I mean nothing to do but move on. You don’t have to like it but you are only hurting yourself by holding on to it.
You do not have to accept it. I would recommend finding a way to forgive tho. Simply for the sake of yourself. Holding on to the hurt and anger, does nothing to them. Only tears you up and eats you up inside
This is just a bad as if it were a sister that cheated with your husband. You were enough no matter what he did. He made a choice to betray you. It is ok to remain mad at then both in spite of what the family says
So I would say this … forgive when you are ready to … do not rush it and forgiveness does not mean letting them back in… establishing any sort of relationship etc…. But do it for you not for them for your mental health … and move on … you have every right to feel the way you do and you don’t just get over it. Have you talked to either of them ? That may be the first step … make your feelings clear (don’t be nasty just be clear ) set your boundaries with them and with your family and be firm … your not comfortable and not even ok with it … distance yourself if you need to … it’s ok your valid for the way that you feel and it’s parallel to the loss of a family member it’s something you may never get over … it’s ok. I would seek out a therapist that may help as well talking through your feelings
You can forgive them, it will give you peace, however your not obligated to forget the betrayal of either man, brother Shame on him , and exhubby . If they would of been honest with themselves and you they could of saved everyone from years of pain , betrayal , devastation esp for you .
Fear most likely held them back.
People are not very excepting of these family issues.
If your family cannot understand your hurt, they are also selfish, you do not have to pretend and they should also be supporting you. I can imagine they have a fine line to keep peace. You don’t know what’s said or thought in private.
Forgive and move on do NOT give any more of your power or peace away .
Take back your life , best Revenge is a well lived happy life 
1 Like
That is why this world is going from bad to worse because we are suppose to expect nasty things that happen to us. No you should not expect any thing. I will move on and they will not see me again. Good luck.
Your feelings are real and you are allowed to set boundaries.
Nobody has the right to give you a time line on your feelings… im sure you are “over it” but it still don’t mean you are comfortable being around them and you don’t have to be! It should be them feeling uncomfortable for what they did to you
I’ve cut off very close family members for the sake of my mental health. I have not been in this situation but I’ve had family members that constantly triggered anxiety and panic attacks from years of mental abuse. I have not looked back. Just because they are family doesn’t mean they are required to be in your life. You need to do what’s best for you! That includes cutting off anyone that is not understanding of your feelings
ABSOLUTELY NOT !!! You have every right to be pissed ! Your own brother did the ultimate betrayal. I don’t know howl you could possibly come to be ok or just get over that. It’s timel to get a divorce sweetie ! I honestly can’t believe your family thinks you should get over it. Let your brother have your used up left overs (the husband) cause you deserve something fresh. Good luck to you. I wish you well.
I say you can accept it, process it and let it go for your sanity. However, that doesn’t mean you have to be in relationship w/either one or be around them. No one gets to tell you how to feel because they didn’t go through that you did. You don’t have to take part or be happy for anything that destroyed you. The only thing you should work on is not letting it continue to destroy or consume you. You owe forgiveness to yourself and the universe will take care of the rest. You’re still standing and God got you!
That’s true but do not use ppl you claim to love as a pond for your own happiness. Do not impose trauma on another. They have to own that shit!
I mean, you don’t have to, but is it really worth holding onto this forever? Losing two very important people in your life because you won’t accept who they are? They’re gay, your marriage was never going to work, they’ve been together for years. IMO, it’s time to let it go.
No you do not have to accept it ,your brother stabbed you in the back and your ex cheated on you with a family member …and if the rest of your family can not understand your pain than you don’t need to be around them it’s a shame they sided with the guilty party and not the one that was hurt the most
Your statement is a little difficult to understand, but the one thing I do know is that if they are in a relationship, you have no choice but to accept it it. Do you have the right to feel hurt? Probably. Do you have the right to insist that others be hurt on your behalf and not love & accept their relationship? Absolutely not. You don’t really say why your relationship ended, if it was your choice, a mutual decision or his, based on feelings for your brother, but regardless, it’s over. Move on with your life. Nobody says that you have to socialize with them, but your continued unhappiness after years and you wanting others to be unhappy as well, is simply your problem.
1 Like
First off idk how you get over the fact your husband cheated on u let alone with your brother. You must have all these feelings running in your head. You cant just move on as fast as everyone else nothing really in their lifes have changed
Dealing with it as your family demands is extremely difficult.
Nope! I’ve cut “family” out of my life for way less! You do not have to accept that
It’s your life momma. Other people don’t get to make those decisions for you. You do what is best for you and your mental health! If keeping your distance keeps your inner peace then keep it that way. Just make sure you heal properly. It sounds like you are still very much hurting, maybe some conversations would help you? Just do what is best for YOU.
1 Like
sorry this had to happen with your brother, But it does sound like your husband does prefer man, in other words he is gay. So let it go, & make sure you get half of everything, & wish them the best of everything.
Leave them out of the equation YOU have to decide what u Want what YOU will put up with What YOU will Tolerate and Accept. Decide for YOU and your Life and Future. You have to find your Backbone Be Strong and make that Decision. We all have choices YOU deserve Love Respect Kindness Trust. Good Luck to You.
I’m torn as adults we must lead by example. Do we hold a grudge that seems to be a solo grudge or do I accept the mess and try to be happy for the two people I once loved immensely who betrayed and hurt me.
I was molested as a child for 5 years and now have a distant relationship with said relative… I get they hurt you and at the cost of their happiness was your pain and that sucks. No one is saying you have to have a relationship but you’re hurting yourself by not moving on and being angry still… you need to learn to forgive the situation but you don’t need to forgive the people.
You don’t have to accept it. Your family are AH if they expect that. Your sibling crossed a HUGE line & your husband too.
You,absolutely dont have to accept,its toxic,please just pull yourself together, you deserve much more respect and love .move on,its not easy,but easier than hurting all the time,and in time you will heal.
Your family is wrong in wanting you to except their relationship. The fact that they betrayed your trust and your love. You should move on.
NGL if I was in this situation they would get the cut .
- that’s disrespectful and 2. Family show no care in the world for your feelings💯
You owe them nothing
Hell no!!! You do not have to accept that and move on. Besides where was their respect for you. Cut them off and any one who thinks you should just accept it. You don’t need that kind of toxicity in your life.
1 Like
Wow I would not be able to accept it either. Move on with your life without them thats messed up.
1 Like
Nope you do not have to. This is disrespectful of your family to ask and try to force you to accept it. Cut them loose. Both betrayed you. The are happy together good for them but no you do not have to accept it nor feel happy about it.
Pray about this and God will show you the way.
1 Like
Nope- I would be done with my brother and any family that expect me to accept that
Wow, bless your heart. That’s the most screwed up thing I’ve ever heard. No, you don’t have to accept that at all IMO. And shame on your family who doesn’t have your back!
11 Likes
You do not have to accept their relationship by any means. However, maybe one day you can get to a place where you understand your husband was a liar and he is the one who was not honest with you. Your brother has betrayed you as well, however love knows no boundaries. I definitely wouldn’t want to attend family functions with the two of them knowing they did this behind your back. But maybe you can accept they do love each other now and unfortunately they put you in the middle, but you can heal from the hurt so you can be in a better place for your own self. I’m sorry this has happened to you
You were betrayed by your husband and your brother. Your family is wrong for trying to get you to accept it. I’m glad that they found each other and that they’re happy. They went about it the wrong way. You don’t have to forgive them. But you should. Even if it’s just for yourself. Too much pain to carry around with you for years and years.
Bottom line, you don’t have to accept it and be happy about it, but you should forgive them.
1 Like
You don’t have to accept it but you can’t control them either. But since you’re not with him any more it would be better for your mental health to try not to set boundaries so you can heal from his betrayal. And it’s rough when the the betrayal hasn’t left. But no you don’t have to accept it. But you still have to live your life. I wish you the best in your journey. Take care.
It’s not acceptable at all go your own way and forget them
5 Likes
I would stay away. Maybe someday the feelings will become dull (most likely not) and you won’t care anymore. But, if you are still hurting there’s no reason to put yourself in a place where you have to be around them. You deserve to heal and be happy any way that you see fit 
You absolutely do not have to accept it! However, I want to encourage you to try to find a way to forgive (not forget!) your brother. Anger takes up a WHOLE LOT of room in your heart, and if he cares so little for you that he slept with your husband, then you might start to feel some peace finding a way to let go of that anger. Best of luck to you. What an awful situation.
Absolutely Not! They betrayed you in the worst way. They snuck behind your back and had an affair. Two people thags supposed to love you and protect you hurt you by betraying your trust. You don’t owe them anything. And your family members thags expecting you to just forgive and move on is betraying you as well. They can’t just expect you to be okay with what they did to you! It’s been years ago and it still hurts you. I would tell them that you have nothing to say to them and you don’t want to hear anything about them. They can accept it or not. If they don’t then rhats your answer. Walk away from them all. You deserve better. You deserve respect!
This is some fed stuff. It’s not normal or healthy. They violated your trust and it’s not ok no matter what sexual orientation they are engaging in. I would avoid the family especially if they don’t understand or care that it was hurtful for them to start their relationship by hurting you. I would also seek therapy to help yourself as well.
I mean it is what it is…don’t be bitter. Let them be and yea except it. You don’t have to like it but it seems decisions have been made. Time to move on,love. Wish you the best in letting your heart and mind be at peace with what is.
You can forgive for you. For healing for yourself. But forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to accept it or keep them in your life. Forgive for you heart to move on and move on let them all go and cut ties.
how devastating, but time does heal. you don’t have to accept, but maybe if you do you can heal and move on. good luck to you 
what is wrong with your family ? you don’t have to accept anything, tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out !
2 Likes
Let’s see your husband cheated on you with your brother, and your brother betrayed you by sleeping with your husband while you were married and they want you to accept it? No you have every right to not accept it. Obviously since it’s been years you should let it go but just because you let it go does not mean you have to accept it. Your family is being down right ridiculous.
Honestly, you will feel so much better cutting ties with them now. My mother slept with my fiancé and ended up pregnant. I have tried so hard having a relationship with my mother but there is so much resentment and it eats away at me every day. Distancing yourself now, will be so much better for you in the long run.
You can’t choose family but you can choose who has access to you.
Your parents and the rest of them are not considering that your relationship was destroyed by your brother’s relationship.
Cut them lose and put your health first. Emotional support is where you should start. This is a terrible situation and I hope you find a circle of people that really love you.
You don’t have to accept anything. This is a traumatic event for you. I suggest counseling.
Nope, I would cut the cord with all of them. They betrayed you and you don’t deserve to continue reliving it.
1 Like
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If everyone else is ok with what happened and you ain’t there is nothing wrong with that. You do what’s best for you and your mental/physical health. If it comes to the point where you have to cut them off because it’s too much then do it. If you put your feelings on the back burner to please everyone else you will just be miserable and resentful.
Forgive them for your own peace of mind but you don’t have to be around them. It was a serious and devastating betrayal! Some things you can’t ever forget. Go on with your life and be happy. You have the power
They both betrayed you. I wouldn’t forgive, forget, or turn the other cheek!!! Too many fish in the sea for them to be so disrespectful towards you. Love is love I get It but c’mon you got double whammied and you’re supposed to be the nice one thru this!!! No way. … cut them all loose and find yourself someone who will love you forever!!!
2 Likes
Just because they are so called family does not mean you have to be ok with it in any way…this thing about they can do what ever they want and you have to be around them …is NOT TRUE…do what you need to do for yourself.
I’d definitely cut everyone out of my life. It would be hard but no way family should be disrespecting family like that!
Sucks in your case but losing your brother isn’t going to change a thing. As hard as it may be you need to continue your journey. Sorry this happened to you. Love, compassion, forgiveness heal. Hate will only hurt you.
4 Likes
Your family has zero empathy. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I am so sorry… You do not need to accept it. You can move on for yourself but you do not have to act like it’s okay. What they did and are doing is NOT okay.
Honestly, I’d work on finding peace with it, its really heavy on you and they dont deserve anymore of care. Finding peace means accepting what’s happened,has happened, its not dinners and hangouts. Set your boundaries.
2 Likes
I would leave them all be family or not and start your life over for you and those who respect uou
Your brother broke family boundaries and the fact that it allows your cheating husband to stay in the picture makes it even worse. You have every right to be hurt and I’m sure it’s like a knife in your heart to see them at family gatherings. I pray that one day you can get past it but not for anyone but yourself.
You don’t have to accept that if it is something that bothers you. You’re setting boundaries. I feel like they both broke a lot of trust so I don’t see why the rest of them think its okay & are so toxic 
We find love in some horrible but yet some lovely ways. It’s your choice if u except their relationship or not. Me personally think they both owe you a massive apology for lying about their feelings for each other and him not talking to you and coming clean about his feelings but look it’s out now and as I said it’s your choice if you want to keep harbouring this pain. Remember we all have a path to live and we all learn something from it. Sit down and talk to both of them about how you feel maybe that will help ease your pain. I think there is something and someone better out there for you. Remember life is a blessing or a lesson xx
Absolutely not do you accept it. And shame on your family for telling you you should. Thats a whole level of betrayal I can’t even fathom! My heart hurts for you. Hugs
You do not have to accept anything x i cannot imagine how you feel 
i dont know if i could get passed that if it was my brother who betrayed me as well as my husband x 2 people i trust
I’m so sorry…I know I would not accept it. But I would move on and stay away from both of them…
2 Likes
Wow. I would accept it not because you deserved to be betrayed but more like because you deserve peace from it and move on. It’s hard, i understand, but you will have no peace for as long as you wish it wasn’t so. God bless and good luck!
I mean sure IDEALLY you should forgive them. Not for them but for yourself because holding on to all that toxic emotion isn’t in YOUR best interest. But I mean that’s a lot to ask of anyone regardless of how much time has passed and totally understandable why you have not/do not want to. Your family trying pressure and coerce you into doing so is only rubbing salt into the wound. Do what feels right to you. We can’t control how we feel only how we choose to act on those feelings. If you are not ready to forgive then don’t. If it’s easier to cut everyone out of your life for the time being then do so. I don’t think you really have a choice as far as “accepting” your family’s expectations. It is what it is. All you can do is decide how you are going manage/respond to their expectation.
1 Like
I’ve allways believed in forgiveness if Jesus our Lord can forgive us then shouldn’t we be able to do the same but that doesn’t mean you have to forget and be all buddy buddy with them and just forgive in your own time Dont do it for others do it for yourself dont carry that ugliness in your heart I pray you find your answers My God bless you.
Not sure how your parents can even entertain this nonsense!
3 Likes
All Im seeing is that your still caring so much pain. Healing is more about you than anyone else. You don’t have to be in their lives if you don’t want or need them. Do your healing then speak to your family perhaps when you see yourself on the other side of your pain you can explain to them why you choose what you choose. Even after all that we are never obliged to have family in our lives just the same as friends or lovers.
1 Like
Oh my….I’m so sorry for your situation. You have every right to feel and be hurt, disappointed, upset etc etc. If you are getting no support from your family please seek counselling as you truly need people who support you during this horrendous situation 