My Boyfriend Treats His Dogs Better Than Me

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"Here’s some backstory, I live with my BF part time (about 4 days out of the week, but sometimes I’ll stay as long as two weeks if he wants me too)I do ALL the inside chores. I’m constantly cleaning because when the house is even slightly dirty my partner gets angry. I do all the laundry when I’m here, he doesn’t touch it. I do all the dishes when I’m here, he doesn’t touch them. I give him all the money I have and will be left literally zero in my bank account but yet “he pays for everything”. I feel like I’m constantly doing for him and he’s constantly asking me to do more and never really loves on me. We sleep on separate couches even though we have a bed, he doesn’t even sit next to me most of the time. He sits in a recliner and I sit as close to him as I can on a separate couch. Every day I sweep, mop, dust, do laundry dishes, give him massages whenever he wants, let him pick what food to eat (because he says he has to pay for all the food so he gets to pick), if we’re both sitting down relaxing for more than ten minutes he starts to chain order me (“hey baby can you get me some water?” I’ll get it and as soon as I sit back down “can you get me some ibuprofen?” I’ll get it and a soon as I sit down “can you get me something to spit in?” And so on) If I stop doing the chores to show him how much I really do he says that he’s been doing them and that he has to do everything even though I feel like it’s me who’s doing everything. And then on top of all that we have two dogs who have horrible behavior. They never listen to me and he constantly forces me to care for them. Our male dog tries to mount me every chance he gets and sometimes I can’t get him off of me and he’ll just laugh. They pee in the house, they don’t listen to basic commands, and bite. They’ll get in each other’s cages (which makes him mad) and refuse to eat their food unless it’s smothered in bacon grease or chicken stock. The male runs away every single night when we let him out to use the bathroom and my BF gets mad and has to go look for him but then it’s like all is forgiven as soon as they get back. If I forget to do something he asks or if I did something repeatedly like that he would be mad at me for days and even threaten to break up with me. He lets them both lay on top of him at the same time (they both weigh over 55 pounds) and he laughs and pets them and tells them how much he loves them. He never does this with me. When I ask to be cuddled or loved on he tells me that he’s in pain and doesn’t want to, that I put too much weight on him and make in uncomfortable (I’m not skinny mini, but I’m also not big either. I’m about 5’4” and weigh around 170). He also blames all his pain on me. He says it’s all related to stress and that he’s fine when I’m not here, But when I leave he gets mad that I’m not there doing chores. He doesn’t even tell me he loves me when I say it to him first and if I ask “why don’t you say I love you back?” He says “because I don’t have to say it every time you do. I pay for everything I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t love you”. I’ve started to get extremely jealous of the physical love he gives to the dogs because I feel like they don’t deserve it and I do because I do everything for him and they do nothing but make our lives harder. Once again AITA?"

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"It sounds like he’s basically using you to be a maid. You don’t even get basic affection like a hug or kiss. Everyone deserves more then what he’s giving, even the dog makes him mad but he forgives him quicker then you. I would leave girl. He doesn’t even give you the bare minimum & you deserve way more then that. Please love yourself and just leave… don’t get stuck in a marriage with this guy."

"Time to leave!! I’m sure this isn’t a life you want. Think outside the box, it’s harder to leave when you’re pregnant, or married. I’d leave! You deserve better!!"

"Sounds like you’re not getting any of the benefits or mutual respect you deserve from a relationship. Stop and think, what is this relationship doing for YOU? Sounds like nothing to me, so my answer would be to cut your losses. He’s bringing you down."

"Honey, get out. If he says he’s better when your not there then don’t ever be there. He is using you. Not loving you."

"Hun you’re not his girlfriend you’re paying to be his maid. Time to cut your losses and move on. The dogs aren’t the issue. He is."

"I don’t think you being the asshole is the problem here…I just read an entire list of red flags one right after another. I would leave and never look back. You guys don’t live together full time yet and this is the way he acts already, it will get worse. He is already using control tactics on you, you give him every single penny you have just so that way you have to depend on him. Next time you leave to go wherever else it is you stay, I would bring everything with and just end it there."

"You don’t even legally live there just 4 days a week or 2 weeks if he wants you there, you give him your whole pay check and leave yourself with nothing, you cater to his every need, you sleep on a separate couch and he doesn’t even say I love you, correct? Sounds like he’s using you for your money and your services. You sound like his servant. Why are you with someone who treats you like that? You are worth more than living and breathing for a man."

"He doesn’t love you. He is using you. Get away from him block his number. You deserve better. He treats you the way you allow him to. He is not going to change."

"Girl leave. He’s straight using you for money and to clean his house."

"Read what you wrote and ask yourself why you don’t think you’re worth more… How did you not even feel it pouring your thoughts out like this? I think you should worry about loving yourself more than wondering why he loves his dogs more than you. I mean that with compassion. Open your eyes honey!"

"Tbh i prefer my pets to most people and they do get treated better. But other then that hes still a ass and you should get rid you can do far better"

"Sounds like you’re a live in maid/nanny, not his GF."

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