My brother slept with my husband and my family expects me to accept it: Advice?

I need some advice…my brother slept with my husband while we were together…i didnt even know either of them were into guys like that so when they hung out all the time i didnt think anything of it…well, my husband and I split up after that happene obviously and my brother and i have not talked since then…but since we split up my ex husband and my brother have been in a relationship and my family expects me to just be okay with it and get over it because it has been years…basically they have accepted and I need to do the same thing…is this something i have to accept? i feel too hurt and broken by everyone…and yes this is real life…this is my life…i wish it wasnt


As hard as this is please keep in mind it’s so hard for men to admit their gay feelings. I talked about it earlier than I should have and have horrible ptsd from the harassment to this day. As much as we wish they just admitted it and found someone else I just don’t think it could have been that easy for them. Take all the time you need but in the end please see this was not easy for them either. The world is not kind to gay people and sometimes we can’t pick who we love. Sorry this has caused you so much pain.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My brother slept with my husband and my family expects me to accept it: Advice?

Absolutely not. Snip snip, cut the toxic people out of your life because that’s just wild.
I’d be changing my last name and moving somewhere to start over!


Both men that are supposed to love and care for you betrayed you and your trust. You do not have to just deal with it. Move on without them. Trust is earned. They both lost their chance to have it and to have you in their lives. You deserve better than all of that. And any family members that say different aren’t thinking of you and your emotional well-being either. Just my opinion.


You owe them nothing. They were in the wrong and they don’t get to dictate if and/or when you forgive them. This was a major betrayal.


Brother or sister or aunt or uncle. I would get over it by leaving them both out of my life. Im sorry you are forced to deal with such madness and betrayal. A double dose. Absolutely incomprehensible. If your family has chosen to look beyond it. Good for them. Asking you to do the same, very selfish on their part. Deal with the situation as you see fit. Whatever works best for you. Do that. Dont apologize! You owe no one anything. Best wishes. Much peace and love ☆


You do not have to accept disrespect from anyone. Especially family.


I’m so sorry. As they say, living well is the best revenge. Find a therapist to help you work through your feelings about the situation; it’s pretty complex & a lot to unpack.

Distance yourself from them & other family as much as you need until you are able to find a place of acceptance, equilibrium, or at least resignation. You can’t change them or the circumstances, only your reaction to it. Perhaps see family members you want individually vs. family events.

Lean on friends who support you, people outside the family. It might be prudent to celebrate holidays with others instead of family for a while, either for festivities or by volunteering somewhere.


This was a big betrayal…it hurts … you don’t have to accept nothing. Move on…move if you can. Start over and find true love. It may ease the pain to forgive … so it frees you.


First of all I’m so sorry :pleading_face: It’s not something you should accept. I would cut them all off.


If it’s been years , Try to let go of the baggage . At least he didn’t sleep with your sister. Understand it wasn’t you. Try to forgive and move on . Holding on to pain only hurts you. You don’t have to be best friends. But you are family. Be thankful you found out. It wasn’t your fault.


I hope you find healing, peace for yourself, and experience joy. Healing takes as long as you need it to. Protect your peace even if that means putting distance between yourself and so called family. Your journey doesn’t end in pain, it starts there.


THROW THEM ALL AWAY! Find you a new family


Girl!! Throw them away and move far far away!! Travel!! Meet someone else !! Make friends!!



It is betrayal AND loss. Just like he died
… but worse. Take all the time you need. It’s not their loss


Like incest. Ughhh…stay true to you, girl! Those fam functions would not end well.


I’m sorry I wouldn’t be okay with this as a mother… if my kids did this to each other . I would never expect my child that got cheated on to just accept it. Ur family is crazy to think that.


NO - they broke the vow of marriage. So maybe they came out. That is the only thing I can possibly wrap my head around why this would be ‘ok’ w family but at a very big price. You deserve to be mad. You get to have feelings. YOU matter!! What happened was wrong and you don’t have to accept that toxic behavior.


My sister had an affair with my partner and I forgave her, even tho she never apologized and the mistrust and resentment festered and caused everyone more pain in the long run. Have now cut ties and am better for it. Save yourself the extra heartache xo


No, you don’t have to accept it. You were lied to by your ex and you brother. Your family seems to have no respect for you or your feelings.
You cannot choose your family but that doesn’t mean you have to associate with them.
If you want to see your parents, have them come to you and set boundaries - no talking about the guys. If you go to their home, you have to abide by their rules and other company.


No you don’t have to accept it. I would cut ties with everyone.


They both betrayed you? The rest of the family are betraying you as well, just in a different way.
No one had respect for you! Family or not, I would say good bye to them all!


It would be different if yall divorced for other reasons and then those two slowly grew into a relationship. However they both betrayed your trust with absolutely 0 care towards you or your feelings. I would cut them both out and tell everyone I’d do the same to them if they try to force me to be okay with two people who lied to and betrayed you to that extent. Blood doesn’t make someone family, their actions do. Make sure you let them know that.


The only thing you have to accept is acknowledgment that it did happen. Ypu dont have to forgive or be ok with it. That betrayal cuts deep and creates chaos and confusion for the kids if they’re are children. Im assuming there are since this is a mama’s page. I’m terribly sorry you’re going thru this. Betrayal is so hard coming from family even worse. If your family can’t understand this and are condoning it cut them out to. Go where you’re celebrated not tolerated. Your family likely wouldn’t be ok with the same but sound like they’re quick to tell you you have to. Thus is your life like you said and YOU get to decide what you allow in it. Time to take care of you and practice self care and find new people who are supportive of your feelings. Hugs


Would they expect you to be ok if it were a sister? It’s the ultimate betrayal. You can love someone from a distance, some family is toxic and needs separation. Could even mean your parents if they can’t respect your feelings.


Lying is lying and cheating is cheating. Betrayal is not limited to “normal” constructs. If you’re hurt they don’t get to decide if and when you are “ok” with it.


No…Nope…No way…you do not have to accept it…no matter how long it was it was a betrayal by both…forgive yes…forget …no


I’m so sorry :disappointed:. Not acceptable… and you don’t need to get over it or forgive them …
Hugs to you


:astonished: absolutely not, your relationship doesn’t need to go beyond co-parenting if you have children. I absolutely am so sorry, this sound like a movie or nightmare. I can’t imagine the shock and betrayal. Best of luck to you :green_heart:


Nope. You absolutely 100% do NOT have to accept that.


No you don’t have to accept anything you don’t want to. You have every right to be upset by that situation. I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry your family is trying to make you accept it.


You do not have to accept anything you do not want to. And they cannot force you to.


You do not have to accept it . Next time they tell u to get over it tell them ok fine il make sure when your partner cheats with your siblings il remind you of it


Nope!. I sure wouldnt. I feel so bad for you. Big hugs and prayers. I hope you find a man that’ll treat you great and always be loyal.


Wow! My sister slept with my husband (he’s my ex now) and nobody in my family wants to believe it, it’s such a shame for my kids who will eventually know this. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Prayers to you to keep it together. I’ve had to medicate myself not to beat someone in this situation but ultimately they deserve each other and you are better off!!

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You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. When and if you want to accept that’s up to you. Apparently, you need to distance yourself from your family too.


I think that’s really harsh of them
It’s a HUGE thing to go through huge betrayal of trust
How can they be so insensitive towards you
Very sad hope your ok
Let’s hope they have a huge awakening
Obviously not much you can do to change it but you deserve the right to deal with it however you see fit


As the daughter of a man who turned out to be gay and lots and lots of trauma over it because of some very terrible decisions he made -

You do not have to “get over it”. Cut out that toxic mess of a family. BUT please please please don’t let this impact what you think of the queer community. If you have any thoughts of disdain towards them because of this, I highly suggest you seek out therapy (seek it out regardless honestly, this is such heavy trauma).

Hugs xx


That’s so wrong. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Your family is trying to keep the family together I don’t have am answer but I don’t think I could be around them


You do not have to “get over it” or “accept it”. Both of them betrayed you on the deepest level. If your ex husband wanted out of the marriage he should have left rather than cheat. And your brother is just as guilty as sleeping with a married man and being a home wrecker. They both are at fault and you do not owe them forgiveness. If I was you, iv pretend they didn’t exist and if anyone wants to support their betrayal, cut them off too. That is a mentally toxic environment and it will not help you heal from the damage that was done to your heart by people who should have never betrayed you.

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You don’t have to accept that at all. Your family is just trying to “keep the peace.” Screw that. You take the time to heal. Whether you forgive or not, focus on YOUR healing.


Nope, ur brother should know better than to go after ur husband and ur husband should have respected his vows to be faithful

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I guess I see it different than other people.
I’m not saying hang out or anything but he just wasn’t the one for you. He had issues that had been going on for a while before your brother and he was not honest with you nor himself.
Your hurt and I get it but he was not the right man for you. The sooner you see nothing you could have done would change it and it had nothing to do with you then you will see how wrong he was for you.
I do get you got hurt on both sides and but just know it was never meant to be. He just was not the one.


Wow. That’s a hard pill to swallow. I don’t blame you for not being able to just let it go. I would cut them off too. Not only did your husband cheat, but he cheated with your BROTHER… that can really emotionally mess someone up. I’m sorry. I hope for your sake one day you find a way to heal from this… :green_heart::green_heart: stay strong!! It definitely wasn’t you… it was THEM.

You absolutely do NOT need to accept this. Cut the toxic people out of your life and move forward without them. If your family can’t support you and be there for you then cut them off too. You deserve so much better. As for your brother. Well there’s a special place in hell for him. How can family do that to you especially a sibling. There’s hundreds of men he could of chosen but he had to choose the man his sister was married too. Disgusting and disrespectful.
Sending lots of love to you :heart: and stay strong. Everything happens for a reason . :heart:


You absolutely do NOT need to accept. Shame on them for doing that behind your back and then for starting a relationship after breaking your heart. How could they

Don’t accept it, you don’t have to accept it ! Keep as far away from them. It’s not ok what they did! I’m sorry :disappointed:. Go on with your life. Be happy Without them!!!


Forgiveness is such a hard thing to do. But dont let this have power over you. You have the right to be free from all this pain. There will come a day when you will need to let go and move forward for your own piece of mind. Sometimes we miss the true blessing behind it all…there’s another someone special waiting to mend your broken heart. God is so faithful. So sorry you had to endure such pain and heartbreak but allow yourself to mend, allow yourself to heal, you deserve to be free. God bless you :pray: :heart:

They did what they wanted to do to be happy, you do the same. If your family can’t understand how it makes you feel, break away. You are as much a part of their family as your brother is, so he shouldn’t be the only one afforded their respect. Xx

Wow this is probably the most disrespectful thing both men who were supposed to love you have done to you. So sorry. Wouldn’t ever accept that x

Girl I am so sorry that not 1 but 2 people in your life betrayed your love and trust like that. There is absolutely no reason why you need to “just get over it” toxic is toxic and you and your mental health is more important than that. I hope you will find a way to forgive but forgiveness doesn’t excuse what they did to you. It’s time to take care of you. I hope you can get through this. It just takes time. Sometimes more than others.

Absolutely not in the wrong and anyone who makes you feel like you are (family or not) I would keep them at a distance in your life as well


You don’t have to accept it or be a part of it. Your family sucks for not supporting you. Walk away from the pain and people who don’t deserve you.

No you don’t have to except it. You don’t even have to clam blood relative as your own. Family saport protect and love each other this is none of the above. Honestly I would say I don’t need you in my life change my number move and have nothing to do with them anymore. What there doing is wrong. Prayers for you

Unfortunately this would totally be my family. If my SO cheated with someone on the outside they would be pissed…but if it involved someone in the family like that…there would definitely be ppl choosing sides. My family tries to pull the “be adult and be cordial”. Screw that. I’m so sorry girl.


WTF! Brother sister cousin husband no one who loves you should betray you like that. CUT ALL TIES!


You absolutely don’t have to accept it at all. They both betrayed you. It don’t matter how many years it has been, that was YOUR HUSBAND and YOUR BROTHER. It’s not like it was a boyfriend that you were with for a month or something, yall were MARRIED… I’m so sorry you had to go thru that. I know how it feels to betrayed by your sibling like that, my sister and my ex husband had slept together while we were married, she completely denies it but I know it’s true for definite. They just didn’t get in a relationship afterwards. Keep your head up hun!!!

You can’t stand in the way of their happiness and you need to find a way to accept this and move forward. Only then can you find your true self, and with that love will find you :green_heart:

You don’t have to accept nothing you don’t want to. However, since it’s been years I do think you need to heal from the hurt that it caused you. Forgive them, give it to God and move on with your life. Remember, forgiveness does not require reconciliation. Forgive them so you can heal. That’s for you, not for them. Praying for you. I can’t even imagine the hurt that this has caused you

…It’s ok to set boundaries, being the best version of yourself, but not being friends with people who have done terrible things to you. Family or not.

You do not have to accept it but after that many years you should move on and continue with your life , do not let the hate consuming you and cut toxic people from your life even if they are family

I don’t understand…. I’d never do that to my sister!!! That’s awful. 2 very important people betraying you! Cut them off and any family that doesn’t understand why you feel the way you do.

You are entitled to your feelings. You don’t have to accept nothing you don’t want to. They should be ashamed of their actions. I would be more mad and angry at my brother for that big betrayal. Some things in life are off limits no matter how bad you thing you need it

No one can tell you how to feel. If you’re mad and hurt…you have that right. Just as you have the right to block them from your life. Your life, your feelings and you can do what you need to do to heal and move on in YOUR OWN TIME.

First of all I’m so sorry secondly you have every right to be upset. That’s not okay. Stay strong and process it however you need too.

Your husband and brother both crossed the line… that hurts… You don’t need to except it.

I have cut family out of my life for way less! You have to either accept it or not. There is no right or wrong answer, we’re all so different. I’m so sorry these men betrayed you to the max.

All the dudes in the world and they had to pick each other? :woman_facepalming:t2: I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. You should move on and find your own happiness. Who cares what your family says/thinks?!

What a bunch of low life’s the 2 ppl u knew wud be thr for you not tear you dwn girl move on without them jeez I hope thrs no kids involved so sorry for you.

I’m sorry but if blood is toxic to you you cut it out of your life. Don’t feel any regrets or anything over it because it is your choice and it is your life and what happened was not OK. All people that think that you have to get over things because it’s blood relationships is BS because sometimes they’re the people that hurt you the most.

Get help to work on this stuff and move on with your life. You deserve better

You do have to accept it, because you can’t do anything about it. You don’t have to be around them, but it means you can’t be around your family. I think it is incredibly disrespectful of your family to expect you to “get over it”.

Nope! If that exceeds your boundaries, you don’t have to change them to please ANYone else, family or not.


Oh he***** no. Anyone who wants you to just get over it and accept that they both hurt and betrayed you like that can get cut out too! Absolutely nobody should be supporting that. You are NTA. Every single one of them are.

Yikes. I’m so sorry. That would make me legally change my name to something they would never guess and move 4 states away! That’s a whole Jerry Springer episode.

I feel like this wouldn’t be a question if it was a sister and not a brother.

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.

Alot of these ppl are correct it’s a big betrayal :woman_shrugging: rake it how you will cut off the toxic ppl it makes ur life easier move on for your self tho it is what it is :woman_shrugging: they should’ve gone to u with feelings and not hid it tho every one deserve love tho keep swimming doll your time will come in the time now u guys are spilt u do u he does himself :woman_shrugging: u go and find love cuz this is just a lesson be civil if u guys have children other wise it be more complicated and that be a whole another issue inside of this one .

Forgiveness is for you.
You don’t have to accept it.
You don’t have to ever deal with either of them.
But you should consider forgiving them to free yourself

It happened to you and you are entitled to take as long as it takes to feel ok about it……

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Nope leave both in your past and live your best life

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What a nightmare! Sorry you are going through this :pensive:. Find yourself a partner that is on the same page as you, and take him along to the family functions.

I’ll be real if this was a sister the internet would explode and call both of them all the names under the sun but because it’s a brother they aren’t?! Like hell no throw them both in the bin and don’t look back

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You don’t need any else’s permission to have feelings. They can accept the cheating and lies, you don’t have to. It’s disrespectful of them to expect you to act like it’s no big deal…

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Except and forget !!! Make a new life, a different you, a better you, time for a change this maybe a blessing

Not a freaking chance would I accept that!
It’s betrayal of the ugliest degree and they’re rubbing it in your face now.
I would’ve cut my whole family off.

I wouldn’t accept it either, honestly I would feel horrible and it’s ok to feel that way. what if it’s the other way around, accepting that your ex husband slept with your sister? Same thing. The advice I can say, if you decide to forgive them that’s more closure to help you move on from it.

That’s a hard one he is your brother and if your close then maybe try
Was their any kids in the relationship if so then you sort of got to

No, not at all. What they did was wrong. They hurt you and now they expect you to just accept it like no big deal. You are entitled to feel how you feel. It’s messed up the rest of your family doesn’t support you and understand that you are hurt. It’s not like it was a one time thing/mistake and your brother felt horrible. Maybe some kind of forgiveness and moving on could maybe be possible but they are in a full blow b relationship. They shouldn’t expect you to be ok with it. Just cut ties with the toxicity and move forward with your life without them.

I’m sorry but if my parents accepted this and talk to your husband I would have wiped them!

I can see you on a island relaxing for awhile sweetheart, that is what you need. Stay away from them and know you are worthy, you are one of a kind, you’re amazing, you are beautiful and etc. It isn’t your fault. Trust me it’s time to move on for you and forgive yourself for beating yourself up about it. So, no accepting it but love yourself and say I deserve better and better will happen. Sending my love :heartbeat: :heart:

No no no you don’t have to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with maybe for other ppl is ok but not for everyone! Not for me either, I will move away from all the family and start over !!!

You don’t owe acceptance to anyone for anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Cheating is cheating.
If he wanted to pursue a relationship with your brother he should have been honest with you.
This isn’t failing to accept your brother’s partner, this is refusing to accept that two people who both betrayed you now expect to be included in your life and family like nothing happened.
They didn’t make amends, and I don’t care how long it’s been, it’s never okay to tell someone they’re feelings don’t matter anymore.

Sounds like you need to split up with your family as well…

Your family should understand. Not only were you betrayed by your partner, but also by your brother.

No way separate yourself from all of them. Seriously no contact and start living your own life . This isn’t ok at all. Hugs to you

Nah. I’d cut ties with all of them. That’s just f’d right up…
your brother crossed a boundary so did your husband. And your family is f’d thinking that it’s okay…
They both tore a marriage and a family apart…


Ofcourse you don’t need to accept. Maybe there will be a day when you will but by any means no one can make you accept and they should understand your side and feelings about everything.

I’m so sorry you are going through this, it is unforgivable you do not have to just deal with it, it will unfortunately always hurt you xx