My daughter (4) just told me she loves her step mom more than me. She’s been around almost a year and she goes over there every other weekend. I should be happy she loves her but it bugs me so badly I want to cry.
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1000 percent be grateful it would be much worse if she hated her
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I know it hurts, but do not take it serious. You are the one with her every day. You are the one that must set boundaries and discipline her. The stepmom may not even be allowed to discipline her or choose us not to and lets dad handle that. So she is the fun person. 
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She’s 4 - she’s still a baby and doesn’t understand the impact of words said on impulse. Be patient with her, Mom - and know you’re doing a great job.
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She’s 4 and while she understands the word Love she’s still to young to fully understand unconditional true love or how exactly her words affect others. You as the adult have to feel your feels and let it go because if you take it out on her, speak poorly of the step mom in front of her or allow her words to bring you down it will take ultimately break her trust with you. Plus if what she says at 4 hurts you this much the teen years are going to be a total emotional shut down. They say things that they don’t fully mean because they have not yet learned how to regulate their emotions and it’s our responsibility as the adult/parent to appropriately respond.
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She knows not what she says, she’s only 4. You’re the adult, and you should be happy that she has a great Stepmom. I agree that since she’s only there every other weekend they probably do things that are fun. Don’t worry, she doesn’t mean it. Hugs to you.
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I am sure the stepmom is spoiling your daughter to win her love, letting her do things you don’t, giving goodies and such.
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She’s 4 and she will say things that her little mind doesn’t understand that may be hurtful or offensive. As a stepparent, we often get a bad rap. We are supposed to be the wicked stepmother, but that is not really how it should be. Be thankful that she has someone who loves her and she loves. Just let it go. Happy New Year!
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She’s four if you take all these comments your small children say seriously and to the heart you will be a very unhappy momma. Remember kids love new things and she loves her in a different way then you
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Please don’t let the unkind responses get to you. It’s pretty clear from them that some step moms also feel unappreciated. You clearly stated that you were glad she has a good stepmom…and you clearly know that she is 4 and does not always know how to correctly identify and express the more nuanced emotions. It still hurts to hear that…even when you know it’s not true on a deeper level. She loves you more than anyone. The next time she says that, respond with some version of this: “you are so lucky to have a great step mom that you love so much! I love you more than anyone and I am so glad that you have so much love in your life!”
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It’s hurtful but she doesn’t. Step mom gets to be the fun one 4-6 days a month while you’re the every day parent which, unfortunately, involves the not so much fun stuff.
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She’s so little! I know your mama heart hurts, but be so thankful that your baby is coming home full of love. When she says things like that I would just respond with something along the lines of, “it makes mommy so happy that you love your step mom so much, I’m sure she loves you just as much. And I want you to know that mommy loves you so much more than you know”! I would never show any negative feelings in front of her. By your post, it seems like you wouldn’t either. You sound hurt, and understandably! Have you ever talked to her step mom before? I found that creating a friendship with my children’s bonus mother has been the best possible thing for myself and my babies. My babies see us hanging out and being friends, and they LOVE it. And love us.
We know that once we are no longer with our children’s father, they will find someone else. We just have to be thankful when they find someone who loves our babies the way we do. It’s okay mama, your baby loves you. She’s just little and this is how she is expressing her feelings right now. Hang in there!! 🫶🏽
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She doesn’t understand what she’s saying.Of course she loves her bc she gets to be the fun one.
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Kids that age often say things they don’t really mean. Of course going over there just every other weekend mist likely means they treat her extra special and do special things. She most likely has as many rules or expectations while there. It would be different if she was there all the time. Of course it hurts when she says that but the best thing to do is not to react to it other than saying something like “I’m glad you love her” or “I love you to the moon and back.” If she is saying it all the time I would say ’ you’ve already told me that but when you keep saying it, it hurts my feelings."
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She’s the friend You’re the parent. I’m sure she never punishes her she’s the good cop, so to say.
Your daughter is 4 and doesn’t understand how hurtful her words are.
I’m sure your daughter loves you very much.
Honestly at that age they dont know what that means, it usually because they get away with more things and when they see them they get treated everytime where as your child is with you all the other time so when they see others they think they are the best 
Cry and let it out!! Same thing happened to me only difference she was a gf. Your kids won’t be able to give you a good reason as to why they so call love the other person more. Know that you are doing a great job!! There probably are rules and regulations and requirements at your home and not any where the stepmother is.
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As a step mum
I wouldn’t worry she’s only 4 that’s very young. It’s amazing she has a step mum she loves! No one can take your place you are her mother. Kids say things they don’t often understand what they’re saying. Xx
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Gosh - I’m curious - at four they still talk and chat (lol - mom of a teen here) I’d invite her to a little tea party to find out why she loves this step mom so much - maybe it was a pack of gum at the store or some Oreo cookies - you can do more of that too to shower your little with ALL KINDS OF LOVE she loves! It is very special she loves her step 
- but you’re the momma 
your job makes her the best person your sweet little girl can be. You got this, momma!
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You are welcome to feel your emotions and cry (alone and not In front of daughter). As for what she said. Just don’t take it to heart, she is 4.
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She is 4… if you make a big deal out of it, it will only hurt your relationship with your daughter in the end.
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She’s 4. It’s kind of like the grandparents thing where they say they wanna live with nana. She’s new and fun. Don’t take it personal.
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Its because step mom is new and is “fun” and let’s her do anything etc because she is with her 4 days a month. Don’t take it to heart, you have to be a parent and sometimes the parent isn’t as fun as the play partner. In the end, your daughter will always know you have her back, and will outgrow this.
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Be thankful she is going somewhere where she is safe and feels safe when she’s not with you. Don’t feel bad…at 4 she doesn’t really know about feelings yet .
Kids don’t understand love. They love gifts and things that a parent doesn’t have time in a day to be. Every other weekend the woman has time to give her undivided attention and shower her with things. Do your best and as she grows she will see what is real
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She doesn’t mean it. Kids sometimes say hurtful things. Don’t take it personally. The last time she saw her, she probably let her do something you don’t.
She’s 4 and doesn’t have an understanding of how that could be hurtful, and I know for sure doesn’t mean it in a cruel way. Good for your kiddo being able to recognize when she loves others though 
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That is very hurtful!!! But kids say these sort of things all the time I learned to have a thick skin with my son when he was this age they don’t mean it!!
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She’s 4 you got the hard job, step mom probably the fun one. Just keep being their for her…
I have to agree that at her age, she doesn’t mean it in the way an adult would. I also couldn’t help my feelings getting hurt when my girl said she loved her Aunt more than me. She even called her mommy the same day! Of course she didn’t mean it the way we think. Her aunt loves to play with her and bring her toys when she visits. They really do enjoy each, and I’m grateful she has that. I know she loves her mommy and Aunt.
Hurtful. But I would rather a step mum my kids adore than the opposite. Feel blessed she thinks so much of her
So many times, stepparents get a bad a rap. They’re always thought to spoil and not discipline the children. As a parent, being told that would hurt, but please let her simply love her stepmother.
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She’s four. If you gave her some candy she’d love it more than both of you🤣
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Normal behavior from a 4 year old 
Love is immeasurable …the tiny child has the opportunity to teach everyone this
At that age she will test you in every way she can. My great greandson tells his dad he hates him. But in a few minutes later hugs him. Your daughter will always love you more.
The real pain of getting a divorce comes when u have to share your children. Not a easy thing for any parent. It is a good sign that your husband married a good women. She treats your daughter special.
She’s 4… One thing for sure at lease you know she’s NOT being mistreated. That should make you happy knowing that the step mom giving her love and is spending time with her. I hope that don’t ever change. Your her mom be patient with her… Happy New Year.! 
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She is 4 and does not understand the emotional suffering this causes you!!!
With that being said show her more love because she said that. Do not let it get you down. I’m sure you’re an amazing mom.
REMEMBER love is shown through actions not words. She will understand that better one day.
Coming from a mom who’s kids have had 5+ "new moms " in their lives since their dad’s and I’s break up!
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Shes 4.
Kids real parents are always no fun or were mean anyways 
So step mommy is probably the one who doesn’t discipline (because she probably feels its not her place anyways) and allows her to do as she pleases.
I wouldnt take it to heart.
My kid told me she loved a tree more than me once. Cause I told her she couldnt go outside in -20°c weather with no coat on.
I get it, it stings when you hear it. But you gotta take it with a grain of salt, cause theyre 4.
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What did you tell her she couldn’t have or do? Kids do that when they don’t get their way. It’s nothing and ALL kids who have a step parent do it. My step son did it until he was in his teens. Don’t take it as she hates me. She loves you and just being a kid.
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Its never easy to hear something like that. Just bare in mind that you are the mother and the father at your house. You are the one who has to say no. When she goes visit there she gets spoiled maybe and the relationship ia different. So dont take it to serious.
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She’s saying it because step mom isn’t really around and she doesn’t have to get in trouble or follow as many rules as she does when with you don’t take it to heart kids say mean things sometimes unintentionally <3
It hurts but she’s little it’ll pass. She loves you it’s just step mom gets to be fun and you have to be the bad guy
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Pray to God about it.he will heal your
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It may hurt for a second until you remind yourself that she is 4. They say things. Doesn’t mean anything.
First and foremost your daughter doesn’t understand what she’s actually saying so you shouldt be bothered by it.
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You have to let that slide. She’s 4 she doesn’t fully understand love or what it is. I bet she said this in a moment of anger against you or perhaps after discipline for something or other. My 8 year old does it every so often and has since she was 4 or 5. Dad’s house is Disney. They visit occasionally most dads buy their love spoil the shit outta them and send them back to mom to deal with the poor attitude. Fact is she doesn’t love her step mom more. This is something she will come to see and understand over time. When she says these things to you especially if it’s in a moment of anger just tell her that you love her and move on. When she’s a bit older only if she’s saying it when she’s in trouble or in anger you can tell her that hurts your feelings but you understand that she’s upset and reinforce your love to her.
At 4 she doesn’t understand. She probably gets super spoiled every other weekend going there and you are the main parent here so you have to do all the stuff good and bad. My oldest is 10 now and she knows and through all the chaos and strife she recognizes me and the struggles of being parent numero uno.
Just keep being the best mom you can be. The rest will work itself out.
All in all, be so grateful she’s good to your child. That’s a blessing. Don’t let it get to you, she’s very young.
While I know it stings, be thankful that stepmom is kind to her and your daughter is happy there. My childrens stepmom made their visits awful and they hate going to their dads because they have to deal with her.
Awww that must have hurt, although I don’t agree with the step mom always being the “fun” one… I’m a step mom and always get told I’m “mean” because we have rules and her moms house has NONE 
The hate for step moms on these comments are not it😐
My kids tell me all the time they love their stepdad more than me. Which is funny because he’s the stricter one. But then sometimes my ten year old will send me a cab cut video of how amazing of a mom I am and I know he loves me just as much. They’re kids, kids say things. Don’t take it to heart mama
Aww hugssssss. Just remember that stepmom is working ten times as hard bc she’s “the other mother”. So she’s trying to impress her for now. It’ll wear off. She’s just a little girl. Love her no matter what and never treat her differently bc she’ll know.
Remind her she said that to you in 30 years when she calls you crying and exhausted because her new baby won’t let her sleep.
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Stepmother is fun she has her minimally. I’m a stepmother to 2 girls who are 22 and 25…the 22 yr old told both her Mom and Dad that she would choose me over both of them this year…I know that hurt my husband n her Mom but I listened when no one else did. Both her M9m n Dad r working on it.
It is just a faze. She only sees her 2 weekends a month (4 to 6 days). Just relax.
I honestly wouldn’t take it to heart to much. She’s 4 and doesn’t understand what she even said and how hurtful it is. plus I’m sure her step mom never disciplines her and just spoils her
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She is 4. Don’t take it personal. Stepmom is a play 
mom and I’m sure she is indulged when with her. Be glad there are fondness it shows she’s been cared for and not abuse.
It’s Disney at Dads. They only have parenting responsibilities 3 days total 1 1/2days every other weekend. While you are the 24/7 Mom and Dad in her true home. You are her HOME and this is a faze she has rules in your home that you enforce. They don’t say No because let’s face it who wants a crying child other than the mother 
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Been there, it will end trust me
Disneyland step mom - she hasn’t done any of the hard stuff. Your daughter will always only have 1 mom.
Buy her a lollipop and you’re her favorite again.
She’s 4, don’t take it to heart
She’s 4is she’s telling stepmom is ok in her books . It’s new more fun etc .
She probably ly loves her pet rock ( or whatever) too …
Wait until she’s a teen then it won’t sting it will feel like a gut punch .
Your forever she is a step parent which doesn’t guarantee forever.
Keep in mind kids say the darndest things u just gotta laugh it off. Support her on her quest with the new friend aka step mom. And remember if she does last long she won’t always be new and will eventually begin to parent with rules and consequences etc. And I promoss come the teenage years she won’t be liking it.
If it comes about when your disciplining her than maybe speak with dad about rules boundaries so your not the only bad guy. Maybe he feels his time is short so he don’t want to be mean or upset your child. I’m willing to bet this will pass come 5 her kindergarten teacher or the boy in class will be her favorite person. Smile and laugh it off remember no matter who’s the favorite your the one that gets her love every day and night.
Shes 4. My daughter will look me dead in the eyes and tell me she doesn’t love me anymore if she’s mad about something. Don’t let it get to you mama
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You know what- this is okay- it is okay for you to feel so sad and then take a step back and recognize that of course she loves her in the basic ways more- the step mom gets to be the part time fun one who can give all the good stuff and you are the deep giver and lover of her soul. You are seen authentically, your child gets you in all your real- walking up, getting ready for good and hard days, exhausted and letting the laundry go and then feeling overwhelmed and rushing to get things done. You get to teach her self care means sometimes you are first and she is second- this is important for her soul. You get to teach her that life is not always the planned activities but also the work to make those things happen. You are Mom in all the love and glory and work too. You are teaching her how to love, be loved, get what she needs and manage disapointments. Step mom is the bonus fun for her. Your love is life forming. Do not doubt it, but also note that step mom gives something different and that’s okay too.
She is too young to know what she is saying. She hasn’t enough understanding to make that judgement and is just being childish .
Cry! And then let it go…
Of course she will say that, she is probably the one who doesn’t discipline her , she might be able to do more fun stuff when she is there and etc .
You should be happy that she feels that way.
When my daughter was about that age she used to tell me the same , she even told me that she wanted to live with her, I always pretended to feel sad and did a little jealous scene .
But in my hearth it made me feel absolutely happy.
Hey stepmom and her dad broken up ( they also have a daughter together) and she always made sure that the girls spent time together.
She cared for my daughter most than her dad
She doesn’t mean that. Step mommy gets to be the fun one, you have to be the disciplinarian. When she gets sick, guess who she’s gonna want, YOU. Don’t let it get you down. Just be happy that your baby is happy when she goes over there. I’m sure it would hurt you a LOT more if you had to send her over there and she HATES it. Stay strong 
mama.
she doesn’t know what she’s saying really. she’s just expressing she’s enjoying her growing bond with her step mom greatly. just explain to her that saying things like that hurts your feelings. you love that she loves her step mom but saying you love someone more is not a nice thing to say
Or—. She has probably at 4 been told to tell you that my granddaughters used to come home and say that kind of stuff and say, step mom told us to tell you that we love her more than you
Could be bc she’s not parenting or taking that roll in full force.
Kids say things like that all the time
Sounds like a typical child , playing off one parent against another one (including step parents)
Makes sense. Shes the Disney mum
Step-mom & dad probably put her upto saying that to hurt your feelings. My step-mother & sister used to make me say things like that. I was too young to understand the impact. Explain to your daughter that it hurts your feelings & ask her if they told her to tell you that.
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Just something kids say. Means nothing at this point. She would say it about another person if bonus mom wasn’t around
She’s 4. Don’t take it personal. Step mom gets to be the fun one who is probably buying her all the things she wants. My kid told me she hated me at 4 and wanted grandparents. Well fastfoward now she won’t leave my side.
I do have to start by saying you just won the coparent lottery!!! Your kid loves the step parent and she loves your baby!! HELLLL YESSSSS!!
- Remember she is 4. She really doesn’t know.
- I would bet a million dollars that she just really really likes her. And because she is technically “new” it’s like the new toy. This is awesome by the way makes co-parenting so easy.
- I will also say that as soon as she gets in trouble. Like ya know like when Mom and Dad have to be stern and such, and when Step mama has to correct her and such she will not anymore. Lol seriously 4yr olds are CRAZY!! lmmfao
- And this is the most important. She 100% absolutely DOES NOT love her more. Please trust this. And man I know it hurts but there 4. And a girl. And a toddler. 3 mean vicious traits into 1.
I have 4 daughters and have been through this with them all!! It’s ok. She doesn’t. But I am still happy for you. Have a great 2024 and may you and yours be blessed:green_heart:
Get over yourself she’s a child like she means It
I wouldn’t even trip! One id be happy that means she likes her which means the step is treating her nice! 2. My 7 year old says he loves daddy more than me whenever I’m on his nerves or have to check him about something! I’m not always the nicest parent because you can’t talk crazy to me or treat me how you want to I’m not going for the nonsense! Before bed he always says momma your my best friend in the world I receive it but I wanna be petty and be like but you didn’t even like me earlier their kids they say whatever it hurts sometimes but that baby loves you trust me!
If this happened to me I would be so absolutely thrilled that my child was being cared for and loved by her Stepmom. Growing up I had my first stepmom who also became my 3rd and she was a lovely woman whom my Mom also liked❤️the 2nd stepmom well let’s just say she had a lot of jealousy and weirdness, and clearly did not care a hoot about me or my sister.
She’s 4 and that should be a good thing
Kiddo at that age say thing that cut like a knife. She probably spoils her.
Don’t take it to heart girl kids will be kids she’s still learning like you are
4 year olds say anything. Don’t take it as the truth
That little brat don’t know sh-t don’t let it bother you
I have a 4 and a 5-year-old and sometimes they tell me that they don’t love me at all. Or they say that I’m really mean but I literally don’t even spank them. And my 4-year-old wishes that I didn’t have my 4-month-old. Kids just say stuff. It can be hard not to take it to heart. You are their mother and no matter what they will love you more than anybody else in this world
I wouldn’t take it personally, my son is 5 and he’s told be he loves chickens more than me before. They don’t have any concept of love. They know they love someone, but i’m sure they still love you more.
Coming from a 4 year old, I think this only means that she needs to spend more quality time with you.
And on that same note, try to find some peace knowing your daughter is loved, cared for and safe with step mom. You and your daughter are lucky to have that.
It is a punch to the gut- I’ve had this said to me and it is a bittersweet feeling of gratitude and heartbreak bc you are the Mom. 
Hugs
My daughter (7) tells me that she loves my mom more, then she goes to my mom’s and tells her she loves me more. Kids do the darnedest things so try your best not to take it personally. She’s testing boundaries and you need to stand firm in your knowledge that you are a great mother. Don’t sweat it, mama!
She knows you love her so much… maybe she thinks that you know she loves YOU so much.
Kids say things in the moment, and they’re susceptible to suggestion. Just foster your own close relationship with her and make sure she knows you’re always in her corner.
My daughter said the same thing around 4/5. I cried in silent but told her “I’m glad you love her so much! That means she treats you good”.
Went in my bed room and cried like a baby.
3 Years later and I hear all the time “she’s mean! You’re my.favorite!”
Littles just say what they feel in the moment and that’s okay. Those feelings can change over time. My daughter still loves her step mom, but i.think she realizes now she only has 1 bio mom
She’s 4. The last time she went over she probably got ice cream so she said that lol that sucks though but I wouldn’t take it personal
Stepmom probably spoils her a bit more bc of being a stepmom. Maybe take some you and her time after each visit. Let’s say tea with mommy when you come back. Then she’ll talk about how excited she is to go back and have tea with mommy 
trust me you still got it mama.