She’s 8. Maybe she should go live with dad if the mom mom mom bugs you this much.
Reward her each time she completes something independently. Reward could be alone time with you doing something as simple as watching butterflies or birds. Another could be a book about them. Do this with each child…they all need to feel special and she’s trying to feel that with you.
Many thoughts, I’ve been through this.
- the 24-36 hours after the child returns from fun land/dads house is a period I call ‘detox’. (17 years now with 5 kids) O am guessing that dad doesn’t make her do any chores. She probably isn’t responsible for making her bed, doesn’t have a screen time limit, doesn’t have to read for any amount of time ( March IS reading month) She probably doesn’t have to take her plate to the kitchen or do any homework on the weekend. So when she returns home to you- it kind of sucks for her. It’s back to reality- and fast! She loves you and feels comfortable enough to cry and whine at you because you are her safe place. It’s ok mama. You are the parent raising your child. She will remember that. Give each other some grace during the detox period.
Also- everyone talks about difficult toddler years and also about difficult teenage years. No one told me that kids also test thier limits at 8,9,10 ALSO! That wasn’t in any book or peice advice I ever received! But there is a consequence- how you choose to handle these preteen dramas will teach your daughter how to push your buttons when she is a teen. So- encourage communication, and go with God (or whatever it is you do) and hang in there!!!
Spend more one on one time playing games or dress up or going to movies…she is wanting YOUR time so make it special for both of you. As far as getting ready for school have her help you pick out what she needs the night before but make sure she is picking it out it is the first steps in indepence. Good luck.
This is my 9 year old they say it gets better . Shit my nine year old couldn’t even watch her 16 month old sister while I went into the house to pee yesterday almost ended in tragedy!
This is legit my life with my 8 year old son his bio dad isn’t around but with his stepdad or grandmom he is way better behaved
My kids act out the day before they go with their dad for the weekend. They go every other as well. At home, they are spastic and all over the place and nonstop going. I have a sense that they aren’t able to express much over there because that’s the same response he gives me when I ask him how they act over there. They don’t act like that here is the only response. My daughter however is becoming more emotional, she is 8 as well. I will be sitting down with her and talking about the changes that will soon be happening with her and how we can control yet express in a healthy way.
Try to set aside a time for just you and her to do something special together while her siblings are on their own doing homework or chores or at a friend’s house. She may be lonesome and needing attention.
I’d tell her if she doesn’t get dressed then she’ll be taken to school in what she’s wearing… then actually follow through with it! She needs to learn there are consequences for her laziness and tantrums.
Tell her no dads weekend if she continues. But talk to him about it. Maybe he can have an influence.
My daughter is 11 and she doesn’t do much for herself,I run around after her all the time like a slave it’s so tiring
Aybe take a eow weekend with her a d give him a we’d and Thursday. Swap. Could be need more time and week days are busy. Tell dad to share weekends. Or go back to courts and have it fixed.
WOW!!! some of these comments have me wondering who is the parent and who is the child. People give their children so much leeway when they are toddlers and now that they are getting older, now want to nip things in the bud. Children are waaaaaaay more intelligent than adults give them credit for, and as they get older, they know very well how to push the buttons on their parents. Good luck to all of you
She is playing you, Mom. Ignore her with earphones. It works.
Has she been tested for ADHD? My daughter is 6 and has ADHD. She finds it very difficult to stay on task. I have to remind her almost constantly to stay on task. We are going to try a chart and timer and see if it helps her manage her own mornings. So far a timer for screen time has helped curb the tantrum when screen time is over. Also it’s possible Dad is trying to seem like super dad when he in fact does get the same things from your child. My mother in law always trys to act like my daughter is no trouble at all even though I’ve seen with my own two eyes her get frustrated with my daughter very easily.
Make a routine chart for her so she can
See what needs doing n let her mark it off once done
Ah those preteen years. Puberty Isa nightmare stick to your values and don’t give in
They act out more around you because they’re more comfortable with you. I’m not being funny but the mammmm mamm mamm is all part of being a mum, we all get sick of it sometimes but you just deal with it
You don’t say what cause your separation with her “bio dad”, but reconciliation between you two, if you’re both willing to work at it, is the solution. And you two should cement the relationship with the titles “Mr.” and “Mrs.”, and not just “bio dad” and “bio mom”.
Look her dead in the eye and tell her what the consequences for her actions will be (school in pjs, etc) and then walk away and completely ignore it. STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Shower her with praise when she does what should be done. Once she figures out mom pays no attention to her negative behavior, she’ll quit. As long as you give in to the behaviors, she’ll never stop. Reward the good, completely ignore the bad. You have to show her attention for the right reasons, and children thrive for attention. Also, once a week, do a mommy daughter thing like going out for breakfast before school, or ice cream after, or a movie night at home with pizza…
Get her brain scanned to see if she has ADHD ODD or is on the spectrum
It sounds like she wants your attention and is doing whatever it takes to get it, even if it’s negative attention. Try setting aside some “special time” each day when you are solely focused on her and let her take the lead in play. Fill her up with love, affection, and affirmations. Maybe she won’t be seeking out negative attention if she gets some more positive attention.
My 8 yo is exactly like this. Overly helpless with only me. I have started being much much stricter on not allowing it because it was seriously wearing me down.
Your daughter may have ADHD or even a learning disability. Idk if she can read much but you could always try a fun morning task/chore board to get her to understand routine. I used to heavily struggle with routines when I was younger and still do all these years later. Recently found out it’s been ADHD the whole time. So the younger you can diagnose the problem (if there is one) the easier it’ll be to help her stay focused and on track.
He probably doesn’t make her do a darn thing in the morning because they don’t have to be anywhere so he doesn’t have any trouble with her. Being 8 is hard. You’re not a little kid but you’re not a big kid either. Rope her in to a mutual plan for smoother mornings. Ask what she thinks would be helpful. Picking out 5 outfits on Sunday afternoon, choosing snacks or lunches the night before, her own alarm clock… a chart where she can earn a star for every good morning and go to dollar tree to pick out a toy or a pedicure with you or a big reward like a room make over. You can clue her in that rough mornings ruin your day because you love her so much.
Honestly it sounds like one of two (or maybe 2/2) things:
- Executive dysfunction (betting on this one)
- Her love language is acts of service and/or quality time
I’m so sorry but I know exactly how you feel my daughter was the same way every morning to get her up for school was a nightmare …i cried every morning she was so mean . I honestly think it’s a girl thing my son I didn’t have no issues until puberty I have no advise I took it one day at a time yep she drive me to drunk lol
What she does at Dads is irrelevant. Focus on ur house hold and dont compare…instead of discipline Ive found rewarding her independence has really helped w my 6yr old who is just as needy it seems as urs lol.
Positive reinforcement. Research it.
Lmao my kids still do this its just being a child yes I have one normal and one adhd and both do this be forceful and make her do her own things as she will one day be an adult and unless she wants mommy picking out her clothes in college she better get it started id pick out stuff I know she wouldn’t want to wear together and out it on her make her wanna do this stuff her self
My daughter is 7 she’s like this. It’s just a phase kids go through. Hang in there!
Maybe try picking her cloths out the night before with her until it becomes a habit for her.
Also maybe write your morning routine down and bedtime and hang in bathroom on window. Or in her room.