My ex does nothing for the kids: Advice?

I’m going through a tough decision that I need help with. I’ve been separated from my kid’s father for almost 2 yrs. Since separating, he has not done much for the kids. I’ve taken him to court and was granted every other week. Well, that all lasted like three months, then it was like I need help with a sitter, so I kept them four him. Well, I moved about 30 miles away almost a year ago and got the kids in daycare in my area (since I always have them). I’ve asked him a couple of times if he can pay every other week, and he been saying he needs the money for Christmas. I always told him well I need money for Christmas 2, and he just laughs. Now mind you, I live on my own too as where he is still living with mom and pops. Will I be wrong if I tell him I’m moving back home to have help if he don’t change by the time my lease is up


Nope. You do what you gotta do. He obviously doesn’t care about helping to raise his kids so get help where you can from someone who cares.


Go to court and get reasonable child support


You gotta do what’s best for you and your kids and your the sole care taker right now so if that’s what needs to be done then do it

I say do what’s better for you and the kids. You can’t continue to ask your ex to see or help with the kids. Some so called dads are not fit to be dads


Take him to court he will have no choice to pay then


Keep all bailing on his days documented as well as no help with their care during this allotted time. Go for full custody and child support


File for child support


Do you but there should be state aid programs that will help with child care and go after the dad for support

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My ex husband is 76,000$ behind in child support and he isn’t in jail. So just because it’s ordered… doesn’t mean they will pay. That said, do what’s right for you momma. Whatever that may be :heart: good luck!


Do what’s best for you and your kids he can find or get his own transportation to get the kids on his days


Nope. Lol. Do what you gotta do.

Yes do what needs doing ,he’s forfeited the right to make decisions…and yes it’s a good idea to get ordered child support,but as he isn’t helping now ,who knows if he will pay?all the more reason to do what works best for you


He’s your ex. Do what YOU need to do for you and your kids. Do not EXPECT him to do anything. You can ask him if he wants the kids for his time, you can ask him for help, you can have court ordered support… That does not mean that he will pay. Do what you need to do. He is not part of the equation anymore. You need to know that YOU will be able to provide for your kids because you CANNOT depend on him. My ex only pays support when he has to, meaning when he has a job that’s actually taxed and reports to Friend of Court the way they’re suppose to. :roll_eyes: Stop worrying about your ex and making stupid threats when he obviously doesn’t give a crap.


You’ll have to go to court to be able to move so many miles away. And you can take him too court for child support, but that doesn’t always mean it’ll get paid. My ex is about 30 grand behind. Stop giving him daycare on his time tell him he needs to figure that out it’s his time his responsibility and he needs to find daycare on his time that way your not having to pay for it when he’s working and its his time. Document everything. Take him back to court. For child support, even if there’s a chance he won’t pay it and to reevaluate the parenting plan of he can’t do the current one

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Why would you move back home? Go to court and tell them what’s going on. T
50/50 custody means he legally has to pay for half of child care, half of school items and registration, half of doctor bills, etc etc. He should be paying child support as well if he’s not helping. Don’t take something that’s working for your life and move in with someone else. Make him do what he needs to do.


Really go to court and get your child support

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If you take him to court and go thru child support they well ask him to pay for childcare paper work well tell him he need to pay half of that as well as for medical expenses

Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. He needs to grow up, pay up and father up!


Take him to court for child support since he can not take responsibility for the child on his own accords. Even if he decides not to pay you every month if you file for child support at the end of the year you will get the support owed to you through his taxes. Do what you have to do. You are the one raising this child on your own. You do what’s best for you and your child, period.

Why isnt he paying child support he isnt splitting it 50/50??


Move if you need to move…especially if hes not taking his parenting roll seriously…and of there was a change in visitation…like him not getting him for his week you need to make modification to the agreement. Hr needs to pay support if he isnt getting them half the time


I think you know that answer or you would not be asking put your kids first and you will find the answer . If he put them first he would not be doing it .

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You could go through the courts and ask for child support but please keep this in mind. Unknown about other states but…people can survive without paying child support. My husbands ex wife owes 45K. She get a warrant…goes to court says shes getting a job…doesn’t pay…gets a warrant…a year or two later gets arrested…goes to court says she will pay…its a joke.
Maybe he will pay…or maybe not but never ask for permission to take care of your children. If you need to move back for a little while to get on your feet, do it. With that said, be the best mom you can be, bust your ass, work hard and your children will see that. Stay strong!!

Call child support in your county and explain they will help

No just face it he’s never going to change. It won’t be long when he won’t even be by to see the children.


Go home. You aren’t wrong. Don’t even stress yourself on the rest. Go home and raise your babies. Let his chips fall where they may. Karma is a bitch.

If he doesn’t see them then he should pay child support whether you were married or not

Just go get child support. They’ll even give you back pay. Stop playing this fools game.

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Take him back to court. Get the child support modified to include your costs for daycare. Make sure they dont give him parenting time credit. Once it’s been modified, get his checks garnished.

HES YOUR EX. Take his ass for.child support he responsible for half of daycare right off the bat PLUS a monthly obligation! You cant make someone be a parent however you can make financially responsible or sit in jail!!!

Where is home? Many judges will not allow you to move very far from the other parent.

Also go get a support order

Ask the court if you are allowed to move. You might have to go through the court system

Do what you gotta do. You can go back to court all you want, doesn’t mean jack shit will change. Around here, if you live more than 25 miles away, you have to go back to court regardless

No,do what you gotta do!

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Go to court and get it put in writing you have full custody then he will be forced to pay child support and help with daycare costs or he just won’t give you money at all

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His Child Support Will GO UP if you take him back to Court. Have documents on all the time you have had them, get verification from the day care that your the only one thats been bringing them and picking them up for the last two years. His child support was based on him having them half the time and since he is NOT doing that and Does NOT ever have them - his CHILD SUPPORT WILL GO UP!!! FILE WITH COURT HOUSE FOR A HEARING ON YOU GETTING 100 Full TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN, FULL CUSTODY- HE HASN’T SEEN THEM OR GOT THEM IN TWO YEARS SO… GET FULL CUSTODY HE STILL HAS TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT CONTACT CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT ( FILE CONTEMPT OF COURT PAPERS ON THE CHILD SUPPORT IF HE HASN’T PAID ).

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Well, you should take him back to get the visitation schedule revamped as daycare during his time is his responsibility. And if home is out of state that may be a problem if he fights it. You need child support because he is obviously not going to do his part. And document everything. Every visit he’s suppose to do and doesn’t. Every time he asks you for money even though you have the kids. And if you can’t get into the court try to at least file for child support. Something anything to get it started. I would ask a lawyer about the moving part though. 30 miles away isn’t too bad for now, but wherever “home” is may make a difference to a lot of things. Good luck.


Seriously do u and those kids thats it…dont beg him to do anything


Do what you gotta do, don’t waste anymore time waiting for him to step up. Also, from experience I wish I would have done the same. I still get no help but they are to old to take away from friends… So I felt bad and never left…

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Have his wages garnished


Child support paid through the court system. Don’t make your kids go to visit him if they are not wanted.

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First you take care of the kids, his and your feelings come after the kids are taken care of. Unless the judge put it in the court order that he help you with 50% of daycare expenses, you can’t make him pay. Every time he doesn’t show up, document it.


Good luck I split up with my ex it will be 2 years in May and I have raised her on my own and I always ask for him to help and he would not do it he used to pay half of phone bill but now he doesn’t even do that … he now sees her for 11 hours but still no help he is fighting for 50/50 custody but we pray against it and what’s best for my daughter’s interest …yes I have done this long on my own but it’s not fair he should have to help

Meditation is likely for means of going back to court, per se. The amount he pays, or doesn’t, is factored by how often he has the children. If he never has them, he will need to pay more. Your decree should have also stated who pays for childcare. If he’s supposed to be paying ANYTHING, keep all of your receipts to show it. In most states they will go after his tax returns or throw him in jail.

Unfortunately you have to pay for mediation to get that far.

You also need to exist as if he doesn’t. Figure out life without his help because that’s what your reality is. Though can use the courts to get what he’s supposed to pay, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get anything else.

you shouldn’t definitely do what’s best for you and the kids.

Do what you gotta do for your kids and yourself! Don’t worry about him! Take him for child support if he doesn’t pay sign up for ktap or whatever it’s called in your area! My husband and I took in my niece and nephews plus we have 3 kids of our own. As a parent you have to make sure your doing the best for the kids and yourself

You need to document that you have the kids all the time and go to court for full custody and child support.

I think your gut is guiding you. When it feels " bad enough" you will make your move. Go with your instincts. Continue to think it through. All your decisions have already happened in your subconscious. It will come.:sunflower::sun_with_face::pray::rose:

Stay away from him and get on with it. He’s obviously not interested.

You need to take care of those kids there feeling comes first before him

Go back to court and get child support. Don’t let him claim the kids during tax time. If he doesn’t keep up with his child support payments then they will take it from his tax return if he works and files taxes.

Just look after ur self n ur kids, don’t beg him for anything, I’m in the same situation, he does absolutely nothing for his 2 kids, n it’s 7yrs now, and believe me, doing it ur self is the best n ur kids will one day thank u for everything u have done for them with out the help of their father, so chin up my dear n move 4ward, don’t look back u r not headed in that direction.

Put him on child support and modify the order. My and I have been apart for 9 years and he has done…nothing. He legitimately got her some cheap clothes for her birthday this year only because he wants to be around me…

You need to divorce his ass and get child support you’ll get it from the government thell get it from him he’ll either pay or go to jail Even if he’s not working you’ll get the check he’ll owe them and they will get their money don’t feel sorry for him I’ve been there I know

Take him to court simple as that

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It’s going to have to be a court thing. Don’t threaten to move the kids away unless you have fully custody, because he can take you to court for that if he has been legally granted partial custody. My dad did the same thing when my mom moved us away as kids (he was a shit dad, I didn’t feel bad). They forced her to come back and defend herself even though he didn’t pay a lick of child support. If he’s not cooperating, you are going to have to bring him back to court.

Take him to court (Attorney General) and they will take it out of his paycheck. I went to the Attorney General and had my money in a month. He wasn’t that far behind. My grandson pays child support and they take it out of his paycheck. Also every few years the Attorney General will send a letter to you and they will do a review. If he is making more money you will get an increase. Go to the Attorney General.

you can take him back to court, but if you are getting child support , I don’t think they are going to make him pay for a babysitter. Be grateful he is paying you child support (if he is) I never got any. And if he is not taken the kids, also be grateful…if he did take them, he just might do absolutely nothing with them, like mine did. They are better off without him. :slight_smile:

Some,men are assholes and then some women are… My bfs baby mama is living high on the hog cause of all his money she takes while we are stuck with nothing.

Time for you two to go to court and get child support

Obtain records of the child care and the cost. Also what he has paid. How often he has had the children 30 miles out of town is about 20-30 minutes for him. He is living with parents. You are doing this alone. Get full custody with visitation if he choses. Go through the state so each child support payment is recorded. Ins for them, get a medical card to show when they have to go to the doctor. My son’s support was taken out of his check I suggest that. Also the medical insurance. Maybe get an attorney as they may have ways to represent you so the judge understands what has been going on. He might not even show up. Moving the kids is not a good idea as they need stability. You have them enrolled in daycare now. You have a full time job. Moving out of State would have to be authorized. Darlene Reeves recommended an Attorney General but not sure how that works. My son and myself were married so all this was covered in divorce papers. Don’t know if you are married or not. You need financial help! I assume they are your children right? Some men are not Dad material.

Document everyday hes supposed to come and doesnt take it back to court .

Take him to court. Put child support on him it’s only right. Those are his kids also not just yours.

You’re obligated by the court to give 30 day notice of your move (duration of notice may depend on what state/county you’ve in) but you’re not obligated to ask HIS permission.

Do what’s best for your kids,ultimately they will be the ones hurt,through this.Do what you feel you should/need to do.

Do whats best to make sure that YOu keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. Never feel guilty for providing for your kids the best you know how… if your ex has a problem then he needs to find a way to do better and see his kids when you move …
My sons father was mad i moved states away. But now my son has not heard from him in over 6 mos. Best move i made. Now my son lives a wonderful life.

From what I’m understanding.
He didn’t help when you were closer to him. He’s not gonna change if you move back. So don’t move just for that reason. But from the way your post sounds. It sounds like you only have visitation and he’s supposed to have the kids full time. What ever the case may be. Sounds as if you need to get back in front of the judge. I surely hope you’ve been documenting everything!

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Take him back to court. :woman_shrugging:t3: ask them to enforce his payments or cut him off completely. That’s unfair to you and the children. He helped create them and if he won’t help raise them or help with the cost of raising them they he shouldn’t see them at all. Imo. It’s unfair that your kids see him sometimes… that hurts them :disappointed: I remember this growing up. Was the worst having some weekends and then none at all sometimes. It was so much better for me and my brother when we just stopped having visits at all.

Well I’d move if it helps you in some way. But if he really isn’t involved I’m not sure that moving closer to him is necessarily going to be the answer. If it’s money, since you have what at a glance is more than 50/50 custody of your kids you should be able to file for child support. Then the court will mandate what he pays.
If he was more involved when you lived closer and feel like him being physically closer will do the trick why not. But moving is expensive- the process of moving is expensive so just make sure whatever you decide is in your’s and your kids’ best interest.

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Many states also enforce that both parents pay 50% of daycare if they are both working. Get a lawyer and take him to court for day care and child support

don’t just ‘do’ anything. take him back to court for support and get another visitation schedule set up. then discuss moving. if you move without giving him 30 days notice and approval. he can come back at you with kidnapping.

I’ve done it for6 years now forget him. If he wants to be a father he will let you know! Some days will be way harder then others and even some days your wounder how your feed your babies the next day but it will always work out if you keep trying!!!

I do believe u have to be cleared by the court to move just a heads up u might need to check into it anyways

It looks like at this point, if you have tried to be an adult and to handle it between each outside of the courts then it may be time to get them involved again! I’m a product of divorced parents and no matter what my dad made the time for me every weekend even when I became a teenager and only wanted to be with my friends, to this day( and I’m now 39) I still remember that he always has time for me and he always put me first

Go back to court and request a custody adjustment and request that he help pay for childcare

I would definitely take him to court for child support. If he’s living with his parents chances are he doesn’t have too many bills to pay. There should be no reason why he can’t help you. Do what you feel is best for you and your children.


Take him to court for child support only contingent upon the fact that he visits with your children otherwise ask him to sign parental rights away and if he has a pension go after some of that

do what is right for you and the kids. Don’t worry about him.

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Take him back to court!

I’m on the side of whoever can write a post with proper spelling, grammar and sentence structure. This post was physically painful to read and difficult to understand.
Remember folks, there are 2 sides to every story.

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Why don’t you have child support and or spousal support?

He’s not into helping . He only wants to see you fail and hurt

Take him to court. Get tough