I have a six-year-old daughter who is in kindergarten. She has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and separation anxiety. At this time, she is not on medication. She told me she hated school and it’s hard to go there and be without me. She has a paraprofessional who is with her all day because she frequently has meltdowns while in school. Last week was her worst week yet. She was removed from the classroom and brought to their " safe room" so she could calm down because she became physical with peers or staff. One day she bit the gym teacher thru her mask and had punctured his skin, and made him bleed. She does have meltdowns at home but is never physical. I have her seeing a counselor, and we just had our first appointment with a child psychiatrist. Seeing my daughter become so panicked and crying because she does not want to go back to school breaks my heart. Anyone else has a similar story to share? Any advice on how to handle this situation with the school?
That’s something more than anxiety. Sounds more like ODD and also anxiety. My friends kid would be like this and he has ptsd ODD anxiety but he’s gotten wayyyy better with medication
Can she be home schooled?
A safety item, a teddy or blanket or a picture of you.
If you can homeschool her or do distance learning at all I highly recommend it. My eight year old has terrible anxiety, though she’s never had “meltdowns” or been physically violent to anyone or herself, I chose to do the virtual learning stuff this whole school year when it became available due to COVID and she has done amazing. Straight As the whole year, she’s dedicated to it and stays focused. I am so happy with her lowered levels of anxiety I’m considering actually homeschooling her next year if schools don’t give the option for this distance learning again.
Having had a daughter that had meltdowns similar to what you’re describing, I’d suggest an ASD assessment. Worst case scenario, it’s a waste of time. Best case, she gets the help she needs.
My daughter is now 16 and only NOW getting the help she needs. It took until this year for someone to suggest she could be on the spectrum. Had we figured this out years ago, she wouldn’t likely be struggling right now.
Why are you making her go, get her homeschooled. There are home schooling groups
I wouldn’t suggest homeschooling unfortunately in my opinion it’ll only make the issue worse later on. With time and help you can face this issue early on and since she’s in school they are able to help you get the help also. I know when my son was having issues the drs wouldn’t just listen to me it helped when I had the school on my side. With homeschooling my younger sister decided to do homeschool my mom left her. Since she’s been home schooled the last few years (she’s going to be 16) she now has worse anxiety. She no longer goes to hang out with friends she don’t talk to friends she wouldn’t even go on vacation with us last year she wanted to stay home with my mom. Letting her stay home didn’t help her manage her social anxiety it just enabled her to hide and not deal with it the way she needs to. I’d say right now you are doing what you can and your on the right track of getting her help so keep going and getting the drs involved. It takes time but I feel its better to work it out the younger they are
Is she is a behavioral classroom?
What does her Iep say?
I’m so scared my 5 yr old will be doing this he starts in September, I’m his only comfort zone to him 
Have you made sure something else isn’t happening at the school? I really hate to say it but sexual harassment or abuse can make children act like this and have anxiety
Ask for behavioral intervention
My granddaughter has this very situation. Make sure she has a special plan in place for her when this happens. Independent plan. She has that right as a child with a disability. And you have plenty of paperwork to prove it. Maybe you have already done this. My heart goes out to you. I had to take my son with epilepsy out of school in his sophomore year because the nurse didn’t know what to do when he had a seizure. Bumped his head in her very office. She freaked out. There is online school. He And a friend did this.
Have you considered giving her vitamins and minerals for healthy nervous system, that can calm her anxiety
My oldest was diagnosed with ODD and anxiety when she was in the second grade. One thing I found outside of and IEP is she had less problems with a sensory necklace, something she could chew or play with that didn’t distract others.
My son has anxiety and many other diagnoses his in a small class and only does half days
My son was the same, after 4 years of schooling kinder-grade 2. The school suggested a paediatric nurse. He was then referred to a specialist doctor and diagnosed with adhd. Since the diagnosis he was put onto Ritalin and done a complete 180
I am not at all trained in child phycology nor am I able to speak for anyones experience but my own . That being said I am just sharing in order to give you an adult child’s perspective of what being diagnosed with separation anxiety at age six was like for me.
It has only recently been rediscovered the truth hidden deep inside , the real problem manifested in the behavior and physical sickness the anxiety would cause me and go on to be diagnosed as separation anxiety . I grew up repeating this narrative and diagnosis when asked and lets just say this was only a symptom of a much deeper rooted problem , one that on the surface appeared to be some sort of behavior defect but the reality was I was living with a terrible secret , one that fear prevented me from speaking of , one that a child should never be forced to live with and understand , one that stayed hidden behind the false narrative and label of a child therapist and handed down in my school files and eventually the guilt and shame of my secret allowed for me to bury it deep inside only to come and resurface after completely destroying myself from inside out as an adult. My mom and principal would have to physically remove me from the car sometimes . My mom fearing truancy court and unable to constantly combat my resistance to getting out at school tried her best but it only created more suffering . When I was feeling these anxiety attacks and resisting going to school and getting sick to my stomach and unable to breathe she thought it was me just being a brat so she thought parking in the front of school and calling some of my friends over would embarrass me enough to stop . But when going through this panic there is no such thing as decision making based off logic or fear of shame and embarrassment. Although I am not sure how I would think she could of done things better , I do feel being labeled and given a narrative without really exploring the root of the problem just set me down the path to self destruct and is not something that I feel any child should be forced to endure , especially from a so called professional. I hope this is not the case for your child but it should be given more exploration by professional with experience in child trauma and may take some time to build relationship and trust to even begin to uncover
I would definitely make medication a last resort. Some medication interferes with the children daily functioning. I have a nephew who started certain medications and basically turned him in to a zombie. He would not eat. He slept and starred off into space.
My oldest son had a similar issue at this age. The first month of scool i had to wLk him in andd stay with him in the class room then gradually backed off as he felt more comfortable. It took a few months but it helped in the long run. He is now grown and doing quite well
Heading in the right path with a psychiatrist! Just remember if you don’t like the dr who may want medicine you can always switch. After everything as a parent was done we decided on medicine for our child at age 4. We went to 3 different Dr’s. The first one I hated the building so we left. The 2nd one I hated the dr because he was pen happy and wanted to just write a prescription without getting the details. And then the 3rd one listened to what we had to say and told us if any medicine makes your child mean, sleepy, zombie like or has other side effects its not the right one, I said ok and stayed and listened. Now here we are at 13 years old and our kid doing great. Also, look into a (BIP) Behavioral Intervention Plan. They can have a behavioral analyst come in and monitor her and see what behaviors are happening. Then they will come up with a plan and set up a meeting to discuss it all. This plan will help redirect and fix the behaviors that are occurring.
Therapy, case management through a mental health facility (someone can sit at schoolwith her all day, more than a para), and medication! Look into play therapy since she is so young.
Give her someone to talk to about her anxieties if she doesn’t already. Be that person she can go to to talk to. Ask her what it is that is happening when she starts to get anxious and explain to her what is going on and how she can get past it. Give her alternatives. Or ask the teacher to help you come up with moderations to whatever is causing her anxiety. Like if she’s nervous about the teacher calling on her, have her ask the teacher if she can go next or last.
Give her a flower in the morning so that she can take to school, tell her whenever she is feeling anxious to let it be a reminder that you are there with her. Tell her to hold the flower, look at the flower, smell the flower when she if feeling anxious. This also works with braclets, blues, yellows, greens work best for calm. It also should work with other objects that may be less distracting for her.
I had to put my son on medication , he had the say in when he took it though. Like if he knew he was having to much anxiety and was going to have a bad day . He would take his medicine. Giving him a choice on when to take the medicine helped by giving him the choice. Because after all he knew when he was having the bad feelings.
I had terrible anxiety when i was in elementary school. It started in 3rd grade and didn’t end until i went to middle school. My anxiety was so severe that id end up vomiting. This happened multiple times. I found out that puking got me out of school, so i started making myself throw up to keep from going, but it happened involuntarily at school every time i went bc my stomach was so tore up from my nerves. I was constantly in tears, hyperventilating, and puking while at school. I was afraid of a teacher at my school and didn’t know how to tell anyone. I was too young to know how to express my feelings correctly. I saw the school guidance counselor and went to doctors. Nobody understood. Three years of hell and my symptoms magically disappeared when i finally started middle school. Talk to your child and ask her whats bothering her, if anything or anyone. Im not saying that’s the case here. Just a suggestion to help get to the bottom of things and help her have a smoother road at school. Talk with your child and let her know she can talk with you about anything. Good luck and God bless.
My daughter has anxiety due to trauma from cancer. We encourage her to be brave and strong. When she over comes something little like speaking to a person at a restaurant she gets a small award usually a toy from the dollar store or candy.
We also teach her emotions which helps a lot. Rather then just saying oh it’s anxiety we teacher what being nervous is and if she’s scared about something she’s stopped throwing fits that go into panic attacks and she will say she’s nervous.
She took a lot of medicine during chemo so we are trying our best to avoid her having to take a every day med.
She just turn five and talking about all the different emotions I can say that has helped her and us a lot.
Can you homeschool as you work on the anxiety issue? If she is having that much trouble she can’t be learning efficiently.
Can she talk ask her why don’t like it every thing a reason not at home school or what ever
My youngest did almost the same but didn’t get physical ! She would just cling to me and not let go and just throw a fit not to leave me but I have gotten her a special teddy that she takes to school with her and has my perfume on it to calm her and a bracelet that we both have and I tell her when we both look at it we are thinking of each other and that I will always be back to get her ! Hang in there momma !
We have a child who did this every day at school. He is 6 and in medication now. Our only regret is not doing it sooner. He is living life for the first time instead of struggling through each day.
If you’re able, look into homeschooling, there are free complete online curriculums available or you could buy or build your own. A couple of the free ones are Easy Peasy all in one homeschool and Khan Academy. Easy Peasy is Christian and Khan is secular.
Maybe see about a service animal?
Sounds like it’s time to begin her medications.
I would definitely look into online options.
What state do you live in?
Yes. My daughter presented with severe anxiety to the point she was diagnosed with vasal vagel too ( heartrate would raise so high she’d pass out from aniexty) she also has Conversion disorder. It causes pain,muscle weakness, light headedness, sometimes she’ll even lose hearing in 1 ear, all caused by high stress, aniexty inducing situations. Think ptsd on steroids. I had to put her in a smaller school in 7th grade. At the beginning of Covid, she literally would melt down and flip out because she couldn’t handle the stress of it all. (She has a touch of OCD and is scared to death of covid because she super clean and a germaphobe) we spend a year in and out of a childrens hospital. She began online school and really excelled…to the tune of …she earned 13 credits this year and is graduating as a junior here in 2 weeks. Step back. Is she over stimulated? She she triggered by the other kids? Groups? Too much happening at once? My daughter would sell her soul to the devil to avoid a crowd or super loud areas where ppl are.
Is there anyway for you to go to school with her and help her feel comfortable a couple days a week and see if that helps? Maybe even play school at home and do the reward system? If she does need medication it is okay you are doing what’s best for her. However, my brothers used to get physical at school even on medication and my mom always had to pick them up. I feel like they knew to do it more so they could go home. Anyways, they have autism. They started throwing chairs around the class room and started breaking stuff. So, it did get worse. Sometimes I think it’s the school itself they don’t feel safe or comfortable. I’m sorry you are going through this. I wish I was more help.
Take her out ,and home school her, you don’t understand the torment she’s going through, and she sees you as the one making her go, she don’t belong there
My son has odd and gad… a deviant disorder and aniexty disorder and separation aniexty… homeschool is not the answer he needs the social skills he gets from school and staying on a routine but he is 9 and had a councilor and a psychiatrist and is on meds but it’s been years and there r so many meds we r still changing him monthly to find which ones will help … he gets really physical and hits and punches and his is because he don’t know how to control his feelings or express in words so we are still working on it… Idk what state u are from but I could help with some names of good doctors in KY
I have generalized anxiety and C-PTSD.
The simplest solution is to avoid things that cause anxiety. But I’ll be honest. The simple solution isn’t the best solution.
She will not learn to cope with her anxiety and its likely to snowball out of control and become even more debilitating.
Consider medication. Maybe something that can be given as needed? That’s pretty gentle and not…a “heavy” med.
I was on hydroxyzine for a while and it helped A LOT. It’s an antihistamine so I took it for allergies and anxiety.
My oldest kiddo (adhd and autism) takes it for allergies and to help him with being overwhelmed particularly at night because he goes to bed before the sun goes down and is up after it’s already risen and it messes with him a lot.
Aside from that. If she’s got a para I’m guessing she also has an iep? What else is in that?
For my kiddo…
We have him walk away. When we notice a meltdown starting we tell him to take a walk. Take a breath. And then reproach a situation once he’s calmed down.
It helps a ton so long as the teacher actually gives him space to calm down. Doesn’t nag and doesn’t hover.
A wobble seat. The bouncy bands on the legs of the chair. A fidget of some type may also help.
I know those are typically for adhd. But in children (particularly girls) there’s a lot of overlap and many of the techniques for adhd can help with anxiety.
My son just recently went through this and was eventually diagnosed with ODD and severe anxiety. But things to help are fidget toys. Such as pop it’s and I know his safe room has other things to use too. Warm heat packs (the microwave ones his school provided these) also helped my son and I bought him noise canceling ear muffs for when he gets overwhelmed. He turns 6 on Friday. So far we have been able to control it without medications but are waiting to hear back to start counseling.
To be honest for almost a straight month I was being called to come into the school almost everyday because he would not calm, he was in the safe room every single day, some days he was so physical not even I could get him to calm…
**Do not take her out of school and homeschool her. This is the worst thing you can do for a child with any anxiety, sensory, or spectrum disorder!! They need to learn how to handle their emotions, cope, and many other things while being around other children/people else when they get older it will be even harder and more difficult on not only the child but everyone else.
None of these things helped right away, it was a really slow hard process. But he acted out the same way your daughter is. My sons school also has a “check in check out” program and it has helped him tremendously! It’s a chart with their behaviors through out the day and if he gets above his goal percent he gets to shoot the confetti cannon or gets a little prize. If you have any questions you can message me directly. I wish you luck mama, this was the hardest most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with as a parent. It’s heartbreaking but you got this! 
I had horrible anxiety just like this from kindergarten to about 5th grade. My mom would pack me sensory toys to play with and fidget with when I got anxious, she helped to choose my teacher for the next year, was sure I sat by someone that I was comfortable around, ran errands for the teacher such as bringing the attendance sheet to the office every morning, bathroom break every hour, water with me at all times, comfortable clothing, safe snacks, and I also had a stuffed dog I brought with me everyday
She’s already feral, don’t homeschool.
It can be the way they are responding to her. The gym teacher probably didn’t know how to handle it and she panicked. Its not just her, its also the people she interacts with, they could say the wrong thing or have a tone that scares her. Check how they speak with her.
My son is now in high school but this was him, though I think he kept it together most of elementary but couldn’t by middle school. Most u can do is listen, get her an iep plan, stick with counseling so she can learn different coping techniques, and look into anxiety meds because this is gonna be a life long issue she will need to learn to manage
Look at (Pda) Pathological Demand Avoidance …Some similarity in what you have said
There has to be more going on than that. I’d have her thoroughly evaluated. Her outbursts are awfully strong to just be anxiety.
My son was kicked out of 2 daycares. School was always a nightmare depending on the teacher he had. Recently had him evaluated. He has non verbal learning disorder. The way he thinks and interprets things is different. A full evaluation will help your daughter and will be specific to her needs
Did you chose not to give her medication? I would highly consider it for her own good along with counseling. It can be severely distressing for a child to experience those emotions. Sometimes medication is the best treatment.
Has she ever been tested for autism?
I know you have a bunch of responses, but,I was somewhat similar without the being physical with people, but I would run out of the classroom, I never wanted to be separated from my mom, I had two bouts with this each a few months or so, maybe more, it was when my grandfather was dying and I was 8 and then he passed, then again when my grandmother was very sick and passed on when I was 12. I don’t know if that info can help at all, but I can say when I was in the mode of needing to leave school and get away from people, I would get severe anxiety and panic for sure.
My daughter is on the spectrum and has ADHD. She spent very little time in the kindergarten classroom due to meltdowns and dangerous behavior. The psych eval and meds will likely change your lives. Get her a behavioral plan/IEP where they go through her triggers, and ways to talk her down, and go over services and stuff. They can also discuss coping skills and pushing coping skills during attacks etc.
This was my daughter, however, hers was PTSD & anxiety. A few things which helped:
We eased her into school. Meaning, we had a goal each day for her to be able to stay an hour, then an hour and a half, 2 hours and so on until she eventually was able to stay all day.
She knew she could call to be picked up whenever for any reason and the school supported that. This alone helped immensely in her feeling capable of staying. And I was always there within 10 minutes
Fidget and sensory toys helped. Fidget spinners, stress balls etc
A worry doll. Small but she could take it everywhere and whisper in her worries.
Therapy but play therapy was the most effective. She’s a teen now and her play therapist still remembers her and used her (and her sister) as examples in presentations (with our permission and us anonymous).
Feel free to PM to discuss more if you want.
My daughter was medicated at one point but she had a severe reaction and ended up in hospital for a few days with weeks off school. I’m not against medication, it helps many, do watch for any side effects though.