So my boyfriend is 43, and I’m about to turn 30. He has experiences with exes and always has an excuse of why he can’t come with me … He has this mentality that if he’s already done it, he won’t do it again, and if he hasn’t, he won’t … It leaves me feeling hurt and useless and wondering why I’m even here … Does the age difference play a part? Or am I in the right to feel like I deserve that part of him too … Has anyone dealt with this? Why can’t I see old memories of his without getting pissed and resentful? What is wrong with me?
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The root of the problem is that he is not making you and your relationship a priority. And that’s a big problem.
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He’s getting old give him a break jk he should be putting in as much effort as you if he doesn’t wanna do things with you then what is the point of being together? I would sit down and have a talk with him about why he doesn’t wanna do things or go places. You are still young don’t waste your time
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What kinds of things wont he do? HE sounds lame to me and very petty.
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Think you answered your own question
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I guess u can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Lol. In all seriousness he’s in a relationship with you and efforts should be made to do stuff together. His age and the fact that he’s done it already should be irrelevant. If he’s not making any efforts it’s time to rethink this relationship don’t waste your 30s on someone who puts no efforts into your relationship. Don’t accept the bare minimum either.
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He is not the one!! If he wanted to, he would. You shouldn’t have to feel like that in a relationship. A man that wants you, will be your ride or die!!!
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Oh Girl I am so so sorry. You need a man to treat you with respect care and love. If he is not going to truly participate in activities of life with you then what is keeping you there??
If the roles were reversed would you participate in those things if you had already done them?? If the answer is yes then I think it’s time to move on. You’re young and if he is going to be like that I would find someone who has energy to keep up with you and your energy and love for life <3
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Nope he’d definitely take you out an show ypu off. That’s a age difference and they are usually proud. Not sure his problem unless he’s afraid he going to see a ex some where
That’s crazy. Nothing is wrong with you.
(And if he’s making you think somethings wrong with you because you question this, run)
I would imagine that you are only resentful of the old memories, because he won’t make new ones with you. It’s insane to think that he thinks it’s acceptable to not do things with you because he has already done it.
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he might be your “boy” but he ain’t your “friend”. Move on
Run! Honestly, If he cannot make you a priority now he never will later. Save yourself the disappointment and heartache! Love yourself enough to walk away and find better.
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He doesn’t want the same things as you do. Let him go and find someone who does. Quit trying to engineer him into who you need. It won’t work in the long run. Good luck to you! 
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He sounds boring. If you want to go out and do things and he wants to stay home, you’re always going to be miserable.
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I mean I guess it really depends on what kind of things you are talking about. Sounds like it’s stuff he did and has no interest in doing again. And there is nothing wrong with that. There’s also nothing wrong with him not being the right person for you. If you don’t share the same interests and don’t want to do the same things, then find someone else who is better suited for you.
Oh don’t stay my kids dad is 36 and I’m 25 and he always would make excuses why we can’t go out or do family things but he didn’t mind going out with his friends while he keeps me in the house and would be telling me about all the times he went out with other women so just leave cause it’s not worth it
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Cut him loose! Bye Bye~~~
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I am 27, my boyfriend is 40. I feel like I’m reading a message from myself in the future. Been together three years, and it’s the same here as you’re going through…
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Nothing wrong with you. You’re in the right. The problem is him.
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Whatever happened in the past with his ex he’s putting it on you that’s a big No-No he has to make the effort if this is what he’s doing now and wait for later I don’t know you personally but you sound like a very sweet person very young any set in his ways depends on how much love you got for this man how much you want to put up with from experience it’s going to wear you down and you will get tired
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Life is short…get rid of him .
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Resentment will set in that’s not a good feeling and you are doing nothing wrong
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Don’t be stupid, keep going, you’re wasting you life just how I did. Too late for me
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It’s not the age that’s the issue. Me and my husband are 13 1/2 years apart but he still makes it a point to do things with me. All I have to do is mention I would like to do something and 9 times out of 10 he jumps right to planning things. I went on my first cruise with him, first time on a plane with him, and the list goes on and on. Age is definitely not the issue but I’d definitely be rethinking the relationship. If he was truly in love he would do his best to make you happy even if it’s something he’s already experienced. Find someone who is truly in love with you and you will know when you do because he would do anything in the world to make you happy.
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I personally think he could also just want to have different experiences with you
My ex was the same way, so I went out and did things on my own and after awhile I realized he served me purpose and I left him. It’s not that easy to do, I totally know. But… fuck him and his high horse. You need to live, not just fucking exist in his small world.
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Yes and i ended it. We had about the same age gap and he didn’t want to be seen in public with me because i was younger, he wouldn’t go the bars because he was afraid id leave him for a younger man. It was always all about him and i even turned down his proposal. We were in 2 different places and i wanted someone who do things with me and not keep me in the dark.
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He may have experienced things but he hasn’t experienced them with you…I would definitely talk to him about it, lay it all out there and let him know how bad it hurts you before you just cut your ties with him. If there is no change at least if you live you know you gave it your all and tried to make it work. You need to make yourself happy!
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Maybe, ask him what he’d like to do together. As kind of a test. If he still doesn’t want to do anything, there is definitely an issue with him and your relationship. Years ago I “dated” a guy for a short period of time. He never wanted to go out in public. He used previous health issues as an excuse. I ended the relationship because I was way to young to be tied down to someone that didn’t want to do anything!
Time for a new man if he isnt willing to make memories with YOU regardless if hes done the thing your asking a million times you deserve better.
It’s not what’s wrong with you-it’s him. He should be excited to do things with you and make new memories. My advice-move on and find someone who wants to share with you.
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Get rid of this old Man
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Maybe he doesn’t want to because you get hurt and angry when you know it is something he’s done with them.
Age may well play a factor. Mt boyfriend is 12 years older than I am, I am 34 and only these past few years have managed to understand the pointlessness of jealousy in things like that.
I wouldn’t ever get to go anywhere if I thought like that, he’s lived in this area most of his life and I’m fairly new here.
Maybe ask to do things without asking if he did it with other women.
You deserve more
He needs to put his past behind him n move on there exs for a reason
I dated a guy who was b turning 43. It ended up not working. Age dont always matter but at times it does. And it did for us. I’m 30 and it was the same situation. I wanted to get out and do stuff and he never wanted to.
My husband and I are the same ages. He definitely does not see things that way. In fact he wants me to experience what he has and do new things. It was not so in the beginning however. You have to be willing to accept him as he is if you want the relationship to work. Idk how long y’all have been together but definitely decide for yourself what you will and won’t put up with. In my case I stuck it out and we both grew. That may never happen with your boyfriend so again I say decide what is important to you. Communicate your needs & give an appropriate amount of time for him to adjust. If you need more you owe it to yourself to find someone who meets your needs.
I think some people are being unfair. It’s pretty obvious in her post that she has jealousy issues. So if he doesn’t want to do things with her that he did with his exes, maybe that’s his way of protecting himself from her jealousy and anger, and protecting her from feeling it. She sounds like she does need to mature a bit to date a man of that age.
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I wouldn’t want to do things with my husband he’s done with his ex’s. Maybe he just wants to make new better memories with you.
He’s not the one for you
Why are you even there?
Fuck him girl you deserve better!!! HMU il come do everything you want to & some!! My ex was like that, sucked the fun out of everything and anything literally went to Australia payed all the theme parks and shit for him to not want to go to any of them cause he went on them when he was a kid with his family 
Leave. If you feel that way, why stay?
If you love him enough, deal with it. Go to couples therapy maybe?
I see these posts a lot on here. Tell him he use to have sex with his exes . So no more sex with you. LOL
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Yeah but it’s memories, he is creating with YOU. An ex is an ex for a reason, he needs to leave the past behind. He shouldn’t even be bringing up any ex unless he is not over her. It sounds like you are paying the exes damages. I would leave, the age is not even an issue it’s him needing to grow up and understand your needs too.
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Well he sounds a barrel of laughs.
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Girl, screw him! Go find you a man that WANTS to go make memories. Nothings wrong with you. IT’S him!!!
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Know your worth! You are worth a husband that adores you, worships you, plans vacations and adventures with you, loves you, wants to spend every moment with you. You are worth it. Accept nothing less
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He seems immature. Or he’s just using it as an excuse to not do stuff he doesn’t want to do… which is also immature. You deserve better.
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What’s wrong is you’re even trying to entertain that man.
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He’s gaslighted you to the point that you clearly can’t see what is going on. He is manipulating you sweetheart. Any significant other that puts restraints on the other is trying to control. I would never tell a woman to leave because I don’t know her at all. My advice is to always tell a woman to live. Live and do your firsts with or without him. Take that road trip. Take the opportunities being presented to you. Once you start saying yes to living, he’ll either join you or it’ll be crystal clear what you need to do, you won’t even have to ask. Good luck.
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You are not jealous you are insecure…
Yes age makes a big difference…
Try and find things new to him as well…things he might be interested in…
If he goes… great…you two can make memories together
If not then it’s not the thing your doing…it’s he just doesn’t want to go…
Question??? Is he outgoing???
Or more of a home body…that could also play a factor…
My ex didn’t want to do stuff with me…13 years difference in our age …notice the word EX…
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I am someone who watched my parents go through this to a degree. My mom having a social and active spirit…wanting to travel and share experiences with her family. My dad being a penny pincher to an unhealthy degree and not wanting to do anything as a family or even just with his wife. I saw how horribly it impacted their relationship. I honestly feel you both need to talk and take a serious look at whether you are right for one another or not.
That’s very strange behaviour
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Thats not only ridiculous but absolutely unfair to u. He needs to either get it together or u find someone willing to give you what u deserve. I can see maybe avoiding something that was like thier spot ot somthing that was special to them MAYBE but other than that no. Hes in his 40s so he has more than likley done quite a bit with exes so that means now u cant? Tell him u completely agree with him but the only thing u didnt do with your ex was lay on your back so unfortunately thats all youll be able to do with him lol
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There you go.problem solved!
Nothing wrong with you your human every right to feel hurt he may need to be reminded your not his ex’s
Nah just leave. Anyone who cares about anyone will go ahead and do things that you want to do and have experiences with you. He’s literally doing the minimum
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Is he ashamed of you he should be wanting to impress you
Move on , he d oesnt love you enough .
Yes age does have a part in it. He’s middle age and your young. What your interest are will likely not be his. We true quicker now than young ones like you. I met my fiance when I was 42 and he was 49. I’m more active than him and we don’t share a lot of intrests
He’s not 20 anymore, he doesn’t have the energy you want him to have. There’s nothing wrong with either of you, you just want more than the man can give you. Everyone is giving you crap advice and telling you there’s something wrong with him and I think that’s really sad. He’s a person, he’s 40 years old. Half his life is gone and he’s probably already done all those things a billion and one times and he’s just tired. There’s nothing wrong with him, either deal with it and settle down the way most older people normally do, or find a man whose more your speed. Age is definitely playing a factor here.
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This just means he ain’t the one for you. Don’t beg a man or force him into shit. If he won’t do it on to the next one !
Find a man who will do things with you.
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Sis you are too young to deal with mediocre dick
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You’re in the right. He may have already experienced doing stuff but you haven’t. And partners usually want to spend time with their spouses doing things regardless of if they’ve done it before. He may be older, but that doesn’t mean he can’t do something again. Unless he hated it. Them I could understand. Maybe a new experience for you will give him a new experience on something he’s already done.
Nope nothing wrong with you. There’s something wrong with him.
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Then deal with it
He’s aloud to make his own decisions.
Or leave
Girl just play your OLD CD and get you another old guy. That one was not on the right clearance rack.
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You are in your prime, and he’s past his. Communication is important for a healthy intimate relationship. Talk to him about how you feel, and about what you want.