I need advice regarding my middle child. She is 8. Her bio dad and I split up 5 years ago. He is still in their life. He says when he has her (weekends) he has no trouble with her. With me, she is so exhausting. All day all she says is mom i need this i need that. If I ignore her for a bit its just a maaa maaaa maaaa. She knows it gets on my nerves and does it anyways. It seems she cant do anything by herself. Especially in the mornings getting ready for school. If I don’t hand her her stuff she keeps going on that she doesn’t know what to do. She will throw a fit and start crying. She probably goes to school crying 2x a week. Im afraid the school will think something is wrong at home. I feel like such a horrible mom, i feel I am doing something wrong. Failing her. I don’t spank her but am firm on my voice. I have taken things away and given her time outs. Nothing works. Im at my wits end
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughter acts out with me
Maybe she has an anxiety disorder?
He doesn’t have any trouble with her because he allows the behaviour and gives her everything she wants…
because he only has her on weekends… you both have to get on the same page when each home has her for their time…
Possibly she is having a very difficult time dealing with sharing her parents … when a child is being needy it is usually because they are feeling very insecure
You’re her safe place. If dad has her on weekends, what routines does she have to follow? What is she required to do that needs help? Probably nothing. Even tiny things from kids sometimes require mom’s undivided attention, when any other time - they’re fine. As much as it drives you up a wall, it’s because you’re loved and trusted.
Show her what she needs to do and make her do it, don’t hand her everything. If she cries, she cries. Be firm, communicate with her as she’s doing it, explain to her you’ll be taking stuff away if she can’t get ready on her own. She’s 8, she knows. Gotta be firm now and set the tone before she’s a teenager because then you’ll really have problems.
Mabe see if there is a reason she gets so upset before school…maybe the teacher… maybe some kind of bullying try to get to the route prob of why school sends her into a anxiety type state…
I would suggest some play therapy. Maybe it will help get to the bottom of her behavior.
You are her safe space. All kids act differently with their momma’s. I would try a behavior chart. Set boundaries and write them on the chart. ( I will get ready for school without help, I will do my homework without reminders, I will do (a chore) without being told, I will keep my room clean). Make it a point system and she can pick small rewards she could pick in exchange for her points. It might help motivate her to do things on her own. You can do small rewards like she could pick out a movie for movie night, she can choose what is for dinner stuff like this. It doesn’t have to be expensive either.
Poster list of morning routine. Have her prep in the PM. Create a list for that, too. Give her set amount of times and do not help in those times. Also… look up Maslows hierarchy of needs… which is she gaining by crying at you all the time? Figure out ways to meet that need in ways that are different than what you are currently doing.
Get her tested for ADHD.
She wants her mom. She’s in that age where she really needs you and I’m sure is missing you when she’s with her dad. She needs that motherly connection. It’s annoying yes but she’s having separation anxiety and needs you now.
My almost 9 yr old (adhd and anxiety) is the same way. With her dad she’s pretty much a different kid. With me- it’s like I have to do everything for her or she melts down. Working on building more independence with her it has been hard. It’s not as simple as “just tell her to do it” or “just take things away” she doesn’t process that as much as one would hope and it’s like it doesn’t phase her if that makes sense. Find something that works and stick with it. If you can pick out clothes the night before so it. If she needs you to dress her pick your battles. When she does it on her own praise her. It’s worse to fight get mad and then give in anyways . I know I’m horrible with that lol
My 9 year old does this also. He has several behavior disorders and is on the verge of being diagnosed with a couple more. It’s exhausting and we chose to not medicate him and just have to constantly redirect him to his tasks. Anxiety has been his biggest daily battle with ADHD following closely behind.
She probably needs assurance… Hang in there. Won’t be this way forever
Get her tested for ADHD seriously? Omg
She does it because she knows if she throws a fit that you’ll do it for her. Don’t give in
And she knows that, she is playing you, don’t let her. Tell the school what’s going on and be the mom. She’ll respect you more and your life will be easier.
Lists! Visual reminders that are colorful and have fun drawings related to the tasks. Give her responsibility and make her feel like she’s contributing. Praise even the smallest victories. It’s only a phase because she’s getting her way when she acts out.
My daughter has always been worse for me. When her dad and I were separated he always talked about how perfect she was for him while I’m pulling my hair out because of her she saw him less and was less comfortable in his space than at home with me so she was more introverted there. She would come home and struggle because she was releasing everything she had pent up over the visits. Still to this day, we’re back together and all hell breaks loose when it’s just her and I but her and dad have hardly any squabbles. My daughter is almost 8 and we have had to work really hard on talking through emotions. Keep it simple, we implemented a slower routine and no electronics until she is ready, every Sunday she puts her weeks outfits together in clear plastics drawers labeled for each day of the week, anything that allows her less anxiety in the mornings. She will go the route of not knowing how to do something if I allow it so we had to make sure the mornings were as easy as possible for everyone, I don’t like starting my day out with a fight and she of course doesn’t either. I get myself ready first so that way I’m available to help with things when she “can’t” do them. Kids have adult sized emotions without the ability to understand them so grace is everything.
First let me congratulate you for being an amazing parent. What you think is misbehavior is nothing more than your child feeling so comfortable around you she feels she can be herself safely. That should never ever be viewed as a negative thing. I’m a single parent with sole custody and I am raising a five-year-old with ADHD. I know this as a fact. Establish a love of communication with her teacher and discuss how she does say school. Because secondly, if you feel her behavior is disruptive or it may hinder her performance at school the next step is take her to a child psychologist. Best thing I ever did for my son.
My kids listen to dad way better than they do me.
She knows mom will do it. Kids are pretty smart. And if you tell her no and she keeps begging you, and your giving in. Shes learned no just means I have to keep asking. Untill mom says yes. While dad probably doesn’t allow that behavior to start with.
Only thing you can do is stick with you say the first time. If she keeps asking, let her know hey I already gave you my answer. And I’m not changing my mind.
Shes 5 so she shouldn’t be asking you to do everything for her. I also have a 5 year old, and a 4 year old. Both get themselves dressed. I do help with the 4 year old sometimes. But I do expect her to be able to do it, when I’m busy.
Your just gonna have to allow for more time getting ready. So you can teach her. It isn’t her way or she cry’s till she gets her way. Honestly that’s the worst thing we as mom’s can do. I do understand how hard it is sometimes. Mine don’t listen but aren’t to do. It’s going to be difficult to get her out of this habit. Not so much for her, but for you. Just remember your trying to raise a decent human being. And have to teach her how to be independent. At 5 she should not be expecting your help every time. Lay her clothes out. And just tell her she’s going to get herself dressed. Or shes gonna have to do whatever use as discipline. Even if it’s taking something away she enjoys doing for that evening. When you get home.
You are her safe place, so she knows she can feel stressed and upset and you will always love her anyway. It’s stressful, but keep your chin up bc it means you’re a great mom and she trusts you. And for the mornings, I would say try to get her in bed a little earlier. There’s such a massive difference in the mornings where my seven year old has had enough sleep compared to when he didn’t. You’re a great mom, and you’ve got this!
I would pre prepare her morning, and do a walk thu the night before giving step by step instructions, then guide her in the morning but start backing away and letting her take over .
Her father is probably instructing her to act up with you. Talk to the school social worker & to ask for it a referral to a family counselor.
Believe it or not kids act up more when they feel totally comfortable and safe. You’re her mumma so you’re her safe place. She wants you to do everything for her because she wants to be your baby😅 what she’s doing has nothing at all to do with your split or her dad
Kids pick at the parent they feel safest with
Get her in therapy maybe get her tested for ADHD like the others said
Sounds like she needs more 1on1 time with you is all.
Set her stuff for school out the night before. Praise her when she gets ready on her own.
She doesn’t feel like she can be herself at her dads. You are her home. It may be tough, but she feels safe with you. Speak to her dr about her daily behavior and see what he or she thinks. She may have a lot going on in her mind that she doesn’t know what to do with.
Lay her clothes out for school and make her do it herself…
Maybe write down a list of her routine in the morning on a white bord shes probably slightly overwhelmed n knows that she can lean on you for support maybe get her to start with 1 thing she’s comfortable doing in the morning and plenty of praise I get my 6 yr old to put the cereal away in the morning then put her coat on herself n every time she gets praise she wants to do more but don’t overload them I’ve a 13yr old that was so worked up over an essay about herself she couldn’t write 1 line n burst into tears of frustration yet had completed a project on the Dr of death with full information and drawings the previous week alone. Sending hugs as I sometimes could shout with frustration at the slightest thing but it’s actually a credit to you that she is so comfortable that u see her true self while her dad might not xxx
ADD kids get lost getting ready for school!
Because you’re her safe zone. If she wasn’t comfortable with you this wouldn’t happen. She’s able to express her feelings to you.
My daughter used to do this. I had her pick out her clothes for the morning. I had her get her tooth brush n coat n shoes n book bag all set the night before. Her breakfast laid out (poptarts]. I set an alarm on when we were to be walking out the door. I talked to her the night before, gave her my expectations and told her she will be punished and grounded if these were not met, she is old enough to know better, and it’s time to show me that she’s maturing. If she can’t, then she will be treated like a baby and not be able to have the privileges of a 7 year old. Asked her to repeat back to me what I said. Took twice, but she got it.
Therapy. Children do not always know how to express themselves or sort through their feelings. I’ve sought therapy for my daughter several times throughout her life (she’s 13 now) and I can’t express how proactive it was for her emotional intelligence. Navigating through custody exchanges is tough for anyone; children and/or adult. Learning how to communicate with your children or helping them communicate with you is detrimental to how they will navigate through the situation. I hope it gets better for all involved
It sounds normal. All kids and family members are known for that “mom!!!where is my____?”
I would make her have certain places for certain things that are slowing her down. Her shoes in a place by the door, her backpack, her brush in the bath drawer. These things can go wandering around if not placed back and really cause confusion. Poor kids have been home too much.
Dude… the first sentence explains it all… he gets her on the weekends lol
(No responsibility no schedule no place to be… all fun and games.)
Kids will get any attention they can… wether it’s good OR bad… maybe she just needs some more time spent together… playing outside or playing games together seeing movies together… just DOING stuff together… figure out her love language… and a set routine…
Following 14yr old does the Same
But….something is wrong at home.
She does it because you crack, and do what she wants. You don’t have to be a genius to figure that out. I bet your ex tells her to pound sand when he pulls this stuff with him. Quit being a push over.
Are there any concerns like anxiety with your daughter that may present as anger…Im not saying it is this but my Niece was diagnosed with PDA(Pathological Demand Avoidance)
Its on the Autistic spectrum but presents itself usually with high anxiety and possibly anger as a way to gain some control over their anxiety…Emotional Meltdowns are common and demanding behaviours…Maybe read up on PDA to see if anything relates to you…
I think this is pretty standard for her age. What works w/mine is preparing lunch before bed, sleeping in her clothes for the next day, and sleeping enough hours. Doing 10’ of Special Playtime (cdc website for guidelines) helped us reduce the frequency and severity of tantrums. Seeing a professional wouldn’t hurt.
You are her safe space…that’s why
Have her set all of her stuff up the night before… teach her, make it fun… have her make her lunch, fill her water bottle… pick out her clothes etc…
Get everything ready the night befor.
She honestly sounds like me as a kid and an adult really but a lot of my “laziness” is not at all laziness I literally don’t know where to start. If I have just a small push on where to start I can do a lot. Maybe she is similar?
Make set routines , write them down and make her follow them. It’s been an ongoing issue with our oldest ( same kind of situation , separated etc. ) unfortunately she had been diagnosed with anxiety and ODD ( oppositional defiance disorder) , so making set routines really helped. Don’t ever give in or they will live for it
Momma… hear me… nothing you are doing is wrong… and he’s no magician. It’s simply kid HAS to wake up and do these things verses the kid wakes up and does these things when they want. It’s TIME. That’s the only problem. You have a deadline and he does not. Kids will want to do things they can do on their time… it’s gonna be a fight to get them to do it on someone else’s time
Give her responsibilities and keep teaching her how to help herself. so she doesn’t keep asking. Making her more independent will make you more independent.
.My daughter and I would pick out two things to wear, the night before, so she’d have a choice in the morning.
Consistency is the key.
ALL 3 of my kids listen to their dad better Thanthey do me. All he’s got to do is look at them and they quit doing whatever it is they were doing. Me on the other hand I have to turn into a lunatic for them to even acknowledge half of what I say!
She acts out more because your her mom and have her all but every other weekend. She is comfortable with you and knows how far she can push you. We set out all clothes, shoes, book bags night before In the same place. This makes morning smooth for our 8yr old. Then there are less headaches on where to look. As far as whining…ignore it no matter how long she does it. You will listen and give an answer when she is calm and ready to talk to you like a big girl.
Sounds like she has ADHD in my opinion, my 6 year old son is exactly the same
She does it cause she can get by with it. She hasn’t tried her dad, she doesn’t trust him like she does you.
Is there a new child in the picture? She could be looking for attention and feel like she’s losing attention and or jealousy.
- I bet you he’s lying. 2) kids act up in the presence of those they feel most comfortable around. Stay strong
I know this sounds silly but i read somewhere to give them worry beads(necklace)it helps with calming and focus??? Might be worth a try🥰
My 10.5 yo is like this. Less independent than her 3 and 6 yo younger siblings, literally. She can’t do a thing herself. In the morning it’s the same exact thing - handing her every single thing (toothbrush with toothpaste on it, hair brush, clothes, socks, shoes, lunch, chromebook and charger, coat, etc.) and if I don’t, or tell her to because I am getting her cereal or making her lunch, she whines and has a meltdown, talks back with major attitude, or cries. Same thing at home - mom can you get me a drink, get me food, throw away my trash, put my dish/cup in the sink, get my headphones, get my phone, etc., etc. It drives me NUTS. Meanwhile my 6 yo will pour her own drinks, my 3 yo will go get his own juice box and throw away his trash and put his dishes in the sink. I think I babied her too much for too long, being my oldest, to where she’s spoiled and expects it of me now and refuses to do anything for herself. Sometimes she even asks me tie her shoes for her (she knows how, of course, just doesn’t “feel like it”). I wish I had advice for you. I’ve tried everything. She has ADHD and I don’t know whether that plays into it, but it’s so, so frustrating and such a horrid habit for me to try to break now. I made my younger 2 do a lot more for themselves at a younger age, but she was my first and I got pregnant with her at 21 and she was my only child for 4 years and I just really never made her be independent until it was already at a point where she is so set in her ways of thinking I’m her free maid, or something, to where I just can’t get her to change that mindset and whenever I try/force it, she’s AWFUL to me about it - whines, cries, yells, talking back in a super disrespectful manner, or just annoying me until I do what she wants, by repeatedly whining my name and the question, after I’ve told her no, multiple times. It’s bad. She causes me more stress than my younger ones. She wants to be treated like she’s 16, while acting like she’s 2. She gets tons of attention - takes my attention away from the younger ones with all the drama, most days. I try to give positive attention and affirmations when she does things on her own. I reward helpful behavior. I take things away for poor behavior. I raise my voice, cry, beg, plead. I have serious conversations about how it makes me feel when we are both calm and not in the moment anymore. I spend time with her doing things she enjoys. I got her a box of fidget toys for anxiety, art supplies, journals, etc. Tried therapy. Read parenting books. Nothing has been successful thus far. You’re not alone.
Sounds like she needs a routine/ schedule . My son was like this until a made him a list of things that needed to be done and what time they needed to be done by. Example
7am wake up
7:15 brush teeth
7:20 get dressed
7:45 put lunch and school supplies in back pack
8am we leave for school.
Keep in mind that you have her school days and those days are structured. He has her on weekends where she can do things on her time without hard timelines. That is the difference. It isn’t because you are doing anything wrong, it’s just because you have all the week day headaches and he gets all the weekend fun. I suggest trying out this routine for a month or so and if this doesn’t work try sharing weekends so you aren’t always the bad guy. Maybe dad can have her Sunday to Tuesday instead. That way you and your daughter can have some time to bond and a weekend day without all the hassle and bustle of week day schedules
My oldest two “never act out at Dad’s” too but they act out here because home is their safe space! I’m not a perfect parent but this is where they know they can struggle and we will work through it.
As far as getting ready, I would make a checklist and put it up in her room on getting ready. My kids do decently well with visual reminders.
As the parent of children split between households, this is typical behaviour. She desperately needs you & her father to present a united front. You both have to put aside your own feelings. The three of you spending time together would help tremendously. For example, dinner together once a week. Talk to her father. Get him to help you get her to bed one night. Whatever it takes…
Your her mama. She’s 8. Get her stuff ready and give her a million hugs and kisses before she leaves. She’s gone all day at school, why is it to much to be bothered before hand? You want her to do something that she’s refusing to do…reward her when she does it. Its better than yelling at her for crying.
The middle child seem to feel they miss out because the oldest and the youngest get the same attention as the middle, but some how they feel they don’t get the same ,so she probably acting up to get more attention, the wrong type, but she doesn’t realise that ,I would set her clothes out the night before and get her to help ,tell her you will not answer her when she is yelling your name ,she has to come to you and ask for what she wants, remember you are her safe place, where she feels safe ,also she is only 8 needs still needs her mum, but she shouldn’t get away with bad behaviour ,reward all of them when they do , as they are asked by telling them how much you love them and thank them ,Don’t worry ,put earplugs in ,when she is too much ,be strong and don’t give in when she is screaming your name, remember kids grow up way to quick so enjoy them
Maybe prep the night before. I’m just a ftm here… but I’m very busy. I work early, and have mine all week, dad has weekends. I prep everything in the mornings and have it laid out ready and in order. It seems to help mine go a little faster, and smoother
First and foremost, you are her safe space and her comfort. I have to remind myself of this. You are not failing her. I printed out a checklist and put it in a picture frame and hung it in her room with a dry erase marker. Under her picture framed check list is her backpack on a hook.
- Pick out school clothes
- Make bed
- Pick up toys
She goes through this checklist every day and gets the things she needs to done. She is 6. I also have one for my 4 year old. Age appropriate things. They are proud as they check things off. This was she knows exactly what she needs to do. School clothes, shoes, socks, everything is picked out and laid out the night before. Everything is always put in the same spot. They go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time and do the same routine every day. It’s really helps the flow of things. She will eventually gain her independence.
Nope your fine hun shes normal. She’s throws a crap fit cause she knows it annoys you n gets your attention its called middle child syndrome its a real thing. Dad probably doesn’t have issues cause she gets to one sleep in n two he probably gives her undivided attention which during the week well getting ready for the day isn’t going to happen. Shes old enough to know better id say find a consequence n go over what you expect from her n if she doesn’t listen that’s the punishment she gets
Have her evaluated…?Maybe she has ADHD or is on the spectrum (ASD)
I think she’s looking for connection. Do you spend quality, one on one time with her?
You said that you’ve taken things away and you’ve tried time out and nothing works? That’s not everything. Have you tried talking to her like shes a human person? I may be wrong and I apologize if I am but it sounds like you’ve done everything for her thus far and now just expect her to know what to do? Show her what needs to be done in the morning, dont just do it for her or tell her to (and while you’re showing her how, then remind her she gets a reward when she does it by herself and also a gentle reminder to her that when she throws tantrums, she gets something taken a way or a punishment) Kids sometime aren’t as attentive or observant as adults are and also; just because they’re kids, doesnt mean they can’t be talked to or treated like a person.
There’s 3 things possible. 1. He’s lying to try and make you think he’s doing better than you.
2. He either ignores it or doesn’t pay attention enough to notice or caves to the whining.
3. He babys her there so she thinks she can do it at your house too.
She clearly knows what buttons to push.
Being a mam myself and having one with special needs I was told by the doctor the one the child acts out most with is the one their most comfortable with safety blanket sort of thing don’t feel like you have failed we all feel that way sometimes, try organise her stuff on her bed the day before for the school days etc 8 is still young and depend on mam
I dressed my children till they were, well they could probably do it themselves. I didn’t realize that till later on. My husband and I both did that. I did everything for my children till they were much older. That’s just the momma I am. I was still even giving her a bath at 7. My son not till that age. I guess that’s why my back hurts so bad and well I’ve had 4 c sections. Whew SAHM. I’m not perfect, we all make mistakes. Try talking in a more calm, nice tone of voice. Even my daughter said to me before, that I needed to not talk in a firm voice. She’s right. We don’t have to talk like that to get our point across. We have open communication. Lots of love. Parenting is hard. We are learning. Children are learning. Everything you mentioned about her is normal. What I’m going though right now is shrugged shoulders acting like they don’t want to do what we ask but they do it anyway. That’s teens for ya. They do a lot on their own as well. Praise them when they do. I talk good and uplifting in to their mind daily. Prayers with them. Church in the home. Sometimes they talk disrespectful or yell. I’m understanding because we all have bad days. Also I take their favorite things away and ground. When I feel it’s necessary I spank with a belt. We do because they are old enough to understand and we talk about it after. I also have little babies 2 and 3. We don’t spank our littles. We don’t hit with our bare hands. I believe it teaches domestic violence. We teach nice and love with our hands. Also I have read children act out with the person they are more comfortable with. Let her get her feelings out with you always.
My daughter is 11 and has anxiety and adhd and is also the same way
She is 8! Help her…WTF
Sounds like a normal 8 year old
Kids can struggle with seperation. It can take many years for things to get easier.
Maybe she doesn’t feel like she’s getting enough attention?
Make some her time, we know you’re busy, but you both need talk about it.
He has no trouble because it’s the weekend lol be firm
She does it BECAUSE she knows it gets on your nerves.
Her father is the weekend parent, so she probably gets more attention and play time when she’s there. You are stuck with the daily grind. You’re not being a bad parent; she only likes her dad more because in her mind he’s more fun. He gets to be. You’re in a tough spot. I think she’s saying she wants more time and attention. If you work outside the home, that’s tough to pull off during the week. Is there something she enjoys doing that you could pursue together, such as an art class or going swimming once per week? Spend a little time practicing homework by acting out a story she’s read or playing card games that require adding and subtracting? A little can go a long way.
Kids whine because it works. Next time she tries it, tell her, “Whining won’t work. I will not listen to whining. Talk to me in your normal voice and I’ll listen.” If she continues to whine, leave the room. This usually works immediately.
Be patient. My middle sister had some developmental issues. She was the “trouble” one. But thats all in perception. What i always think is how hard the silence will be when they are gone. Imagine one day she wont need you for anything…maybe you’ll look back to these days when she relied on you. Seems like you help her keep on track. Maybe create daily lists for her to follow. Or a packin list she can check off as she goes.
Life is hard anyway. When i am stressed, i cannot stay focused at all! Find ways to give to yourself a little extra so you have a bit extra for her.
We as parents teach our kids how to treat us. With that being said, she’s probably not giving dad issues because he’s not making her do anything. When she starts yelling and throwing a fit, do not answer her or do anything for her. That’s definitely not the way to get attention.
It grinds me that my kids are wonderful for their dad but terrible for me. What helps me is I know im their home and comfort where they can let their ugly out. I know it is very exhausting and sometimes so unfair.
Let her cry I do with my kids they are older butt it works for me
My daughter is like this so I started make itemized list of the things she needs to do and in the order in which they need to be done I would physically hand her a list with what she needs to do to get ready for school or clean her room…eat wash up brush teeth get dressed do hair pack snack pack backpack get shoes on …pick up all trash pick up cloths put toys away do wash make bed wipe everything down vacuum and mop…be specific my daughter is now 11 and I dont have to make the physical lists anymore I can tell her the list and she does it for the most part when she gets distracted I repeat myself to get her back on track
You took a firm hand in parenting, set the rules and stuck to them. Both of you will benefit for setting boundaries and calm mornings. Good Going Ashly.
Welcome to being a parent… she’s literally depending on you… grow up.
Therapy …, for both of you. Her world is chaos & calm has to be found, I speak from experience. Good luck Momma.
She is doing this for attention. Take time out with her.
I always say that kids are worst for their parents when you are a good parent. When a child constant pushes buttons like this, they do it in the place they feel safest because they need to know their boundaries, and how will they know where the line is if they don’t put a toe over it multiple times to check whether it is a hard line or a flexible one? They test their boundaries with the person they trust the most because she knows you will always love her regardless. It is incredibly frustrating, but it means you are a good mama and your child is confident enough in your bond to push your buttons.
Mom have her help you set something like this up every Sunday. Pick out all her clothes for the week and organize them to make some things easier. Remind her what day of the week it is each morning when she is woke up. Tell her when she is up and dressed you will help with her hair.
5-Shelf Weekly Clothes Organizer for Kids (33”) Weekday Clothes Organizer for Kids I School Clothes Organizer I Day of The Week Clothes Organizer for Kids I Monday Through Friday Clothes Organizer Amazon.com
It may annoy you, but one day you’re going to miss it! I have an 8 year old daughter who acts similarly. Her dad and I are together, but she will walk right past him doing nothing, to ask me for help while I’m elbow deep in dishes or in the basement doing laundry. Moms tend to be a child’s safe place. Not always, sometimes it’s dad, but usually moms.
Get into a routine with her, be repetitive. To make your mornings easier, in the evenings, go into her room, sit on her bed while she picks out her school clothes… everything down to her socks and shoes. Have her gather all of her school stuff the night before, and sit it by the door. Our jobs as parents is to teach our children. So when she comes to you for help with something, don’t do it for her. Go with her and supervise her while she does what she needs to do. Being repetitive will create habits. Before you know it, she will be doing things on her own.
Get her tested for adhd and anxiety disorder. Be firm with her. Set her stuff out the night before. Praise her when she does anything on her own
Kids can have separation anxiety. Maybe get her in with a therapist so she can talk to someone
Yeah I would look into the matter to see if bio dad is behind all this and not planting ideas in her head
My daughter has separation anxiety. So she relies on me for everything. We see a therapists…me and her dad split when she was 3/4… she acts crazy with me vs her dad because I’m her rock and she can act out with me. Just ask her what’s wrong. Me and my daughter are working on everything and she is getting independent more and more…she’s 9. Every child is different. If one thing doesn’t work try something else.
I put my 5 year olds clothes, socks and shoes on the back of the couch. I wake her up and tell her to get ready while I’m making lunches and everything else. If she wants to throw a fit, I tell her she can go to school like that then. In her jammies with her hair a mess.
She is testing you. Keep consistent and try to make her do things for herself.
If her needs are met, she’s seeking attention. If she’s getting ignored while she’s asking for her needs to be met and whining is what she needs to do to get her needs met, she’s going to keep whining.
I say that because sometimes I was overwhelmed by my kids needs and it was in my instinct to shut down vs be present and just simply sit back and see what they needed from me.
I think your the only one who can pick that apart and figure it out. How are YOU reacting in that moment?