My ex gets out of prison soon and I am unsure if he should be ib our daughters life: Thoughts?

My daughter is almost three years old; I have been raising her on my own all but a couple of months. Her father is in prison due to a series of stupid choices that he made. He claims he wants to be there for her, but every time he has been out of jail, he spends time living with me rent free and messing up his life. About two years ago, he went to prison, and my daughter witnessed his probation officer cuffing her father and taking him away. He was put in a halfway house last November, but failed a drug test and got sent back to prison! I am past caring at all about him at this point. My daughter and I make a great team; we are very happy with our two-person family. But I got a phone call yesterday from HIM at the prison (free call, I won’t accept collect calls) saying that he is being released in a little over a month. I am worried, scared, upset, confused, and really lost. We’re are not in a relationship, and I refuse to let him stay with me again. My daughter is my number one priority, and he has proven that having ‘fun’ and being a ‘free spirit’ is his. I have told him that I wouldn’t prevent him from seeing her, but she doesn’t even know who he is! I need advice.

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He can live elsewhere.
That’s if ur daughter is number 1

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If custody has not been established, get a lawyer and start that process. Try to limit him to supervised visitation until he can prove he can be responsible enough to care for her without supervision. Also, do not let him live with you. Just don’t. Just don’t. Even if you let him spend a night, it will be so hard to get him out of your house. Stay strong!!

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Don’t let him tell you No Sad Story

Maybe he should get his life together first. Give it a few months or more to see if he got his shit in order “normal life” and not going to get in trouble and go away again cause it would not be fair for your daughter to get a bond w her dad and he’s gone again. Protection for your kid is #1!

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I personally wouldn’t accept him back after being in prison several times. Knowing he had a daughter and still chose to end up in jail isn’t called a father. Don’t let him in to wreck your relationship with your daughter and if you do allow him to see her make sure it’s supervised.

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This is a tough one . Thing is regardless of your thoughts about him , your daughter does have the right to know him .
Maybe * supervised visits for only 1-2 hours to start with .
Depending in where you live , they nay have to be court ordered or through mediation & at a neutral place .
Here in Australia there are Children’s Contact Centres where people are directed to go to by the courts .
There are trained people there to supervise the visits.

No he doesn’t wanna be in his daughter’s life, he want a place to crash in for free. Until he’s proven to have his shit together, don’t let him come to mooch u off in the pretense of being a father

I actually am going through the same situation myself, my daughter is 2 and he’s been in prison since she was 8 months old and jail before that for 2 months. I have decided to let him see her whiles he’s doing well and getting help ( counseling) we talk so I can tell if he’s on his bed again. I don’t want to keep her father away from her but it’s a difficult decision to make. You know him so all I can say is listen to your heart. No matter what he chose to make life into the situation it is, do wats best for her! Good luck and hope I helped you in some way best wishes

I wouldn’t let him move in yet. I wouldn’t prevent him from seeing his daughter. Everything is up to you as to how far you’ll let him in your life.

Be cautious and take it slow

Get an attorney & start the process also see if they can have the visits supervised until he can prove he is gonna be responsible also see if they can have him drug tested before every visit… Do NOT let him live with you at all that’s not your responsibility

Get legal aide n if ya ain’t got sole custody I would, n set up visitation not living together free unless you want to go through more ??

Well you writing this already shows us your choice.
You already made it.

You should connect with police, and a womens shelter for these issues. You shoulf change your number, your door locks. And honestly maybe move. He can take his rights to court, until than let him continue to be the screw up and protect your child by not having her around that… Shes old enough to remember things now, why have her scared and unsettled. Move if you have too, or stay with your family or parents etc.

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If you like it how it is with just you and your daughter. Let it be. Especially if he’s going in and out of prison, he’s decided he’s going to do what he wants and being a positive male figure for his daughter is obviously not in his agenda. Don’t cave in, stay strong for your daughter

Do not get caught up in His manipulationsmy dear. He has learned manipulation from the masters in prison. With the many things he has been exposed to in prison, I would be very hesitant in allowing him to have any access to your little girl or you might. Be very sorry if you don’t take heed. If he gets supervised visitation IF he is allowed by the courts then an adult person of goid character will oversee the visit for short periods of time and if your little girl does not want to go then listen to her. No he is not to use you for a place to sleep, a place to eat and a place to get money. He chose his situations and therefore in order for him to understand those choices he made were wrong, he must be allowed to learn from the mistakes by building up his own life again. Do not be an enabler. He has been with some tough characters and some of them will also be paroled and soon tour home will be filled with ex cons. Do you realize that you could have your child taken away if you allow him access to her??? I am 74 years old and I tell you things with hope in my heart that you will not be foolish enough to allow him to live with you or have unsupervised access to your little girl. I say this to you with kindness and concern. Peace

For reading my post to you

No, No, No don’t let him in your life or hers. If he cared about her or you he’d have made better choices. Do not make his release easy for him. Do not let him live you with and don’t let him make you feel like you owe him anything.

I would go get full custody based on his being incarcerated and criminal
History
Let him know he will not live with you but can be part of his daughters life
Maybe visits supervised outside of your household

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Hun, I just about agree with everyone here, DO NOT let him in your place, you don’t need that stress on you and your daughter, obviously he doesn’t really care about his/ your daughter, he wants a roof over his head aside from jail??? Go to his the mother! He comes to your place another mouth to feed, and also put up with him. Girl don’t do it! Good luck.

Never believe jail talk. You should know. Let him get out and start adulting first. He needs to prove he can handle his life before he can handle a childs. You know the answer to this. If you wouldnt date him she sure as hell shouldnt have him as an example.

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She needs a positive role model…

Tell him to go somewhere else and man up …obviously if he threatens you call the police…personally I’d move home still close to your support network and job ? Don’t listen to his bullshit he wants a warm bed …you and your baby deserve better…good luck and stay strong

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I agree with everyone. Do not let him live with you. If he brings drigs into your home, your daughter can be taken by cps. Protect your child! If he wants to see her, tell him to get a lawyer and file for visitation.

Sounds like he hasn’t really had a chance to be a responsible parent ! It’s definitely a choice he has to make and it’s up to him to make changes for his child ! You not wanting him in your home is understandable and fair considering your not together ! All you really can do is stand your ground and protect your child from the life style he choices to live ‘

I would tell him that you are not comfortable with him moving in with you because of his past.behaviuor he has some improvements to make like get his own.place get a job or go to school to better himself he is not your responsibility.hands up.to you for being strong and being there for your daughter you and her is all that matters right now so stay strong and stand up to this man good luck

Dont hand over your power and your progress! He needs to get a job and a place to live, keeping them both for quite awhile before I’d let him around you or her.( Adulting) Theres a good chance he wont do neither of those things and go right back to jail within the 1st yr out. Drama and trauma can live a long time in children. She wont quit loving him, she will not love herself. If he wants to see her, let him get a lawyer, that takes time and effort. You keep doing you, its all on him to man up. Dont fall for jail talk!!! You are your daughters everything, he chose to be irresponsible. You need to keep a good support system to keep good healthy boundries for yourself and your daughter. Its so easy to give in, they tend to be good manipulators. Stay strong and safe. :heart::pray:

Stay away from him. He is only going to make court life miserable!

  1. She was 1 when he was cuffed and hauled off… She doesn’t remember.
  2. Tell him if he wants to be in her life then when he gets out of prison and gets his life together then he can start with supervised visitation as long as he passes a drug test before visitation.
    It’s that simple. You’re making it more complicated than it is.

Girl life is so much better without his added drama and having to take care of him like another child!

Don’t allow him to live with you. He’s a free loader & not a good example. You can consider supervising visits. Don’t leave her alone with him. Her bond with you is important to continue. One step at a time.

Dont shelter her from him. My father allowed my mother to see me despite feeling the same about her as you do him. As a teen I started to see her for who she was and chose to stop seeing her on my own. I’m grateful to have had time with her (visitations) and to be able to make the decision myself.

Allow him to bond with his daughter, with friendly supervision. When he’s released, this will serve as healing therapy. It’s to your best interest to stand tall on your decision to not allow him to live with you. It’s a priority to maintain peace in the home for you and your child. Guard your spirit and look out for you and your child’s heart. All is well. You’re not responsible for his welfare. Nor should you have to be a foster mother or his baby sitter. It’s time for him to put the work in by being responsible for himself and supporting his child’s needs, only. If by chance you two can rekindle the flame, best wishes on your behalf in building renewed partnership, again.:pray:

You dont have to let him see your daughter. And if you go to court with his history the court will probaly not let him see her. You have a good life with your dauggter your her biggest advocate. And you make a decisions now for her. And you have to keep her safe and make the riggt choices. She will inderstand when she gets older. If you choose to let her dad see her then stay on guard dont let him alone with her and dont let him nove back in. Cause him being in and out of her life could cause alot of mental issues with your daughter. whrn shes older. I do wish you the best im a single parent as welk my kids are teenagers but sounds like your doing a great job.

Let him see his daughter on supervised visits. Tell him the way he handles thing will decide how his visitations go. The things are his actions around his daughter, if he is under the influence, and who he brings around her. Everything he does around her is an example of what to do and not to do. In my opinion you get to have the say so because you have custody and are the provider.

I would have to say no if it were me. Your daughter does need a positive male influence in her life but obviously that’s not her father. Tell him to stay away as you have absolutely no proof that he has his shit together

If you are happy & content the way things are …why ROCK THE BOAT…I think with him comes drama and mucho problems

Been there, done that. She was 2 months old when he was sent away- got out after 10 months n went back until she turned 3. Put him on child support- and dont hold ur breath. Keep being the team that u are. She is 17 now and I have seen him disappoint her more than I can count. He is not a part of OUR lives. I told him to prove to HER that he is a better person. He still hasn’t. Dont beat urself up over it, hes not worth it if he isnt willing to put in the work to be a father. Live ur life and only let him visit w her or better yet, left the judge determine what visitation should be.

I would absolutely not reward him with a visit. He should have to earn something like that. I’m sure the courts would back you up. If he cares enough to be a part of her life, he should definitely put in the time and effort to show you and her that he’s worthy of that relationship. Good luck!

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I would make it very clear that if he wants to know his daughter he has to stay clean, contribute to society and be a good role model. If not, he can kick rocks

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Supervised visits are my recommendation.

Especially at this age.

As the sister of a druggie who is in and out of jail, and the aunt of a sweet little 4 year old…
supervised visits.
Their life happens to fast as it is, they don’t need to see the bad faster by being with someone who doesn’t think of it as bad

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Doesn’t sound like he’s a good example for her. Can you move? I assume he’s not paying child support.

I would suggest supervised visits through the courts at this point for the protection of your daughter.

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keep her away. itll keep her from getting hurt in the long run. make sure u got full custody an all that good stuff

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I would make a list of my expectations and if he can’t maintain them he doesn’t WANT to be around. It’s simple: stay clean, get a job, start helping me financially with your child, and make a visit schedule! And make him stick to it. These are little things. But if he can do them then it shows he’s putting in effort. If he refuses we’ll then he doesn’t really want to see her, he just wants to use you.

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Supervised visits. Theres a chance he can change one day and realize he needs to grow up.

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You are a warrior!! Follow your gut. If you feel the slightest sense that he is manipulating you or her to his advantage cut him off or just don’t even allow him back into your life at all. You deserve happiness so does she. She is keenly aware of how you handle the world and it will be how she handles it in the future so remember that. Be her strength momma.

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Start the court process…

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He needs to get his shit together if he wants to see her! She should be allowed her father in her life, yes, however, he needs to change first. That is not father like behavior!!!

I grew up with a druggy parent, and my grandparents kept them away from me and I’m so glad they did. I got to know my parent as an adult and form my own thoughts and opinions. My parent wasn’t safe to live with or be around. Keep that kiddo safe.

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From what you said you have been doing phenomenal for your daughter. It is your priority to keep her healthy loved and safe ( physically mentally and emotionally!) go with your gut momma bear when it comes down to it, it’s all on you! Stay amazing and strong for your little one hun :heart:

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He does not have to live with your be in a relationship with you to have a relationship and be involved with his daughter.
1st up set ground rules. Supervised visits with you or someone of your choosing until the child is comfortable.
a place to live with proper and adequate sleeping arrangements.
Ability to provide all of her needs and then you will start talking about proper visitation.
He needs to prove he will be there and be a better father.

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I agree with Carrie anne

Coming from experience with an almost 9 year old who hasnt seen her bio dad in 4 years and even before that he was in and out of jail. He has to make some serious effort and changes to his life before I would even consider him coming back in her life. Consistency is mandatory. My girl doesn’t know struggle and heartache and I’m not going to openly allow heartache. House, car, job and consistency. He has to prove his worth.you are your child’s protector. Don’t allow a childhood that baby will have to recover from.

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I would let him get to know her because she deserves to know who her father is. Put boundaries on it. It would be at a park. We would ease into it and take it as it comes. I’m glad you arent letting him stay with you.

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If he works for it. And proves he’s changed. He does get a chance. But it’s not going to be easy.

Not till he has his shit together and do not let him back in, time to man up

I know you said you won’t but please don’t let him use you again for a free place to live and trust me he will try. Give him rules if he wants to see her( supervised until he can prove he’s trustworthy) job, help support her, no drinking or other stuff, and show up if he asks to visit her,

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Protect yourself and your daughter. He needs to worry about himself. If he does come back into your lives in whatever capacity, there needs to be a clear plan, and not any thing too soon. Talk to a lawyer or therapist for a list of things he should accomplish before moving forward examples:

  1. drug free for x time
  2. job for x time
  3. therapy
  4. his own living situation ( apartment, home, rent or own for x time
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I would do supervised visits, try keep it out of court if you can, and just make sure she is just not left alone with him, if he has an issue, then go down the court road

Don’t be afraid to do what’s best for that baby girl!! Sometimes it’s best just to be apart and only let the father see her WHEN YOU WANT HIM TOO. You have every right, and a judge will see to it that you do, to keep your daughter away from him especially if those charges are super serious. Do what you feel is right momma!! Your daughter is happy and healthy that’s all you need for her

You are going to do more damage keepi.g her in an environment like that trust me I did… my daughter is now 15 her dad is a POS and has nothing to do with her. He was in and out of her life but when he went to prison he bounces and never looked back. Shes always so unhappy, hates him but misses him and I get the crap end of the deal. I say let him be and he has to prove himself. If he can be good and stay out of trouble for longer than a year and follow all his parole rules than slowly get them in a relationship…

Protect your daughter and you! Do not let him live with you period!

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Halfway house? Drug failure? In and out of jail? Freeloader? Sounds like my ex-husband. They don’t change. He doesn’t want to be in your daughters life. He just wants a free ride until he finds the next dummy to fall for his nonsense. I suggest you don’t take him back unless he miraculously finds the Lord!

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I’d make him prove himself, that he’s able to make it on his own and be a decent person before I’d let him see her. It’s going to be pretty difficult for tour daughter to have him come back into your daughters life, only for him to end up back in prison for something.

You have to be strong… sounds like you already know what the answer is… you deserve to be happy too

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Take care of you and that baby girl of yours! Do not let him in unless he proves he can be a beneficial parent in her life until then it’s you and her! Keep up the good work and stay strong momma!!!

They don’t change. Don’t feel bad about making positive choices for you and your child.

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No way would let him near her! I would’ve moved, changed my number, blocked all social media etc while he was in prison. Cut him off from as much contact as you can now. If he wants a relationship with your daughter he’ll file in the courts. Then you can mention him being in prison, drug use etc. Request supervised visits by a 3rd party. Don’t let him in your house! That’s looking for trouble that’s difficult to get out of which you already know.

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Let him be a MAN and find his own way ! You need to show your little girl self respect it’s about you & your daughter keep being strong you got this! :revolving_hearts:

Sounds like you and your daughter are way better without him living with you. If he wants to be in his daughter’s life he needs to be sober have a job and stable housing

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He still has a right to be in her life but he also needs to create a safe and stable home situation for your daughter. He needs to work on himself first and maybe start off with supervised visits.

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Get cps involved and see what they think. Don’t let him move in with you!! Make him have his own place and everything your child needs before any visits!!

I would say supervised visitation but why would you ever let him live with you?

Please just protect your daughter.Sounds like you and her are doing just fine. Good luck

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Supervised visitations on your schedule

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Make sure you tell him he’s not staying with you!!! And supervised visits until she knows who is is out until you know he’s not going back

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Put aside how you feel and think about how your daughter will feel as she gets older and starts to understand that her mother kept her away from her father. You can always have supervised visits to make sure she is safe, if you feel like he is a threat to her.

LOL omg I’m surprised you haven’t filed for full custody… kinda stupid

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I would get a restraining order just to keep him from randomly showing up at you house to avoid your daughter from having to relive the days past. When hes able to prove to you at that time you can lift the order and set restrictions for visiting take it slow

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You dont have to have him live with you but if he wants to see her let him 2 years is a while that’s still her dad at the end of the day obviously he was struggling with abusing drugs it’s not easy when trying to over come that and sometimes ur kids are all u got to keep u motivated to do better id supervise the visits but dont keep her from him

Okay girl I went through this SAME thing for the past 8 years with my daughters dad. Every time he was out I would let him see her as long as he was clean. It would last 1-4 months and he would relapse and go back to prison. Every time my daughter was devastated when he left again.
This last time I waited 2 months. He’s seen her once and that was a month ago. I font think he’s too interested anymore. His loss. I would say wait a few months and see how he’s doing

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My daughter’s dad has never stayed out longer than six months since she was born. He got locked up six days after she was born. She’s seven now. In that time, he has gone to prison twice and county jail close to a dozen times. I’m not saying what I have done is the right way to do things, but I have always kept communication open and always allowed him into her life if I felt that she was physically safe. I did not want to keep her from him and then she grow up having a complex thinking her daddy didn’t love her or want her. As she has gotten older she is more aware of the things that are going on and the reasons as to why he isn’t around as much as he should be. As she’s getting older, she is involved in the decision on whether or not she wants to see him. I do not force it but do not keep it from happening. She loves him and I will never take that from her as long as she isn’t in danger.

Do it for your daughter…you don’t need a man like him in you two’s life…Give her a chance to a better life without the things you went through

Keep her away. My daughters almost 5 & her bio dad started using heroin when I was 6 months pregnant I left him. He begged me when she was 1 month old to see her & he claimed that he was clean. That was a lie he ended up Back in jail for drugs and other things. I let him see her again after that he was in and out of her life for about a year. And then I said this is enough. You can’t pick and choose when you want to be there. I had set up visits with him and I’d show up he wouldn’t be there. Should be taking girls on dates and using instead of caring for my daughter or trying to be there at all. About 2 1/2 years ago I decided after he beat the crap out of his girlfriend to put a restraining order on him. And he hasn’t seen her since. My daughter doesn’t remember him. He’s currently living in his car and still using.

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I’d make him prove to you that he has changed and that he won’t touch anyone drugs and that he gets a job and step up to the plate with child support. I’d make him go a couple of months before he sees her and proves that he can stay out of jail and help support her before he have any contact with her.

I know I’ve had problems with the father of my kids not being involved. Our oldest is 9 and he has only been in his life like a total of 4 months worth of days his whole life. Our youngest is 3 and he has only seen him 2 times, and thats just recently. I told him that i will NOT let him see them if he is drinking and being stupid and I also told him that if he wants to be a part of their lives I will give him this last chance to be there, but he is NOT to disappear again, he WILL be an active part of their lives, and he WILL be a good father figure or he will NEVER get another chance. I will not put my kids hearts on the line just to have them get close and have their hearts broken. So i say one/last chance to step up and change and be there or never again.

Supervised. One year clean and sober and monetary support for the child and a stable home and job before he is allowed supervised visits.This is coming from someone with 30 yrs. sobriety. It takes time and alot of work to become a trustworthy productive member of society again.

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Yep, court supervised visits only and he will bail on that quick. Don’t even let him in your home to visit, don’t meet him out, make him go through the courts to see her and he will go away. If he goes through the courts and meets all their demands then maybe on the judges timeline, but don’t let him in your life or hers or you both will be hurt again.

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Dont let him live with you this time. Work out contact. He fails, tell him to piss of permanantly

I would not do it because you both do not need someone in your lifes that can’t stay out of jail. Did he help take care of her before going away

Talk is cheap. If he makes a genuine effort to be there even after bad choices his actions will speak louder than his words. But if he just speaks empty promises cut the cord. :heart_decoration::heart_decoration::heart_decoration:

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Why are you even talking to him . Let him talk to you though a lawyer for Visitation. And change that phone number. He didn’t find his salvation in jail.
He was incarcerated for a reason and it wasn’t for taking care of his child and her mother. You might want to think first.

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Supervised visits

…if u don’t want him living w u…keep it that way

.make sure when he gets out he does t use your address as his residence or u May be stuck w him…don’t even allow One night at your house or u May wind up w a permanent guest…use dcs to your advantage and allow him to go thru them and do supervised visits and they can help get your daughter gradually accustomed to seeing him.

Take it one supervise prearranged visit at a time out in public ( no need for him to be in your house ) make sure all visits are prearranged you don’t need him showing up at your house anytime he wants and if he does show up don’t let him in you definitely don’t want him feeling "’ at home " in your home

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He’ll never change move on before something bad happens. Get real

Sounds like you already know what you should do. Keep up the great Mom that you are.

Do supervised visits until you know hes staying clean and doing things right. Trust has to be earned. Be cautious and protect your child at all costs. Good luck to you.

From my experience, court is the only way to go. You try to give a man with a history a chance and you’re not only setting your children up for sadness but yourself as well because you go into everything with hope and usually when drugs are involved it’s always the opposite of what you thought.