I’m at my wits end yall and I don’t know what to do. My daughter is eight years old and homeschooled along with three brothers. She has THE worst attitude. Every single time I say or ask anything of her I get stomps, ugly noises and slamming things around. EVERY TIME. It’s 10-15 times a day. How do I fix this? It’s ruining our relationship.
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You created it…
Maybe homeschooling ist for her or the best for your relationship
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Ask her. Why she feels mad. Perhaps she no longer wants to be homeschooled? Ask her what she wants. If not, then the next call needs to be to your pediatrician so she can speak to a therapist.
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It’s likely something in her environment.
I love how everyone automatically assumes home schooling is the issue 
my daughter does this isn’t home schooled and I definitely didn’t create the issue
No help here only support because same but hope you find something that works
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If kids don’t voice, or aren’t sure how to voice what’s wrong, they show you. Negative behavior is one of many ways they do this.
However, if I may add…it’s insane to me how parents expect children to control their emotions when the parents can’t even control their own.
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Sit down on the floor with her, spend time with her. Ask her why?
She is still learning how to express and control her emotions. I would sit down, calmly and talk to her. Let her know first you love her, want to support/help her and want her happy. Hv empathy for her feelings. I can see your upset/sad etc but I am having a hard time understanding why and why you are stomping your feet, yelling etc. I want to listen and understand. Can you try to explain to me how your feeling and why. Then just sit and listen. Don’t get defensive or upset or anything, let her talk. You are showing/teaching her how to express her feelings in a positive way but demonstrating that yourself. You are her teacher/mom. She learns from her environment and people in it. After she talks to you (hopefully) lol then try to really understand her, paraphrase what she said so you know and her that you heard her right and go on from there. Good luck momma 
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Simple spankings fix most of these problems early
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Have her label her emotions and know what it’s like when anger shows up. And it’s ok to be mad and jealous they aren’t always happy feelings. When shame shows up how do we react, Embarrassment and that we know it the emotion that is there showing up like in the movie inside out. If we get angry as adults we still sulk, and go be quiet. We may not say we are angry or stressed but we are and we behave as if the emotion has showed up and overcome us.
Labeling these makes it seem not so big. Bc it’s not your child’s name that showing you these signs. Her behaviors are how she feels. This is way easier said then done. But don’t be scared mom. It’s your journey too. If you need help they have behavior health department at most doctor offices. It’s more of a few meetings instead of constant therapy. I’ve been there and they do help.
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Hormones… Not home schooled. Hormones are taking over for a while. Sometimes a long while.
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She probably did it when she was younger and everyone used to laugh and think it’s cute… Nek min lol
She’s 8, she has emotions she’s learning to express the fact that you said “it’s ruining our relationship “ cmon SHES 8 not an adult.
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She may just not like being asked or told. Some people are like that. Ask her if having basic chores everyday vs asking her to do things would work best. Change wifi password til homeschooling and chores r done if she chooses chores vs when asked.
Talk to her, girls her age are starting to feel bigger emotions that she won’t understand, my daughter is nine, she to gets big emotions but always just talking it out with her I feel for myself just opens a doorway to trust, I want to always have her know that she can talk to me about her big emotions, even if it’s something that might upset me. I always just try to remember that she’s a little human, she just needs to be talked to that way. Let her know that it’s okay to talk to you when she’s frustrated, adults get big feelings too.
At 8 hormones will start showing. My girls all was 8 it started.
Sit and talk to her make time just for her also
If she’s the only girl she’ll need that. I’ve 3 girls 2 boys another girl due Jan but still have to make that time for girly chats
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Take her out for a ride, go somewhere quiet with no distractions. Then talk to her like…she’s not a child if you know what I mean. My daughter went through a spell around 7-8 where she was acting, well “bitchy”! Do I did the above with her. I explained that her behavior is not and will never be acceptable.
I explained a lot that day. It was a good day, for us both.
Then comes puberty!
So it sounds like you have a neurodivergent daughter and you just …want ‘it’ to go away with no effort in your part. Shocker 
Get her a psychiatrist and grow up
Ever think she wants to go to school to be amongst kids and not be stuck with you and her brothers
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Gurl put her in check! Stomp ok do 25 jumping jacks. Anything disrespectful there’s a consequence. Girls challenge single moms let your husband check her about disrespecting his wife and dare her to try you. Don’t let her get away with that bs get her in check and fast.
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Believe it or not in some cases it’s red dye in foods and that melatonin it causes aggressiveness. I don’t know if her diet is healthy or she takes melatonin but it’s just a thought.
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Send her to school, if she acted like that in school what would happen. Kids go through many changes, hormones, etc. Just like adults every so often. This might sound rude but maybe she needs a break from you or to get away, if you are also home all day, all night… every one needs a break/ separation for a bit to get out. And if she has 2 brothers, she needs other girls
Maybe she just needs an attitude adjustment. Try enforcing consequences for her actions? I have a teenager who likes to get mouthy and the second he starts, he loses his phone and devices.
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Quick question, how do you respond to her big feelings and emotions? No judgement, I swear. I’m asking because I realized when I got overwhelmed by my daughter’s outbursts, it made them so much worse than if I managed to find my own calm and meet her where she was as a presence of peace. It’s challenging, but long term, helpful. Also her knowing she can have big feelings and emotions is helpful too, she just needs to be taught how to direct that. It is, unfortunately, an age thing, their bodies are changing. It’s a tough age, but you’ll get through it 🩷 give her a paper to scribble or color on. A pillow to punch, or even a chart for her to show you what feeling she’s having. Another thought, a “calm corner” somewhere she can go to in order to decompress. Have random fidgets, squeeze toys, a bottle with glitter, oil and water to stir up and watch it all settle and separate. Books and or coloring books with crayons. Maybe even a canopy to make it private, you could hang twinkle lights to give her the option of light or darkness. Every child is different, you’ll find a system that works for her through trial and error. Give yourself and her some grace.
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Look deeper into her diet, dyes, artificials, bioengineered junk. It really does play a big part in it. Mine is about to be 10 and we went through the same thing. I removed all the junk from our diet and dang girl the whole family changed. Removing these things will also help with her hormones. And no it’s not more expensive to eat this way. Really you just become more aware of what you’re putting into your body. Same with shampoos conditioners and soaps.
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How old are the brothers? If they’re significantly younger and getting less work as far as school or work that seems more fun at her age it could be fueling the defiance. “Ruining your relationship” does seem a bit extreme way. She’s 9 she’s not deliberately trying to ruin her relationship. Kids show us their worse because we’re the parents, they feel safe and comfortable to do so. If slamming doors and ugly noises bother that much I hate to say… But teen years are worse. Maybe consider in person learning so she can make friends?
So let me just say I hear you and I get you! Changes at that age are typically common. How we respond and react to them is going to be the biggest key in getting through this. Have you tried talking to her when she’s not upset? You’re not going to get through to her when she is. Sometimes they just need a hug. Sounds silly but she may be reaching for attention and even if it’s negative she’s getting it so she will go for it. As for not doing what she needs to, be firm and find a common ground. It takes time and work but you’ll get there
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She needs female friends her own age to hang out with. I can’t imagine being eight years old and cooped up in the house with my brothers. It’s only going to get worse.
Sit her down look her in the eye and say listen I understand you are getting older and starting to feel overwhelmed and there are 3 other kids that are probably annoying you , but in my house you do not give me this kind of disrespect . Let me know when you are overwhelmed and calmly walk away no more stomping .
Does she have friends? Groups ? Anything ? Maybe she needs a break from the house or a PE class at a school she could join ?
Why do you allow her to do this without consequences? Time out, chores, removing perks like games, TV, phone and friends as in grounding. You are asking for a heap of trouble in her teens if you don’t get her to respect you now because that’s what this is. Disrespecting her Mom.
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It’s pre puberty at this age, I’m telling you, girls are a whole different ballgame than boys are!!
Tell her you understand that she has these emotions she can’t always understand and try to find a way together that you can help her learn to express them better!! And good luck cause I’m still working on this with my 11 yr old!
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This may be totally out in left field. But, I notice when my girls start giving more attitude or sass; it’s because they want to spend one on one time together. It gets hard because life is hectic. But I notice if I spend a minimum of 15 minutes just doing whatever they want to do with them; they aren’t full of defiance.
Going through the same thing with my 9 year old Daughter it’s rough
My daughter is also 8 years old and has the same issues every day. She is in occupational therapy to help with emotions and behavior. She is getting tested for adhd and possible autism as well. What I learned is patience even if it is very very hard. If she starts becoming snarky just to ignore it (she’s looking for attention and to get a rise out of you). Instead of time outs, “time ins” help more. Positive reinforcement like (let’s help mom with the dishes etc) to have her think about something else and calm down. Every child is different, so this may or not work for you. Hope some of it helps.