My daughters friend has been being mean to her

I am furious so my daugther got invited to a party she doesn’t have many friends. Her friend decided to not invite her and start being really rude and mean to her. My daugther is heartbroken upset and crying. I talked to her teacher about the being mean to her part and her teacher kinda blew it off so I have a meeting with the principal wed .I don’t care if they changed their mind of the party invite they could have told me or my daughter and there no reason to be so pretty much heartless to my daugther. I am also gonna talk to her special ed teacher to see what we can do bc she shut down completely at school. Any advice I told her we could open her friends gift and she could play with it but that made her more sad

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughters friend has been being mean to her

Kids are so mean . I’m sorry she is going threw this .

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Kids can be very cruel especially little girls/teens.

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Kids suck at certain ages. You’re probably better off teaching your daughter to value her own self worth, learn affective communication skills, in order to recognize toxic traits in others and stay away or make better friends. Rather than force her to be friends with a bully, or force a bully to be friends with her. She deserves better treatment from her “friends”.
I’d simply shower her with love and encouragement right now, and do things to help build her confidence.

stop with contacting the school. They aren’t even supposed to be allowed to invite kids to their parties through the classroom in many cases. Call the parent. Most schools have determined that invitations to parties cannot be brought on school grounds…. for this reason alone. It excludes classmates.

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If possible take her and do something fun that day. I’m so sorry she’s going through this. But if her “friend” is willing to treat her that way then she’s not a true friend. Tell her she’s amazing and doesn’t need negativity in her life. Time to make new friends!

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I’d probably contact the other child’s parent(s) and make sure they’re aware of what’s going on.

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With my sons school you have to invite the whole class or.noone at all

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The school isn’t responsible for what happens in the other child’s home! Her and her parents get to decide who comes, whether you or your child like it or not. You can’t go around demanding your child(ren) be included. You can’t impose yourself on others. Sorry your daughter is upset, but the school has nothing to do with the other child’s birthday party.

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I was once her. It hurts now but in the end she will come to understand that God blessed her with truth of what kind of person that girl truly is. God is helping her by eliminating those who would hurt her. She will find true friends. Give it time. Tell her she is blessed. Take the toy back to the store and get her money back if that’s what she’d rather do. The toy would just remind her of the friend.
Invites to parties are considered personal and has no business at school. Most schools ban this so this doesn’t happen and involve them. But definitely talk to teacher about grades.

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What is her dx since you said she’s in sped. That’s an important factor bc could impact how to address something.
And if the friend is also SPED, I would give some grace bc she may not have the best social skills as well.

Aside from those facts, girls are mean. It’s not an excuse, just the way many are. It would best suit you and her to simply encourage her and lift her self love so that she can handle hurt like that and still come out okay and happy. Long term, it will likely happen again.

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The teacher cant do anything about a birthday party in someone’s home.

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Simply put, my best advice is to switch her schools. I dealt with this and it never stopped. Schools do nothing.

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School isnt responsible. All you can do it teach her how sometimes people are cruel and it has nothing to do with her as a person. Its that persons problem. Im sorry she has to deal with that. Breaks my heart

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Wow I’m glad I always invited the whole class.

What about talking to the mother and asking if the daughter can meet with yours and sort it out. Or try and find out why her friend has suddenly become nasty.

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This is an issue between you and the other parent(s).
You learn early on that not everyone is a real friend. It sucks, but it’s real life. I’d do something special with her the day of the party. Invite some of her other friends who aren’t going to the party to make it a little party for you guys.

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How old are these kids? When mine were young they had to invite the whole class IF the invites were given out at school. Being mean can mean so many things - are they bullying her or something similar or are they just not including her.

You can’t force a friendship. She should focus on finding friends who will treat her as an equal and not be mean.

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The teacher and school have no control over what students and their parents do in their homes. They cannot control who gets invited to birthday parties. I understand it’s hard to see your child hurt, and to see them be bullied. I was bullied. I understand it’s harder when you have a special needs child, I have two myself. But the reality is, that’s going to happen and you have no control over it. Special needs or not, that’s a reality of the world. Does it suck? Yep. Is it heartbreaking to see your child hurt and know you can’t do anything? Yeah that sucks too. But you cannot control other peoples lives and what they do in their homes. :woman_shrugging:t2:

It happens, one just has to accept it. I wouldn’t go contacting the school or her parents just because she wasn’t invited. You as a parent need to explain to her that this happens and it is okay. Distract her, go have some mommy daughter time with her. Don’t make it a bigger problem than it has to be. Life goes on.

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The school can only address cases of bullying in the school. It cannot force kids to be friends. While its very unkind, the school is not responsible. Depending on age, it’s probably best to sit down with the other child and parents and see if you can shed some light on what happened and at least resolve to being kind to each other.

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What does “mean” actually mean? Unless she’s like pushing her down and beating her, the school can’t really do much. It sucks for your daughter, but it’s a good life lesson of not letting what people say get to you. Everyone has become so sensitive …or rude…these past few years, but you really can’t control what other people say or do, only how you react. Take you daughter and buy her some ice cream and have a fun day.

You have to look over stupidity

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I don’t think you’re going to make it better this way. Maybe try teaching her what a true friend is how to be a true friend and not to worry about opinions and actions of fake friends for now friends or people who just flat out are not your friends. Not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay because you’re perfect the way you are.
Maybe even therapy for self confidence and to help her be less codependent?
I hope this helps and you don’t take offense I just know girls can be really mean and when moms get involved it just gives them more ammo.

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I would get in contact with her mom. I cannot imagine another mom being ok with this behavior

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Get your daughter away from that girl. Don’t let your daughter around her.

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Sounds like her “friend“ isn’t her friend.

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It sounds like she isn’t much of a friend and unfortunately this is part of life. Unless she’s being bullies or harassed then being mean and not inviting her to the party isn’t a reason to get the principal involved

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We went to a kid space and of course my daughter enjoyed it because there was other kids. I don’t say those are her friends I say did you have fun with those kids at the gym? The same with school I say classmates. I’m going to make sure she understands that we are not for everybody and everybody ain’t for us. It’s ok if people decide not to talk to you or invite you somewhere. Teach them young.

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Switch schools , give her CBD and or THC and take her out of special Ed. She will never graduate in special Ed.

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age of your child & friend?

With that being said I wasn’t given enough information here to make an opinion. All we were told was she just was invited to a party and then uninvited & her friend was mean we’ve got no backstory. No grade specifics mo age specifics. What led up to this? Nothing…

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I feel like I’m reading a page in my own diary. I’m having trouble my daughter has been having trouble with her “best friend” and teacher hasn’t done anything. Had a meeting with principal today. And my daughter has a special Ed teacher also. So we shall see how it goes. I told my daughter not to be friends with the kid anymore because she doesn’t need friends that treat her bad

If she is special needs ,she should have a 504 or IEP plan.Her teachers should know how she’s deeply effected by the way others treat her.A buddy system works well for special needs.She needs paired untill she finds a true friend.My heart breaks for her.

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See if you two can volunteer at local animal shelter. Walk dogs. Play with cats and read to animals etc. animals love everyone and many of her schoolmates probably don’t do any thing that cool

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Use it as a learning experience. Some friends aren’t your friends.

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As a rule I make it a point to stay out of kids drama. What ends up happening is adults hold grudges and kids go back to being friends. Only step in if there is actual harm done.

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I got the same problem the school don’t care

I’m sorry your baby is going through this ):

I’m confused, her friend invited her to a party, then uninvited her?? And are they really your friend if they would do something like that?? On the day of the party, take her out and distract her so she wouldn’t have to think about it

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This is not a school issue, this is a parenting issue. You need to take up your issues with her parents. The teacher can only do so much, stop trying to make them responsible for how crappy kids can be.

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Is this birthday in the school or put on by the school? If not why are you involving them? Second of all, even if they invited her now after you both are having a tantrum, why would you want to go? Out of pitty? No way. Karma comes around and when your daughter has a birthday invite everyone but her. My kids were bullied in school…but I taught them that not everyone has to be our friends, not everyone has to like us. That’s fine. You treat people how they treat you. Just like sports…you win some, you lose some. Its life.

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Sounds like she should make better friends, teach her self love & self respect. Leave people like the " mean girl" behind in your dust. She deserves authenticity :heart:

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I’m so sorry that this is happening to her. Is the other child in the special needs class as well? They may not even realize how bad this makes your daughter feel. Have you reached out to the parents of the other child to discuss what’s going on with them? Her teacher should def not blow it off but there’s also only so much the teacher can do. It really would be best to see if you can work something out with the parents and maybe help the kids to be friends again.

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Great time to teach life lessons. Idk what the school is going to do.

I think the best thing is to let your daughter handle the rudeness by teaching her in a polite manner and if it becomes aggressive then approach the principal about bullying but I think this is kids stuff and just having her back is enough.

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Bless her heart. Kids can be so nasty to each other. But tell her there’s better friends out there.

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I had thosbwith my son few yrs ago his friend ripped his invite up in front of him so I went straight to the mother of the child she had no idea and she put it straight the child came to my sons party and he apologised to my son I haven’t read every comment but go straight to the parent

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I’m sorry to hear your daughter is upset because of issues with her and a few of the classmates. It’s hard seeing our kids left out but hopefully your daughter Dan make new friends at school so she doesn’t have to deal with issues like this. Unfortunately this isn’t a school issue they have no control over who invites who to parties after school so I can see why they wouldn’t do anything. You just have to think of it like if they got involved with this kind of stuff then they would be quite busy but they are teachers/ principals they deal with school issue not after school things that the kids do. Try and teach your daughter that kids like this isn’t the kind of friends she needs and hopefully things will get better if she’s hanging around different kids. Schools can only do so much so you shouldn’t be upset with the teachers and principal because like I said they can’t control what other families do after school and who they invite I over to there homes. Maybe see if you can’t talk to the other kids parents if there kids are being mean to your daughter and hopefully that will put on end to that but you can’t expect them to have your daughter join the party if she wasn’t invited. Honestly this is a good learning lesson and hopefully your daughter can make friends with some of her other classmates and see that true friends aren’t like the old ones❤️

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This is a bulling issue and any decent parent or teacher should be concerned and stop the billing it’s against all school policies!

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It’s a learning opportunity… the world isn’t always kind even if we are… gotta have a heart to heart with her… and maybe talk to the parent to find out what happened … the friend could have been pressured from someone else to not invite your daughter/be mean. Girls can be ehhh to say the least. Hug your baby and ensure her she is great and as long as she is nice, someone will want to be her friend… but that we don’t want to be friends with mean kids anyways.

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This isn’t a school issue. If your daughter was invited to the party then you must have contact info for the parents or at the very least know when and where they’ll be. If it were me - I’d show up there and give that girls mama the gift that has already been purchased and say something petty like even though your daughter is a mean girl we lost the receipt so this is hers.

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Please help your daughter with her mental health. She seems lonely and sad. If she doesn’t make friends, switch schools, join clubs etc. watch over her.

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Let it be a good opportunity for your daughter to learn about puzzling relationships; tell her there’s much more to learn in the world. Tell about the different people she’ll encounter throughout her lifetime. Simply she must be told not eveyone has ethics. Not everyone is raised in the same manner, same surroundings and so on. Talk about her friend’s parents’ decision. I’m sure she’s gonna be fine.

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She just learned the first of many lessons she will learn in her lifetime on the subject of malignant human psychology, the pain of the early ones can seem unbearable but she needs to know that the deeper the roots of human endearment go the more it hurts when they get pulled out (especially in the form of betrayal), I’m sorry

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I may be the minority with my opinion but we can’t always make problems go away for our kids. Not sure what specifically the other kid did that was mean or rude? Are they name calling her or simply ignoring and not including her? That may change our advise to you but with that said here is my view.
It’s our job to prepare them for the real world and how to work through their emotions. In real world she won’t be included to everything and not everyone will be kind to her. Instead of trying to force the issue with the school, teach her how to handle it when others are rude. I also think the word bully is often overused. Being mean isn’t automatically a bully. Bullying is repeated detrimental behavior. If someone doesn’t want to include u in a party and decided they rather not be friends doesn’t make them a bully. Continuing to fix things for our kids doesn’t help them long term. They need to learn how to cope with real world scenarios as we won’t always be there to save the day. Schools have no input on who is invited to a party outside of school. Perhaps have your daughter ask the girl what happened and why she was uninvited so she can understand what happened. Maybe your daughter did something to make other kid angry? It’s possible but best to try to understand why the “friend” started being mean is a better approach vs asking school to step in a fix it for her. Teach your daughter how to try to handle this on her own. It’s a skill set she will always need in life. Just my opinion only.

You cannot force someone to be friends with your child people outgrow each other you need to teach your child that it’s OK to move on

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Why are you involving the principal? Not a school issue from what youve said. Kids are mean. Why not talk to the other mom instead to try and iron things out?

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Personally, I think you’re doing too much. Your daughter is heart broken, this is a teaching moment, so take it. Your daughter needs to learn to take up for herself. This isn’t one of those things where you have to involve everyone at the school….not yet, at least. You’re really just making things worse for your daughter. You’re not really helping, at all. But, that’s just my opinion. I have two girls, myself and girls are just mean. It doesn’t get any better as we get older, we just tend to deal with less bs with age🤷🏽‍♀️

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Tell your daughters that the girl having the party doesn’t deserve to have her as a friend !

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You need to tell your child that wasn’t her friend. Seriously there’s no point in going to the school you cannot make others like ur child. Just tell her to move on

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Now is the time to teach her that people aren’t always to be trusted, these childhood friendships mostly come and go. They do not define her. Support her Mama, as you are already. Also as friends and individuals we have disagreements and we sometimes work through them and sometimes we don’t. Validate your daughter as a person so that she doesn’t question herself or her boundaries is my biggest advice.

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What did the girls’s mom say when you talked to her?

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Definitely not the schools job to correct the behavior . Contact the parents asap and arrange a meeting with them as well. Bullying isn’t okay and it’s great that your taking steps to end it. I’d definitely talk to her parents or guardians for sure.

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Her not inviting your daughter sucks, but it isn’t a bullying or a school issue. It sucks but she doesn’t have to be your daughters friend, that’s just how life works.

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Tell your daughter that that brat isn’t worth her time and certainly not her tears. Your daughter deserves better than that girl.

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Here’s the thing, kids suck. As a high school teacher 14 years, who did middle school for two, and elementary for three, it’s really really hard to battle the evil, and mean, pecking order that society builds and it starts so early and it’s really unfair. I know this isn’t an easy answer and it’s not the “safe response,” but you have to teach her to not give a shit. Even when she wants to. Schools and teachers principals we do the best we can to combat the mean that is in kids but we can’t beat society. You know adults who are just as terrible and these little kids learn it from them. I know it’s not the best answer but do everything you can to teach your daughter that validation does not come from other people but within herself and the people who she trusts. That she is amazing, that some day, away from these people, she will find a wonderful life full of people who will love her and accept her. That this is just a period of time… That these people will lose out on the amazingness of her. That’s their fault, not hers. Teach her to never dull her shine especially now, because these people are but a blip in time. Tell her that you know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but there’s a whole world waiting for her that’s way better than this little space she has to just get through. Tell her that there are adults who don’t know her, but are cheering her on, that she will get through this.

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A friend that treats anyone that way,is a friend not worth having. Some people today are down right evil. I would talk to my daughter and tell her clearly she is a far nicer person, And friends like her rude friend are a dime a dozen.

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That’s not really an issue to bring to the principal, I would have your daughter cut them off and move on. The “friends” are toxic and you cannot force them to be there for your daughter, teach your daughter that she should walk away from those nasty situations. If it becomes a bullying (teasing etc) situation, then step in. Right now you are doing too much.

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Y’all need to learn to read her daughter was invited then non invited and if the other girl is being mean it more than likely takes place at school so that indeed involves the school. Also she said her daughter is in special Ed so she more than likely processes things differently and it may be more hurtful you can’t just tell her things the same as another child.

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Quit taking it to the school, they have nothing to do with it. Talk to your daughter. Teach her how to brush things like this off on her own and move forward without their friendship. A “friend” like that isn’t wanted anyway. Build her up and teach her good core values. This could be a great lesson for her to learn from.

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The school can’t make kids be your daughters friend. Kids are mean as hell. This may be harsh but there are tough lessons in life and one of them is not everyone is your friend and life isn’t fair. You get invited to some parties, you don’t to others. Rather than taking it up with the school who has nothing to do with it, this is a moment to teach your child that we can’t control what other people do, we can only control how we react and how we feel.

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Honestly u cant get involved in ur kids problems I could see if she was being bullied or something …but she wasnt invited to a birthday party get over it I’m sure ur more upset then ur kid lol

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It’s horrible for your daughter but kids will be kids. Talk to your daughter about how this sort of thing happens and try to move on and make new friends. I wouldn’t demand anything from the parents or teachers but if the nastiness continues then absolutely take control

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How about having a mom and daughter pamper day
Take her to her favorite cafe

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Don’t talk to the school just take your daughter out that day and just spoil her

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Wow, you need to cut the cord already and start preparing you daughter for the real world you are not doing her justice. I get that she’s in special ed and all but you have to let her deal with it as best she can. You trying to force someone to be her friend and invite her has absolutely nothing to do with the school. And if the teacher blew you off chances are you daughter is the problem and got uninvited for what ever she did. I get it you want to protect her. But she has got to learn people are mean and you will always be there for her but to cant fight all her fights.

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It will get so much worse especially if u don’t teach her to deal with kids and adults bullying and being mean. It’s life, so don’t powder her butt or u will make it harder on her in the future

Unfortunately you can’t force kids to get along
Going to the school about it will likely make things worse for your daughter

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Me personally would take up with child’s mum as may not be aware of what daughters done. If my kid did that to a child they would be no party full stop

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Not to sound harsh but you need to teach your daughter that not all friends are actually friends… Its life unfortunately and kids can be bloody horrible!! If they were good mates before maybe speak to the mum?? Not really a school issue

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Speak to the parent, the mum might not know she’s leaving her out. I wouldn’t leave a child out of a party

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Can you get your daughter involved in sports or scouting with a nice team/group and a leader/coach who would encourage the other girls to make it their mission to lift her up? Maybe theater as an actor or the behind the scenes work, art club, pep squad, decorations committee—wherever her interests and abilities lie. There are opportunities to get her involved in and out of school. Outside of school, maybe try soccer, disc golf, swimming, flower arranging, gardening, volunteering at an animal shelter, horseback riding, dance classes, stream clean up and monitoring, children’s choir, Sunday school or other religious institution activities. You may want to talk to the group about your daughter and the best ways to interact with her beforehand, and explain her differences at the beginning. Definitely talk to the leader/instructor in advance.

Have other family members and family friends do fun things with her to distract her and remind her she has lots of people who love her. We feel awful when our kids are hurting, but that’s how they build resilience.

My daughter’s Girl Scout troop had one girl with cerebral palsy and the others just kind of scooped her up and swept her along and helped her with whatever activities they were doing. The leader might remind them occasionally to make sure the girl with the disability was having fun, or she’d ask the troop how they could include her in physical activities since she had trouble walking as well as some mental impairment and speech problems.They always rose to the occasion.

Martial arts are great for boosting confidence, making friends, and instructors may be used to dealing with all sorts of kids with different abilities. You get promoted to new levels on a combination of factors, not just physical prowess.

The more groups you expose her to, the more likely she is to make friends. My daughter taught gymnastics to special needs kids, so check that out too. Are you in any support groups or online groups for those with special needs kids? You might find activities geared to her abilities as well as friends there. Look into the “Best Buddies” program & Special Olympics. You may be able to enroll her in classes with younger kids if she has learning delays.

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I say this def stinks but this could be great for YOUR relationship with her. Take her to do her FAV THING/PLACE while the party goin on. She wont always get invited, i didnt either. Dealing with / healing what upsets her is a very important thing to learn in life. I was very emotional as kid too. FYI i am in therapy for my emotions might be good idea to talk to dr/np. Maybe there is more goin on

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Get her involved in stuff outside of school and show her there’s a bigger world out there. Those kids don’t matter and try exposing your child to other things like swim lessons or whatever she likes.

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Im with Crystal Lopez you guys didn’t pay attention to what the post says AT ALL and THAT’S where the problems REALLY start with bullies in schools!!! I hope everything gets better for your daughter. I will be praying for you guys.

This is life unfortunately. Kids are mean. This has happened for years, it’s not the school’s responsibility. Have her invite a friend over.

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Kids fall out all the time over the most ridiculous things. She’s clearly not bothered about the gift, maybe go spend some time with her in a fun place instead. You can’t force kids to be friends. Something happened for her to be uninvited to the party so speak to her and explain things like this happen and learn more on how to get over it than complain left right and centre. Yes its sad but unfortunately its life.

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Throw that girl her own party! Do it!

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Try to use it as a teaching moment for her, of how a friend doesn’t act. Absolutely meet with the school, showing up for your student makes a HUGE difference in how the staff handles their situation. Bullying sucks.

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Awww my 9 year old is going thru the same. When she goes through these rough patches I tell her what an awesome fun kid she is n what a beautiful voice she has when she sings, n offer to play anything she wants n just be there with her, for her. These types of things will make her stronger for the future and she will learn in time some ppl can be harsh n it has nothing to do with her. It sure is rough though n breaks my heart too when I see her call her friend over and over n she never answers. :broken_heart:

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Yes the bullying should be addressed with the school, especially since the teacher brushed it off. As for the inviting then uninviting, that sucks. I would talk to the kids parents about the whole situation, but maintain that she won’t be attending and do something nice just the two of you. Maybe her favourite meal and her favourite movie. Maybe make a blanket fort for her or something. Kids can mean and it’s part of life unfortunately.

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Schools say they have a no tolerance policy for bullying but I don’t think they actually know what to do because most times there is no proof.

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Go to the parents!! Kids learn this stuff at home

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:rofl: you serious this has nothing to do with the school but by all means waste your time

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When things like this happen I talk to my daughter about what a real friend is and how everyone has their season. Which makes room for actual friends.

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Get her involved in something sports girls course crafts something

I hate mean kids!!!

Nobody is obligated to be nice or be friends with your kid. Maybe teach her to not base her entire existence and self worth in one friendship, which is probably what caused the rift in the first place, and have some sort of purpose within herself and things not dependant on other people.

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