I’m sorry for the long post in advance. I left my husband in July of 2019. He was verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. Our child was born in June 2018. He also had a son before we were together that he has full custody of (his mom is a drug addict). I raised his son as my own from the time he was one, and I left my ex when he was 4. I have filed for divorce, and I have custody of our daughter. After leaving him, he texted me saying that he doesn’t want anything to do with our daughter and won’t let me (or my family) see his son. Our hearts break every day. I am a strong person, and I know that I am not his biological mother, but that is my son. But I also know that my ex uses his son as power over me. It’s the one thing he has that he knows I would die for, but can’t have. I am totally lost in life right now, I have a one-year-old daughter and I’m trying to figure out how to explain that her Daddy doesn’t want her, especially since I left him and he would be there if I didn’t and a son who has had every woman in his life walkout, including me. I am also a recovering alcoholic, and as of lately, I have been skipping the recovering part. I was sober the entire time I was with my ex, but this has just pushed me over the edge. Again, I’m sorry for the long post; I’m just hoping that someone has been through something similar and can give some advice.
Call a lawyer about it. You may not be able to stop it.
I am sorry for your loss
Stay strong. Every day will be different emotions. You don’t have to deal with everything at once. Make sure you are taking care of yourself as hard as that can be at times. Your daughter needs you and your step son will figure out what’s going at some point.
You may be able to get some sort of visitation thru court since y’all were married, but please please never tell your baby her daddy doesn’t want her:broken_heart:
she’s one, she will get older and there will come a time to address that… hopefully he will pull his head out of his rear soon…stay strong for your babies mama!!
I haven’t been through your exact situation but I have experience in alcoholism and parenting and divorce with stepchildren. Your first step is to get back into recovery. Go to AA or counseling and get your head back in the game first and foremost because as long as youre not sober you will not be able to think with a clear healthy mind to make clear and healthy decions. Second. Your daughter is a baby and too young to have to explain anything right now. And unfortunately as far as your stepson goes you do mot have any legal rights and there’s not much you can do besides learn how to cope with that by getting counseling. You only have control of one thing in this life and that is how you handle your emotions and your reactions to things that happen in your life.
#1- get to AA. Taking care of yourself first is what will help you take care of your kids. Drinking will only lead to bad decisions and bad behavior which could be held against you in court if you need to go there.
#2- there is legal help, try to find it.
#3- your baby girl needs you. Focus on building your new life. Be strong- it’s not easy being a single mom after being beat down for so long. Get some therapy, abuse affects you in ways you don’t realize.
Good luck to you, you have a battle in front of you, but you can do it and you WILL be happy again. 
Keep your head up for your daughter and keep it moving…God can place a husband/stepfather in your life that will love you and her. It’s time to let go…free yourself.
Take one day at a time. Contact a lawyer and go from there. Wishing you the best of luck be strong you can do it.
Pray and contact a lawyer at least get him for child support for your daughter. Go to a meeting and pray! Remember You are stronger without him than with him
She is one so her being able to understand is minimal…and something that you really shouldn’t be thinking about, you have to be in the here and now…get started getting the type of help and support you need and your daughter need. As to the man well you can’t do anything about his behaviour his choices and or anything so accept what you cannot change and do what you can for you and yours just saying. I wish you luck, peace and happiness.
In NY, i know you can file for visitation of him on behalf of your daughter since they are siblings. My sister did that when she was older to my brother and i against our mom and won visitation here at my mom’s house when i was younger. Try talking to a lawyer. They’ll be able to assist you better
First and foremost get back your sobriety don’t let him win… and if you helped raised that child and you were married you absolutely can get visitations as long as you are fit to do so… so get back on the sober wagon and show him how strong you really are…
This happened to me. I left because he was cheating. He has full custody of his son. Unfortunately, his mom passed away when he was 3 so I’m the only mom he knows. His son is my baby and he stopped me and my daughter from seeing him. We didn’t see him or talk to him for a year. Finally, my exes best friend convinced him to let my son back into our lives. I’m happy to say me and my children now spend a lot of time together. Hang in there sis and don’t give up on your son. If he has a phone text and call him. Go to his school and have lunch with him. Keep praying and don’t give up!
Please take care of yourself and get sober. Get counseling. Take care of your little girl. Both kids will see the truth someday. Just be sure to validate her feelings always. “I know it hurts a lot to not see Daddy. I would help you to see him if I could.”
If you have the funds, see a lawyer about your rights to the boy. Send him love and light a couple times daily if you have to. Sit in a calm, quiet room and envision the love and light flowing from your heart to his. I did this for a foster child once that left my home to a bad situation. I feel it actually helped him and it sure helped me. One day at a time. We can only do what we can do. You are doing the best you can. I am proud of you for leaving. May God bless.
Actually, depending on the state, you may be able to file for visitation rights with the step-son as a defacto parent.
Trust in the Lord. Surround yourself with people who will have a positive impact on your life.
God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference. Remember this. Your recovery is so important! Your health is important and YOU are important! Dont give up!
Get sober things will look clearer
Get yourself together. Take care of your daughter. Leave him out of conversation with her. Get a lawyer, file for child support and divorce his ass & move on. No man is worth all this stress. Look out for you and your daughter. You can do this have Faith.
Have you tried for custody of him? Since you were married I’m sure you have some rights you may not get custody but visitation at least. Ik that you can petition the court for custody of any child doesn’t mean the court will grant it but it’s an option
Get a print out of the text he sent denying your child.
Present it to your attorney and get a copy for the judge.
I’m sorry, but you have no legal rights to a child that’s not biologically yours.
A court hearing about visitation, even if supervised, may be your only hope.
I’m sorry for your pain.
Remember that what goes around, comes around.
Take the high road.
Don’t argue with him and DOCUMENT every! thing!
Blessings for a positive outcome.
PS: start going to AA again. Please!
Unless you adopted him while y’all were married you have no Legal claim to him. You have no rights because you didn’t adopt, and you are not his biological mother so regardless of how many years y’all were together it doesn’t matter to the law.
You need to pull yourself together for your child. Drunk or not, you were sober for so long and now you throwing your life away over nothing. What happens when he finds out and reports you to cps? Then you lose your daughter too.
So as hard as it is you have to let that boy go because he ISNT legally yours so you have 0 claim to him. Focus on your REAL child, forget about dad and when she is old enough explain to her, her father’s poor choices. Never bad mouth him tho. Keep it straight facts!
I haven’t been through what you have. But I have dealt with his kind in my life. I do know if you go back to drinking he will use that against you to get custody of your daughter and then you may not see her very often either. You have a little girl you have to stay sober and raise. Don’t let this dirt bag ruin all the work you did to become sober. I know you miss your son (yes I said your son). You have been his mom since he was 1. It may take some time but eventually your ex may realize he is hurting this little boy by not letting him see you. Make sure you keep a copy of everything he says and does, in case you need it for court. Every state has different laws, you may be able to legally get visitation but you would have to contact a lawyer in your area. But again do not drink, go back to AA and take care of yourself and your little girl. It would be horrible if he took you to court and got custody of her just to be spiteful to you.
It is possible to gain custody threw court. I know people who have gotten their step children. Be sure to keep all texts to prove in court, and CALL YOUR SPONSOR! If you don’t have one, get a new one. Don’t fall back into worse habit, he could take your daughter, and site your addiction as justification. Start a journal to your son. Write him every day. Tell him how your missing him, and your working on getting him. It will also help you. Good luck babe, saying a prayer for ya!!
It isnt about her so much as far as her feelings or attachment goes but the judge will/should be focused on the children and as far as that little boy is she is his Mother and that is his little sister . To not allow any contact will cause extreme mental , emotional issues that can also become physical such as hurting himself , acting out , aggressiveness , wetting the bed etc . Any judge that doesnt see and understand that this man is a violent selfish pos who clearly doesnt give a crap about his children or what is best for them , shouldnt be handling divorce cases . Get sober , get back on track , record/screenshot/save every conversation or text with him , do not meet him alone , the fact is YOU are the only real parent these children have from what I can see .
Your recovery is the most important thing besides your daughter you gotta focus on. You made enough impression on his son he will never forget and when he’s older he’ll come looking for you trust me I have been through that. One day at a time you got this.
Please go back to being sober for you and your daughters sake. You can not change your ex’s mind.
Start going to. Sum na or aa classes. N. Maby. Get. Sum. Legal advise. Did bbn u ever try to. Or did u adopt yalls son. If. So. Thur u go
You need to get Your recovery on track before anything.
Some great advice from all.the posters here , I can’t add any more to what has been said .
Its called life. As much as it hurts, you need to accept that his son is no longer part of your world. Its worse for the little fella than it is for you.
Do NOT tell your daughter that her dad “doesnt want her” that will only lead to issues for her in later years. You have plenty of time to figure out an age appropriate response when she asks you where her father is. Thats when you address the issue, when she asks. And you better have some response ready that doesnt destroy that little girls self worth.
Just be strong for your bub things get easier and keep up your sober journey good luck you will both be fine 
Go to court for visitation
You have to get sober. The courts will surely come down on you hard if you’re not clean.
Go to court…if u really want u can make a case
could you talk to boys mum aboutplay dates and catch up on her time
You need to get sober for your daughter legally you cant get visitation for his son.
He technically isn’t your son, so you cant really do anything about it. I get you love him and he’s your daughters brother. And you need to get straight for your daughter. You need to stop drinking
Sobriety comes first babygirl, everything else is second
Please go to a meeting first for your child. To help clear your head and get back on the path you were on before you go to far down the rabbit hole. Then talk to a lawyer and see what you can do about getting full custody of your child. If you want you can try to get visitation to his child. If you get full custody of your child they may try to prove him unfit which means they will take the boy away too, so you could always try to get custody of him. My ex husband (after we had already split) and his girlfriend lost custody of their children. The father to the women’s oldest kid got both kids. So it is possible to do but it’s hard.
First off, get sober or hand your daughter over. An alcoholic mother is not what that baby needs. Secondly, she’s 1. You don’t need to explain anything to her because she’s NOT going to understand it anyways. Third, that’s not your son. You have zero say over that. You need to worry about you first so you can be a good mother to your actual child. 
Ok dear, get back your sobriety, and don’t tell you daughter any thing!! He’s not the only moron who ever used their children for revenge!!
So youre drinking around your daughter…seriously?? I get youre hurt but you know damn well drinking alcohol won’t fix it.
Please dont ever tell a child the other parent doesn’t want them… let them figure that out on their own
Speak to a solicitor and see if you can go to court for supervised visitation for the kids and yourself. Seen as there biologically brother and sister. Drinking isn’t going to do you or your child any favours. If you’ve overcome it once you can do it again, your daughter also must be confussed and upset by this so you need to be sober for her.
I am not sure where you’re located, but here you would be able to petition the courts for access (visitation). Please look into it, but you’ll need to get sober.
My ex and I split just before my daughter turned one. And I’ll tell you what everyone else told me when I asked about her and her dad…“she wont know what she doesnt have”. Eventually she will forget. She will move forward and it wont even be a big deal. But sobriety is huge you need to get a handle on that first and everything else will fall into place. #5YearsSober
I’ve heard in some cases not sure of all the exact details but that if your married then you possibly could maybe win some visitation if you were in their life for so long. Idk. Maybe be worth a shot. Or maybe tell him that you dont want to go after him for child support but if you need to you will unless he wants to step up now and also let you see the boy. Otherwise your gonna want to go to court atleast for your daughters part.
There is really nothing you can do with his son. All you can do is raise your baby girl. I hope you find a true father figure for her. And husband for you. Life deals with all men who are unreliable for their own children. Best wishes for your journey.
Right off the bat, please go to meetings, reach out to a sponsor, & get your sobriety back!!! Then, remember, these children are innocent in all of this, so they dont deserve to lose both parents.
IF your husband used YOU as a factor for getting his son, YOU always have the choice to open a case for visitation. Be be prepared to pay heftily. & Im sure that will apply to your daughter as well, unfortunately. But if you can prove the abuse happened by him, in front of the children, you might be awarded BOTH children full time.
SO STOP drinking ASAP!
Drinking is only going more problems for you. Get sober for you and your daughter.
It’s not going to be easy. But his son is not your son. Even though you seen him as such. Get a lawyer and get full custody of your daughter. And get yourself stronger so his childish behavior don’t get to you.
Telling your daughter is okay. She does not understand and as she gets older and you tell her that her dad doesn’t want her that’s just going to make her full unwanted and lead to problems. (Trust me my father told me he didn’t want me and it lead to problems). You need to get sober because that is what your daughter deserves. Her dad already walked out she doesn’t need a drunk mother. For his son, if the mother has no rights or visits with him you do have rights to him as you have raised him for a few years. (Or atleast in Canada) I dont know about where you are but I do know that if only one parent has the child 24/7 the step parent can have rights. I know that because well I’m a child from that type of situation. My mom is my real mother but my dad is not my real father. He just has rights to me because my bio father doesn’t.
If you filed for divorce they will probably want an agreement as there are children involved. It’s possible but a lot of time and work.
Stay sober mama or you will make everything a lot worse! You need to foxus on you and your daughter! You need to get full custody of your daughter and unfortunately you are step mom so you have 0 rights to the son…
This is sad, I am so sorry you are going through this. You should talk to your lawyer about the possibility of getting visitation with your step son if that’s what you chose to do; however, this might always be something that the dad will use against you and make the situation as difficult as he can.
Dont say anything to your daughter about her father. Let her grow up and find out on her own. And who knows, he might want to become apart of her life when she gets older but itll be up to her to let him in or not. I grew up with my father not wanting anything to do with me. My mom told me how he was once I was old enough to understand but I still wanted to see for myself. I still wish my mom never allowed it. I wish my mom would have never let me meet him. I probably would have been better off.
My daughter is 4 years old and hates her father. He fights and argues with me all the time. She even told the cops (he called) “I want daddy to go to jail. Hes mean to my mommy. Thats my mommy not his.” She’s 4 years old. I never said anything about jail. She said it outta nowhere. Its sad.
First of all, some of these comments are kind of rude degrading bullshit. Dont give up on your recovery, it will only make things so much worse. You need to accept it for what it is, dont blame yourself, and just be the best you can for you and your daughter. She’s too young to understand, and maybe by the time she is old enough things may change. I hope the best for you.
I hate how callous some people are being about your son. Yes, legally there’s nothing you can do but that doesn’t take away the heartache of YOUR son being ripped from your life. If this happened with my stepdad I’d be gutted, and I’m so sorry your ex is doing this. I do agree you need to keep sober for your girl, and after you get in a better place maybe try what you can for your boy. Maybe when he’s older you can reach back out to him and try to regain that relationship when your ex can’t be such a tyrant. Best of luck to you 
Let go and let God!
Get yourself back in recovery for the sake of your child and pray that God protects your step son. Don’t try to fix things right now because your emotions are high and it will only make things worse.
First and foremost you know and keep in mind that one is too many and a thousand will never be enough. Especially when trying to drown your sorrows.
Call your sponsor. Now.
Go to that meeting regardless.
My ex does this with my own children bc im pregnant with a baby that is not his. I know as well that after hes born, itll only make things worse if i have a drink missing my kids for a while.
Dont play into his stupid games. Im sorry youre hurting. Im sorry he is acting so selfishly. I know all too well. Be strong momma.
You got this! Do what you have to do to get sober, save any messages, emails, voicemails or anything that is proof of what a butt hole he is. After you get sober maybe try taking him to court to at least get visitation with your son, blood or not he knows you as his mommy and you still want him in your life so it would be worth a try. I wish you the best of luck! 
I get how hard it most be to lose your son. There isnt anything you can do and it’s sad that your ex is doing it to both of you. You need to get sober for your daughter or hand her over to someone to care for. You already lost one child it would be a shame for you to lose both. As a child of an alcoholic I can tell you it was very damaging. Please get sober go a AA and grief groups.
You don’t explain to your daughter that daddy doesn’t want her. I wouldn’t say anything about it until she is old enough to ask. Things might change before then and I wouldn’t create a bigger gap between your daughter and her dad. And if you’re divorced from him he has every right to not give you visitation with the boy. It’s a very sad situation for the kids but not much you can do about it. Maybe he will come around and be reasonable.
My ex is going crazy right now too. I’m just holding out hope that he will eventually put his emotions and feelings to the side and allow us to co parent in peace. Unfortunately because you have zero rights to your step son you just have to hold out this same hope
Did you have any legal guardianship over your stepson? If so, you can definitely have visitation.
Get your sobriety back. You’re giving him control. Get back on track to becoming better for you and your daughter. Maybe once things calm down, your ex will allow you to see him and he’ll want to see daughter. 🤷 but unfortunately there are no legal rights for for step-parents. If you wish to have full legal rights over your step-child, you must either adopt the child or be appointed his legal guardian. However, unless the other biological parent consents to the adoption, is deceased, has abandoned the child or should otherwise have his parental rights terminated (for example, in the case of abuse or neglect), the court is unlikely to grant such a request.
Your one year old may not even realize right now that her dad is gone. But if she does, kids are resilient and right now he’s just a person that’s no longer there. She’ll move on and as she gets older you can explain more in depth what’s going on.
I know you feel an attachment for his son but all you can do is move on. The more you give in to alcohol and let your emotions get the best of you the more you and your daughter will suffer.
Your baby needs to be your first and ultimate priority. If you’re drunk whose caring for the baby? What if there was an emergency and you’re drunk? What if you drive drunk? What if your ex is using all of these things against you knowing you would relapse and then try to gain custody of the child? It wouldn’t be hard to prove your unfit if you’re drinking while you have the baby.
I sympathize with your situation but you need to pull yourself together and be the best mom you can. You didn’t ask him to abuse you. You walked out because of his treatment towards you. It wasn’t like you just got tired of your marriage or his son and decided you wanted out.
Get to an AA meeting. Take the kids if you have to. Get a sponsor and get it together for the kids. You can do this.
Unfortunately unless you legally adopted his son during your marriage you have no rights yourself BUT you should see if there some type of court ordered siblings visitation options
She shouldn’t lose her brother because her dad is a pos
1st stop drinking and start going to meetings.
Remember accept the things that you cannot change (the way your ex acts and the fact while you love that boy as your own there is nothing you can do if he wont let you see him)
The courage to change the things you can
(Creating a new life for you and your daughter and seeking help to stay sober).
Do the best you can.
- stop drinking 2) your daughter is 1, don’t explain anything to her yet 3) nothing you can do about the boy if you didn’t adopt him 4) stop drinking and go to meetings before he uses that against you and you don’t have custody of either kid
Talk to a lawyer. Some states have stepparent rights
Stay sober for your daughter, yourself, and your step son. Talk to a lawyer about visitation. If you can’t stay sober you’ll never get visitation. Show that bum you’re better than him. Please don’t tell your daughter, she’ll think it’s her fault. Turn it all over to God.
I’m sorry your going thru this , I went thru a divorce with my child too. But you need to sober up , get your life together for your daughter becuz you dont want her losing birh her parents. Do it for your daughter! Cant sit in bed feeling sorry for yourself either. Shit happens, time to get up and start the day getting your life together
I think you can ask for scheduled visitations thru courts for brother and sister bonding time … it would probably be a a facility thru social services but I think u can do it good luck ! But please get yourself sober first
You can see about visitation with your step son with the divorce since you have been in the child’s life like a parent you may get visits granted. Stay strong and stay sober for yourself and your daughter and so he can’t use it against you.
It’s time to get your life in order and back on the wagon. Stop with the excuses. Your daughter NEEDS you.
As for the ex and the step son—-1) contact a lawyer for partial custody or 2) let him go. Oh one other thing… drinking will not help you keep your step son.
1 dont worry about what to tell 1 yr old. 2 get help for drinking before u lose your daughter. Your a strong person. 3 get child support. 4 you dont have rights to step son. Write him letter a few times a week and date them. Give them to him when hes older. Take care of yourself and daughter
If your husband is as bad as you describe then unfortunately you are going to have to spare your son to save your daughter. If not seeing your son will keep a toxic person out of your daughters life than so be it. Otherwise in 10 years you are going to have a broken daughter with PTSD you will have to try to fix
You need to stop thinking too much…
Your step-son isn’t in danger.
You are in control of what you do and your daughter depends on your choices. That being said, get to a meeting!
You don’t want your ex husband to take you to court over you relapsing!
Keep your head up!
- Your sobriety is the most important thing for you and your daughter. You need to put this first every single day. If you’re struggling you need to reach out for help.
- You do not need to explain to your daughter any time soon about her dad. Don’t overwhelm yourself with something you cannot control or truly have to face right now.
- For ex is an abusive person. He will continue to abuse you while you give him to power to do so. You do not have an legal rights when it comes to your son. You will need counseling to get through this but remember your daughter needs you to get through this. You have every obligation in the world to be there for her.
One day your daughter will ask about her dad. You will face that when our happens. But you will be a stronger, happier person that will have the strength to face it.
Your sobriety should be your very first priority because without that, you stand to lose EVERYTHING in your life you care about! I am recovering as well so if you need to talk or want any advice please contact me anytime! I will have 5 years this year, and I still have tough times but I now KNOW without a doubt that if I get high, I will be much worse off than whatever has me feeling that way at that moment💯 and I remember a time in my life when I never, ever thought not using drugs, at least sometimes, was even possible for me🤦♀️ As far as all your problems… there are ALWAYS solutions💯 But I can promise you that you’ll not even be able to attempt to work towards those solutions until you get your shit straight first, so start with what you DO HAVE CONTROL OVER… which is you and only you hun!
I stopped at you wanting to tell a 1 year old baby that her dad doesnt want her.
Stop drinking, dont tell a baby that’s she not wanted. Dont blame your drinking on anybody else but you. AA stresses that! Get to a meeting before you lose the 1 child you have.
Maybe the drinking is contributing to the problem?
Get yourself in order first.
Stop drinking. Be there as much as you can for your 1 year old. She doesn’t understand that dad isn’t there right now. All she knows is that mom is there so be there for her. Just because you have no control over being there for your stepson doesn’t mean you don’t have have control over being there for you daughter. Be there before you lose her too
He’s not your son in any way at all. You’re not going to be able to see him. Sorry.
First HUGS! Second get back to some meetings and regain your sobriety. If he got custody of one child because of addiction he can do it with your biological child too. Third do not involve children in grown up matters. A one year old can’t possibly understand DV and divorce but they can understand that Mommy has changed and feel your emotions and lack of sobriety. Fourth ask the judge to grant visitation with the other child. Unless you blow up your life with alcohol a judge will encourage the two children to have a relationship and a bond so you stand an excellent chance of being able to see the child. Document and save everything. Try to communicate via text or email so you have proof of his manipulation.
Please seek help for the addiction immediately. Every drink you take makes it harder to get back on track.
Since dad had full custody & child lived with the 2 of u full time & You cared for him since he was 1 u DO have rights to visitation!PLUS you are trying to make sure the siblings don’t loose contact because dad walked away from his daughter! Also if u have the proof of the abuse etc then u can file for at least partial custody of the boy as having been a caregiver for most of his young life!!!
I am so sorry, because I know exactly what you’re going through, except my ex is using our son against me in the same way. There’s nothing more you could have done, staying in the relationship wouldn’t have helped any. There is no winning this game they’re trying to make us play, so the only option we have is to not play. You’re a good mom and you did the best you could and fought as hard as you could. Sometimes we can do everything right and still lose.
First things first, GET SOBER, second, depending on the mother, you could possibly go to court for visitation for the boy (I speak from experience on a child that is not mine and the courts told me that I would need the consent from the other parent to fight this in court) if she has zero rights to the child you may not need it. But you cannot do anything if you are drinking. I understand how hard it is, especially when you’re dealing with the emotions you are. Almost a year ago, I lost my aunt to alcoholism…get away from it while you can before it destroys your organs! My aunt suffered from depression, she was a recovering meth addict and sadly used alcohol to fill that void of the meth. And then she lost my mom, her baby sister, literally in her arms…my mother had a heart attack and seized in front of the ER in her arms…she struggled so bad for sobriety but the sadness overcame her…DONT allow that to happen…get help NOW. Give your daughter the best life possible and don’t even mention her father until she asks questions. Never down him because she WILL see his true identity when she gets older… just be a strong mother who she can look at and be proud of. You’ve got this. 
Saying "get sober"is easy for someone who isnt an alcoholic.did 3 years sober…last time.im going on a month now.im a very high functioning alcoholic.never miss work drive drunk etc.i celebrate a month sobriety and give myself kudos because this time i drank a bottle woke up and told myself it doesnt have to be everyday.and it hasnt been.baby steps celebrate tommorow sober and work on you and your daughter.
Don’t allow him to manipulate you!! He is attempting to have you lose your daughter too. The alcohol will be the excuse which is why you need to fight!
Excuses is all I hear pull your shit together and focus on YOU and what YOUR family has together.
Ok, first…you can’t explain anything to a 1 yr old, she’s ONE! Second, if you are relapsing yourself, be careful. Why would you do anything that would jeopardize losing your daughter!
Don’t let him win ; u could lose your child
If you are drinking, give your daughter to her father. Quite frankly, she deserves better.
If you are sober, take your daughter and move on. She won’t remember him and he is too toxic to be a father figure in her life.
Get custody, get divorced and move on.
not sure about where you are, I am in Australia and you can make an application to the court for visiting rights i would be speaking to a lawyer good luck with your future 
Do Not tell your little girl her dad would be there if you hadn’t left him. She’s better off not being around such a cold hearted person. There is nothing you can do about your step so I would write him letters and tell him how much I loved and missed him. Keep them all and give them to him when he’s older. That way at least he would know he was loved. You need to take care of yourself and be sober for your baby. It would be a shame if she got taken from you.
Stop drinking and stop trying to explain to a one year old that daddy doesn’t want her. Hes not your son, you just need to get over that, and be thankful as hell that you get your baby girl all to yourself. You could always go to court for visitation but then he is gonna get visitation with your daughter too. 
1st you need to put your child first and get back to recovering… sadly nothing you can do about step son… and if he dont want anything with your daughter make him sign all parental rights over and take care of that baby… do what you need to be 100% for her… shes too young to understand why dad aint there… youll have plenty of time to talk to her about that as she gets older…
That’s not your son unless you attempt to fight for rights and visitation. YOU cannot explain to a baby that her father is a jerk. That is NOT okay to say or do to any baby. Atleast wait until she is old enough to see for herself. I say this from a standpoint of my daughter’s father being absent for 9 years and her stepdad is all she knows