Ever since my soon-to-be ex-husband moved out, my daughter’s have been telling me of the women he would bring over. They are four and 6yo, so the conversations usually go something like, “… dad’s old girlfriend…etc. etc.” There is one woman I specifically used to ask him about, and he would get mad and accuse me of not letting him have friends. My question is, I am filing for full custody because he has repeatedly abandoned us over the years, leaving me to care for our children financially and every other way- if I brought this up as part of my argument in court, will it have any effect? As far as gaining custody, has anyone ever had the odds in their favor because of the spouse cheating? If so, how? Thanks in advance.
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Depends on the judge. Some don’t care.
No u cant lol now ur looking for revenge hahah
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Nope, the judge doesn’t care about the exes personal life only if the child’s wellbeing is in danger or compromised in any way.
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If you’re not together, he gets to date. And as long as he isnt having sex or doing drugs in front of them, or making them call these girls mom, you dont get a say in who he is around when he has the kids. Court will look at that as being vengeful or petty. You need to show that you have moved on and aren’t worried about him, only the kids.
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Well if he did these things while you were married, you may not be able to bring it up for your custody case, but I’d be looking into Alimony when your divorce comes to court!
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The courts wont care. Just probe that you are looking after all aspects of the childs welbeing- physical, mental, emotional, social, financial etc and have the proof. Nothing else matters.
NC laws are if a spouse cheats and you have proof, you can not only get full custody, alimony, and will be able to sue for abandonment… Idk where you live, but in the south those cases for the spouse being cheated on have won.
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Well if they do that to women cause the wx husbands or ex boyfriends complain, I’d think they do the same for the women who say that about their ex husbands or ex boyfriends
His friends or romantic issues has zero to to with his ability to be a parent. My ex would meet girls online and have them come over while my daughter was there. My issue was from a safety standpoint and the judge told me that his personal life was not relevant.
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“Repeatedly abandoned us over the years”…so he left for a few days and came back…That’s not abandoning someone. He cheated on YOU not the kids…unless the kids are in danger, don’t hurt them by taking them away from their father…why not 50/50 joint & legal…
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Around here, they don’t give a shit bout that kind of stuff
Nope. It is a 4 and 6 yr old saying the stuff. Unless you have proof it’s he said she said
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If you want to look petty go ahead.
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It won’t help you get custody but you can absolutely put rules about bringing women around in your custody agreement. Ours says we must meet new partners before the children do.
Actually you do have a say in this. You can make it to where onmy blood relative can be around them. I did with mine
Wow, talk about finding ammunition. He cheated on you, not your children, just go for 50/50 don’t play God in your children’s lives.
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No custody gains to cheating unfortunately here the judge suggest you see someone for a certain amount of time before introducing but it cant be enforced
It depends on where you live. Usually the court order will say no paramours over night. So if the “friends” are just visiting and no over night stays prob not much you can do. If they are staying overnight while your children are there, I would check with my lawyer.
Well you would A have to prove he was sleeping with them. All he has to say is he brought friends to the house male or female. B the judge is going to ask if he abandoned you guys multiple times why are you just now wanting to use that against him in a custody case being y’all are getting divorced
So sorry to hear that. I pray to God heal your pain. I know it’s pretty hard hang in there mama 
check your state law I am pretty sure you get 100%
You and your husbands personal life should not have any baring on his time with his children! If he has never harmed them or put them in danger you just come off as bitter… Not a good look! Don’t make your children have to deal with your adult problems! Let your children grow up and form their own opinion of their father, you try pushing yours on them they will grow up to resent you. I promise! I grew up to be the resenting child towards my mom! 
💁
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Nope unless they are a danger to the kids
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It’s 50 50, dont take away his children
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Yes, as long as you have proof. I used proof against my husband and the judge ruled in my favor!
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Cheating isn’t a reason to lose custody of your kids. The only advantage you have is for alimony which is a whole separate thing. You’re being spiteful and I totally get it but you’re in the wrong right now
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Just remember that whatever you bring up, he can bring up against you. Whatever rules you put in place or want put in place can be put in place for you as well.
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When my sister brought up stuff like that in court it pissed the judge off so bad he gave FULL legal custody to her husband and she now only gets her son every other weekend.
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Yes, you can use that in court.
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Don’t punish your children for something your husband did to you…
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Not really they look more as to the person’s around the kids character if the women were of bad character might help
If it’s a no fault state I’m sure it won’t make a difference
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Get over your feelings for being dumped worry about the kids not his love life unless they’re in danger
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Careful what you say you will dig a hole. U need to have your childs best interest in mind. You taking full custody cause your relationship didnt work out isnt the best interest.
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At least in california, which is where i live, no body cares and the court doesnt either. They just care that you are able to be a good parent. If. You think his romantic life might endanger your children during visitation then of course, talk to a family law attorney to get full custody, if possible, and supervised visits only with him. If they arent in danger, let it go but do what you feel is BEST for your kids only; not what makes you feel better. Good luck!
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You can have it put in the papers no over night stays with the opposite sex,but just remember that will mean you too in the future
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Outside of abuse custody should be 50/50. Stop being petty, vengeful, and controlling and let your children have the relationship with their father they deserve. Grow up and get over your power trip.
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Cheating unfortunately has nothing to do with whether or not he’s a good father… if you bring up the cheating in court more then likely they’ll look at you as a bitter ex who is using the kids as a way to get back at him… move on… it’s time
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Depends on how many women and how often.
It always amazes me that mother what lengths she will go to to take the children away from their father just because he doesn’t want to be with them anymore. Children deserve BOTH parents in there lives.
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In some states cheating on your spouse is a felony😉
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I would ask a family lawyer, many offer free consultation.
that will only get you spousal support… it wont have any effect on custody. and the fact it was after he moved out and most likely after yall filed… it may not get you anything…
As irresponsible and possibly dangerous as it could be, I don’t think they’ll care. Normal people wouldn’t bring new lovers around until it’s serious, but the courts won’t see it that way.
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I think she’s more so wanting a stable home for them to visit their Dad in.
She doesn’t want him to instill in her kids that multiple partners are normal.
It could truly confuse and hurt her childrens future relationships.
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I know that’s not ideal to be bringing different people around the kids but that won’t matter in court. That just makes you look bitter .
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No he has his own life. As long as they are not abusive or have some type of criminal behavior the courts wont care.
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No…if they’re mean to your children or they’re doing something inappropriate such as bathing them then you could or if they were registered sex offenders, otherwise you just look Petty and a judge is going to look at it as jealousy and not as you looking out for your children. Unfortunately, when you divorce that’s something that happens and if you didn’t like it then it should be in your custody agreement that you’d prefer neither of you to have boyfriend’s/girlfriends around until xx amount of months.
Wether you like it or not, he is gonna bring people around the kids. You dont have control over that. And using it as ammunition is only gonna hurt your kids more. Let it go. Move on and be the best mom you can be
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She’s said he has repeatedly abandoned them over the years, children need security and stability. I doubt it’s about her being ‘bitter’ and got everything to do with her wanting the best for her kids and to protect them!! Some people should get down off the soapbox.
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Nope. Don’t even bring it up. I fully get your concerns but… in court it will look bitter and petty.
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Short answer is no. But I’m a bit confused. The question mentions him cheating while together but your explanation states “ever since he moved out” which would be when you aren’t together so it wouldn’t be cheating.
I believe the only way it would effect custody at all is if he is being inappropriate with the females in front of the children. If he’s not and they just come over that wouldn’t help you at all.
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Possible that you could get primary custody and him visitation due to the abandonment over the years
No I wouldn’t bring it up. U say he repeatedly abandons the kids then u coming in talking about he got different women around my kids. That makes no sense. He’s either around with other women or he’s not around. Ur going to look bitter and once the divorce is final u have absolutely no say what he does on his time as long as he of coarse isn’t abusing the children.
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You can put a whole bunch of stuff in a divorce decree. An ex of mine ex-wife put in the divorce to create if he did he have a girlfriend that wanted to spend the night they couldn’t spend it in the same bed together. He would have to sleep on the couch. The girlfriend could still be around the children but they couldn’t show affection when the children were around. They were to tell the children that this was just Daddy’s friend. It was kind of a messed up situation!
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Those saying that shes trying to keep her kids from seeing him by going after full custody, the full custody wont be the deciding factor on their visitation. Literally all it means is she has sole control over their medical, housing, and educational decisions without having to get his approval. She can win full custody and still be ordered to allow regular visitation with the dad. Winning full custody is not equal to keeping the kids away.
Hell, convicted pedophiles still have “parental rights” including visitation rights to their own kids as long as their kid wasnt the victim. Trust me, getting full custody isnt taking those rights away.
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Hold on, he repeatedly abandoned you, you stayed…and this has you mad?
It’s coming from small kids. You’d have to have proof and prove it harmed your children.
If you live in a state that still sees infidelity during marriage as a crime yes by all means bring it up it does help and definitely bring up the abandonment.
In Florida there’s a thing called “squandered marital assets” for every dollar you can prove he squandered on another female while you were married he owes you a dollar… I had a very good lawyer and I pulled all our financial records… bank…credit card… this woman even had a cell phone on our “family plan”… it def makes a diff if you can prove he was cheating but esp spending money on others that should have gone to support your family
some people ask that there be a clause where you have to be with a person for say 6 months before you can introduce them to your kids. I’ve seen that a lot in divorce agreements, maybe you could ask for that.
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I would bring it up! I would bring up everything! They may dismiss it, but why not come out with guns blazing?!
Also, I would tell them that you feel that dad has been emotionally and mentally abusive towards your kids with the poor choices he makes.
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NOPE judge will tell you dont be petty if she’s not dangerous or has record for child abuse what dad does on his time isnt your business.
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Good luck! You should get get full custody. And maybe he could get visitation rights
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No. The courts will say you have no say on if he dates. You’ll sound petty. From your post, that’s kinda how you sound. You say he abandoned you and your kids, yet go on to say he’s had females around the kids. So which is it? I’m confused. You can put in there that you BOTH have to be with someone for a certain amount of time before the kids meet them. But not just him. Full custody(sole custody) doesnt mean he’ll have no rights or visitation. I have sole custody. That means, I have the last say, and I have them the majority of the time. He has medical rights still and visitation. It sounds like your ex cheated on you. He didn’t cheat on the kids. He left you. Doesn’t mean he left the kids. And thru this it is going to be so hard on your kids. Don’t make it harder. Don’t question them about their father. Don’t put them in the middle of it. Keep them out of the adult problems. They love you both. No matter what. And they’re hurting more then anyone in this situation regardless.
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I know in MA when i separated from my fiancé for cheating, the courts only cared what he made, calculated what he would pay for our 2 kids and discuss visitation. We kept it very civil for our kids.
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Uh no. Dont be petty as fuck.
If I were you I would never discuss such things with my daughters. You should be telling them that your sorry if that made them feel sad or confused but the dont have to worry about you. And I would never limit time with thier father. Let the courts figure it out with the info you give them then honor it! Dont involve the kids in adult crap.
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Honestly unless you can show evidence that these women are somehow dangerous to the well being of your kids, he can have whoever he wants around them. It sucks but there’s not much you can do unless he makes an agreement in the custody papers.
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Nope leave that out and help your children work through it because obviously they have been effected by it but do bring up how he’s abandoned you & your children at times. Honestly unless he contests it you really shouldn’t have much to worry about. You should be granted full custody but with shared visitation like weekends or every other weekend. You are divorcing him so let the past go and now focus on coparenting for your children’s sake. They deserve that much.
It makes you look petty to bring that up. If you can’t prove it w photos, black &white texts etc there is no point. Judges here will berate you saying you look like a bitter baby mama worried about what he does. As long as kids are safe, and taken care of it’s of no concern to you. He didn’t cheat on them, just you. It’s a separate issue.
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Cheating is not illegal in court
They dont want to deal with personal drama
Its custody and parenting
Ur going to look dumb in court if u bring it up
So dont
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Cheating on you while you are together might count for something in the divorce depending on the law in the state where you live and if you can prove it. seeing other people while you are separated/pending divorce… that’s a much more grey area depending on where you live. It might make you mad but he is allowed to have whoever he wants in his life, especially after the divorce is finalized, good judgement aside. If there is anything sketchy about his partners that is affecting the children’s health or well being, that’s another issue. Keep notes on everything regardless in case you have to go back to court for a custody adjustment.
In regard to custody, abandonment, if that’s legitimately what he did regarding the children, is another issue. If you have all that documented, keep those records and any proof you have to back it up. That may help to make the case for your custody battle. But keep in mind, there is legal and there is physical custody. Physical is just that, and he’ll have visitation. Even convicted pedophiles can get visitation ordered but it would likely be supervised. Legal custody means who gets to make decisions for the children. Even if you get both categories of sole custody, he will most likely get visitation rights and have to pay child support. To my understanding, You can’t have supervised visitation mandated by the court though unless you can prove he’s a threat to the children’s health/well being.
But cheating on you doesn’t affect his rights as a parent or for visitation or in any kind of custody matter. The only way to stipulate that in any way is to have an agreed upon custody agreement between the two of you that specifically outlines how he can conduct visitation. And I don’t see that’s likely to happen on the terms you want, hence not agreed upon. Because divorce means he is free to live his life how he wishes and associate with those of his choosing. I don’t see him agreeing to otherwise since he’s already doing so.
One last note. It may be tempting to denigrate your partner and say negative things about him to the kids. Don’t, even if he does. This will damage your relationship with them more than their relationship with him. And in some states, could and would be grounds to damage your own custody case.
But good luck regardless.
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Sounds coached tbh. Why all of a sudden would children THAT young would withhold any kind of information til you two conveniently split up
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Saying in court… “Well my kids said this and that” does not matter at all… in court you need proof of whatever you claim
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It is “cheating” still, if you are not divorced yet!
Please let me try to rearrange your thoughts. The less you and the kids see of this guy the better. It sounds as if he has to pay for the kids, he wants his pound of flesh, quid pro whatever. Ad nauseum. Great example for your kids. Visitation is so the kids can know their dad and form some kind of relationship. I doubt if you can control what your ex does but present it as a poor example for them. Not much there for you to control. He was a slug when you met him and not much has changed apparently.
I dont know if it would have any effect, but you can definitely make it part of the custody agreement that he cannot have any woman stay over or around them while they are with him, unless they are engaged to be married.
I wouldnt bring it up because you’ll sound petty.
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If you have a divorce attorney I would check with that person. Hard to get sole custody, wish you luck though. He sounds like a loser.
Parental alienation is child abuse.
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Don’t open anything up in court unless you have proof to back it and if you mention it, it allows him to open any discrepancies he may have in court. The judge looks for parents who openly communicate and work together.
you the mom you have to be the shittest person in the world for them to take the kids away form the moms in divorse court the father GET FUCKED OVER AND SCREWED UP THE ASS WITHT HE BIGGEST DILDO U CAN FIND
Tell them everything prove it that’s how that rolls
Cheating is only useful when you are trying to prove someone’s a liar. For example… dad says mom was always a shitty mother and is unfit. Mom denys the claim and brings up a history of lying including cheating… some judges will throw it out, some will consider it if an accusation is being made against you. MOST of the time, it has little affect because mom usually gets full custody regardless. Full custody won’t mean he wont see the kids though. You will just have the kids more than him.
Regardless, you cant prevent people from being around the kids during his time unless those people are a danger to your kids. Just like he cant do that to you. Its important you put all personal shit aside and remember that kids need and deserve 2 parents who can at least be civil for their sake.
What does your attorney say?
Sounds like you provide stability for your family. I think the judge will take his behavior into conceration
I think it would be best to focus on the ways your best fit to provide a stable home for them with love food and support. They will always love their father no matter what. I would be careful not to be blinded by your own anger and hurt. If he has done something to harm them than that’s different. But hopefully the two of you will get to a point where you can have conversations about the children and what’s best for them. Good luck!
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Whatever you do, don’t keep his kids away from him just because you’re upset. It’s so damaging for kids to go through that.
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If you two are filing for a divorce you shouldn’t have control on weather his new gf is around or not because I can guarantee your next new bf is perfectly okay to be around your kid because it’s you.
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You can have a judge order he can’t bring a new partner around after so many months of dating exclusively. So you’d have to find a decent amount of time
1– depends how good ur lawyer is. 2- courts do NOT care about cheating. I went through all that in my divorce. 3- u might b able to get court order to keep children away from all the women. I had one— until the ex married her 
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