He is a master manipulator and hopefully you are not a fool.
You and your husband need to stand together and say “hell no”.
Failure to plan on his part does not warrant cause for panic on your part. He does not belong in your home nor does he get to blame you for his lack of ability to make arrangements.
Tell him to get a hotel close by your house for the night.
If you’re able to, you can offer to split the cost of a hotel/motel room for the night. Or even offer to pay for the whole thing, and then he’ll have to come up with ANOTHER excuse for why he won’t be there.
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Ummmm nope, nothing to feel guilty about and how dare he even ask 
! Set boundaries with him you’re married and he needs to respect that. He drove 3 hours that his problem and he can find a hotel. Also, if him staying at your home was contingent on him being at the party well then he don’t need to be around! The nerve of some men 
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You have zero obligation to let him stay in your and your new husband’s home.Instead might I suggest giving him hotel options close by.And if he doesn’t want to make the drive maybe let your daughter Skype during her party,sit a tablet or phone up nearby.
Tell him he can stay in a hotel 
He’s using that as an excuse not to go. He had no intention on going… if he wanted to go he would book a hotel room.
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If he wanted to go, he would make the drive or rent a room nearby. He doesn’t want to go and using you is a perfect excuse just so he’s got someone to blame. Now he can tell everyone ‘poor me, she won’t let me, it’s all her fault’. Anyone with a brain knows that’s BS but it’s what dead beats do. Blame anyone but themselves for THEIR problems and lack of parenting. Don’t try to make sense of it. Just let it go. There’s no winning with that type.
Nope he is more than welcome to attend the child’s party but I’m sure your town has hotels air bbs
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That’s what hotels are for! You are not responsible for where he stays in order to see his children. He is responsible for seeing them and that includes getting there, motel if needed, food, ect. In my opinion, it seems he’s making excuses or blaming you, so that in the end, he doesn’t have to make the trip and see his kids. Don’t let him make you feel bad at all, it’s on him, not you.
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Tell him where the hotel is!
My ex is far from a piece of cake. And I sure wouldn’t mind going our separate ways. But since I want to be able to give my children all that’s possible in the short time I have them, we ( new spouse and I ) take all we can get. I know he doesn’t have much so I’d rather he spend that on the dinner and their movie for the night. He would love an alternative motive, most would. There’s boundaries of course since this is not his home. What kid doesn’t love a sleepover? That’s memories for them and just another day to be aggravated in my head for a minute. As a mother that happens often anyways. We are mature adults (us mostly) that recognize it’s not about any of us anymore or how we feel, but our children instead.  Just because some of us don’t like “amusement parks” doesn’t mean our children wouldn’t enjoy the ride! Hell we might take advantage and sneak out the house to get laid for once! 
He would NOT be staying at my house
There are hotels, motels and Air BnBs. Tell him to pick one
He’s trying to make this your fault for not coming to his child’s birthday.
He is looking for an excuse not to come and blame it on you. Sounds narcissistic. That’s what they do.
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Tell him no to staying the night and that’s that. Let him throw a tantrum. He’s being ridiculous. He’s a grown ass man, it’s not your responsibility to baby him and he’s using the child as an excuse to be manipulative and aggressive. You’re not a bad mum for having appropriate boundaries.
Classic narcissist! Be the bad guy, because in reality you’re only the bad guy in his eyes.
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It’s odd that he would even ask. Send him a list of hotels/motels in the area and tell him he is welcome to attend the party but he cannot stay overnight in your home.
I would let him because it is about the kids. I have a really complicated relationship with my middle kiddo’s father but I would let him as long as he respected me, my husband and our home. If he couldn’t do that- he can get a cheap tent on Marketplace
You don’t owe him an overnight stay, there is no way I would let him stay.
Lol…sure let him come to party but its on him to find other overnight arrangements
My husbands baby momma tried telling my husband if he wanted to see his son (already court ordered he was allowed to take him) that he needed to stay at her house !
Needless to say I said kiss my rear end
He’s just trying to make an excuse why he can’t come and blame it on you. Many men that are bad dads will act like that when they know they are bad fathers but they can’t accept that it’s their fault, so they will try to blame it on the mother. In their minds it makes sense because they can’t the pain of knowing that they failed as a dad and hurt their kids. So they blame it on the mom even though it makes no sense and is not reality. That way they don’t have to feel bad because it’s easier to believe that mom is keeping them from the kids. That’s a narcissistic trait and you would be better off just ignoring him when he’s blaming you over this situation because it is not normal in 99% of co parenting situations especially with new spouses on one or both sides for you to let your ex spend the night in your home just to see the kids. That’s not normal. He can get a hotel room of he really wants to come and the drive is too long. Him even asking you this is absurd
Why doesn’t he have his own bday party for her?……. My ex husband and I used to not get along great and we just decided to celebrate separately . It’s not even your responsibility to invite him. And just explain to your girls that if he wants to have a bday party for you at his house. By all means
It’s easier to suggest a ridiculous solution and then when you refuse it’s your fault than to accept that he’s the problem
Check for hotels and prices in your area and send him a list. Tell him it is not your place to accommodate him. If he can’t abide by that then it’s on him.
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Can he not stay in a hotel? It’s not right but if you can afford it be the bigger person and even pay for it
He’s a narcissist first and foremost and will never be pleased unless he gets his way. Secondly do you have a court agreement? If not, start with a parental agreement (a conclusion you both come to which is written up and signed by you both and is legally binding). If you cannot agree on a parental agreement then go to mediation. If you can’t agree at mediation you need to take it to court. Keep ALL receipts-all evidence of communications with him. Your responsibilities end with him at letting him know when and where he needs to be for his kids, it’s up to him to show up. I’ve had this with my kids dad and have made it clear to him I will tell him one time and one time only what’s happening in terms of parties, parents evenings, sports day etc. because one heads up is all I get as the mother and he doesn’t get special preferential treatment.
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If you have a spare bedroom or the couch. I wouldn’t see the problem kinda like extended family coming for a visit. However you seem to be uncomfortable so come up with a compromised it is a 3 hrs drive on his part ask your husband for advice.
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Sounds like there could be a bit of an ulterior motive to me lol BUT nonetheless I would say no but offer some suggestions at accomodation near by. And that’s where you leave it. If he’s man enough to create these children he is man enough to sort out seeing and spending time with them on his own means.
Nah. When we went to see my stepson once we drove three hours there and three hours back every day because we stayed with family in a nearby city. It wasn’t that bad.
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Lord no that’s insane. My husband and ex are nice to each other and this would still end badly. He can get a cheap motel
You stick to your guns Mama Bear
Tell him to get a motel for the night or sleep in his car
He can get an air b&b or a motel room and if he can’t afford that he can make the 3hr drive tomorrow. It’s really not that serious. You are not the bad guy and you are not preventing him from seeing his kids. He’s just trying to control the situation and make excuses
That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Sounds to me like he is looking to turn his absence into your fault. Stand your ground, he got an invite. It is not your responsibility to pamper his lazy butt. Honestly you will all probably be better off without him there. Besides with him being such an absent parent he won’t be missed much.
No that’s inappropriate. Some people can co parent appropriately and other can’t and then blame the other parent on “not cooperating”.
“No” is a complete sentence. Hotels nearby would be happy to accommodate him.
Tell him to get a motel it’s like 60$ a night or to sleep in his car
It doesn’t, he’s tripping
Tell him to get a room or stay home. The audacity!!!
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Sounds like a possibly volatile situation, not a good idea. She can kindly respond that a hotel would be best. If he can drive 3 hours, he can probably afford a hotel room for one person for one night. If not…well I’d sleep in my car if I needed to in order to be there for my kids. Parenting means sacrifice sometimes. My question is why does he want to stay there so badly?
Tell him to get a room. Not one in your house. Sounds like a difficult person to deal with. Good luck.
It’s not your responsibility to provide a place for him to stay. That’s his responsibility as an adult to provide for himself. You’re not the bad guy!!!
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People drive more six hours at a time to go on vacations, come to party go home,simple,he’s just looking for some excuse not to show up and wants blame you.
He is an EX for a reason, don’t give in. He will want to vacation and spend holidays. No no
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I don’t see the issue if u have room in the house he is the father of ur kids u obviously used to live together
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He just wanted to use you as an excuse because he knew he wasn’t going anyway.
I would direct him to a hotel. With hostilities toward your new husband I definitely wouldn’t let him spend the night in your home.
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He should get a hotel room.
It’s not his house to suggest that. He can find a hotel near by I’m sure. Things change and he needs to respect it’s not his call to do as he pleases. Yes kids are a priority so he needs to find a different way
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He’s an idiot . You are married and if he really wants to be there then he will. He’s being toxic for the girls as well as you. Co parents doesn’t mean you have to invite him to your house especially when he is obviously toxic. The kids will learn the truth when older and keep all documentation of his response to anything pertaining to the girls. He can visit them some restaurant and have his party . Do not let him bully you and make things worse for your family. It’s not about him
Who cares about what others think ?
He can’t stay at your place , plain and simple , if he misses his daughter birthday is on him , he could have planned something out , she has the same birthday date every year
Of course hes making you out to be the bad guy. He knows you’re not going to allow it. Nobody would after the threats to your husband. He doesn’t want take accountability for not being present for his girls so he came up with a way to blame you. He was never going to show. If your kids were important he’d make sure he was there.
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Nooooo way I’ve been watching too much dateline
Tell him to stay with his girlfriend for the night…if he has a problem with that, ban him from your house. Tell him to pick up the kids out the front.
Do not let him mess up your current marriage… He’s trying but he will end up ruining what you now have. My ex would go to my new bf work to antagonize him. I didnt take the bait and hubby ended up getting shot by his new gf hubby…karma
There are hotels and motels for this exact reason!
Call the cops if he won’t leave. He has zero right to be in your home.
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Weirdo why would you want him sleeping in your house
Nope. He can get a hotel. 
Tell your ex husband he can camp in back garden 
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Sure buddy bring a tent and pitch it somewhere in the yard jk jk you aren’t the bad guy tell him to sleep in his car.
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Tell him there are hotels for people like him. He doesn’t need to stay at your house. Talk about entitled.
Tell him Motel 6 is open and will leave the light on for him 
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That’s a big hell no lol he’s insane
He has threatened your husband? I wouldn’t even invite him to the party.
His a grown ass man if he wants to be there he will find accommodation elsewhere his crazy dont allow him to guilt trip u
I wouldn’t let him sleep in my house lol nor trust it after making comments of my now husband about wanting to fight etc. Your ex sounds like a narcissistic a hole. 
Oh nah , he could get a hotel/motel or if he don’t have money he could sleep in his car … tryna blame it on you is so childish
Eww, he can get a room at a hotel. Wtf.
Yeah he’s an asshole,do not fall for it,he can get a motel room
Uh excuse me what? Hell no! He can get a damn hotel.
Funny how you’re the bad guy now because you won’t let him sleep over… so now he’s blaming you for not being at the party I’m sure. How pathetic!
After telling him he couldn’t stay the night, not only did he send his parents to meet me for our exchange. I also found out he spent 30 minutes total with our daughter for her birthday (he should have woke up with her at his house and had her till 6pm). AND he didn’t show up for the party nor did he answer when she called to tell him all the exciting things she got. It’s been 4days since he’s talked to our girls. I respect everyone’s opinion, but I set the boundaries of him not staying the night not only for myself and the respect I have for my husband, but my children too. My ex is ONLY a father when it’s convenient and makes him look good. He told my oldest flat out he wasn’t coming to the party cause he couldn’t stay the night.
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We can’t make it make sense because it doesn’t make sense.
Motel 6 costs $60/night. He can get a room. If he can’t afford to get a room, he can get his ass out of bed and head your way in the morning.
A three hour drive, for your child(ren) isn’t shit. He is just trying to make you the bad guy and looking for excuses.
Don’t let him ruin your daughters day!
Why cant he leave early on te day of the party? I wouldn’t let him stay the night before either x
Territorial it’s a man thing lol can’t be explained it’s in their balls 
Well, I used to let my baby daddy spend the night at my house because he would travel from Nevada to California, for my daughter they slept in my bed together and I slept on the couch
No he needs a different place to stay
Don’t engage in his drama.
Hotel for him or.he doesn’t come
Sounds like my ex. Ugh. They never make any sense. He could stay in a hotel or come the next day. His choice, if he doesn’t come because you aren’t comfortable with him spending the night. That’s on him. He probably knew you would say no and wants to try and make you feel guilty. He is probably a narcissistic and they only care about themselves. Good. Luck. So hard dealing with those kinds of guys
You are not the bad person, the answer is no, end of story. You are not obligated to do anything for him anymore, he’s a big boy, he can get a hotel. If that doesn’t work, it is not your problem. Stay strong Mama!
Ignore it…
Look, my kids father tried the same… if they aren’t smart enough to figure out that him running his mouth is the reason he need to stay in a hotel, that’s their problem 
It’s not a you problem… ask him for proof of you not inviting him… ask him for proof that there are zero hotels/motels as options of places to stay…
There’s none… he’s choosing to not go, because he’s throwing a tantrum for not getting his way and punishing his kids and blaming you are easier than admitting the truth…
It’s a him problem, not a you problem…
Ignore the bs, if people actually push the issue with you… ask for actual evidence you didn’t invite, ask for actual evidence you’re keeping kids away, ask for evidence that there’s no hotel/motel for him to have a place to sleep…
he’s an adult, he can make sleeping arrangements, if he really WANTED to go… if he doesn’t, he didn’t really want to go, just wanted to have something to complain about… if he wanted to, he would make it happen…
It’s literally 3 hours. He can wake up earlier and make the drive that morning.
It’s really not your problem that he can’t plan accordingly. He’s a big boy. 
NTA. He is. He’s had an entire year to plan for his child’s birthday. The date didn’t change.
Easy… just pay for 1 night at a hotel. Might cost you a few bucks, but at least he doesn’t have to stay with you, nor will he have an excuse that he can’t afford it…
He can get up in the morning and drive 3 hours. Not like birthday parties start at 9am. Not your problem.
He can get a hotel wtf lol
Here’s the sense. He is a worthless piece of crap, free loader and a cheap skate. He’s to sorry to rent a motel room so he is trying to sponge and mooch off you. Tell him to go to hell and to try for a night in a shelter or the Salvation Army.
Well having a discussion over drinks, you probably want skateboarding, make up and hairdressing for the kids and you probably only get partying like that if chicks slandering Dave who are Shoppers Drug Mart’s owners children who Dave is royalty’s… If the chicks allow Dave in court where none of the major witnesses show up and the judge passes it off for 65$, like if Canada would allow Dave for his one case of the doctor who belonged to the jury panel that killed David’s bees into his baby’s face pleading retarded instead of doing the Law.