I’d sit her down and talk to her ask her why that she doesn’t want to see him or talk to him did something happen in July did she realize something or feeling something if this is out of the blue it’s just not right that she wouldn’t all of a sudden want to see him so of course something must have happened even just maybe some discipline she didn’t like anyway when kids go away from one parent to the other for any length of time to they have an adjustment time when they get back so she may just have some anger issues with the whole thing and trying to work through it definitely I dig a Little Deeper on this one try to find out what she’s feeling
Umm maybe something happened while in his care…
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Maybe the last phone call was enough to not want to speak to him. Don’t force a relationship, if she wants to talk to him let her, when she’s good and ready she will talk to him but by the sounds of it she can still be upset by wtvr he has said to her on the phone. And it could be a while before she wants to speak to him again. I would tell the father this just to give her some space. She is also learning how to deal with all her emotions right now at such a young age.
You need to find out what happened to make her not want to go be with her dad. If it’s just her having an attitude or being mad about something small she needs to be made to go anyway
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Is he able to fly down and maybe stay in a guestroom or at a friend’s/family members?
But definitely tell he to get over the attitude and speak to her dad.
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Did he do something to her?
I wouldnt force her.
Let him and her work it out. You just stay supportive and keep your eyes and ears open. Don’t forçe her if she don’t want to go.
Seek professional help not Facebook
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It could be his attitude and how he treats her at his home. He doesnt have to be abusive necessarily. Trust your daughter and her feelings. She will open up eventually to you.
I am going to be a jerk here. I see many seeking advice posts on this page. It is part of the group atmosphere. But reading all of the negative comments of stop asking FB for advice etc is just really frustrating. Maybe that mom just needs some guidance somehow and we are the only option. Stop being negative Nancy’s because “you” wouldn’t be seeking for advice online. Maybe this is the wrong group for you idk. But I personally will always help a woman strengthen her crown…not make it more crooked.
To the mom…you need to have an honest conversation with the father about the situation. If he refuses to do so, everytime he calls say you will pass the message to your kiddo. Support your daughter and always ask how does she feel, or what are your feelings about that and respect them. Always ask her does she wish to call her dad etc. It could be a stage, it could be something happened. But you need to build healthy respecting boundaries for emotional support even if she is 8.
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I think the best thing for everyone on this situation is for the child to go to some counseling. Make sure the counselor does not just ask the child to fill out a questionnaire and do small talk the whole rest of the time. That is what a faith based one did with my step daughter when she was sent with suggestion from the school for unrelated reasons. However, she literally hated going because they did not interact with her while in counseling. Our best approach was her talking to me, her father, and her mother about a lot of her problems. Our custody situation is very rare even though we have joint custody. She was having problems adjusting to things due to puberty starting and not really being able to understand her emotions. She is doing much better now. In your situation you have to understand it may not be he has done something to her, it may be she is getting older and does not transition well with only being with him for a whole month and it only being one time a year. I understand it can be financially straining to get them back and forth. Maybe if dad pays support you could make an arrangement where so much of it goes into a savings account for transportation there and him pay for transportation back and instead of doing one month during the summer do two weeks and he gets spring break or half of Christmas break and you swap who gets her for Christmas morning ever other year. That way she is going two to three times a year and not having to do it for a month at a time. That be very hard on someone especially a young girl who goes through puberty a lot earlier than boys.
Ask Dad what all she did with him while there. Ask her how the month went. My son quit going with his Dad when he kept leaving him with someone while he was doing fun things. I found out and told him to bring him home next time. When he got together with a gal with 2 girls he started going back. Could be something happened there (she told him she didn’t want to come right?) or she has friends she wants hang out with at home. Let her call him back just tell her he called. Can’t force an 8 year to talk to him. Maybe have her write a letter to him? Might be easier, she sounds angry.
You pretty much answered your own question. You can’t force a child to talk to their parent. She will do it on her own time. It doesn’t matter her age. You also need to accept that. If you force her she’ll resent both of you for it. 
Sorry, not sorry.
Something bad probably happened when she was there
There’s definitely something going on that you need to get to the bottom of. Talk to her ped and consider a therapist. They have ways to get kids to open up. Best of luck 
Sounds like something at her visit this year changed. Kids don’t just shut down like that unless something has triggered it. I’d try to approach the subject on your own, but you may need a counselor in case something is brought up where you’ll need support and professional guidance. Find out. Let her speak her mind. Hopefully she’ll open up.
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Well not sure of your circumstance but this happend with my 6 year old step son the past few months and the truth was it was because of what mom was telling him was right and wrong to try and win a custody battle. She was encouraging him and influencing him to say and do what he was doing or else shes be upset with him and tell him that shes upset he doesn’t want to be around her… Sometimes theres more to what is said. Best of luck for you
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If she isnt giving u a valid reason like something terrible happened then I think u should make her get on the phone with him… he is just as much her parent u arent suppose to “protect” her from her parent if he hasn’t done anything wrong. Tell her she will have to tell him she doesn’t want to talk. U shouldn’t be involved in it in my opinion…
now I’m off to go scroll the comments to see what others think
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Do NOT force her to have a relationship with him if she doesn’t want to. Take it from someone who was in that same situation. Please for the love of god do not force a child to interact with people they don’t want to.
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I’m in the same situation with my granddaughter I have custody of her and when her mom calls she won’t talk to her. It’s been 8 months since she has seen her mom. I’m backing my granddaughter on her decision I will not make her talk to either of her parents unless she wants to.
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I would find out what happened even if you have to take her to therapy. Maybe he’s just stricter than you and she’s acting out, or maybe something happened but I wouldn’t let her behave that way. If she doesn’t want to talk to him I would have her tell him. She’s 8 and old enough to understand consequences and if you let her behave this way with the eye rolling and bad behavior I feel sorry for you when she’s a teenager. Her father is an adult and her parent, teacher her to respect adults.
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My son is 6 and doesnt want to talk to me on video or phone but loves spendimg time with me. All i can say is encourage her to have relationship with her father but that only goes so far too. Good luck mama
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First of all let me congratulate you on being a great mom by not speaking badly of her father. Too many mothers out there try to turn their kids against their fathers… I would tell him that she doesn’t want to talk right now and when she does she’ll call him. Give her the space she needs to deal with it on her own. I would talk to her and try to find out why she’s so angry with her dad, but if she doesn’t want to discuss it don’t push her.
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First thing all 3 of you need to sit down and talk. Find out what actually is the real problem. Everyone needs to be open and honest. Say what’s on your mind and be truthful!
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Easy, don’t. She’s her own person. Forcing her to will only get you resentment.
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You should tell her to answer the phone when her father calls. You would want the same courtesy if the situation were reversed.
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My twin sons did the same with their father at age eight. Won’t go into details (nothing sexual with them), but there was very good reason for their reluctance to see him. It was revealed after they made that decision. His behavior with his next son was disgusting & he lost custody. Kids are smart and when given a voice, can usually make decisions based on their best interest. JMO. I’m so glad I didn’t force visitation on them!
There’s a reason. Kids don’t do stuff like that out of the blue without a reason. Go lay on her bed with her and have a conversation. Tell her you can see she doesn’t really want to talk about it but she needs to. And that you are on her side and will help her no matter what the problem is. That you won’t be mad and that you will never make her do something that she had a good reason for. She needs to know you’re going to protect her and take her side. I’m sure you do but she might need reminded. Tell her whatever it is you will figure it out together.
Have you talked to your daughter? Maybe something more is,going on . Never take anything for granted.
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Maybe try to find out what happened that month she was there. Besides age and hormones and the way life is with 2 households she could be hurting and due to present treatment and response from adults she feels unsafe to express.
Maybe start a journal. Or a box where she can leave you notes or letters but it’s like a drop place where there’s no judgement or anything and she may open up.
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Sounds like it’s time for her to start spending the whole summer with her father. How would you react if she didn’t want to come back to your house. An 8 year olds should not be telling her parents where she will and won’t go . Sounds a bit on the spoiled side.
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Edited :Sounds like you are not being honest, with that said what i think you should do is get your momma mode on and ask your daughter what is going on. Sit with her and make her trust you because if I’m being honest if you don’t know what is up that means you aren’t even trying. She’s a kid she shouldn’t be acting up in such age and you are totally allowing it. If the father calls answer like a mature person.
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A kid doesn’t just suddenly do that. Something happened and you need to find out what.
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Counseling and a talk would help just to see what’s wrong… kids don’t turn on people just like that
complicated:{…a much shorter time?
You need to see a therapist to see what he did that’s she’s angry or protecting herself from.
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I agree with a lot of the people here.
You need to find out what happened the last time she was with him.
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There is a reason. You must take to her and let her know that he will continue to call. But until this issue is resolved it will get worse. Did something happen while she was with him? Why doesn’t she like him? Tell her she will eventually have to talk to him but it would be better if she talked to you first doy that it can be resolved.
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Is there any chance that maybe he touched her inappropriately?
I think you should find out what happened. Sounds scary.
Counseling to help her.
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Involve a therapist, it keeps you out of the situation.
Talk to your daughter maybe something happened when she was with him
Perhaps someone there is molesting her? A neighbor? A relative?
I would tell him the truth and ask him to keep calling and letting her know that hes calling and if she dont wanna talk that’s her choice but in her mind she will know and love and respect his effort…he has to be the adult and understand that and continue to try and never stop.even if she never responds.
Have u explained to him that she won’t talk. Patients. I think I he should keep trying. A text even just saying he gets she upset, he will love her an be here when she ready any time
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Let him know she doesn’t want to go to his she has her own voice now she’s getting bigger and ask him to come to where she lives for visits and book n a b&b and spend time with her bring her out and she probably would go closer to home, you can’t force her to go
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It is up to her, but she needs to realize that there are consequences for this decision. She needs to tell her dad herself. That way down the road it doesnt come back to bite you!
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I had and still have this issue with my daughter and her dad. She finally let me know her dad doesnt do anything with her while she is over there. I stopped making her talk to him or visiting him. Just be up front with him about whats going on.
You should explain to him what’s going on with her and that she doesn’t want. To talk I’d also ask him what happened at his house that caused her to act like this. As a kid that refused to talk to my father for years, kids don’t just get huffy and not want to talk to a parent for no reason. She’s angry for a reason. Have you asked her what’s wrong
Keep advising him to keep calling. I’d recommend a professional counselor, as well. Sometimes kids open up to other people that have no immediate connection to what they are going through.
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I have an 8 year old son and he could care less about seeing or talking to his dad. When an 8 year old doesn’t want anything to do with the other parent there’s usually a good reason behind it. If she’s not in counseling I would have her start going. I have my son in play therapy and it’s the best thing I could have done for him. It’s a red flag when a child doesn’t want anything to do with one of their parents. All three of my kids don’t have a relationship with their dad. He’s not a relationship person, doesn’t call and does the bare minimum. Kids see that and feel that they aren’t important. There’s validity behind a child feeling that way. Finding out the why is huge. It’s the only way you can help her.
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Don’t tell him to stop calling. In fact tell him to keep calling and not to give up. My dad never wanted us and feeling unwanted even if you’ve pushed someone away is absolutely heartbreaking. I wish my dad would have called even once.
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I would explain to him what’s going on but when he calls make her tell him she doesn’t want to talk. My 8 and 4 year olds sometimes don’t want to talk with their dad for his nightly call and I make them tell him themselves.
I would also look in to why she suddenly doesn’t want to have a relationship with him though. Maybe even ask the dad? Ask if something happened like she got in big trouble with him or something?
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If it was me I would dig deeper into finding out why she has gone like this towards him, if he has upset her somehow he could talk to her about it, I’d tell him to keep ringing and texting so that she knows he will always care even if she isn’t ready to speak to him yet.
Good luck x
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Start talking and don’t push it but the most important thing is to have trust in him as a father. If you don’t have that trust, neither will she.
Trust your daughter. If she doesn’t care to speak to him there’s bound to be a reason
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Maybe it’s time for you two to move closer together and co-parent.
You’re blaming him in your statement and your child feels that even if you’re not saying the words.
Her behavior will reflect what you do.
Stop wanting your child to do something that your unwilling to do yourself.
My grandson had a similar phase recently but was eventually, able to say that he was cross with not having him around all the time. His father,too, is up North, so regular visiting is out, but he goes for only up to one week at a time. A month is far too too long , in my view. Hope she comes around.
She will learn if he really is trying she will understand it as she gets older… Props to you for trying to keep them together he needs to do more and show her the love she deserves
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My daughter won’t speak to her father. He puts in minimal effort and blames me for everything and she sees it. I let her make the choice. I will not force toxic relationships. I don’t care who it is.
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I found this with all three of my children at different stages. They are generally busy doing something and to stop this to talk to whoever it is on the phone they don’t like it. This could be Auntie, Granny or dad. It is their right to chose and you can’t force them to talk if they don’t want too.
Instead of a month, what about visiting for a week? Then work your way up to a month if that is what she wants to do. Don’t have the dad stop calling/texting, he should always call even when she doesn’t want to talk. At least that way she knows he tried and that you did not prevent them from building a relationship.
I would sit down with your daughter and explain to her that NO matter what the issue is with her not wanting see nor talk with her is, that she will NOT get in any trouble by telling you. Kids just don’t stop wanting to see or talk with a parent. There is definitely something that is wrong and bothering her. Talk with the father, let him know what her current feelings are and try to figure out what is going on.
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I dont know where you live but in Michigan a child does not have this choice. The parents are to work it out. However I would suggest talking to him and see what happened in July. Get her a councilor or doctor to talk to about why she doesnt want to go. because in the end you are responsible for delivering her to him, she is too young to make that choice. Not speaking to her father could give her the wrong impression
Ask her why shes mad at him?. Dont force her to be around someone she obviously doesn’t want to be around. If he wants to put her down because of that, then he shouldnt be around her.
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I’d find out why she doesn’t wanna go …did something happen to her there …has to be a reasom
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I would do the latter personally. There might be a reason why your daughter doesn’t want to spend time with her father, or there might not. A whole month out of an 8 year old’s life is as lot to them. It means a month away from her friends each Summer. She might just be plain bored when she’s there. I suggest you try offering some alternatives to her (such as a shorter time) and see what she says. In time she might be able to help you understand but I’d leave the topic for now. Let her pick up the phone if and when she’s ready!
She may feel abandoned. She is angry. Talk to her it may be a bigger problem
Don’t Force it … If she doesn’t want to talk to him let it be . It will be toxic relationship it not worth it. You and her should go the counseling and figure out what going on with her then go from there but in the meantime let him know unfortunately she need her space and I am working in it . . I hope it help you got this momma .