I need some as advice. My child is 10 and has a very negative attitude towards me when the father doesn’t take parenting time for being sick or at work. Says things like I am sick of being here, I want to be with my dad, I don’t want to be here with you. I understand my child is upset and misses the other parent, but also - this is not my choice I am not preventing parenting time. How would you handle this? It is hurtful and makes my time less fun because I am being resented and receiving the backlash.
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Is your child in counseling. Remember this is just their immature way of expressing the painful feelings that there dad does not love/value/want them. They just cannot put that into words at this time
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He misses his dad. And engage with him and just try.
You should never has that resentment towards him. And at 10 tell him the truth. You are not the one missing the parenting time. Let him know it is his dad and have the dad tell him himself. They have to learn. I hope it helps.
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Unfortuantly these are the joys of being the default parent, theyre taking it out on you because youre their constant, their stability and they know that youre always there so youre their safe person, they dont have the emotion regulation skills yet to verbalise it all…
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I would drop him infront of his father house, kiss him good by and drove around corner and watch him from there. Make sure he have phone and let him know he can call you if he need to get picked up. I would also watch him until someone will open door for him.
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Who tells the child the other parent can’t make it? If it’s you, stop. The other parent should be responsible to tell the child that they can’t make it. If you are giving the “bad” news then you get correlated with the bad feelings.
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Talk to the child. Explain why what they are saying is hurting you. Tell them that you understand their feelings, but what their reaction to their feelings is doing to you. How it is unfair to be treated like that. They are not dumb at that age. I think it’s time for a heart to heart. And give advice about how to deal with the emotions in a better way. Perhaps counseling?
Sadly you just gotta let your kid see its not your fault he doesn’t come
So sad for him, let him feel his feelings, but talk to him about his father’s choice, not yours. We can only control what we do, not someone else
I would let him go and stay with his dad x then he will either see that his dad is not 100% there or that living with his dad he will end up missing you and that you did your best to make him happy as it was his request x it is so crap being on the other side of that and kids can be so hurtful but they don’t see that when they are hurting x
Your child doesnt understand the severity of whats being said and is speaking on their own true emotions and you are taking it to heart. Ask what you can do to help ease that feeling for her. And make sure dad is doing his due dilligence as well. Give him extra days if hes sick or something comes up. Its about the child. Not the parents
I bet Dad has told him he missed visits because of you. Talk to your son honestly. When dad cancels tell him to explain it to your son & tell him its not your fault. When he doesn’t show up have him call Dad for an explanation.
Tell your child to call her/his dad and tell him what s/he wants. Hopefully dad will feel guilty enough to step up, but many don’t.
I’d also specify that both parents have to pay their proportional share of therapy for the child. She/he’s feeling abandonment by dad, afraid s/he might lose you too, so is testing your limits. You’re the safe space where feelings can come screaming out and you will continue to love her/him.
Reassure your child you will never abandon her/him, you will always love her/him, though you would appreciate a little kindness. Find ways for both of you to let off steam: screaming into a pillow, punching a pillow, running up and down a hallway or outside, jumping jacks, jumping rope, stationary or actual bicycle, or anything physical. Gaming or staring at a screen just numbs all the feelings and keeps them bottled up.
It’s a super tough time navigating a divorce, especially if you didn’t see it coming, and puberty and middle school are the toughest times in most people’s lives and they’re just around the corner.
If it’ll be a while until you can get a therapy/counseling appointment, call the 988 mental health hotline and put the child on the phone. Ask the counselor in advance to call you back with any advice/concerns.
Good luck to both of you! 