My and my kids (7&3) dad are separated. I have been in a relationship for a year now. He didn’t meet my kids until we were together for ten months. He has met my kids das as well, and they get along. A month ago, my ex started an online relationship after talking to a girl for one month. She lives in Bolivia. We are on the east coast. He didn’t know she was still in Bolivia until two weeks after they had started talking, and he asked her out. That’s a red flag for me already, but he was ok with it. He’s happy, and I’m happy for him. The issue I have is he has been making our kids send her voice mails every morning telling her hello and that they hope she has a good day. They don’t know her, and frankly, he doesn’t know her either. I was hes flying to Bolivia at the end of June to meet her for the first time. No idea yet if she has looked into flying here or if that’s ever going to happen, but I feel that until she is here permanently and my ex has been with her and around her for a while to get to know her better, my kids should not be made to send her messages every day. It’s one thing if she asks him how the kids are doing, which is sweet, but for right now, that’s all that it should be. I have talked to him about it and he still continued to have the kids send her voice messages. And now I’m getting pissed off.
You don’t get to control what happens on his time. The kids aren’t in danger so drop it.
Yeah I hope it’s not some sex trafficking scam. You never know these days!
Ummm a big fing hell no to making my kids to that
I agree with her the kids should not be doing that
That’s a red flag regarding him but as long as ground rules apply to them not being in any Face Times or video’s, I wouldn’t worry abt voicemails.
If you can, check her out to make sure it’s not a scam. The second she asks for money, report her whole profile to the police.
I would probably be pissed too. He has no idea who he is actually talking to atm and has no business dragging the kids into it. That’s ridiculous
Not your business, what happens on his time is his business unless the kids are in danger or something is wrong.
how do you know they aren’t in danger ??? Why make the kids do something that they might don’t want to do ? This is a person that according to the post not even your ex has seen her physically. Why to exposed the kids to that. !! This is when we failed as parents. Stop putting your kids in adult shit. He can do whatever the fuck he wants with his time without the kids…he doesn’t need to push the kids into this girls life. It sounds to me like your ex is so desperate to have someone in his life. If those kids were mine I would make it clear to them and to him they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. till everyone knows for a fact she is good to be around them. BTW I’m from Colombia, Bolivia is in Ecuador and believe those women online aren’t for the good if you know what I’m talking about. Good luck and protect your kids
Have your kids mentioned how they feel about being forced to do that? If so have you mentioned to him how it makes them feel. There is a positive way to approach it and a negative especially if it bothers the kids to have to do it. Maybe not necessarily send her voicemails every morning but perhaps a more comfortable exchange for the kids would be if he were speaking to her or video chatting and brought the kids in as an interaction. He may really be just trying to test the waters and see how she will respond to the kids. I agree with you that it would be uncomfortable especially if he is forcing it.
Yeah it’s definitely strange since he doesn’t even really know this person but you really can’t dictate what he does on his time. Unless you want to take him back to court and see if you can get a judge to agree. I assume the visitation is court ordered.
He is about to get totally screwed over. This situation will take care of itself.
I don’t think it’s appropriate for your kids to have to do that. He should just see where his relationship is going on his own. But there’s nothing you can do about it. There’s no immediate or direct harm to your kids in this situation.
Nope. If he wants to fall for a possible catfish, that’s on him. But don’t involve your children in it.
The fact you know all about what’s going on and all about these voice messages means ur more involved than an ex…and he’s playing games! Who cares if he goes to meet her etc…nothing to do with the kids! Ur ex sending voice mails from kids…so what kids will get fed up of that means nothing. Have u real concerns? Right now seems like no…let him be the dad…be the mom with real concerns otherwise stop!
I would be mad too, it seems he is using the kids to win her or something.
More than likely all she’s doing is looking for money to be sent to her my son ran into the same problem a girl who was supposedly stuck overseas and couldn’t get back home and wanted him to send her money which we did not do then my friend’s son he fell in love with a girl overseas and what did she want him to do send her money and he did he sent her $300 which gave her $100 and something thousand dollars wherever she was he was stupid and then I had someone who asked me to be friends that was here in the United States and what does he do he needs minutes for his phone could I give him the money for minutes for his phone nope I sure as hell couldn’t all those people like that or just after money and he definitely should not be getting the kids to send her messages when they’ve never met before just sounds like a fraud to me
OH BULLSHIT STOP USING YOUR KIDS AS AN EXCUSE LMAO JUST BE HONEST YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM AND THE THOUGHT OF HIM SEEING SOMEONE ELSE MAKES YOU CRINGE
I HOPE HE GETS HER PREGNANT Ahahaha
Would you feel the same if it was a guy mate? I think your making a big deal about nothing. I have no idea what happens when my kids go to their dads and visa versa we dont even speak. This is completely harmless
I would be pissed. I have been in a similar situation and I made it clear that it’s a massive no.
Sounds like you are making a mountain out of an aunthill lol
If he is MAKING your kids send these I would be pissed. I’d be pissed period because I wouldn’t want my child talking to some random person online on their own devices either, same would apply on any other person’s device
Yet here you are asking strangers for advice?
You are making way too big a deal about this.
Unfortunately you don’t get to dictate what he does on his time with the kids. That’s how coparenting with an ex works. Would you like it if he tried to dictate when your kids got to meet or speak to your sig other? It sounds like he’s not having them speak directly to her but just sending a recording. It’s harmless. Leave them alone!
I’d be more worried about sex trafficking It could be a weirdo who’s using men to get to children. I’ve seen too many crime shows to allow my child to speak to a stranger- rather that be online or in person.
Not okay but really not much u can do about it
That is weird but honestly nothing you can do about it.
Your ex is an idiot. But as long as it’s just voicemails and not FaceTime, It shouldn’t be an issue. Honestly I would be more concerned about the kids meeting her in person. Your ex doesn’t seem like the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hell he didn’t even know that she was still in Bolivia if that’s really where she lives. Unfortunately you can’t do anything about the voicemails when he has them but you can damn sure make sure they don’t call when they are with you.
The problem I have is with all of the trafficking, it could be someone monitoring your children. Nope!
It’s not appropriate
But you can’t control what dad does
Gives me 90day fiance vibes… Awkward. Imagine it being a fake person… Scary
Meh id tell the kids if they don’t want to that they don’t have to and leave it at that. If they’re uncomfortable telling him, let them know they can come to you. You will talk to him if thats what they want. Its a bit desperate on his part tbh but i wouldn’t worry too much about it if the kids don’t mind.
That is strange. You teach kids don’t talk to strangers. Dad forces them to call 1 every day. Neither of you know what her intentions are. She may not even be who he thinks she is. This is dangerous & creepy.
Hmmmmm how do you spell “catfish”?
that’s all I have to say
I’d want to know what’s going on because these are your kids too. Seems weird to call someone like that that kids don’t even know. If the kids are at your house I don’t think I’d let them call. They are on your time. It’s his business what he does on his time but I think you should talk to him about your concerns and bring up how there are scams and child trafficking from these other countries and you don’t feel good about involving your children until it’s a relationship where you can meet the woman in person.
Be careful , She may be looking for PAPER ( American )
Bring it up in a meeting with domestic relations.
You can’t tell him what to do. Whether you like it or not your kids have a life with you and a life with him. Two different worlds. He could have a train of women coming in and out of the house and there’s literally nothing you can do about it but be mad.
I would tell him that until he met her in person that you’re not comfortable with them sending her voice messages. And honestly if it were me I’d express that as much as I could till he got the hint.
Weird! Totally Weird
Ummm if I were her that would maybe be cute once but all the time and shit would weird me out. Like why are his kids leaving me voicemails when I dont even know them kinda thing lol also that sex trafficking comment is a very true possibility and if I were you I’d tell their dad to cut that shit out bc its dangerous and weird af.
My worry is human trafficking. Is this woman wanting to talk to those kids daily. Who prompted the start of this. Im overly cautious with my kids.
Uh… even if she was their nextdoor neighbor, who has their kids call anyone but their other parent every single day to talk? I don’t even call my husband everyday.
I would just make sure your kids know that if they are ever asked to do something that they don’t understand, or that makes them uncomfortable (outside of normal chores to help themselves and their family, or schoolwork which benefits them) they need to speak up, even if it’s to a parent or a step-parent or a teacher. Ask questions until you understand, and don’t do anything that -even after you understand it- makes you uncomfortable. No one should do anything they don’t like doing, unless it benefits their life. Then they need to take it from there. Don’t put ideas in their heads though. Just leave that on the table. If they like talking to her, great. It doesn’t hurt them, so let it go.
Why don’t you have your kids?
I’d be concerned about human trafficking is also talk to your kids about boundaries and that it’s ok to say no to something they aren’t comfortable with.
It’s voice messages. Not like he’s having them video her. What’s the big deal. Sometimes ppl are so childish over little shit.