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QUESTION:
"I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of 5 years. His mom has started coming over to our house more frequently, and I’m starting to feel like she’s making everything a competition between me and her. For example- we had a family dinner at our house a few weekends ago, and I offered to cook for everyone. When she showed up, she had brought over food as well—which was totally fine by me. But it was the comment she made at dinner after everyone had already sat down to eat that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. She stood up and said “I cooked dinner too in case her dinner didn’t live up to the expectations”. Then, about a month ago, my fiancé had a very minor procedure done. His mom came over every day for a week to sit with him and take care of him, because she “just knows she can take care of her baby better than anyone else”. Everything I say or do, she has to one-up me. I don’t want to say anything and upset my fiancé, and I definitely don’t wanna create drama in the family. So before I lose my mind, can someone just tell me if I’m overreacting?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You’re not overreacting at all! She sounds like a mama that doesn’t want to/know how to let go of her baby boy. I’d gently bring it up with your fiancé. He has to have noticed."
"My husbands mom brings him lunches to work because I can’t feed him well enough. It’s not abnormal some mother’s get weirdly possessive with their sons and no it’s not healthy but it is what it is."
"IMO you’re not overreacting. From what you’re saying she seems to be acting as though you are a threat, to take her “baby” away."
"You need to talk to your fiance about it and set boundaries with mother in law before you get married and before her behavior worsens."
"Ya that’s completely inappropriate. You need to set boundaries and be clear that she needs to know her place and stick to them."
"You should talk to him about it, if he doesn’t see a problem leave him!"
"I don’t think you’re in the wrong. I think she’s having a hard time with seeing her “little boy” move onto the next steps of his life. I would give it some time if the engagement is on the newer side, if it’s been awhile then try bringing it up to your fiancé and see what he has to say about it. Explain to him you don’t want to cause any drama but you’re feelings are legit and you don’t know how to go about dealing with your soon to be in laws. Good luck hun!"
"What is your fiance doing when she does this? If he isn’t sticking up for you thats really messed up. But he should be the one to talk to her to tone it down a bit. You’re definitely not overreacting"
"Boundaries. Use and apply them. To your future MIL and to your fiance"
"Monster in law. Gotta put your foot down and set some boundaries."
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