After a horrendous evening I’m silently sobbing laying down next to my daughter putting her to sleep. It’s been years, we’ve tried everything, she’s in OT and still nothing is helping or changing. She’s 5, it’s constant screaming battles about her truly thinking she doesn’t have to listen to me and her father and thinking she can do what she wants without consequences. She’s always had consequences so it not some new thing. I just don’t know what else to do, just venting here because I have no friends or anyone else to talk to about this.
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Tara Harrington If someone went up to an adult and spanked them, it would be abuse. It’s weird to me that a kid getting spanked isn’t perceived that way.
I understand trying to get a kids attention, but it’s an odd way.
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Prayers mama keep ur head up 
No advice their all different. But big hugs mum, you got this even though you don’t feel like it right now xxxx
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Instead of fighting & creating chaos & exhausting myself…I gave up & sat with them to go to sleep or layed with them. I reminded myself daily “it’s a short time in my life & they won’t need me one day so enjoy it”……They eventually wanted to sleep in their own beds or be read a book….and now i have to visit their rooms to chat to them. You’re doing awesome…stop putting so much pressure on yourself & your child & just go with the flow…they grow up & stop hanging off us eventually 
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You aren’t alone. I don’t have answers being in the same boat but we will make it throw this eventually.
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Maybe give her a magnesium pill before bed.
Pick one spot. Put books and a pillow and every time she misbehaves put her there. No exceptions. Every time
She comes out put her back. Once she finally stays there, start a 5 minute timer. No talking. If she talks re start it. If she leaves re start it. Give her a book and say you need a break until you’re ready to listen.
Watch some super nanny. Her videos helped immensely with my kid when he was out of control. Also when she’s mad try making her blow bubbles until she calms down. Another thing that helped with my son
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It sounds like Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is a pattern of behavior in which kids go to extremes to ignore or avoid anything they perceive as a demand.
Does she follow instructions from anyone (pre school, grand parents etc) 
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The father is the problem. She’ll be this way until you BOTH hold her accountable.
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Back in my day a little keen switch took care of all that!!!
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Every kid is different so different things work for different kids
Consistently put in the ‘thinking corner’ this corner has to be free from devices but provide a couple of books. Is the child asd/adhd? Speak to your Dr
I learned in parenting classes to always give an option. “Which would you rather do, clean up your toys or take your bath?” “Would you rather eat 3 bites of this, or would you rather eat 5 bites of this?” Give them option a which is what you want, then an option of something else they need to do. You can always circle back to what they originally need to do later, but this way they think they are choosing. Just make sure the options are equal to what the other option is and something else they need to do. The new gentle parenting thing is really new to everyone. It isn’t going to work the same for every child. You can also have than choose their consequences in the same form, “would you rather have a time out or nose to wall” for example
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Take away all privileges such as screen time toys favorite activities or whatever it is that makes her day bright until the screaming or attitude subsides. However she may have autism or Asperger’s or something of the like so definitely look into it and do not medicate your child for behavior. Do more physical activities if possible because exercise is effective for anxiety and depression in children and adults. I would sit 10 minutes a day with her just one-on-one and have a discussion about how she feels calmly and what would make her feel like she didn’t need to do those things. Good luck!
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Carolyn Smith ESPECIALLY if there or know medical issues age5 is to old to not listen . And certainly something simple as Night night time
She may have add or autism, has she been assessed? I’m so sorry this is so hard
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Learn to properly discipline your kid. You are the adult and parent not her. She is the child. Take everything away from her except her bed and seven outfits . Do not cater to her bs behavior. Corporal punishment. Run your home like a boot camp for her. She wants to act out she will be punished accordingly. Penny to the tip of her nose in the corner arms raised up and out no moving. She moves start it over. Lights out at 630 pm period. Teach her who’s the boss
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Defiance disorder is REAL! My son has other diagnoses too but this one issue has broke me! My advice from my experience. Address it now!! Asap!!! Therapy, meds etc… because teen years are 100× worse than what you are dealing with now. Best wishes!
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Speak to her school about assessments other than just OT.
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Sounds like it might be ODD, possibly ADHD or even be on the spectrum. I wouldn’t do anything extreme, 5 is still fairly young, but def bring this up to her doctors and see what they tell ya. I work just move her to a safe space to calm down every time she acts up, a corner with some books or an activity to do maybe. Sit there a little away from her but still near, and let her calm down and try to express her feelings. Explain things time and again so they fully grasp the why some things need to be done a certain way. Some kids require more than a “no” to understand why it shouldn’t be done. Good luck!
Ever thought she might be different for example autistic? Do you take her to see a pedestrian? Might help. I only say this as at 5 yrs old my daughter was diagnosed with asd/ autism and ADHD. could be something to think about.
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Is she also in ABA therapy? Or been assessed for autism? I have 2 kids on the spectrum and 1 (11) that thinks he’s always right or is never thinking past minutes of the consequences that lies ahead of actions, and he will lie about it to the very end. It’s been just over one year of intensive ABA therapy (20 hours a week to 12 hrs now) and we’ve gone from 7 days of all out hours of screaming and tantrums to about 2/3 a month for shorter 20 mins ones. Just curious what does Occupation Therapy suppose to do for her behavior?
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Food coloring, especially red causes behavior problems.
Google it
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Spankings need to make a comeback. Ends this kind of behavior before they get to old.
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4-6 is the worst age. No one talks about it. It is. Nothing on terrible twos lol.
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Your child needs to be evaluated by an educational therapist and a psychologist
Your child is not naughty
She may be ADHD or autistic
Have your child evaluated by professionals
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Discuss the behavior problems with your child’s pediatrician, that would be the first step to getting evaluated for adhd or autism.
Trouble communicating with, disciplining, and setting boundaries with children who are autistic can be incredibly challenging. Call your child’s pediatrician to take that first step and try to take note of any peculiar behavior or habits she has.
While you wait (because it’s a process and it takes a hot minute) try stopping and taking a quick walk outside with your child or calmly counting to ten together when she gets frustrated. Doesn’t always work but it helps us. Don’t give up momma, it’ll get better.
Odd opposition defiance disorder. Sounds like that my 9 year old has that Paediatrician visit is helping a little
I’m sorry you’re going through this I can’t imagine how challenging it may be I don’t really have any advice or at least nothing different than what’s been said already but I hope that things get better and you find something that works for you guys 
hugs mama. Hang in there. 
When she’s throwing a fit change the subject on her . Like say wow I love that outfit on you or hey do you want to take a break with me and have some ice cream in the kitchen and let her just talk and you listen
I can’t help because my 10 yo has ODD and we have tried everything. All I can tell you is to stay strong.
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I have a 6 year old who is in grade, she listens in School but at home, I ask her to do simple things 100 times and most times she still doesn’t get it done, I am actually reading these comments to get advice as well 
oh the struggle is real, they give us so much joy and pride but on the other a lot of frustration
I use to give my daughter
Choices so
Would you like a book to read or listen to music as you go to bed…Bed was never a choice
Just a couple of options with meals etc…it helped immensely
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Every child has a currency, something they value most. Electronics, a favorite toy, dessert, whatever they value but do not truly need. Use it. My daughter & her pet had separate time outs & she hated it, so learned privileges (not needs) were only earned with good behavior. Was it hard? Heck yeah. But stay the course, momma, you can do this!
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I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted to tell you, “take a deep breath momma. It will all be ok eventually 
”
I would recommend talking to Dr. We had alot of behavioral issues with my son from 3-5. He ended up having ADHD and anxiety. Meds help so much. He’s not perfect, but he listens so much better now.
Take her to a children’s psychiatrist.
My kiddo has ADHD, ASD, and odd.
This sounds so familiar and honestly the best things was
- knowing what we were dealing with
- starting medication (so much of his defiance was rooted in lack of impulse control)
- and a stringent token economy rewards system
Ever thought of PCIT?
That helped me with my granddaughter so much.
You can look it up on you tube or pinterest to look into it.
My 5 yr old had adhd, spd, and odd. It’s extremely hard! We don’t go anywhere because she literally doesn’t listen. I cry all the time. I’m sorry you’re going through this. No advice but stay strong and just always show compassion and your love🤍
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Take her to her doctor. There might be something going on.
Annaliese Erin Parent Coach
Have you had her to a physician, psychologist or psychiatrist? No amount of punishment or parenting classes will help if she has an untreated psychiatric disorder. Get her help and help her live her best life. Good luck!
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My daughter has ODD. Definitely talk to your pediatrician. They will diagnose her and refer her to a behavioral health team to get the help she needs. Trust me I know how you feel. My 5 year old has been this way since she was 2. We thought she would grow out of it but it’s not. I said enough is enough. It breaks my heart to see her go through this.
Oh I forgot. Also in parenting class during tantrums ask questions. “What’s your favorite color?” “What’s your favorite animal?” Ect. They will scream a Lil Harder at first but slowly stop if you keep continuing the questions shifting focus to something else to calm them down to talk about their feelings.
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Cut out artificial dyes. It can really help with behavior.
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My son’s autistic and years it was like that before his diagnosis.
You can’t discipline a disability away.
He was initially diagnosed as O.d.d … So any parent with that diagnosis in these comments do make sure you get autism ruled out
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My son was diagnosed with ODD,ADHD/ADD,Sensory processing disorder, Mixed Receptive Language Disorder and Fine Motor delay .My heart goes out to you,you just may have to have her tested ,hugs mama stay strong
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What has happened to good old discipline. My generation grew up just fine and we knew who and what we were
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sounds like a defiance disorder. explain to her dr and get into a dr who can actually help her. my friends son had ODD and help is out there. without the right intervention it can and will get worse as she gets older. best of luck momma.
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Have you had a full assessment done on her by specially trained Drs? If she has been in therapies with no real change and you’ve been consistent with consequences with no real change then it may be time to consider the possibility of a diagnosis of ODD(oppositional defiance disorder). It is absolutely best to cross all possible options, causes as early as possible so to find the right course of treatments whether a specific therapy, altered behavioral plan or even medication when needed. If it is the case no amount of traditional “punishment” will work as it is just viewed as negative exacerbating the disorder. The longer you wait the harder it can be on the child and those adults caring for her. If she’s in school speak with teacher, principal and counselor (officially ask in writing) about starting the process of a full educational and behavioral evaluation to implement a Individualized education plan and a behavioral intervention plan.
What are her consequences if she doesn’t listen, all kids need consequences for bad actions other wise they see no reason to behave.
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Vent away
Moma Bear
That’s a hard age for mom’s and nan’s
To deal with
I would suggest
Every time she behaves like that
Walk into her bedroom and take out one item out
And any electronic devices she has
Start with her favourite thing
Then work your way through her room untill she has nothing but her bed and 1 toy
Then explain to her that for every day she behaves, she gets to pick one item to have back
She is testing your boundaries
But you need to practice tough love and not give into her
If that doesn’t work
Try the method I used when my kids were young
Get a chair and place it in the corner of a room so she is facing the wall
And ignore her for 10 mins at a time
When my daughter did this I would redirect. Asking her questions like what’s your favorite color? Which Barbie do you want to play with? What’s that over there? The most important thing to do is to not react in a negative way. Breathe and count to 10 before you react and again, redirect 
this is just a phase mama and give yourself some grace. We’re all learning as we go and doing the best we can.
Probably needs medication if not then a therapist( not OT ) have you tried an actual physiological approach??
Have you thought about changing her diet? Food dyes will mess with kids big time! We cut out a lot of processed junk and took out the dyes and it has seemed to help a lot. I just wish I knew sooner.
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Buy the book 123 magic on Amazon it was a big help for us.
Maybe ADHD or ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)
Have you looked into PANDAS
Bend her over your knee just once and swat that little ass. She will learn to listen.
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I’m in the same situation with my 7 year old! She’s not biologically mine but she’s mine! She’s my great niece, I’ve had her almost her whole life she knows nothing about her bio parents yet. She’s adhd an on medication (not a stimulant, it’s actually a blood pressure medication). She’s off the chain. She don’t listen, thinks she’s boss. She’s constantly making messes like a 2-3 year old. I don’t let her just do what she wants but dad a lot of times does just so she’s stops hollering and crying. I think her diet is a lot of the issues. I think she needs put on a vitamin D supplement. I’ve been reading up on different things that would make a child act out and be angry all the time and vitamin d was one. I do think she may have autism. She don’t like change at all, she won’t watch a new tv shows, she only eats certain foods (she thinks she needs Red Baron pizza for dinner 7 days a week) she has and always had a fascination with anything liquid, she has to dump from one container to the next. She won’t touch vegetables only eats a little bit of an apple, banana, but loves strawberries. She only drinks water (her choice) so I’m thinking she’s not getting the nutrients she needs which is screwing with her system.
Have you tried spanking or tough love discipline. I hate parents saying they’ve tried everything but haven’t tried tough love. Some kids need it.
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Yea they said my son had defiance disorder wanted therapy and drugs not way what they do not tell you if you got this route they label the child and they lose chases at jobs I put him in positive activirs such as self defence also so other areas then I had very strict disapline yes he will push back you have to push harder let Jim I am in charge. Now he is very productive in society very happy
Maybe have her seen by a dr
Same. My son was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder around that age. He’s 10 now and it’s still a nightmare🥺rally bad school refusal
Sounds like some neurodivergent brain happenings. Have her tested at a Behavioral Health clinic. They will give her a neurophysiological evaluation. That can give you a lot of information on how her brain works. She’s struggling, she’s not giving you a hard time, she’s having a hard time. Please look into it. Especially sensory processing disorder. Start with a Child Therapist too. Hugs
You got a lot of advice here, didn’t read all of it, so if I am repeating someone, maybe it will help. Have his blood checked for deficiencies. Look up what he is eating, red and high yellow food coloring.
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My daughter was the same way from ages 2-3.5. I had taken her to her neurologist for a regular appointment and just during that appointment he asked about ADHD. Beings it ran in the family he decided to put her on a very very low dose of meds for it, she’s been on them for about 6months now and I’ve seen a HUGE change in her. She stopped fighting me so much and stopped being so mean to her brother. Her tantrums use to be absolutely horrible to the point I would cry most days bc I didn’t know what to do and her regular pediatrician wouldn’t help. Since on the meds her tantrums are down to a minimum, a typical toddler tantrum and very manageable. I’d look into getting her tested for ADHD. Some people/kids show signs early and some is later. I never thought I had it, I thought I had horrible anxiety for years until I turned 25 and got tested. Turns out I had both but was misdiagnosed for yearssss. It’s very common in girls/women to be missed.
This might sound wild but this could be a nutritional issue (not saying you’re not feeding your child) some children’s bodies just don’t absorb everything they need causing them to be like you have described.
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In my culture these things are handled tediously. One episode would be enough to set them on the straight and narrow path. Everything is a syndrome now because we make excuses for most disobedient children. There are real issues that need confrontation for a child with psychiatric disorder, if that child is diagnosed a dr would start a course of treatment straight Away. Sounds like your child just wants to have her way and when she cant she lashes out. Smh
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Is she neurodivergent? Maybe meeting with a psychiatrist or a neurology clinic to be assessed for different things. Autism/adhd/PDA/etc. It seems overwhelming but getting answers and information (good or bad) can help you in supporting her and yourself. Good luck mama.
Look into her diet, research about a childs diet has proven how certian vitiam deficiencies and addiitives in food can cause disruptive behavior .
Maybe she what the pediatrician or a child therapist had to say.
Man I’m just saying these little kids nowadays be straight up warriors Dennis the menace top style shit do not give a fuck will test your every last Brain cell and then come up in there and cuddle you just to do it I’m telling you man it’s just the way it is now