’t, then that’s someone I wouldn’t let near my children. I wish I had better advise for you, but it’s your job to protect your child until she’s old enough to protect herself. If you don’t, your teaching her that she’s not worthy of respect and YOU are the one setting her up for a lifetime of relationship abuse.

1 Like
27

That’s so wrong. It’s not okay to favor one child over another. I would talk to him, if it doesn’t change then you need to leave. Staying may do more harm than good. So sorry that you have to deal with this situation.

4 Likes
28

If I was dating somebody and they didn’t fully embrace my child and treat her no different at any point in time then I would say bye!

6 Likes
29

My ex partner did this to our children, favouring his son from a previous relationship. I tried to talk to him about it a tonne of times. In the end I said it was best his son didn’t come over to my house anymore. This id at the time never intended to be a permanent thing just needed to break the cycle, he also made it so hard for me to have a relationship with my eldest daughter but denies this. He left me shortly after telling me it was because of this. He’s maintained this was the cause of our relationship breakdown since. Reality is he chose his son over our family. The impact being many years of crap for my kids. He’s not been around but that’s all been my fault apparently :roll_eyes: it’s hard when they just don’t see.

30

He doesn’t care about her or he would build a relationship with her.

7 Likes
31

Leave him. He clearly doesn’t care about building a relationship with her. She comes first, it doesn’t matter if hes her dad, no one should treat her like that.

3 Likes
32

Time for him to acknowledge and get support or hard choices to be made

1 Like
33

Leave him! My husband and I don’t have children from other relationships but if we ever did and he did some shit like that…I’d be out in a heartbeat. Your daughter doesn’t need to feel unwelcome or unloved.

11 Likes
34

If he’s doing that to a 3 year old and not listening when you HER MOTHER brings it up and somehow you’re the bad guy!? Those are major red flags. Get out now while you can, because it’s only going to get worse. You have to speak up and step up for your daughter, you’re the only one that’s going to protect her. He clearly doesn’t respect you as a partner or parent, and he clearly doesn’t care that he’s mistreating your daughter. He’s only your boyfriend, they come and go. Let him go.

24 Likes
35

Yup I agree say goodbye. He can not disregard his daughter because his “other” child is around. Obviously telling him has done no good. Sounds like he is pretty self centered and you and your daughter deserve someone that will love and treat you both better

3 Likes
36

My children are 1st before anyone and anything and I would not hesitate to say it or to take action towards any injustice towards them period. I want to grow up happy and strong humans and loved ones ,not the opposite. 99% of traumas come from childhood. Do what is best for you and your child.

6 Likes
37

As a mother who has a daughter around the same age, I would put my child first. If your noticing this behaviour from now, I don’t think that’s going to change. I have heard and seen recently to many kids being abused whether it be verbal or physical and you really don’t want it to reach there. If you spoke to him about it before and he still hasn’t changed, then that isn’t a person you would want around your little princess.

6 Likes
38

Not trying to judge the situation. . But there is a BIG difference between a guy wanting to naturally protect a child against people around her, then ignoring her existence. If he was serious in stepping up to a fatherly role. . He should be proud of a bonus child, show her off, and include her in his activities. He may not be the one honey, sorry to say.

6 Likes
39

I was on the same situation i had 2 kids from my previous relationship and have 2 more from my current relationship and he has never treated my 2 like his and i tried n tried and had many talks but no change, so now i’m gone i will never let anyone treat any of my kids any different idc who they are!!! If you can’t accept them as your own you dont serve my time.

3 Likes
40

It’s time to move on without him. It will just get worse, it might hurt, but please be a mother first. Your daughter does not deserve that from anyone. Please protect her always​:pray:t3::pray:t3:

4 Likes
41

Don’t let her grew up on that environment. Somehow she will take it as she grows. Your daughter is your daughter. Leave him. Im a mother of 2 and if the guy im seeing shows any sign of unacceptable with my kids then no chance. No matter how I love him. My kids goes first.

4 Likes
42

Are you sure he’s your boyfriend🧐Your daughter with him is 3 years old. Just wondering if his child is younger or older. Usually the younger child gets most of the attention. I can’t make a thorough comment on this since so much is missing. However, you need to speak to him about it, his answer will let you know what u should do. No one can make my kids feel second to anybody.

2 Likes
43

Time to get a new boyfriend. You can read on the internet (especially on Nancy Grace) how boyfriends end up killing children. If he is hurting your child in anyway (physically, mentally or sexually) and he refused to change the behavior, run away. He obviously doesn’t love either of you like he should. This should be a big red flag. There are men out there who will love you both.

1 Like
44

Kids dont ask to be born. As a parent we need to keep them safe. Thats mental abuse and its never right.

5 Likes
45

That’s what happen to me my exhusdand would treat my oldest like he like him and he treat my youngest like he didn’t like him he would him names so I leave him

2 Likes
46

Daughter before him…always. if hes not going to change or try with her, leave him

3 Likes
47

Run as fast as you can with your little girl. She doesn’t deserve that and neither do you.

1 Like
48

You need to move along. No man is worth your child’s self esteem Kick him to the curb!

2 Likes
49

My children always came first, I would never allow that oh no!! I rather stay single then let anyone treating my child like that

2 Likes
50

Put your child first or you will regret it later. Say goodbye to him.

1 Like
51

Stick up for your daughter ALWAYS.

5 Likes
52

Leave him now he will always treat your child like this if not worse. Men have tendency to treat women child thats not his like shit, naturally in the wild males kill of the baby to get the mother to themselves, men now still have those instincts may not kill but he will pulll thm bond between you and your baby apart.

1 Like
53

I wouldn’t let him see her no more

2 Likes
54

He’s only a boyfriend to you
Say goodbye now

1 Like
55

My question is why are you still with him.

1 Like
56

He sounds like a dick. Who treats a 3 year old like that?!

2 Likes
57

Get out now while you can.

2 Likes
58

I’d open the door and let him out useless price of shit children are priceless

1 Like
59

Kick his asss out .it will get worse l am telling you

1 Like
60

I’d say the answer is unanimous.He needs to go.

1 Like
61

I’m not sure why you are still with someone who would treat you child like that. She is 3. Stop asking advice and leave him and care more about your child than some lame dude.

1 Like
62

Michele you are absolutely right

63

Tell him to go. Boy bye…

1 Like
64

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65

Find a new boyfriend

1 Like
66

Girl why are you still with him??!?!!!? Leave him it’s not rite I kno a family that the husband treated his 2 kids better than the other 2 kids that weren’t his and him and they mom got a divorce now after 8 years!!! I’m married and my husband has one kid before he met me and now me and him have a kid together! And I would be damned if he treat any kid better than my daughter! I would leave him the min I felt this way

67

If he has limited time with her then that might be some of the reason. A full time child has his attention all the time. Where a child that is only around for a few hours or days has only that time with him. I agree that he should not be doing what he is doing and it will for sure cause resentment if he does not learn to balance the time equally. Now there is nothing wrong with having one on one time alone but it should be done for both children the same. Not only could it cause you and your child to resent him And the other child it could cause the other child to resent the other as well. Bc of one being full-time and the other not… it’s a hard situation and some professional parenting help and advice might help all together. Reach out to others that have gone through similar things and see if they can help give you different ideas. Guilt parenting is not the way to go ever. It will only get worse. And also I’ll be damned if anyone is going to be purposely rude to my kid.

68

Sounds like he’s guilt parenting the other kid because he’s not around and playing favorites. If don’t stop it now you’ll start resenting him and his child. It doesn’t end well.

1 Like
69

Dump this immature jerk. Do NOT allow him to disrespect this little girl. He is a nothing.

70

Yes I have my child’s father has 3 others from a past marriage and he picks those 3 over our daughter all the time it makes me very sick to my stomach and I voice it and tell him they are all children either you treat them all the same or u can just stay out of my babys life she don’t need nor deserve it I would get rid of him seriously

2 Likes
71

Leave him. My daughter was raised by her step dad who has showed her that she is his no matter what and a man who treats any kid different isnt a good one

8 Likes
72

One of the reasons why I divorced my ex husband. Always pushed my girls away. My girls are happy now

4 Likes
73

(Boyfriend) girl, get another one. He ain’t it.

7 Likes
74

Ek is in die selfde boot my kind is die baba voel sy is in die pad Hy is skaam veha en sy mense oek treat my kind as of sy Nie deel is van hule Nie hy is ha pa daar is nog twee meisie kiners voor haar my kind is maar net 3 jaar oud voel it Vir haar

75

That’s right het a new one

2 Likes
76

Throw the whole man away! Leave him :v:t2:

6 Likes
77

wrong man to be with. Find someone else

1 Like
78

HE is the problem!! I say take the trash out once and for all! This is only hurting yourself and your precious daughter!!!:jack_o_lantern:

79

Definitely dump him, if he cannot show love to all his children in the same way he is not worth having around !

1 Like