Not everyone is able to care for their relatives. Sometimes it’s the best possible plan to find them in home caregiver so they can stay in their home if possible. And if that’s not possible then a good memory care facility and you visit them frequently and at random times to make sure they are getting the best care and you be their advocate.
Imo these things should be discussed before you even marry. Alztimers is a hard disease to manage if you aren’t prepared but can absolutely be done. Have you suggested a home nurse for some mornings? Nursing homes can do tons of damage for those with Alztimers and many times will see a rapid dwcline. Homeschooling isn’t necessarily a whole day thing and neither would be caring for mom. She’d need meals, her comfort items/hobbies and to be walked to the bathroom. Very doable with other things going on IF you are willing. With that being said if you truly don’t want to do it you need to be completely honest because those that aren’t natural caretakers aren’t going to be good caretakers. She and he wouldn’t want you mistreating her out of anger/ being overwhelmed.
If she has to live with you you will need a nurse . As much as alot of these people say oh she’s his mom what if it’s your mom has never dealt with someone with altzimers or dementia . Since she had a stroke having a nurse take care of her while living with you might be your best option but ether way will be expensive.
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No advise but shortly after getting with my fiancé his mom was diagnosed with breast and lung cancer. I shaved my head when she lost her hair. She didn’t move in with us but her husband is an over the road truck driver so my fiancé and I did all the work. So he didn’t have to miss work all the time I chose a job where I could work around her needs (even tho it financially hurt us) appointments, draining her pleurx drain (the hospice nurse had never done it before and would have to video call me to walk her thru it on days I wasn’t there) chemo, radiation 5 days a week, cleaning shopping ect. Towards the end when she was on hospice I hardly ever left her side and even pulled my contract bcuz they refused to give me 12s so I could be available more. She lost her battle May 31st of this year and I do not regret anything I sacrificed this past year and a half! Most ppl believe she wouldn’t have made it as long as she did if it wasn’t for me.
With my 13 years experience as a CNA and been thru the hospice process to many times I believe it was meant to be me that took care of her. I was perfect for the “job” and I worked agency so I wasn’t 100% without a job just very slim hours.
She was able to pass at home comfortably surrounded by family. I could never imagine putting her or my own parents in a home (even tho I work in nursing homes) it may not be ideal but it won’t last forever. IF you CAN do it. It won’t be easy but do it. 
I’d do it again in a heart beat if it meant we had more time with my mother in law. 
I work in assisted living with a locked memory care unit and its honestly the best. Its a great choice, they help where help is needed but they still encourage the independence that they have left to help themselves in whatever way that may be. Tell him to at least look into it, ask around. You can even call something called a place for mom, they help you find the best place for you within your area and budget. We receive referrals from them all the time. A very helpful service to look in to
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Tell him you can’t do it alone could tiu get help cone in if she do live with you I’ve worked with alzheimers patients it’s hard even harder if it’s family good luck x
I’m in this situation now with my dad, that I’ve never lived with. He and my mom divorced when I was going on five, don’t remember him in the household at all, I’m 60 now. I’ve raise my own kids and some of my husbands kids also and would like to live a little, go travel with my husband and now can’t!! He is a handful. At this point I want to move to the ALF or nursing home! He lost his condo that he has lived in for over 50 years(did not pay maintance) and didn’t not tell anyone! I knew something was wrong and took him to a neurologist and he has dementia. His room here is nasty and when I try to clean it there is a argument, there is a argument about everything. He want to go live abroad and can’t afford it. He doesn’t want to shower and my house is a mess everywhere he is. I’m stressed, depressed and anything else you can think of!!! I personally wouldn’t do this to save my life… I love my dad but this isn’t the person I knew b4. It’s sad, I fell like he should be in a ALF or nursing home. There is a lot more but I’ll leave it here!! To top it off he has lived his life in luxury with a business and married 7 times and has gamble his whole life away, and now I feel stuck!! This is not the dad I know! And yes I have a brother that was his golden child and he wants nothing to do with him!!! Because he gambled his life away!!! I will say it again if I were you I wouldn’t do it!!
Is he going to be taking care of her? Doesn’t sound like it. You better put your foot down because it sounds like it’s going to be you!!
It’s not your responsibility. You have your child to take care of. I know it’s sad and seems unfair, and sure you can help out some, but for him to put all the responsibility on you is crazy. Put your foot down just as he is and firmly state you are not caring for her on your own. If he needs too he can pay extra for someone to watch her during the day while he’s out working
Maybe get in home nursing to assist with her most insurances will pay for the help
Perhaps it’s not that the sisters don’t want to be bothered but rather they are realistic knowing they can not provide the level of care she needs,you’re husband as he means well needs to understand what goes into caring for a memory loss paient, it’s dangerous if they elope, it’s a 24 hrs a day on gaurd prevention ,many memory loss patients also have sundowners, many facilities are equipped with round the clock care,secured doors,motion sensored alarms to prevent elopement
As a non trained professional in a private home it will be extremely difficult to render the care she will need,ultimately the decision needs to be made in her best interest
I agree with wanting to take care of your mom but I am a long-term nurse with a lot of experience and Alzheimer’s and that is one of the most demanding frustrating diseases there is it is a 24 seven job and she potentially has the chance to be a danger to herself and all of you if your unable to redirect situations that my arise with her. It’s not gonna be just feeding and bathing etc. it’s going to be adult proofing your whole house and life and working 24/7 because they often have irregular sleep patterns.
I was a fulltime 12 hour nurse on the dementia unit before going to private duty nursing. Id personally do everhthing i could to keep my parents from going to a home.
No… she needs to be in a home. Someone with Alzheimer’s can be like a child. And that’s not fair to you. She needs specialized care.
If youre open to it, You can look into home care, getting an aid or nurse to come in and help with majority of it. Her insurance might be able to assist with this. There are also places that are like a day time care service for the elderly. Here its called Elderday.
Not sure where you are located. I live in Arkansas & my mother in law had a service thru DHS called elders choice. They come to the home do a assessment & determine if she qualifies for services. If she does which by your post in my opinion would definitely qualify. They can either have nursing assistants that are employed by them or you can choice a different agency or if you decide so you can care for her & be paid thru the program. If I remember correctly it is billed to medical insurance hers my mother in law had Medicaid & Medicare. Once who ever is over her medical care makes the desion on who or what company they want to use. For example my husband had power of attorney so he was the one that signed all the paperwork & the aid that came to do her ADL’S timesheet. They determine how many hours the patients qualifies for in a monthly amount & that is divided up over the days like if she has a drs appointment & won’t be there for several hours the aid or nurse can stay longer on other days to make up the hours or some places allow them to actually take the patients to their appointment. I’m pretty sure there is something like this in all the states maybe called something different but it’s worth checking into because patients with Alzheimer’s seem to have a better time/quality of life in they are around people they know & familiar surroundings,in my opinion. I personally have worked in several nursing homes & I personally took care of my mother in law until she passed in 2019. She would be sad & combative at times & when my kids would come in it was like her whole behavior would change. I hope y’all are able to figure something out that works best for your boyfriend’s mom & the rest of the family.