My child has anxiety about school: Advice?

What can I do for my child who absolutely hates the idea of going to school? It gives him anxiety to be away from me and i dont want to traumatize him but i have tried explaining to him why he needs to go and nothing helps…he is 7 years old and this has been a struggle since he started

39 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My child has anxiety about school: Advice?

Define anxiety a lil better here. If just nervous, face it. A lil insecure, face it.
A total hives and throwin up just thinkin about it, l have no idea.

My girls have to take medicine for anxiety. If you don’t want to do that cbd oil also helps. Good luck mama

2 Likes

Has he spoken with a therapist about separation anxiety? That would be my suggestion.

3 Likes

Maybe Have Him Evaluated. Could Be On The Spectrum Or Just Be Mildly Maladjusted / mama’s boy. Either way the school has professionals that can make healthy suggestions. For behavior modifications for you both

4 Likes

Homeschooling!!! It’s so much more fun and enjoyable.

5 Likes

See if you can meet with the teacher one on one with your child and talk about what the day will be like. Knowing what to expect should help. Maybe allow your child to take a comfort item with them or leave it at school for them to have during the day. As a teacher, I ask my students what they need to be successful (10th graders) but almost every teacher wants the same as I do.

4 Likes

If his aniexty is intense you can ask for a 1:1 paraprofessional!

Talk to the school and the teacher along with the guidance counselor or social worker they have at the school if it’s a good school everyone will work together to come up with a plan to help better transition but dont give up and dont baby unless u wanna have a 15 yr old who refuses to go to school because u allowed them not to when they were little. Firm and loving supportive and reassuring

6 Likes

Take him to a doctor/therapist. They have techniques to deal with anxiety

6 Likes

Can you homeschool? You don’t have to put him in this horrible school system the fails kids daily.

8 Likes

That was my son. I got lucky with his Kindergarten teacher was a yoga instructor. When things got what my son thought was wierd or different, she would have him tap his forehead lightly to refocus him. He is now 18 and that still works!

3 Likes

Also you can’t give in to him. I had to do tough love and send him in the building and walk away, was horrible, but in the end he liked school.

3 Likes

In our state, parents can go sit in on class. Might need to do that for awhile, and gradually wean away from it.

1 Like

Take him to the playground, now. Look in the classroom windows. Be excited ! Take a picnic lunch with all of his favorites. Read to him under a tree ( hopefully there are trees ) do fun stuff as often as possible on school grounds. Play ball, etc. Hopefully he’ll look forward to these special times and it will help??

1 Like

After staying home with my son, he was terrified of school. He was adamant that he was not going. There were daily outbursts about it. Thankfully once he went, he was fine. Are there any FB pages for your town or school system? Maybe use those pages to reach out to other parents of children that are the same age or grade. That way you can arrange play dates. He can make friends before school starts. That way he can look forward to seeing them every day. If your school system doesn’t send out class placement letters, reach out to the school and ask who his teacher is. That way he can at least know her name. Again, you can ask other parents online if their kids have had that teacher, etc.

1 Like

Look into un schooling and see if that’s an option for you. Where I live it’s legal and I do it with all 7 of my kids. My oldest is the same way and this works for our family so much.

1 Like

and this is why i believe in either daycare or taking your kids out to socialize with other children.
parents are so scared these days cause they just keep their kids locked in the house 24/7 :roll_eyes:
yah the world is bad, but fuck brah, let your kid socialized so they can be productive kids & adults.

My boy takes medicine for separation/anxiety 1st time trying him back to school in Sept good luck mama alot of us are with u

1 Like

I had this struggle all through high school. My son went for the 4 months of year 7 then in and out here and there till he left this summer. It’s been so hard he just doesn’t like being around a lot of people so he couldn’t concentrate properly. He started with a tutor once a week in January and it was the best thing for him as he ended up taking 4 exams 2 maths and 3 English but they weren’t higher GCSEs but it will give him the start for college in September. Get him some support at school and speak to your doctor about my talking to someone as that’s what my son did and it was he had separation anxiety about leaving me. It helped a little bit I wish it had been looked at sooner. My sons a bright and caring young man now but he still is not a fan of going out unless he has to. Good luck I no it’s very hard as we want what’s best for them but as youngsters they don’t always get it.

I’m glad I wasn’t like that when I was a child. I never cried or through an outburst, but I was extremely quiet. Too quiet that I remember my teacher threw a birthday party to help me make friends. I was the only student that got my birthday party during class. Then all the students wanted to do the same but the teacher was like “nope” then I went back to my quiet self. Lol but we did had a boy who peed during our class because he didn’t want to be in school. Someone mentioned this but yes counselors, school teachers, social workers and therapy helps. They have breathing techniques and other sources. Yoga helps even EMDR therapy. I hope it helps.

Omg I have the same issue but my boy is 8😫

Can you adjust his scheduled or accommodate part time learning?

My kiddo for K found it too much so I semt him 2-3 a week mostly some times 3-4 days instead depending how things were going

Homeschool is the best thing we’ve ever done plus there’s a huge homeschool community

2 Likes

Summer Sullivan see plenty of people home school!! You’re doing the right thing :hugs:

When I was young my mum just took me to school :man_shrugging: i learnt to deal with the anxiety at a young age becuase of it

4 Likes

My son was like this in kindergarten we later found out it was because his teacher was bulling him. See if there is a reason that is causing him this anxiety

2 Likes

Have something fun for the two of you to do together after school… Park picnic, yogurt, dollar store to get something just for him making it through his school day… something for him to look forward to and take his mind off of other things.

1 Like

Have you looked into online schooling or homeschooling

3 Likes

Help him adjust. If you give in… it will set his life up for difficulties. He needs to go. Find out what his issues are. Get counseling if needed.

5 Likes

I was the same. Eventually had to go to therapy to help n they gave me anxiety meds for awhile n other coping ideas. It did get better over time though. Best of luck. :people_hugging::heart:

1 Like

Does his school have any “back to school” events that y’all could go to? Maybe find a couple other momma’s and have park date so he can make some friends?

I know alot of people say homeschool, but, it’s expensive, some just don’t have the patience, and some children dont do as well bc they cant distinguish between school time and being home in their comfort zone.

1 Like

Find out the root of the problem. Kids dont get anxiety for nothing. My 7 year old also suffers from anxiety and we havent slept much the last 2 years. Sleepless nights, crying, anger burst outs, etc. Last year she was bullied by a teacher and class nanny and a kid. And she blocked out everything except playing thus didnt learn anything last year. That gave her some anxiety already and this year she went to another school and there a teacher shouted and screamed at her because she cant read yet and told that she doesnt know anything and cant do anything. And she saw the teacher hitting and shouting at other kids. We slept 2hrs per night since then. I ended up taking her out of kindergarten for 2 months because everytime she had to do homework she ended up crying non-stop and kept on saying I cant do it, I dont know anything. Find out who is bullying him.

2 Likes

My son has autism (which includes major anxiety)

I found him meeting his teachers BEFORE the first day of school made it SOO much easier! (We should be meeting his new teacher/s by the end of this month n_n)

Call the school, ask if you can have a pre-start walk through so your kiddo can meet their new teachers

I’m wondering if there’s some bullying going on that the bully threatened him about telling anyone. If he rides a school bus, it could be there. Or it may be in the school itself. My daughter’s boys have put up with physical bullying for a long time. They weren’t afraid to speak up about it. She told them to fight back because when she reported it to bus drivers and school, nothing was done and it got worse. So the boys have started to defend themselves. She has gotten calls from the school about their “aggression”, but she just told the principal that until the bullies were dealt with, she didn’t want to hear about her sons’ behavior. They were told to take care of themselves and they were going to. That was the end of that. She taught her boys not to start anything, but if someone tried to hurt them, they didn’t have to take it. Their father wasn’t too happy, but my daughter asked him if he would like to be kicked in the privates or get dropped on his tailbone or get all bruised up everyday? He didn’t say anything more about it. If it turns out to be a teacher? I found out a teacher had once whipped my son with a wooden paddle in class. He left welts on my son. I didn’t know. My son was of an age where I didn’t walk in on him when he was in the shower so I didn’t see the welts. I found out from one of his classmates the next year, when his sister had the same teacher. I went to the teacher and the superintendent and told them what had happened and who told me about it. It wasn’t a kid who would lie about something like that. I also ran into that teacher at the high school penny fair. I had a private chat with him. I told him I didn’t appreciate him giving my son a beating I’d have gone to jail for. I didn’t care why. If my son was being that big a problem he should have let me know so I could take appropriate action. I also told him my daughter was now in one of his classes. I also told him he had best not lift a finger to her because I told her if he did, to show me, no matter where the bruises or welts were, and I would sue his pants off.

My daughter has struggled with the start of school for the past few years and here are some things I found that works:

  • I got her and I a matching bracelet set that came with a card about me carrying her with me and vise versa while she was away at school. We both wore them and she loved jt. Maybe see if they come in keychain form for boys unless he wouldn’t mind a small yarn bracelet with a tiny heart bead on it.
  • have consistent and open communication with the teacher about your child’s anxiety. Her teacher knew if she felt my daughter couldn’t make it through the day to call me. I never wanted her to feel trapped at school if she truly couldn’t do it.
  • develop a good after school routine. Tell your child “I want you to tell me one thing good or bad that happened today.” Don’t ask how their day was as that’s such a closed question they can just answer “fine” and move on. Make it a conversation.

Hope you find some ways to help :heart:

2 Likes

I had very bad separation anxiety from my mom. I would end up running away from school and go home which was just down the street. It was so bad that i would make myself so sick cause i was so scared to be away from her. She ended up home schooling me from 6th to 8th grade and when i returned to school for 9th i had such a hard time that she put me on independent studies so i would only have to go 1x a week to meet with my teacher… She passed away 12 yrs ago and i still to this day have anxiety and panic attacks… Im 35 now and it is still so hard for me… My advice would be to maybe try talking with a therapist to see where this is all coming from. Forcing him to go to School is only going to traumatize him and keeping him home can also cause social and emotional issues… Poor kid! I know how he feels and its horrible! I hope everything works out for him and u :blue_heart::purple_heart:

1 Like

My daughter had severe school refusal and anxiety. It was a nightmare from the end of kindergarten up until maybe halfway through third grade. She has PANS, which causes separation anxiety, as well as other mental health issues. The only thing that helped was weekly therapy, anxiety medication and a 504 plan with the school with very specific accommodations. She still doesn’t like going, but I’m not having to drag her there screaming either.

Give him something. Wear a necklace when he is home. Give it to him to take to school with him. When he comes home take it back and wear it.

1 Like

Mine daughter has the same problem. And it started in first grade and she’s now in 8th. Wish you lots of luck.

my oldest is 9 and i still have this issue i honestly dread this year especially since we just lost my mother right before school is supposed to start

I had severe separation anxiety as a child also and struggled getting into the routine of leaving my parents to go to school. (My anxiety was caused from a very traumatic event when I was very young) My mom helped me get through it by being there as much as she could, she volunteered for every thing they offered my kindergarten year, and seeing her around helped me ease into being at the school.

1 Like

Therapy so he can start working on healthy coping mechanisms for his anxiety.

1 Like

I’m struggling with this with my 8yo. He suffers from anxiety & PTSD from being bullied. It breaks my heart but I don’t have a choice. My son is in counseling.

1 Like

You would leave preschool and walk home. You were 4 yrs old. Nothing could keep you there. Scared your poor mom every time.

Home school.
They now have online public schools that follow better curriculum than regular school. & It’s totally free you gotta provide a laptop & headset to do the work.

Dont wait :v:

1 Like