My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6years, we have a four-year-old together and I’ve always told him I wanted a big family. I’ve always joked around saying I want 8kids but have mentioned to him that I would be fine with at least one more. Well, today, after mentioning having another baby, he dropped the bomb on me, implying that he doesn’t want any more kids. I just feel lost because all I’ve ever wanted was to be a mom and give my daughter siblings just like I grew up with siblings … I feel like I’ve wasted my time here
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Now is a great time to have kids… People getting rich:joy:
Maybe give it a few years maybe he will change his mind
I would say have that discussion with him. Let him know your feelings and see what he says. Relationships aren’t just about one person. You should be taking everyone’s feelings into account.
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So my first thought probably isn’t going to be a popular one but if after 6yrs he isn’t serious about making you his wife then he definitely isn’t serious about making anymore kids with you. Stop wasting your time and find someone that wants to build a family with you.
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He should of told you years ago that’s pretty selfish to mention it now after all that time together
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You wasted your time alright
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If you went into the relationship knowing you wanted more kids and he never stated either way and now says he doesn’t want more, well you either have to decide to to leave your relationship and find someone you can grow a family with or have the conversation with him that you would like more and you aren’t going to actively take medications, etc to stop having them so if he really doesn’t want anymore kids it’s up to him to be fixed 
he may not like the ultimatum and will leave the relationship himself.
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Was your 4 yr old planned if not then it might b time for u to move on if u want more kids cause he obviously told u today he don’t want no more kids
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If he doesn’t want anymore kids unfortunately there’s nothing you can do and if you want more you may have to reevaluate your relationship and move on to someone who wants a family like you do
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Thus was one of the first things my partner and I discussed 
have a serious conversation with him and tell him how you’re feeling. Ask if there is any chance he is prepared for more kids, or should you move on.
At the end of the day if its something you are dead set on, and he is dead against then maybe time to reacess the relationship. When i met hubby i was 22 with a child already. He was 19. I said i wanted another child before the age of 30 and if he couldn’t be ok with that then we had to part ways. This was 2 years into the relationship. We had a baby 2 years after that. Gave him time to think about it etc.
You have a decision to make. Sounds like you guys want different things. You only have to read some of the posts on here to find out what happens if you force the issue. Tough situation.
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Maybe give him time… How is his relationship with the 4 year old?
Do you love him or just want a babymaker?
You can always leave and find someone who wants tons of kids.
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Wow! Maybe ask him why? I know I don’t want to have more kids because of having to struggle. Plus my kids fight all the damn time and makes me want to beat their ass sometimes 
. But really, are you guys financially stable. Maybe he’s just stressed out because he would have to think about making more money.
IMO boyfriend still after 6 years and 1 child should have been a good indicator that you were wasting your time. You’re not stuck with him. If you want more kids move on from him. He should have wifed you up by now anyway so it’s showing you his intentions.
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People said him time ,I think you have givin him plenty of time.
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Move on. Find someone who wants a bigger family and make it clear from the beginning so you don’t waste your time again.
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Sit down and have a serious discussion and if your life goals are not the same, then either change the goals or find someone with same goals.
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Buy a bunch of dogs or cats or alpacas or chickens, id say buy 7 and then be like well, woulda been easier to have one more kid 
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Ppl saying he’s selfish?! For what ? Changing his mind?
Com’on now if this was a woman would ppl be saying that?! 
his body … his choice! 
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I guess you need to decide if its a deal breaker for you or not. Idk how would you feel if he left you if you really didn’t want more kids. Do what you have to do.
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Communicate these feelings with him lol
Morgan Blythe gave you sound advice. Another talk is in the works.
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well, first off, he’s your boyfriend. If you want more kids, find a husband. Clearly he’s not on the same page, and a husband will either be on that page or he won’t qualify for husband material. Take your child, file for custody, and become a single parent. There’s someone out there for you, this isn’t him
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I can understand your wanting more children and siblings for your child. Sounds like you did tell him early you wanted lots of kids joking or not. However. Im assuming he never disputed how many kids he did or did not want when you would joke around about it. Now its serious time and you’ve told him for certain you want more and he says no. I suggest having a heart to heart with him and if its a deal breaker for you. Well you are entitled to that as well as he is with his feelings. You have a choice to make and it won’t be easy. You can move on and find someone to fall in love with and wants kids. But you will also always have your current bf in your life. He is your child’s father. But he is just that. Regardless you have to be happy and you deserve to get out of life what you want. Just remember to respect each other as parents, part peacefully and move on. Best wishes
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One kid is plenty in my opinion.
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This is why family planning is so important.
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Life was also different 6 years ago.
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I’d have a talk with him tell him that you’re thinking of moving on because you need this it’s okay to want this and it’s okay for him not to want this move on and make yourself happy if it doesn’t work out that way
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Be thankful for the truth. GOD is going to Bless you
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Feeeels. I was in the same boat with my eldest daughters Dad, and we split up after 3 years because of it… it’s hard, but definitely not a waste of time 
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Reverse psychology!! My husband said he only wanted 1, then when she was 4 and I was finally ok with one he changes his mind and wanted another. Now we have our son and wouldn’t have it any other wayyyy!
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When my husband and I first started dating we agreed on 2 kids. Nearly a decade later we have had a miscarriage, medical issues, one healthy but miserable pregnancy and birth, more medical issues, and a lot of financial strain. I got my tubes removed. Sometimes people change their minds.
Ask him why he feels it is money tight is he only one providing for family? Maybe have this talk with a couples counselor so you two communicate clearly.
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If you feel it’s all been a waste of your time, you may have been in the wrong relationship from the start and not having more kids together is actually dodging a bullet. Truth. It’s understandable to have these differences though, and for it to cause difficulties in your relationship… people do grow and change and don’t always continue to want the same things. It’s a tough pill to swallow but you find a way to work through it together when you’re in it for love. And although you aren’t married, you do have a child together. So it’s not as simple as just moving on and finding someone else who wants more kids. Hopefully, as a mom who wants to give her child the love of a big family, you are taking to heart the importance of your child’s father to them also. It’s not just about how you feel anymore. Hopefully, you can work through this hurt together and come out stronger on the other side. 
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If it is a deal breaker for u then u need to leave. I’ve always been up from with anyone I’ve dated that I want kids and if they didn’t it was a deal breaker for me
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My man and I have regular chats about where we’re at regarding our family size…we’re about at the end of our ideal childbearing years but every couple months we check-in with eachother: “you still good with the 2 we got”, “yeah, are you?”…
Ditch the loser and find someone who’s interested in building a life and future with you. Don’t just settle. It’s true that it’s his body, his choice and he is allowed to not want anymore children. But you’re also allowed to leave if that’s a dealbreaker to you. Since you’re not even married after 6 years, I’d just leave at that point.
You feel like you wasted your time… Boy sounds like the relationship is all about what you want…
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If this is something you both are firm on without being willing to bed either direction, I really hate to say it, but moving on is the only choice. You don’t want to regret never having more children or your daughter never having siblings. And he shouldn’t feel pressured into being a father to more kids if he doesn’t want to be.
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I feel like this is why it is important to talk about these things when you’re first dating, did he give you reasons why he doesn’t want anymore children? Seems to me like you’re the one that has a choice to make here either throw away your 6-year relationship because can you can’t have another child or accept the fact that he does not want another child and be happy with him and your daughter because the worst thing you could do is trying to force him or guilt him into having another child when he knows for whatever reason he is not capable of having more than one child. I think it wouldn’t be fair to the second child to have a father who didn’t really want to have that second child in my opinion.
Don’t waste another moment. Cherish and appreciate the times you have had with this person, and close this particular chapter. Life is precious.
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You should of had the next one sooner , and not given him 4 years to work out it’s hard work!
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Wasted your time? So you’re a relationship with him just to have kids? You’re considering moving on without even taking your child’s feelings and wellbeing into account…there must be a reason why he doesn’t want another child. Could it be that he is the breadwinner? Money is tight? You didn’t mention the reason. But what I can say is that its incredibly selfish to be in a relationship with someone just to get what you want. If the roles were reversed we would be condemning the man for being with a woman just for a child…sorry but you sound incredibly confused, and selfish.
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You wasted your time?
So you’re willing to throw an entire relationship out the window all because he personally doesn’t want any more kids right now? (Maybe ever)
He was open and honest with you, and that’s what he wants.
You both should have sat down in the beginning of the relationship and discussed what your long term goals were. Your lacking puts you at fault.
Anyways, sit down with him and discuss this like adults. The pros, cons, what you want, what he wants, how, why, if, finances, e.t.c. - all of it. You both deserve to be heard and to speak.
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Discuss this with him and find out why. Men usually have a reason. Well good men anyway
Here’s a good story. When my son was two and I was with my ex bf(not my son’s dad) we wanted one but couldn’t conceive at all. Well we broke up and right before I met my current fiance 2 years ago I came to terms I couldn’t have another one. I had a bunch of doctors tell me I couldn’t conceive naturally. Me and my fiance both didn’t want another one and after a year of being serious we talked about it and I told him what the doctors said. One night in June he said let’s give it a try. We now have our beautiful daughter we both love. Point of the story, things can change. The recent turn of events for the past year could have been something to deter him away from having another one.
My best advice is to discuss it with him. If in the end you cannot come to an agreement than you may grow to resent one another. If you want more children and he doesnt, maybe you should end the relationship and find someone who wants the same things you do. I know this may be an unpopular opinion, to leave, but the way I see it is this is your life and you deserve to be happy.
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I would drop h I m there r more fish in the sea I can have more kids with
You should probably talk to him about marrying you first. Sounds like the guy has a commitment phobia if y’all have been together 6 yrs, have a 4 yr old, and he STILL hasn’t put a ring on it!
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My friend had simlar situatiin. Both wanted loads kids. After first child and bad pregnancy, it put her hubby off any more. She nearly died in birth and he didnt want her to go thro it again. 7 yrs later baby num 2 came when they were both ready. Try talking to hubby for his reasons why. If you both still want differnt things then maybe time to move on. If everything else is good in your life, think before leaving is this what really want or is they room to compromise
Please yourself. That feeling of wanting a big family won’t go away. It’s more than a desire, it’s a basic instinct. I’m biased, because I wanted a big family
Are you seeing long term with this guy? Ask yourself that long and hard. I wouldn’t just go and agree with no more kids if I wanted more with someone who I’m not married to especially if it’s what I really wanted. Remember that just because you had a kid together doesn’t mean that you’re meant to stay together. If y’all’s end goal and life goals aren’t aligned that’s okay! I know I’m getting all deep but I personally would be reevaluating like everything. Definitely talk it out with him land get exactly why before anything. He could just be worried about the cost and what not.
Ya gotta ask yourself if it’s a real deal breaker. And weigh those pros n cons to both sides. It is selfish on his part to have agreed to that commitment then back out of now. Maybe some things going on a him to make feel this way. Discuss stuff once you’ve thought about things and can be calm about it.
Get another man then???
My husband said the same thing for months and now he’s the one who wants number 4 id just give it some time he might change his mind like my husband did lol
My husband was the same way. We have a 7&6 yo (boy&girl), he said we have one of each and we were done. Absolutely no way did he want more… We just welcomed baby number 3 July of last year! It took about 3 years for him to finally want another. Lol. And now he can’t imagine life without our littlest guy!
Having children is exhausting. He probably is starting to see the difference. Like your babes is growing up and it’s getting easier compared to a baby. He may not want to start over again.you didn’t waste your time to leave him because he doesn’t want another child is sad tbh you love him obviously. It’s ok to be upset but you have a family now with him. I’d talk to him about how you feel and see what he feels too
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Then don’t have any more. It’s that simple. Don’t try to trick him into a baby bc he’s told you up front 
Can’t be mad when he’s not involved or wants to help. He done told ya now 
take heeeeeed
It would be the same ANDDD without question of it were YOU saying no to more children.
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Feel ya girl. I was with a guy for 17 years who didn’t tell me he didn’t want kids until I was ready to start having them and then kept saying we needed to be a little more financially secure. He even put off marriage saying everything needed to be ready on his business. A business that I helped build. Then one day shortly after our engagement party he drops the bomb. No kids. It was a deal breaker for me. It took my about another 6months to realize it but at 34 yrs old I wasn’t getting any younger. So I left. Started over. Thing is after I left it took him less than a month to replace me and less then 2 yrs to marry her and 3 yr to knock him up.
But that’s OK. I’m with a man now worth a 1000 of him. I have a 4yr old little boy and he is amazing. Unfortunately I’m now 40 yrs old at beginning menopause. So I’ll only get the one. But he is my dream come true.
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If you told him from the start then I’m sorry but it’s not selfish to leave as he should have said from the get go he only wanted one. Just make sure you sit down with him first and ask him about it.
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I’ve always wanted a big family. My husband and I have been together 15 years. We had our first 2 years in. I had a complicated pregnancy, terrible delivery, undiagnosed pre-eclampsia and almost died. I wanted more. He didn’t. I came to terms with it but occasionally brought it up. 8 years later he was finally ready and we had another one. Then 2 years after that we had an oopsy baby. One time not wrapping it up. We have 3 beautiful and healthy little girls. We both don’t want anymore. An honestly I had pre-eclampsia with all of them but better doctors with the second and not quite as great with the third but much better than the first. Having complications is terrifying and I personally don’t want to go through that again.
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If you want more children, and he doesn’t anymore. Then maybe you’re not meant to be together if that’s what you really want. This is something my partner &I discussed straight away, he wanted at least one with me, as he has 2 already & I have 1, we started trying for our one together 5 months into the relationship, I lost baby, but he actually wants 2 with me now close in age.
I couldn’t be with him if he didn’t want any children with me.
Does he help support you emotionally, financially? Is he a good man and a good father? Do you love him? Does he dote on you and your child? Look at the world around you and think about why he doesn’t want anymore. I would certainly think twice about bringing another child into this mess of a world. Make sure your willing to give up everything you have now to take a chance on someone else that could turn out to be an abusive piece of crap just to have more kids.
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When people in the comments sound crazy af and act like men are just baby machines with no voice, choice, or opinion. God can ya’ll take a chill.
OP, if you guys discussed it before hand and it was an agreement on more than 1 kids then you need to sit down with him and discuss things. Not just where he “implies” he doesn’t want more but where you actually talk. Tell him why you want another, what you are expecting in your relationship, etc. And let him do the same without getting upset.
If he truly doesn’t want more kids, that’s his right as a man. He can change his mind if he wants. Just like a woman can. At that point you need to decide which is more important, your bf and the family/life you’ve created together…or having another baby
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Its best to accept it you have to decide if an addition child is worth ending it with him and going out and starting over when they say they don’t they really don’t if you come pregnant it turns into thats what you wanted don’t bother me about it or ask for help.
If he doesn’t want more but it is a need of yours that he is not meeting you need to sit back and decide if the relationship is worth it or not. I could’ve gone one way or the other. He really didn’t want another. So we will not be having another. It really depends on your relationship.
Has he always agreed to have more? Has he said he wanted more before and suddenly changed now? Your want for more children is valid, but so is his want for only one. The only thing you can really do is have a discussion about it and decide together. If it’s a dealbreaker for you, tell him that. You said from the start you wanted a lot of kids, so it’s not like he didn’t know.
You should have a serious conversation, not all the joking and making subtle suggestions.
You were honest with him from the beginning. If it’s a nonnegotiable for you then the best thing to do is leave. However Idk that I would be upset at him personally he may have been all for having lots of kids got the one and really just figured out he can’t handle a large family. At least he told you so you can make your decision is this current family that you love enough for you or do you absolutely need a larger family to love. I’d suggest therapy for you guys to either work through this or become good coparents.
Well you were very clear from the start about wanting a big family so don’t feel bad if it’s a deal breaker for you.
Let him know that this is what you’ve always dreamed, he knew that and if that is not the path he is willing to take then you need to find someone that is. Because in the end if you don’t have anymore you will resent him and if you do have one he resent you.
Well my husband wanted two I wanted four. We compromised at 4 lol. Give him time he might come back around
“Joked around” “implying”… sit down and have a real conversation
Maybe you scared him with the 8 kids comment. Probably thinks you’re serious. Sit down and have a serious conversation and let him give his reasons why he may not want more and try and respect that. But also voice how important it is to you to have one more. He probably thinks you’ll keep saying “one more”. Then give him some time to process what you’ve discussed… a few days maybe?? Kids are a tough subject one way or another.
I was told I would never be able to have children. Hubby knew this when he married me. Well they were wrong and less than a year into our marriage my son was conceived. Hubby said for years he didn’t want more. I was okay with this at first because I was told I would never carry a child to term so the fact that we had one was a miracle itself. We decided last year to give it a shot and got my birth control out again. Doc said it would take at least 8 months to a year for fertility to return. It was taken out the end of August and she was conceived on Halloween. My son is 4 and his baby sister is due in August and I honestly think hubby was more excited than I was when we first found out about her. Sometimes just having a serious talk about it helps. We’re done after this one though. After she’s born one of us is getting fixed we just haven’t decided on who yet.
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Been married 28 years. Ups downs and all arounds and if anyone is thinking about leaving a man they say they love because he doesnt want another child then there are more issues with your relationship then this.
Kids are expensive af. I only have one. I wouldn’t have minded more, but we could not afford more. He wanted another, by that time I was 39, I didn’t have it in me to do it all over again physically and mentally. Financially, we are just getting by with one. Find out what the reason is he doesn’t want any more. It’s probably not due to mean or vindictive circumstances, maybe he’s just stressed thinking how you would be able to do it financially, maybe the thought of overtime stresses him. Talk it out.
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I don’t blame him. This world has turned into a shit show and unless you both make 6 digits a year, it’s not financially feasible. It’s not the 80s-90s anymore where people can get away with having a herd of humans living in a 3 bedroom house/apartment. Food, diapers, all that stuff isn’t cheap by any means. You’re better off getting a pet.
You can’t force someone to want more kids but, he could change his mind sometime <3