My daughter has recently started to blame me for her father, not having more of a part in her life. We have been separated most of her life, but he has always been a part of it. Until now. He hasn’t seen or talked to her in close to a year, and her friends at school have started telling her that I’m the one preventing it. I try to invite him to events, try to give him as many opportunities to see her as he can. His participation seems to have diminished over the years, tho. I don’t know what to tell her. I try my best not to talk bad about him to or around her, but being essentially hated for something I can’t control is wearing down my resolve. I’ve told her I have no control over him, and I wish she would stop blaming me/believing what her friends say. Any advice or personal insight into similar situations would be greatly appreciated.
How old is she? I would let her reach out to him herself.
Get him to ring her . Don’t wear the blame if it’s not your fault
My daughter is 14 and I do not lie to her about her father. I don’t bad mouth him but I don’t sugar coat how he is either. She felt the same way for a while but now she sees that it has been him this whole time. It was a tough thing for her to deal with but it’s getting better.
When she has questions about him…call him so so he can answer them…dont make excuses…when you invite him to event’s do it in front of her so she knows he has been invited…and if at all possible Mom communicate with Dad…ask him whats the deal…maybe he has some issues going on
My son is almost 16. His father and I have been separated since he was 3. He hasn’t been a constant in my son’s life until past 3 years. Everything he told my son he would believe and listen to. My son started to blame all if his father’s short comings on me. Over the summer he stayed with his dad for a couple of months came back started school and wanted to go live with him. I agreed thought maybe it is what he needed. It didn’t last very long. I’ve never spoken bad about him in front of my son and recently my son started to ask a lot questions and he started to remember situations and make more sense of them. Just be supportive and don’t bad mouth him. I know watching your kids be disappointed and hurt is hard but give her time to figure out the truth. You’ll see she will and she won’t hate you. Right now you’re the only one she can blame.
Similar situation here. I’ve never been one to talk bad about his dad but it came to a head recently and I wasn’t going to protect him anymore . If she’s ready tell her the truth… you don’t need to speak badly but be truthful about how you feel about everything… honesty is the best policy … good luck
I had this problem with my mom as well, I blamed her. I’m older and know better now that it was him and why he didn’t come around. What made me blame my mom is because she would make excuses for him like “he’s out of town that’s why he didn’t make it.” Or something like that. I would think why does he keep contact with you but not me? You need to let her do her own reaching out and see for herself. Once my mom did this, not right away but after awhile I stopped blaming her because I realized it was him and not her. I was bout 7-8 when I started blaming my mom. Took a few years of reaching out to him but now the feeling towards him is mutual.
It may take a while but she’ll figure it out. It’s a sad situation and sucks that so many of us have been in the same situation
Dear mom,
How old is she? She needs new friends. Yesterday.
I was that kid also. Have her call him.
Have her call him…write him…
She needs to take some initiative if she wants to develop a relationship with her father. You cannot do that for her or him. Have her personally mail him Birthday cards…Christmas Cards… invitations… whatever she wants. His failure to participate will tell her the truth…which will be painful, so get her some counseling now as she begins this process.
Hand her the phone and let her start calling him and inviting him to things. She wants to go that route, then let her take the job of calling him, not you. She’ll figure it out eventually
Have her call him. You stop trying. If she’s gonna blame you for his absence then let her try to call him and invite him to things. I went thru this with my 5 year old and let me tell you after a whole month of her trying to call him or video chat him and him not answering she doesn’t care to try with him anymore. My daughters father has been in and out of jail and I have been honest with my daughter since it all started and she realized it was the choices he made that ended him up in jail. After calls being rejected she’s finally realized it wasn’t me it was him all along.
Same thing with my ex-husband. Then as young adults he had the nerve to tell them I wouldn’t allow him to see them. My son even believed it for awhile until he saw the truth. Its easier for her to blame you mom. That way she doesn’t feel that he doesn’t love her. She knows in her heart that you do. I think many kids do this & never realize they are doing it. Good luck Momma!
Does she have a cellphone? Do you, if so here is what you do: Dial his number and hand her the phone. Have her call him, DAILY. You say nothing. Do this daily, so HE can tell her why he’s not in her life
If you have spoken ill about this man in her presence, shame on you! The truth about the absent parent will ALWAYS come out. All you had to do was WAIT. Then love and support her through her broken 
.ijs
Child counseling is needed and never trash her dad.
I showed text messages. Didn’t care. “Here’s where I invited, & he said he’d be here” and then… clearly he’s not here. Wasn’t my choice.
Look into yourself, do you show him negative vibes when he comes around. If not let your conscience set you free. She is on her own
She will eventually see it. I know my kids did. What u can do for now tho is have her invite him to things and her ask him to b around. He may change his behavior for her and maybe not. But at least this way she hopefully sees the truth when he doesnt show up
Let her call and talk to him about why he’s not there fir her
The blame falls on you for the absence of the father because he’s not man enough to tell her she’s not as important to him as she is to you! It’s going to be a hard long journey but she will see that you were always there, you never walked out of her life. You always loved her. My child hates their father because he walked out and when he had the chance to come back into their life he blew it. I love my my child’s father but I’ve found another man in my life. My child adores them. And every since he came into my life my child doesn’t treat me like I’m the worst person in her life! Why? Because he treats them like they matter! Kids just want to matter to both parents and when one is absent they start to feel like they don’t matter to either parent. This is what I have learned.
Sounds like she’s probably Jr High/HS by the remarks her friends made. Elementary school kids wouldn’t really understand that level of blame yet. JrHs snd HS absolutely!!! 100%. So that being said it’s time for her to make the calls. Maybe call him initially and give him a heads up of the situation. Then if he doesn’t respond accordingly and fixing things then it’s up to her. You did all you could and should. Don’t let her blame you.
Have her call him and try to get into contact with him herself. Than she will see it’s not you doing the blocking.
Make sure she sees you “actively” trying to get him to participate in her life. Even if she doesn’t see it now, in time, she will look back and know it wasn’t you
Don’t worry keep being a mum. Never bad mouth him to her or in front of her. When she gets older she’ll realize who had her back since day one. This is coming from experience I blamed my mum too and at the age of 30 I realized my mum was the one who had us and I love her to the moon and back. And i appreciate her 
Here’s what you do, put her in the car, drive to where he is, put the two of them together, tell him he needs to explain to her WHY he has not been coming around anymore even though you keep inviting him, AND MAKE SURE IT’S CLEARLY UNDERSTOOD YOU ARE INVITING HIM, that it’s not your fault he isn’t coming around, and tell him to explain it to her, then walk back to the car, get in the car, and sit there waiting for him to explain it to her.
Went through this exact same thing with my daughter. When she was about 8 yrs old, she tried to blame me too. I immediately handed her the phone to call him. I told her that she was old enough to figure out what type of person he was. She could never get ahold of him. Sooo what I did was call his parents to let them know what was happening. They took his place. She’s now 33 yrs old and recently told me that was the best thing I could’ve done for her.
Time…she will learn on her eventually
I’m sorry.
Sounds like you’re doing amazing.
I’d explain that he’s welcome and that your child can phone or email him at any time. I’d also tell my child that their comments are deeply hurtful and tp knock it off, as you can’t control what he does.
Reasure her
My mom had the same tactic as you do… She never spoke ill if my father… as my brother and I got older, we figured it out on our own… Depending on how old she is… have “her” start inviting him to school functions, sports, etc… that way he has to tell 'her" no
First off you are getting the first of many things you will be blamed for or comments made to you by your daughter and they will hurt, but you will forgive and move on. Second, don’t say anything bad about him, just say nothing if you can’t be nice (to anyone), that stuff has a way of coming back to haunt you. Third, I’m with the woman who said drive her over to him and let him explain why he doesn’t have time for her. Fourth, ALL FUTURE FUNCTION INVITES ARE MADE BY THE DAUGHTER, then she knows he’s been invited. This has to be a nice war between you and him, keep the daughter involved in asking him to come, she’ll see in time if he doesn’t come, it’s him. Good Luck!
Send her to a psychologist
Take her to church, get her into Bible study. Show her the king of Kings, the Lord of Lords. He’s the best father she could ever have, he made this world, he run this world. All she needs is faith in Jesus 
, and everything will work out for her good, amen…
Have him call her. If he doesn’t for whatever reason .Then have her call him. If her dad doesn’t want to be part of his daughter’s life .Then he should tell her why. He owes her that much.