Have you tried brushing technique to help settle her down, weighted blanket for rest or vest during the day? Simple sign language may help if she’s nonverbal or delayed…
Don’t think of her as “behind” other kids. Every kid is different and she has her own timeline. I would definitely ask her doctor about melatonin. You both need sleep to function well. It sounds like you’re doing so much already to give her the best start. If you have a family member or a friend that you trust to take care of her for a couple hours, go take some time for yourself. Grocery shopping without kids does not count as “me time”!
Just because you’re not seeing the desired results with her therapies does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It takes time and thats the hardest part.
My son is the exact same. He was nonverbal until 3. It has taken a lot of work from the autism specialist and me. He’s finally getting where he asks for things rather then get them himself no matter the danger. He’s scared of nothing. I found that when he is misbehaving and doing things he know he shouldn’t do -that he is trying to communicate his needs. Whether that be he’s hungry, thirsty, dirty or bored. Pay close attention to behavioral issues. It could be the only way to communicate needs for right now. She’ll get better. It takes time and whole lot of patience. Hang in there!
Melatonin for sure I give to my daughter who is going to be 3 in January and she goes to sleep with an he after I give it to her. Usually 30 minutes
My son is in speech therapy for speech delay and we have talked about OT to help with behavior. He likes to throw, draw on walls, make intentional messes, push every limit…I could go on. We also deal with the no sleep issue. I have found the best thing for him (he is 4 1/2yrs old) is 3-5mg of melatonin (I was against it at first, Dr recommended and has been so helpful), redirection has been the best thing for us (no amount of time outs did any good with him) and preschool has been a huge help.
Search “big little feelings” on Instagram. Have a look through their feed and see if that style of parenting is something you are willing to give a go. If it is get their programme. You will see improvements in just a few days of you are willing to stick with it. Good luck 
1.You may need a break to recharge and , refresh.
2. You may also need Help with daily routine and her needs like someone who mainly works with her while you do follow up and take care of her other needs e.g bath time, snack, love and fun things etc. That way you are not over worked and burnt out.
It is emotionally and physically draining. If you’re drained you you be your best self for her, patience will run low etc.
3. Consider that each relationship dynamic is different sooo different strategies will work. All the Best dear. You will do great. Just don’t give up on you or your baby
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Put her up for adoption.
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While some of this is typical behavior ,most is not! Sounds like she isn’t being disciplined for her behavior and not being praised enough for her good behavior. If there is no other medical conditions relating to this then I’d suggest getting a 2nd opinion and you take some parenting classes and therapy yourself.
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That behavior seems normal for a 2.5 year old. That’s why they call it the terrible twos. She’s testing her boundaries.
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I had the same issue Dr think he is in the austistic spectrum but hasnt been officially diagnosed. However for my sanity what I did and continued to do is allow him to do him to a certain point(make sure he’s safe) let him wonder around. Make a mess with him then play sing the cleanup song. Play w him w toys that he enjoys outside of sensory toys. Put educational videos for her on YouTube or Netflix. My son will be 4 next week. He attend early childhood programs for his delays and now he talks non stop not perfect words but he’s a sponge. He is way more advanced then the kids in his class. It takes time but don’t push it if you already doing everything you can. One thing I learn is my son is extremely defiant w everything if he feels like it and for me I let him marinate in his defiance until he comes to me. He’s very much a momma boy❤️
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With not talking sometimes its normal… is people shes around talking to like she is a child or as if she still is a baby … I had the issue of people talking to my son as he was still a baby and I moved 3 states away from my family and within a month my son which was 2 1/2 at the time vocabulary changed and he is 3 1/2 now and knows so much sometimes I have to look stuff up and see if he is right. As for tantrums is common in 2 year old … sometime you have to pick your battles. And start out with a same routine that you do 7 days a week try not to change to much in daily routine get up at the same time everyday even if she doesn’t sleep much, do breakfast, lunch, and dinner same times, … also you may need a day or just a couple hours away to get a break … toddlers can be frustrating sometimes and a small break may do some good so your not stressed and mentally and physically exhausted. Hang in there things do get easier.
This sounds EXACTLY like my daughter. Shes almost 8 (in April) now. Shes been in school/therapy (speech, OT, PT, social work) since 3 yrs old and have made many improvements but she still wouldn’t listen, would throw tantrums, up all night (or up and down), she would constantly need/want her father or I with/by her etc. Back in the beginning of November she started taking Focalin for ADHD and it helped a lot but it only lasted 3 hrs so shes now on Focalin XR and it lasts almost all day, she sits and focuses, shes now excelling in math, she sleeps, better appetite etc. Im not saying put a 2.5 yr old on meds…hell, I didnt even want mine on any but it was so exhausting for 5 yrs going through everything and her being so far behind. Im just saying that maybe there’s something else going on as well.
Second opinions are always great, see if there’s a possibility of tongue tie too in speech. Educational shows, games. As far as messes go sounds like a typical 2 yr old boundary testing. Do the clean up song. No rewards, set your limits till its cleaned up. My daughter needed much hand over hand assistance in completing clean up. But it caught on by 3yr. You can make a game out of it, song, or hand over hand depending. But if they see they get a rise from you it may encourage this behavior. Kids are going to get messy. Make a spot where it’s allowed but they’ll have to help clean up. It’ll be OK.
Sounds like she is just wild 🤷 my 21/2 yr old is a brat and won’t listen sometimes either. She understands what I need her to do she just doesn’t want to do what she’s told.
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Good morning, I’m a speech language pathologist and value what you are saying. First and foremost don’t let anyone on this thread or that you come into contact with invalidate your feelings. It’s normal for you to feel frustrated as a mother in this situation, but even on the toughest days know that you are doing your best even when it doesn’t feel like it. In what you have explained it sounds that your daughter has a language delay (which is impacting her ability to understand directions, follow them, and express her feelings). I’m unsure if you have utilized the strategy of providing visuals to help aide in understanding and increase her ability to express how she is feeling. You can use a website such as lessonpix.com to create some visuals. This does come with a small fee but is very valuable. I would also suggest talking to your speech therapist to coach you through how to use the visuals effectively. Using statements such as “First sit, then you can have doll”. Be consistent and also show her what she is expected to do. Often children who have language delays are labeled as “very bad” or misbehaving when in fact they truly don’t understand what they need to do or can’t tell you why they are frustrated. The behavior becomes an immediate way to get a desired outcome, because usually once an adult reaches the point of frustration, they give in. Again be consistent and be patient. It’s easier said than done, but as you said she’s made progress and I’m sure she will continue to do so with family support. Be firm with unwanted behaviors and offer praise when she does something good. If you need anymore tips or a safe place for parent empowerment please join Speech, Language, and Education Parent Support Group of Florida. Take care and well wishes!
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There are always time outs. But some people don’t want to do straight up timeouts, which is fine. I think the one ladies suggestion of the sensory corner timeout would be a good start. I have seen something like that used for aggressive boys, a place they can go when they’re angry and draw or play with various toys until they calm down.
Boundries are boundries, regardless of wether your child is nurotypical or nurodivergent (autism, ADHD ect.) Remain firm with out being mean. Don’t fold when she throws a tantrum, especially at bed time. Its hard work, but well worth it in the end.
Also there is no shame in being exhausted, you need time for yourself too. If you have someone who can watch her for a few hours take advantage of it. Go on a coffee date with some friends, take a walk in a park or take a nap, whatever you enjoy the most to just decompress and have a break.
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My son was the same. There is a threshold in the brain…sometimes when trying to communicate and/or having sensory meltdowns the brain gets over worked. Sometimes i had to let him be by himself just watch a cartoon. Others i had to sit with him and give him bear hugs and rub his arms. Like a anxiety attack. Try kids weighted blankets at night. Helps the brain relax. Also to much sensory play may make things worse. Try just walking. Cool air always helped my son to calm down. The throwing things and such sounds like she is being a child and terrible 2’s. Keep being stern and ride it out. Good luck mama.
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it sounds like parenting not only because she has “sensory issues.” Hang in there your on the right track which is you putting in effort and consistency.
Have you tried modeling how to use the things? For example with the play dough you keep it and tell/show her what you want her to do with it. then giving it to her when your ready a little bit at a time. It doesn’t have to be the whole thing see how she does with a little bit.
For example you stated she makes a mess so when she makes a mess work with her to clean it up, so she realizes there is a consequence. Consistency is what’s best for her and yes it is very exhausting.
Hang in there mama, it will get better. Having a special needs daughter myself it can be difficult a lot of the time. Could be the fun and exciting terrible 2s and testing those boundaries. Maybe it’s just over stimulation. When she would make a mess we would take a break. Kinda like a timeout away from the table with a quick we don’t throw that’s bad behavior back at the table it would be praise for good behavior and this is what mama wants. When settled I would invite back and if she was just done we would clean up together. Preschool will help her to develop those skills to play by herself and not expect you to do it all the time. You’re doing a great job!!
It does get better. You cannot ignore a child with sensory issues when they are acting out. Especially a 2 almost 3 year old. They are trying to communicate to the best of their ability and if they are nonverbal then acting out may be their only way of communicating because it catches your attention. Their are class you both can take to better your communication skills, there is more to communication then talking. Once she is in school you will have more time to pull.yourself together andb the best mama you can be. Give your self and her a break. Sensory toys really help and so do tablets.
Morning or afternoon naps are actually good. The more they are exhausted they tend to be more restless, difficult for them to sleep. In addition to speech, you can also try OT. They help manage behaviors as well. They usually go together. Also… you’re doing great mama! It will get better soon! 
Change her diet. Watch the movie called The Magic Pill.
My boys were similar til thats month or so (they will be 3 in february) they are now listening and talking (though not coherently) their comprehension is perfect …
Hang in there mumma you got this things will get better …i watch the preservatives and e numbers in their diet … (because one lives on hard crunchy I lo ok for lentil chips and I vege crackers
My daughter is 4 and has speech delay and development delay and some sensory issues too. I know my daughter does get in trouble on purpose when she just wants any kind of attention from me. Good or bad and when she is tired. I would talk to her doctor about the sleep issues. Maybe if yall can figure out a way to get her a full night’s rest she might do better. I fully understand the frustration of not being able to communicate with your child because of speech delay. I taught my daughter some basic sign language that helped us. She mainly used the signs for “more” and “all done”. That might help yall too.
She sounds like a normal 2 year old lol
But curious as to why a 2.5 year old would need a therapist…