So I’m going through a rough time. My question is, what is the chance that I’ll lose my baby girl. I and the father of my child decided to move back to my home of record from California to Ohio. I just got out of the military. We have a three-year-old daughter. Two days before we were supposed to leave, he took the child in the middle of the night. We aren’t married, so there was nothing I could do. Four days later, he served me court documents requesting 100 custody. I filed an emergency hearing got temporary custody of her till the court hearing in December. He accused me of abusing our daughter over the years and neglecting her. He has no proof for these allegations. It’s just false made up lies because he changed his mind and didn’t want to move states any longer. I’m just looking for advice on what’s going to happen at the court hearing… is there any chance I could lose custody and or have to share 50/50 with him. I have been the sole provider for her whole life and still am. What should I expect??
If your daughter is under your custody call the police immediately 
Military can play a bit In the custody battle… but use your resources… for one he kidnapped her. So technically that can play against him
Get an attorney is the only advice to give you.
Yeah I’d be asking an attorney
Where I’m at it’s so hard for fathers to get full custody and since you weren’t married at the time of birth, according to our state laws he has no rights to her until it’s ordered by a judge. You have all rights to her as the mother until decided otherwise by the courts. I’m in FL btw.
He doesnt have rights! You’re not married!
If you were living in Cali with the child and that was her place of residence, it is likely you will not be able to relocate with her to a different state if he does not agree. Talk to a lawyer as every state is different.
If not married u have 100% custody and he kidnapped the baby but more then likely it will b 50/50 custody or he will get her in weekends
Not sure where you are, but you don’t have to be married? Me and my ex have been over a year, and theirs no court orders and he doesn’t care about our son, but if he broke in and snatched him? I don’t have a leg to stand on, i then have to fight him. Not the other way around, as its his child. So until the court orders it, your stuck.
I’m going through the same thing and he can take your child… it’s not kidnapping bc he is the father. My ex did the same thing. My daughter was with my brother and my ex went to my brothers house, took my daughter and the police said nothing could be done until custody is established bc she is his child also. You have to establish custody and unless he is unfit… more than likely you will end up with 50/50 custody. But definitely get a lawyer. My ex did the same thing with the abuse allegations as well. It’s a tough battle but definitely don’t fight alone! Also you can ask the court to appoint a guardian ad litem to your case to represent your daughter.
Good luck leaving the state without his saying ok… Usually only if you can prove it will better the kids life… Great job ECT… You can go… But they may not let you take the kid.
Im in australia though.
He took her without your knowledge or consent, that’s sneaky, and will probably play against him in a hearing. Courts try to be as fair as possible. Unless he can prove his allegations against you, I highly doubt he would get 100% custody. However, the courts want to treat each parent as equally important as the other ( as they should in most cases) so I would say 50/50 isn’t unlikely. Get yourself an attorney, do as much research as possible. If hes going to be saying mean things about you, get yourself some character witnesses to write statements about you, so that you can present yourself as the best possible option for custody. Offer fair and sensible visitation, and you shouldn’t go too badly xx
And two sides to every story
Most states if not married and a child is born the father has no rights unless he applied for them. I would call the cops followed by a lawyer
First off I’m not trying to argue or start anything. I am a vet and have full custody of my kids. It is becoming more common that fathers are getting custody. The biggest question is how long has the child lived there? Ohio may be the home system of the child. The only major thing based upon what I can see from your post, is that he can prevent you from taking the child to California. Please feel free to privately message me and I would be willing to discuss more on this with you if you want. 
Go see a lawyer, nobody on here can give you accurate legal advice.
Without proof nothing can be done. So u will get shared custody
Lawyer up and you will be fine.
Realistically there is always a chance… however just relax and go to court let it be handled through them since it’s obviously up in the air.
Just remember to breathe and remain calm, they’re just there for the best interest of the child for all parties involved.
Quite a few factors come into play. Is he on the birth certificate? Has he ever had a job & provided as well? Is he mentally stable? It all just depends. Every case is different. I’d recommend a lawyer. Show him you aren’t playing when it comes to your little girl. Fight for custody.
Seems like he planned it so you wouldn’t be able to go to your Jag office on base. I wouldn’t worry about it if he doesn’t have proof. You may have to share 50/50 though. Idk about your state, but IL tries to keep custody 50/50 unless one is deemed unfit.
I’m going thru something like that but I lost because I moved out of the community we were living in. The judge will want both parents in their life and to keep them where they have spent there little lives growing up. So I got no advice but to contact your lawyer and ask what your options are. Until we went to court their father wasn’t in their lives. But now he’s had my boys for 3 yrs. And I miss them terribly everyday. But we are going back to court in June of 2020. Hoping the best for you
There is a legal assistance program for veterans where you can get pro bono representation if that helps at all
Lol. So you basically had what happens to men all the time happen. Sorry, but 50/50 should be the baseline and it sounds like he knew youd never do that.
Get a good family lawyer!
Most likely 50/50 if both parents are fit to support the child. Can I say this tho both parents should have equal rights an say over the child. Kids need Mom and dad not one or the other sounds like you an dad need to talk an come up with the best salutation for the CHILD not the parents
Realistically 50/50 is a high likelyhood.
Is his name on the birth certificate? If not I don’t understand why u did not call the cops on him and have her back In your custody he had no legal rights
Well most Lilly 50/50 unless you fight hard enough. I would at least ask the judge for supervised visits since he was the won to try to sneak off with her in the middle of the night.
File kidnapping charges
If you aren’t married, in general he’ll have to have a DNA test to prove paternity, then legitimization to establish parental rights.
I’d check up on the laws in YOUR state when it comes to this. Because all the comments on here will do you no justice unless someone else is living in the state you are as well.
50/50 is how it goes the majority of the time.
It’s very seldom a judge will take a child from the mom unless she is a terrible person and the child is in danger. Relax it is in your coner unless he can prove otherwise.
In many states, if you arent married, you automatically have sole custody when a baby is born. This is technically kidnapping
lawyer up first of all. Second, if you are not married, that is considered parental child kidnapping. My oldest daughter’s father thought he could get away with doing this crap. Wasn’t CA so not sure how it is there so I would most definately lawyer up
U need a lawyer fast.
Hire an attorney. Do not come to the internet looking for advice on this.
what i did with my child because i got a court appointed lawyer… what they might ask you to do is bring proof of paternity and it has to come from the state of texas. No birth certificate stands in court only where you signed saying YOU were the mother and you gave birth to your child. You can bring things showing you do have a job but it is specific things. The law will take photos of your home… it’s a long drawn out case but the BEST lawyer sounds like an amazing deal right now.
Key word your not married. What’s this 50/50 people keep assuming 🤦 no it’ll be up to him to prove he can provide and will more likely get every other weekend or so but if you’re moving out of state that could complicate things like you’d have to come back for hearings.
Go thru the military get a lawyer i dont see him being able to get full custody.
He’s an ass get a lawyer
Girl if youre in Ohio, its the mothers state unless custody had been revoked by the state you can press charges on him for taking your child!
I’m just wondering how you were “sole provider” if you were in the military? You mean you were financial provider? That means nothing. He very well could have been a stay at home dad. Someone had to be watching that child while you were in training, stationed away, etc… 50/50. Fathers deserve equal rights! Unless he is a druggie or abusive to the child, DO NOT TAKE HIM OUT OF YOUR CHILDS LIFE!
get letter from her doctor stating that they have never suspected abuse or neglect and that she is well taken care of. Also, from anyone that has regular contact with her and you
Get a lawyer, you need to get proof that you are the sole provider, proof you are the one who provides your daughter with medical insurance, and everything he is saying is just heresay without actual proof. You can also file against him for lying about it
California is a mother state. Unless the father has established a home for the child, has been sole provider for the child, and can prove neglect on your part the most he can get is 50/50. It’s very likely he will be granted 50/50 easily. This is what my brother went through when him and the mother of his child did this.
Ok while it was jacked up for him to just up and take your baby, he is still just as much a parent to that baby as you are. So 50/50 isn’t too much to ask in my opinion. He should have handled this whole thing differently but he obviously loves the baby and wants to be in her life so don’t take her completely away from him unless he’s a danger. Again, I don’t know the story I’m just recommending spite not be a thing when it comes to the well-being of a child and custody because that’s the reason I never met my dad and he died before I was ever able to and I don’t want another baby to go through that. Food for thought.
Always assume the worst!
From what you are saying I don’t see him getting full custody. I’m not sure about 50/50. Some states are more father friendly so it might be a possibility. I would definitely talk to a lawyer. They would have a better idea.
Well if ur in the military u should def get help from them. Also u should see a therapist. So should ur child. Even if ur not. Allegations can hurt a child even if there mentally hurting ur child
I mean if it’s your house he shouldn’t have just toke her could have let you know but he is her father
Why does everyone act like 50/50 is the end of the world? he did an a****** move I understand that but 50/50 is not the end of the world.
Depending on the state where yall filed papers. I live in Arkansas and it’s a “mother’s state” meaning, if yall were never married, regardless of if his name is on the birth certificate, he has no rights to your child. He has to go to court to establish parental rights. I’m assuming since you couldn’t do anything about him talking your child that yall are in a 50/50 state. Which means he has just as much rights as you do. That being said, I’d talk to a police officer and ask this… if you find your child and he is not physically there can you take your child because you are a biological parent. Even tho we’re in a mother’s state, my ex bro n law took my niece from my parents because she wasn’t there and we couldn’t get her on phone and he was niece’s biological father(they were also married so idk if that made a difference). You can Google legal info for the state yall are in and some attorneys will give a free consult. Since you’re military may be able to have them help with lawyer
Remember that except in cases of abuse, neglect, drugs, or criminal activity, 50/50 custody is ALWAYS in the best case of the child. Always.
in ohio, what christina said
Sorry but I feel like she is leaving a huge chunk of the story out.
I doubt you’ll lose all rights to the child but most states default to 50/50 now. And theyll most likely not let you move that far away from the father unless it is a positive thing for the child. There is a lot more to this story.
Where I’m from if you and the babys father arent married the mother has full custody of the baby and the father is more then welcome to see his kid and participate in everything going on with the kids life. Talk to a lawyer and see what your options will be
He has to prove you unfit also judge isn’t going to just give the child to him with no proof of abuse and neglect Judge in most cases will side with the mother to keep the child if she is fit
Until there’s either a custody order or protective order in place, you have every right to go puck up your daughter. Did he come into your home uninvited? If so you can have him charged with criminal trespass or breaking and entering.
Courts don’t like to take children from their mothers unless the child is in danger. So you won’t lose her, depending on the situation though if he’s a good father and has.his shit together you could end up with joint custody.
He is claiming you are abusive because unless she is in danger there is no way the courts are gonna take a child from her mother because the father says so. But you need to get a lawyer immediately and document everything, do not let him take her alone until court is settled because he could run off with her
Get an attorney. People on the internet are most likely not professionals with a doctorate in law.
Depending on what state u are residing in at the moment, if u r not married to the child’s father, u r automatically primary. Therefore, him taking her in the middle of the night can result in him getting a kidnapping charge since u r her primary guardian. Ik that isnt for all states, but I would research unmarried custody laws n see if u can rebuttal his allegations against u with u saying he took her in the middle of the night w/o u knowing…that’s kidnapping (again, depending on the state u r in at the moment). Research the laws, get an attorney, n start battling. Expect a war!!! Expect blinded attacks. U r military so u already know that someone can win a battle, but doesnt mean they will win the war. Also, rely on the military for their resources. U can get great representation and probably get it pro bono. I want to also ty for your services! I salute u. Best of luck w the custody situation
1 for sure lawyer up! 2 the judge might see through his bull shit. Mine did something similar. Judge did grant 50/50 but now i have full custody and he has to have supervised visits. Because he went crazy. Hang in there momma!
50/50 should be perfectly fine as long as the child is taken care of in both parents care. Just because he did something to you by taking her like he did doesnt mean he doesnt love her and she doesnt love him. No need to hurt her because you two can’t get along.
You won’t lose custody but u won’t be able to take her out of state either
Honestly, expect the worst. That way you’re not blind sided. It most likely won’t go that route tho and you’ll end up with 50/50, but still
In my personal experience In ohio dealing with 2 separate counties for 2 separate cases … it’s up to the magistrate/judge to review the facts presented to them and make the best decision they can.
**Documentation of everything is key.
**A domestic relations attorney can help a great deal.
Remember, the best interest of the child is the #1 priority and #2 they do want to see the parents working together, because that is best for the child.
- also…not all judges will agree 100% But in most cases unmarried childbearing women in ohio are granted automatic physical custody of the child… meaning typically the mother is favored, but holidays are split even and odd years and child support will be calculated according
*granted the mom has been apart of the childs life and doesn’t put them in immediate danger.
Most likely going to be 50/50.
And looks like you wont be moving now.
I feel like there is more to the story…as in more details that would assist in getting more thorough advice
You aren’t married so you are the legal guardian. You can lay charges of kidnap! He took the child without your consent!
Has cps ever been called? Has there ever been previous allegations? Chances are they will look at him and wonder why he allowed you to abuse and neglect her for this long. Your in the military and have been her sole provider so I doubt you will lose custody. I would get a lawyer and if you can’t afford one most states have programs that will help you.
He has to return the child to you call the police
I dont live in that state so I dont know how it works. But if your not abusing or neglecting heri dont see any reason why you couldn’t get 50/50. Although you are in the military (thanks for your service btw) he might get more of the costdy depending on your deployment.
My brother went through a similar situation. Get an attorney ASAP and make sure it is a good one. Save every text, record every phone call and give a copy of it all to your attorney. Good luck momma. It is really hard to prove with physical evidence that a parent shouldn’t see their kiddos. Hope it all goes well for you.
This is definitely a situation that you need to speak to an attorney about. A support group won’t have much to offer due to the sensitivity of the situation. If you haven’t already, they’re going to need much more details about the case then what you’ve provided above.
He is a boyfriend, not even the child’s father. That is kidnapping. Make sure and make a police complaint and get an attorney.
First off it’s garbage that women get the upper hand in situations like these. Father’s are equal but are treated as if they do not exist. It’s sad that women actually believe in their minds that children don’t suffer or don’t need their fathers. That’s the child’s father!! If mom took the child away everyone would support that shit. No one bats an eye at the fact that children are the ones who suffer. No one’s cares. What kind of garbage is that??
he has to have proof of it
Thank you for your service!! Being in military does not mean you are an abusive parent. Yes time away but you are sole provider. Stay where you are is his beef? He wants you stay in CA? He doesn’t want to go to Ohio so making it difficult for you and daughter to go home. I am sure you know to get an attorney as we don’t know the legal procedure for sure. BUT worst case would be you might have to stay in CA for a while.
Why would you even be worried about losing custody all together if you haven’t done anything wrong?
I hope you get customers over him good luck god bless you
If you got temp custody then you are good. Remember these are allocations he has to prove.
In ohio if not married, courts dont reconginze the father. Mother gets custody. My daughter had a similar thing, her boyfriend wanted to take their son, they are not married. Courts only recognized her and since no proof of anything wrong he got no rights.
Usually the court gives the child to birth mother. Unless proven unfit. He will get visitation.
See if there’s any counsel through the military. In Florida the mother typically has more rights than the father when they are not married. My son had to prove paternity and have a paternity test to even be recognized as his child’s father. Then he had to provide proof (used health insurance documents addressed to “The Parent of _____”) the child resided with him since birth. For any abuse allegations, there has to be some kind of proof (ie, witnesses, medical reports, photos, etc). If a parent makes allegations they cannot prove, they could lose custody all together. Since every state is different, you need legal counsel. Most likely, you will get 50/50 custody because they believe that is in the child’s best interest.
Honestly, no one can tell you the outcome. You are at the mercy of the court. The judge will do whatever’s in the best interest of the child which will include providing the most stability. I’m wishing you the best.
This happened to me with my ex-husband in the state of Pennsylvania and I had to go through a custody consiliation (spelling?) Hearing to decide if we could work out an agreement before we actually went in front of the judge. I can’t say for sure but most likely you will have shared custody. Your best advice I can can give you is to hire an attorney ASAP to represent you. Let the attorney handle everything and have no contact with the father. I wish you the best of luck luck and will be praying for you you as I know how heartbreaking and nerve wracking this can be!! As long as there are no custody papers stating who has custody I was told that it was perfectly clear legal for the father to take the child.
He has to prove that you are an unfit mother. It doesn’t matter if you are married or not. There was no custody… I don’t know if Ohio is a “mother” state. Which means the judge will go along with the mother no matter what unless proven otherwise. Tell them what happened. Document everything that was said and his actions with dates… if I were you talk to an attorney asap… good luck…
Sounds to me like KIDNAP. . If he is the father, he needs to prove it, if child is being abused, it has to be prooved, if you are the mother thats your child. . without are are prooven unfit. Make sure you file a report because if you dnt when you do go to court they may say " you werent interested so why do you want custody". Custody battles can be a big mess. . . dnt give up!!!
Get a lawyer! Every state is different on how they view custody. In my state it’s 50/50 period. I’m just gonna day good luck i hope it works out in the best interest for your child
He’s just accusing you of those things to make you look bad so he can win custody and like you said, cause he’s changed his mind about moving. Be sure to get a good lawyer. If it’s all lies, you have nothing to worry about. Know that the court may talk to the child. If you’re a good mom to her, her words will surely help. Good luck and blessings to you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Get involved in groups activities moms n kids together thru your church, community center the more interaction you have in your community better for you …take lots of pictures shows support…you meet moms kids learn to play you will have people who can speak up for you and your character
Get a lawyer but like others have said the judge will do what is in the best interest of the child. I got custody of my kids even though my ex is an alcholic and he wasnt there either but the judge said to me that if he wasnt doing drugs or selling or prostituting there was nothing I could do and Id have to share. And that was becuase I had no proof or reports. So, all you can do is see how things go.
He has to prove you unfit…which is very hard to do if you’re a good Mom.