My daughter acts up at her fathers house and I am in the middle: Advice?

I share custody of my 6 yr old daughter. And 50% of the time, she stays with her dad, who lives with his mother. More days than not, her father calls me in the morning because his mother has to get her ready for school, and she is AWFUL to her grandma, like biting screaming hitting. My daughter would never dream of behaving this way at my home or treating my mother that way. In fact, she’s pretty much an angel besides minor behavior issues here. Her dad’s mother WILL not punish her and goes behind her dad’s back when he does punish her(takes away tablet or sends her to room) and literally gives her tablet time and will let her come out of her room. I don’t know how to handle this as her grandmother won’t let me talk to her or punish her when she is acting this way. Should I continue to entertain this or try to give advice when she’s acting this way if her grandma won’t follow through with punishment? I’m trying to raise a decent human, and it’s like she’s allowing this behavior. Should I try to sit down with this woman, or should I let them handle this? She always tells me when I send her to her room or punish her here that her grandma and dad don’t do it the same, but she is now starting to understand that we have different rules. I just don’t know how to handle this every day when her father is obviously desperate for help, but her grandma is being prideful and won’t take advice. I’m tired of being the bad guy. It’s hard for me to hear she acts this way when it’s not a thing at my place. Do I tell them not to call me anymore and handle it on their own?


Yup. If she wont take your words then dont take theirs.

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So instead of focusing on what your mil is it isn’t doing, you need to figure out why your daughter is acting like this towards her if she doesn’t act like this towards other people.


Sounds like she made need counseling. Something has happened, whether at his house or school. Then again, she could just be acting out because she knows she can. He should perhaps look at finding a n apartment or something for just the two of them. Maybe she’s not getting enough attention from Dad? Good luck

How bout step up and be less shit bag and more a mom clown ass bitch

Its because she needs routine and it sounds like there she doesnt have it. Nor is she told what to do. She is spoiled and then when she is told to do something the grandma gets a big reaction.

Maybe go over there in the am and see what goes on. Make her stop.

Tell the grandma she needs to put her in time out or take tablet away all day.

Therapy might be needed if more is going on. If u trust these ppl it could be she is really testing them and seeing what she can get away with.

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98% this is a direct result of mom’s shit talking…

It sounds like your daughter is trying to tell you something. Its extremely suspicious that she gets so irate towards her grandmother only. You need to get to the bottom of whatever is causing that whether its abuse or just a behavioral issue.


Tell him to talk to his mom, when she’s with him it’s his job, he’s he parent too, let him and mommy deal with it


I would start handing out punishments when she got home for acting out like that. There is an obvious disrespect for grandma because she’s a pushover.


Sounds like there is some issue there, or she is seeing how far she can push the boundaries there. If the grandmother doesn’t want to punish her she’s the one who has to deal with that, but I would have a talk with daughter and let her know how you expect her to behave no matter where she is. Maybe even if you find out she is still be ing super out of control over there or sassy, you can make her have consequences at your house too. Limit screen time or take away what ever she’s into and has to earn it back by having better behavior out of your home.

He’s going to have to move out and run his house the way he wants it. Period. Grandma’s are supposed to spoil their grandkids, not raise them. Even if it is 50% of the time.


Handle it on their own. It’s his parenting time, time to parent.


Nothing you can do. You cannot control what goes on at her fathers. Number 1.) Grandmas are grandmas not parents to their grand child. Its up to the father to put his foot down. He needs to get his own place and let grandma be grandma.


He’s responsible to parent, plain and simple. You could sit down (all of you) and discuss with her that these behaviors aren’t acceptable, but Gma needs to get on board BIG TIME!
You cannot punish her for what went on at her dad’s but you can discuss how it’s not acceptable behavior. Healthy co-parenting is about working together, but Gma needs to knock it off!

Consistency is key. In my opinion. :confused: idk what else to say…

It sounds like his mother is creating most of the issues. He needs to learn to be a parent and not rely on you. And Grandma needs to learn some boundaries. If it continues then maybe she needs to stay with you during the week and him on the weekends, or grandma needs to find a new place to live


Children thrive on structure. Talk to your daughter. Children are smarter than we give them credit for.


If Grandma is coddling her then it’s on him to fix his mom not yours.

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First why is the grandmother taking care of her when it’s her dad’s time? Maybe this is the daughters issue. Dad is not giving the attention and care she wants or needs and grandma gets stuck with it and the attitude. Kids act out for reasons not just because. Why is it grandma’s responsibility to care for this child while on Dad’s time. That put the daughter and the grandma in an unfair position. If is is for daycare purposes then it is the father’s responsibility to deal with not the moms. It sounds like an attention lack of/or trying to get issue. Dad needs to ensure he is playing his part and enforce what he expects while it’s his time. Not your responsibility mom. Unless you feel there is something wrong going on such as abuse.


Dad needs to handle it. He needs to deal with his mother! It’s not the child acting out it’s the grandmother being a putz and undermining discipline. Why should she behave when there are zero consequences for bad behavior? She can be a brat and still have her tablet etc. She’s just doing what she’s allowed to do. Not her fault. And yes, if they won’t follow your advice tell them to figure it out and stop asking you for help.

Whatever he allows is his business.

*Can dad not move out of his moms? (Grandparents do tend to spoil and it would explain why him/dad getting onto her doesn’t work, dad moving out may give him the parental control he and child need and may give grandma an opportunity to be GRANDMA)

*I’d question her over her problems/issues over there and why? But id also stay out of it (if nothing is found), because again dad needs to learn and set these boundaries.

I don’t think you’ll win but you could go to court to fix custody until dad gets his own place shrug I don’t think a judge would entertain it on those grounds but I haven’t been there myself.

There’s a problem and needs to be addressed. You and dad should talk to her together bc that’s not normal.
Also, kids ignore those they know won’t punish them.
It’s usually a bad idea to punish her at mom’s house, but it may be needed.
If speaking to her, both parents, doesn’t work, punish her at mom’s and see a therapist.
Kids don’t act like that without a reason.


Maybe he should be an adult and discipline his child. And get her ready himself.


Sounds like ur MIL is bringing it all on herself especially going behind her son’s back and undoing his discipline


Everyone needs to be on the same page when it comes to discipline and what is expected. My oldest and my mom are very close and in the past I would discipline my daughter(take away tv, take away her phone) and when she went to my moms to spend time, my mom would give in (let her watch tv, play on her phone,etc). This was causing a huge issue and my daughter started playing both sides. Her therapist suggested my mom and I take over some of her therapy sessions and the two of us get on the same page of what is expected. So my mom and I did 3 therapy sessions together… Since then I have seen a major difference in my daughter. She now knows my mom backs me up 100% and will not let things slide anymore which has lessened the mental breakdowns at home. Hope this helps.

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I get the share custody but I’d put my foot down an not till he moves on his own period

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Let them handle there own don’t get in it you may be the blame later

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This is something HE should handle. He needs to set his Mother right if its only an issue with grandma then that should be a red flag. If Dad cant handle it then DAD can have her when he is able to get her to school and not grandma


Grandma let’s your kid be a spoiled brat who doesn’t have to behave. That’s literally the issue. And dad isnt fixing it.


Yes that is exactly what you do

Put a stop to it- eventually she will test you even knowing you don’t tolerate it. She will know she can get what she’s wants eventually. She’s creating a monster

Haaaa… Thats on them not ur problem! They obviously doing something wrong

Red Flag :triangular_flag_on_post: . There’s a reason she’s acting out. It could be as simple as not getting enough sleep at night because she’s up on the tablet or etc… or someone is mean to her or acting inappropriate behavior towards her ( Idk who all lives in that house). Have a lot of talks with your daughter. Whatever is going on over there is going to overflow into your home also and before you know it she will be acting at your house. It could be simple like I said maybe shes NOT getting much sleep. Maybe playing at night or uncomfortable or scared to go to sleep. Who knows but under the circumstances you need to investigate. Maybe meet with the Dad, come up with a plan then you, the dad and grandma sit down have a heart to heart and lay down the rules to your Daughter together. Then if Grandmaw dosen’t follow the rules put in place then he either needs to move, handle the Daughter himself or she needs to stay with you until he makes other arrangements.

When she is with dad then dad needs to discipline her, and deal with his mom about following through on the discipline.

Not your problem. They need to get their shit together over there

When she acts up there and is grounded there… she should be grounded when she’s with you.

Tell Dad to man up and step up to the plate. Make his child follow the rules and tell his mom his child his rules and for goodness sake get a place of his own. If the granother let’s the child disrespect her now she will differently not have it when she is older which isn’t a good thing for anyone concerned. If the father doesn’t want to get a place of his own take him back to court and give him day visits only because they refuse to discipline the child. God bless and good luck.


Mine done the same thing for a while then suddenly she is may be a faze ir she knows whose buttons she can push.

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His mom needs to butt out with her punishment. May be her house but that is not her child