My ex doesn't take the kids at the same time: Thoughts?

My ex wants to talk to me about taking our older child and having him live with him all the time to help me out when I have my baby with my current SO. My ex and I haven’t been together in 5 years. He hasn’t been around much in the last year to watch his kids while I’m at work, my grandma has them both all the time when I’m at work. He bails on her multiple times without talking to her. He rarely takes them together its always one or the other, mostly the older one. He doesn’t help me financially with either of them, and I have them 24/7. We do not have a custody agreement, and I’m seriously contemplating taking him to court. Should I discuss this with him and tell him how I feel about him wanting just one kid?


Should be taking both kids at the same time… I kno I would and that’s coming from a dad


If there is no custody agreement then he can take them and not give them back until after your court date is finalized and not sure how long things can be dragged out. I think if he wants more time with them that is great but both of them but always cover yourself and the children so they do not get caught up in anymore craziness than the have to.


That sounds fishy. He only wants them one at a time. Doesn’t sound right at all. Don’t leave the kids with him until you have a custody agreement. And let him know, he takes both children or none at all. I still find it very odd though that he only wants to take one at a time. Something doesn’t sound right there.


Why doesnt he just take them both and do 50/50

No, just take it to court. No need to hash it out before you inevitably take that route anyway.


Wow why would you force 2 kids on him if he could not cope with it ? You want the kids to suffer to prove your point I don’t get it


Why would you even consider?? Knowing he is NOT stepping up now as a dad!!! There’s no way I could split my kids, just to have life easier on me.
Strap them boots up and get shot done Mama!!!


Don’t let them go anywhere with him unless it’s been finalized through court or you just might lose them altogether cause he can do what ever he wants right now please I’ll be praying for y’all God Bless and good luck with them all dear​:pray::pray:


No take him to court,it protects your and his rights

First of all Emily I dont see where you think this is funny. :roll_eyes: Grow up.
Second girl he should he taking both his kids, because your youngest is gonna grow up thinking daddy is playing favorites with him and the older sibling and that’s obviously not fair. If he can care for one he can care for the other as well.

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I couldn’t do that, I wouldn’t want my kids thinking they are getting pushed to the back burner because of having a new baby, especially if the father hasn’t been present for the majority of the time. This would Be out of the question, personally I would want my older kids to be involved in their siblings life from the start.


Um i would have a court ordered agreement. And document all the missed visits. There is nothing set so doesn’t stop him from just picking kids up nkt returning them.


Personally I would only allow him to have visitation however only after court papers.

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I wouldnt tell him just do it


I’d just go ahead and take him to court for a custody agreement.

Don’t even tell him.

Lotta words yet- nobody knows what you’re talking about.

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What do you need Him for

My ex tried that to.he not around much he just wanted the child tax for himself it just him probably being money hungry if he wanted his child he would of stepped up and been the father proved himself but don’t sound like it how would he treat or raise ur son will he be father or just ignore him to


He want the child support money that he eill take u to court for hell no i wiuld not agrer

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I’m confused, to me it sounds like you’re trying to make your ex take your new baby that’s not his too?

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I would take him to court for a custody agreement.

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I did not make my ex take both our children but I had total custody of them. My daughter doesn’t have anything for her father today because of the way he treated her. I would get total custody of them first. I have always looked at things like this children are not asked to be born it takes two to make them and two to raise them. Some ppl use them as weapon’s if you don’t do this you can’t see the etc. Or one bad mouthing the other one to the child. When they are old enough to understand they will figure it out. Do what you know in your heart is good enough for you and your children you are the one who has to decide. Good luck and God bless you.

So you have 2 kids together and he only wants to take one at a time and favors the oldest? Also doesn’t help financially and now wants the oldest to live with him full time? Nope!
Step 1: file for child support
Step 2: he takes both of the children he helped make at the same time on a schedule such as every other weekend or whatever.
Step 3: if either of those are an issue, keep the kids and file for a custody agreement.


Take him court. Talking is out the window at this point. He’s using the “dad luxury” card. Picking when to be a father and to which children and it doesnt work that way. He needs to be all in or all out! Do it the legal way

Go to court get custody of your kids, then file for child support and don’t tell him your going to do this( he could take your kids and you would have to fight to get them back)and please don’t let your ex take the older one to
Live with him, ( don’t split the kids up) you said he hadn’t been around and bails on taking them so that shows he’s not responsible so Why would you even consider him having one live with him? Tell him he either takes both kids at once or neither of them

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my phone is almost dead so I’m doing talk-to-text so hopefully this comes out where you can understand lol
Definitely get a custody agreement
if you and him can come to an agreement on something then doesn’t cost as much it’s a lot shorter and the papers take a effect faster
But even if he doesn’t want to agree on something then that’s his choice
but still do whatever it takes to get some type of custody agreement in order
you definitely deserve full custody and getting that probably won’t be hard at all just make sure you document as much as possible.
But it definitely sounds like you already have the upper hand by Far.

but custody papers are very important to have because there’s going to come a time where someone doesn’t want to agree or
someone doesn’t want to help out with responsibilities or
someone wants to keep the kids longer
With custody papers in order nonsense like that can’t happen and if it does happen then legal actions can be taken
the process is a lot less complicated…

custody papers are not put in order to be an a****** to the other parent they are put in order to have less drama for everybody and to make things easier for the children most importantly

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Go to court and get a child support order and a custody agreement now. If you are not appointed the primary guardian what is to stop him from just taking the child?

All the negative about him in your post, clearly shows you the answer. Read you post over and see if alarm bells dont ring in your head. Doesnt that alone tell you not to do this!?. U dont send one child off because you’re having another!!!

I feel you need to examine his motives more. Why does he prefer the child over the younger? Is the younger child is too much work for him? Is he abusive & wants them seperate so he doesn’t have that witness? Men cry they want “equal rights”. Then they want privileges like choosing who, when & how often to parent. Don’t enable him to be irresponsible. Put him on child support, get a lawyer & seek sole custody on the grounds that he’s hard to get hold of & inconsistent. Get a visitation schedule & meet at a 3rd party location such as a counselors office, drs office or arrange for him to pick them up from school. That way you have documentation of when he fails to visit his kids. Don’t let him choose 1 child over another & don’t give away a child because you’re having another. Your children, all 3 of them, deserve bonding time together. Seperating them will cause resentment. My father took my brother & sister. I rarely saw them. As adults we don’t speak, haven’t in years. Don’t do that to your kids. They belong together.

You have 2 kids with him and you have no CS, visitation or custody established?
So you’re basically letting him off supporting his children?

Just get a custody agreement you don’t need his permission

Go to court. Do not let a child live with him I he’s constantly flaking. And simply do not allow him to only take one. Especially if he mainly takes 1. You are encouraging favoritism. You to court for custody have all this documented get statements from grandmother and anyone else. Enough is enough. Go for support and back they’ll take his taxes. Do right by your kids.

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I would ask why he doesnt take both and arrange for a time he can do that.

I’d just say hell no, and keep doing it on my own.

Court he sounds like an ass


I wouldn’t let him take one and not the other.


NOPE ,take his ass to court! He knows he has TWO children, he is just as responsible for them as you are. I would definitely put in the agreement he takes BOTH children, he dosen’t get to pick and CHOSE, you dont!


Yes have a conversation first

No keep your children with you full time unless he sees both kids on the same days

My question is why would you get rid of 1 child due to having a new baby?

Tell him to get fucked (sorry) he is playing games, my ex did the same. I have a daughter that is open and one that is not. Do not let him dictate, all of nothing. And believe me nothing is best xx

Why would any parent want to split their children up . Bizarre :rage:


Girl take him to court!!

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Court. You should have done it along time ago. And no take both or neither of them

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TAKE :clap:HIM :clap:TO​:clap: COURT!
Don’t break the siblings up either, I’ve experienced this first hand and can tell you it does effect the child.


Been going on long enough. No babying this deadbeat. Picking and choosing is bullshit. He doesn’t have a right to that. Court. Just get it done already.


Never force a child on someone who don’t want them! You will not like the results!


If you let him have the oldest then he doesn’t have to pay child support. Thats probably his plan and he does NOT have to return him if he doesn’t want to bcuz u have no court order. I would get a court order asap. Also when u have the baby let ur other half be with the kids or see if gma will. I had 8 other kids when i had #9. My fiance stayed with me over night but went home to care for the kids so his x aunt in law could do what she needed to do.

Talk first. Maybe he questions the paternity of the 2nd and that’s why he doesn’t want to take that child. It’s not uncommon

Take him to court for visitation with stipulations that both be taken at the same time and for child support.

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I say tell him exactly what you just said. You don’t think it’s fair to the kids to take just one at a time… that you don’t ask him for anything but do need help when it comes to caring for them and that if he doesn’t fix it you’ll take him to court. If he doesn’t improve it in a week file your papers…

Cutt ties with him all together. Going through my ex playing our two boys against each other…I finally had enough. He will no longer have access to our youngest son.

Go to court and get a parenting plan set in place. And no as a parent you shouldn’t take just one over the other.

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Depending on where you live - there may be other steps you need to take before going to Court ,
here in Australia ,you are required to attend mediation sessions first .
This can be done by phone .

Wait what!?! The guy is not paying child support and has access to his kids whenever he wants them but doesn’t even bother to try to help out with necessities for them or give them his time, effort, and attention to the both of his children? Oh sister, there are alot of men who would give anything to be in his shoes…to spend time with their kids and actually provide what they truly can instead of the courts trying to squeeze blood out of turnup only for them to be alienated from their kids. Obviously the douche canoe has no idea how blessed he has been. I’d definitely let his sorry ass know he either gets his shit together for those kids or you’ll see him in court.

He wants taxes😂. He’ll ask u for support and u won’t know who’s around ur kid. Definitely NO. Take him to court.


Take him to court and keep all the kids together if you can. Don’t trust him when he says his suggestion is to help you.

Take him to court. Make him payyyyy

Give him the option and a deadline to take care of his kids. Go to court if he fails to do it.

Take him to court he’s a piece of s***

Call your Local Bar Association, they can help you get free legal aid. You need to know what your rights are and how to protect and provide for your children. Take care and God bless!

I wouldnt talk to him. I would just take him to court.

Something seems very off ! Definitely don’t hand over that child!

Like someone mentioned earlier, it’s tax season. Take his azz to court.

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I would def not allow him to just take one child if he has more than just one with you. Maybe on special occasions as long as he does it for both of them (ie a team sporting event or special concert sort of thing) because I do think a child needs one on one time with each of their parents when it’s possible, but not on a regular basis. As for the custody, ummm NO. He hasn’t even been able to prove he can be responsible enough to maintain regular visits. I would have a conversation with him about your concerns and a heads up that your intentions are to go to court for visitation and financial support. I would NOT give him the chance to “do” better or change as you ha e given plenty of time to make changes. He knows he is a parent and is failing his children. Then I would go and file ASAP.

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Maybe parents should make better life decisions

Why would you even consider this asinine offer?

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Umm no. Take him to court and tell him to fuck off.

Just take him to court, you don’t need to talk to him


NO…get a court order and child support, visitation done LEGAL. He’s trying to get one or both to live with him. Sorry, but I wouldn’t trust him and I’d definitely make it legal before the oldest gets any ideas to go live with him. Sounds like he’s tipping his hand to you and you need to nip it in the bud.


Have you ever considered… I don’t know… ASKING why he only takes 1 kid? Just Sayin’…
You want him to adult… Try asking him like an adult yourself.

How do the kids feel about ut?

No. No discussion. He needs to be helping financially. And there needs to be a set guideline for him. You need to go to court. Protect yourself and protect your kids.

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No trust me. Just take him to court

Talk to him. Don’t go to court. If you are able to talk and you don’t fight and it’s amicable , keep it that way. No body benefits from court !! Expensive! Turns people nasty ! And most times its the kids who miss out in the end. They deserve and have a right to spend time with both parents

Just noticed most are saying fuck him go to court :cry::cry::cry: how sad

Nope! He knows exactly what he is doing! Take him to court. By only taking he makes sure you never get time alone.

Maybe it’s too much for him to handle both . Ask him. He should want the younger one too though.

Why TF are you even asking?! Take. His. Awful. Ass. To. Court.


I would try talking to him about it first. If you guys can come to an agreement without going through the courts than great. I don’t think it’s bad if he takes one kid at a time here and there, it gives him and the child one on one time, which they need. Just don’t let him make a habit of it, because I’m sure the other child feelings get hurt when their not the one going.

Seriously contemplating GIRL I would be at the judges house yesterday

Just no! The other child will feel like he/she is not good enough if he only takes one child. Tell the ex to grow the hell up!! You Need to file for child support for both kids so that you can get afford a sitter a few days awwww to give grandma a break.

Talk first believe me court could you thousands

Not sure how old r the kids, why have u just considered this & how long has he been taking one child at a time? This helps understand his relationship with the children/kids & urself a bit better. Y wld u consider court without addressing the situation? Not judging. Trying to understand what makes u feel that shld b ur first option? My opinion, u shld talk to him about it, it may well b that simple. Court? Not until u have made an attempt to change the situation shld u resort to the legal system. Take care & always keep ur children/kids best interest at heart above ur own feelings. It’s tough but it’s the best thing to do, they will appreciate u more eventually.

Why would you even contemplate splitting your children …