My boyfriends family never makes an effort to see us: Thoughts?

My boyfriend’s family never makes an effort to come to see our baby or us. They never get in contact with us about anything unless they have a party or holiday. And they always want us to come to them. Am I crazy for feeling like enough is enough, and not wanting to go??

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I wouldn’t go. I’ve dealt with similar and decided if they didn’t want to make the effort, then they didn’t need to be involved. I lived out of state and every time I would go to my home state, all of my family/friends (huge family) would want me to make time to come see them, but no one made the effort to come see me at my home or anything like that so I stopped seeing them. Contact almost completely stopped because they never put in effort and I quit trying.

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My boyfriends daddy is THE SAME exact way never comes to see us and we are about to have a baby but my boyfriend don’t go see him and told him the road went both ways but he don’t care :roll_eyes:

How is them inviting you to their house NOT reaching out and trying to include you? Do you have events and invite them?

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Why don’t you invite them instead?

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They are at least extending an invitation for you to go to their home. I very rarely go to my children’s homes and they don’t seem to mind bringing the grandkids to visit me.

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Excuse me but that is reaching out to you. My fiances mother doesn’t travel at all really so if we want to see her we go out there and we don’t mind it. But we do invite her to things as well.

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Your probably younger then everyone your talking about suck it up and make the drive for family family is sacrifice lol not being mean at all but what do u mean you wanna just stop being involved because they don’t come to you? That’s crazy to me what makes you think everyone should come to you especially if your talking about more then just a set of grandparents… My grandparents have never been to my house there in there 80s… we always make the 4 hour drive to them twice a month usually. Because we wouldn’t see them unless we traveled out there… most people have problems my dad is getting a knee replacement if I don’t drive him out to see his parents he wouldn’t get to. Selflessly if you want the relationship for your kids etc then you do your part ya know just because your not the first person contacted for an event it doesn’t mean your not invited and it doesn’t mean no one cares… it’s hard to get a big group together. My big family relays on everyone updated everyone on plans so that everyone can make it eventually your going to be the older one wishing everyone could come to you but then choose not to for really no reason other then the fact that your mad it’s not about you. When you have any type of elders what so ever they don’t owe you anything and it’s not there job to maintain a relationship respectfully saying of course. We have a vacation planned leaving Friday for 23 of our family members that includes cousins aunts uncles grandparents great grand kids the works. That wouldn’t of happened unless people spoke up about wanting to go and everyone has a part to play. Think a little less love a little more and enjoy yourself we only have one lige

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That’s me. I’m tired of running after kids so I let them come to me.

I won’t waste my children’s or my time anymore! If anyone wants to see us they can come to us

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Um… Have you ever tried asking? Im gonna assume youre younger like me but the older generations are usually very “dont invite yourself over” because they think its rude they could be feeling the same way about you if you arent reaching out to them just a thought

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Going thru the same issue here expect only message is when the need something I don’t let it bother me because it’s their loss not mine

My husbands dads side of the family never asks about our daughter or invites us over. We invite them to our house but we aren’t around them much. It’s pissed him off so he made the call he’s not gonna show effort to have her around if they don’t wanna put in effort to see us so🤷🏼‍♀️ a phone works both ways.

Don’t push them my family don’t come visit me it don’t bother me

Have you called and made plans with them?

My own father(favors his wives children) treats me and my brother this way. If I were you I wouldn’t let it bother you, I would just move on with my life and let it be. It’s not worth stressing over.

My kid had a birthday party the same day my sil had her baby drive by baby shower. My dad told me he couldn’t come to her party (due to covid restrictions because of his work, and it was a family only party) but would drop her some stuff off. Then a few hours later he posts pictures at my sil “drive by” baby shower. During school events for the grandkids they always go to the other grandkids, but not my daughter’s. It use to upset me but now that I’m older I could care less. I’m thankful I won’t have to take care of them in their old age :woman_shrugging:. My mother on the other hand who lives 800 miles away will make the trip just to see us for a weekend. My step dad (divorced from my mother) left his vacation and drove over six hours to me when he heard I was in labor. Family really is what you make it and blood doesn’t mean anything.

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We never really see family unless for parties or holidays especially with covid, if they weren’t inviting you for holidays and parties I’d say that’s them not trying to be involved

Both sides should definetely be making the effort. Its not the young ones should drive to the old ones they have a young baby, the way I see it is if you care about someone you make the time and put in the effort to go see them.

I felt the same way when my son was a baby. It really made me mad, but ask yourself. Are YOU calling and reaching out to them? Yes it’s a two way street, but guess what? We’re adults. We all have our own lives we get all caught up in. Be glad they reach out at all and want you involved in things.

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It’s the exact same way for my husbands family my son is a year and a half and the only time they seen him is when we go to them

No…My family only wants anything to do with me, when they want something… and when I can’t do it, I’m the bad person…

Sometimes that is a blessing, if they were around all the time it might be toxic. Ooooor they are busy just like everyone else and lower your expectations

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Same boat here. I go when my husband asks, he cannot control his family and I let her soak in all the love from the people who make the effort :heart:

I have the same situation except i am the nana i spend every moment i can with my grandbabies but my daughter in-laws family dosent have much to do with them 15 min away and couldnt even come by to say i love you thats ok i will be greedy I LOVE THEM

My in laws haven’t seen their grand babies in 12 years! The haven’t even seen the youngest of them face to face. I’ve learned…it’s not me but them. It’s so nice not to have the drama that comes with them, but I do feel bad for my children.

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Is everyone forgetting theres a pandemic?

You are so right. Id feel the same way you do

Nope I deal with the same stuff! We have a house to we dont always have to go there…

My husbands family did the same thing. It bothered me until one day i had enough and i took it as it’s their loss as they won’t be apart of my child’s life. It’s hard to have the attitude as you want your child around family but your child gets older they will feel the vibe if they are wanted around. My kids knew when they were infants as being held they would cry . It’s a blessing in disguise . I’m sorry your going through this but it will all work out in the end. Just enjoy your little family that’s what matters.

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Yeh nah all that should matter is you and your lil family, just focus on you guys

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My husbands side of the family does the same thing. So I completely understand. I stopped going to their family functions and now idc if they don’t come over even tho they r always at my sister in laws right down the road. I’ve wrote them off honestly

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Snip snip snip. Cut them off.

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Maybe you should invite them over🤷‍♀️

well it goes both ways. Are you making an effort to see them as well? Im sure you make the effort to see your own family

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In the same boat. I still get frustrated and voice it out to everyone. No change, so it is what it is. But my kid won’t miss who he don’t know :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3: and he won’t call anyone grandma or auntie if they arent playing that role :tipping_hand_woman:t3:

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Their are those that are home bodies and those who don’t mind getting out of the house. It shouldn’t matter where you are, as long as you are welcome.

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Not everybody communicates love in the same way or hears live in the same way. It sounds like you view reaching out as live and they may not view it that way. My advice would be to try not to take it personally and if you need to have them reach out then tell them what you need

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My husband and i have been together over 11 years. I have 5 children, my 10 and 6 year old are his. We see them (his parents) once a year around Christmas. Sometimes we don’t :woman_shrugging: their loss not mine. Same way I feel about my older children’s fathers.

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The only person I’ve met from my partners side is his sister and I’ve only briefly met her twice with no further efforts or contact.
There’s been issues in the past with his family before we got together and had a child.
It used to bother me a bit… felt it was pretty crappy that noone has even tried to get to know me and our son but now I don’t care…
I’m not putting in any efforts for anyone who can’t be bothered with us.

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They may feel they are imposing on you and are waiting for an invitation so as not to be rude.

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I wish my boyfriends family was like that, controlling mother in law, verbally abusive father in law, and a little brother who “feels sorry for this kid” just because im taking actions to prevent him from getting sick in the middle of a global pandemic

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Count your blessings.

I have grown up children , in relationships and getting on with their lives and I don’t impose on them. I’m happy for them and love them but see it as a natural progression. I only see them, at their place on invitation, but my home is always open to them at any time and for any reason. I wouldn’t read too much into your situation.

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My husband family too. BUTTTT this kicker is do they even come to thing you invite them to. Your kids birthday maybe and try to throw Thanksgiving at yiur hiuse if they don’t come dont go to their for the hoildays unless you want to.
We always went to husband family events but they live kind of far and we honestly just don’t like the drive so one year we did Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house and no one showed so you know what now we dont go over there unless we really want to and I doubt they see it a all that rude considering we have invited them to our place and they didnt come.

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