My exhusband and I share 2 children together. The youngest turns 6 today. I’m remarried for a year now and he has a serious girlfriend. Our coparenting relationship hasn’t been great. He also has not showed up for much when it comes to our girls since the divorce. He has made comments here and there about my now husband as well. About how he might do this or that if he’s around him, wanting to fight, etc. However, we still invite him to birthday parties knowing he won’t show up because he never does. This year however, he wanted to drive 3hrs to our house, stay the night IN OUR HOUSE, to be here tomorrow for the party. And of course, I’m the bad guy because I’m somehow stopping him from being there for his daughter at her party. Make this make sense please.
He is the one that has to step up and make the effort. It’s not your job or responsibility. He will blame you so he doesn’t have to actually do anything. Don’t even listen to him. If he doesn’t want to make the effort you don’t want him around.
Get a motel 
your boundaries are set and he needs to respect that for everyone involved.
My son’s dad stayed at our house before for things, but he got along good with my husband. It just depends on the level of comfort and trust. I guess if it were me I would potentially offer a tent or to help pay for the hotel room. However, those are decisions you and your current spouse both have to be comfortable with. I always figure there has to be a compromise somewhere that works for ALL parties involved that ultimately puts the kids first.
Your house, your rules. Our homes are our safe space, our sanctuary. You absolutely have every right to keep your home as just that. He can rent a hotel room or travel both ways in one day.
my dad always stayed at my mom’s house when he came to visit.
He’s a narcissist and wants his way and you held your ground! Good for you! This is his issue, not yours. It’s not going to make sense so please don’t try 
He should’ve gotten a hotel room for the night…it’s rude of him to expect you to put him up
Good for you, you have boundaries. He can find a hotel.
I would definitely get an air b&b or hotel over staying with my ex. His accomodations are not your responsibility. He’s grown, he needs to figure that out. Best I could do would be give him a tent.
He’s trying to make you the bad guy. You’re allowed to set boundaries. Help him find a hotel. I highly doubt his girlfriend would be fine with him staying with you. He’s just trying to start issues. Even if he blames you. Let him. You’re going to be a Villain in someone’s story no matter what you do. just let your children know daddy and mommy can not live together, even for a night because they do not get along and no one wants to argue before a big birthday party.
Absolutely not he can stay in a hotel or B&B or his car. Not your problem he is adult and own money that’s for him to sort.
3 hours is not that far. If he can’t afford a hotel there’s no reason why he can’t drive the morning of and drive back. You’re not being unreasonable, especially given the history. You can’t talk sense into people like this. He’s using it as an excuse to avoid accountability. I’d give him a short response, tell him you hope to see him there, and stop responding to anything else.
It’s a manipulation move. He’s trying to control you which I’m sure probably happened in your relationship. He’s using your child in this. Stand your ground. Your child will understand when she gets older. My children did and fully understand what my boundaries were and are.
I’ve told my ex from the get go I am fine with him staying when he comes to visit. He lives in Dallas, me Houston. HOWEVER the minute I am dating it’s no longer allowed bc it’s a respect thing. No husband, boyfriend or whatever you have is going to feel comfortable with an ex husband sleeping in my house. We’ve already discussed this.
How odd, he could easily get a hotel. I agree and wouldn’t let him stay or even consider it.
tell him to slide on. Hotel and b&b’s are a thing for a reason. He either wants to be there or he doesn’t but it’s not your responsibility to put him up. You ain’t the problem here!
He can stay at a hotel/motel or similar over night. You can set whatever boundaries you want to with him, and if that’s saying no to him staying at your husbands and your house that’s completely understandable and fine.
He’s just trying to manipulate you, and use it as an excuse not to come to the party. I bet if you offered to let him stay, he still wouldn’t because he doesn’t really want to come. He just wants it to be your fault. Just stand your ground. It’s 3 hours. Not 10. There’s no reason he couldn’t drive back home afterwards. Explain that to your kids, too. Ugh I can’t stand narcissistic A-holes like him!
Tell him to get a room, or sleep in his car!
NTA. Keep your healthy boundaries!!!
No not ok but you know we’re always the bad guy
My daughter wanted to invite her dad to her birthday, it was either 6 or 7 I don’t remember. I had it on the lawn and locked the doors. I spent 2.5 years trying to get my ex to move out, in not letting him inside my house ever again.
Yeah I wouldn’t let him stay either. He could get a hotel or I’m sure there is someplace to rent for the night. Your definitely doing the right thing in my opinion.
He should get a motel room.
your house, your decision, he’s a grown ass man and can go get a hotel.
Ma’am… NO ONE can force you to allow them into your home. You set the boundaries. You are not obligated to house anyone.
Well first and foremost, ask why he thinks that that’s OK has anything like this ever happened before because clearly he’s out of his mind unless you let him think that this type of behavior is OK
This honestly sounds like he’s trying to make you be the reason he “can’t come” he probably didn’t even plan on coming but to not be “that” dad he’s putting it on you because he knows his actions and words in the past about wanting to fight your husband will make you tell him no.
Yeah… that’s a big no. You are not doing anything wrong here, this sounds manipulative or almost like he is making sure the reason he wouldn’t be there is your fault rather then it being his usual absence. He a grown ass man he should be able to find a spot. Stand your ground.
My child’s bio dad lives in another state. Once a year I try to go down and spend a week at his house with our son. He promised he would never let a relationship interfere with that and he’s kept his promise. It’s strictly platonic and for the kid! I don’t see any harm in letting him stay a night. Be civil for your children.
He can stay at a hotel nearby
I have drove more then 6 hours in a day before. If he doesn’t have the money for a motel, then he can go home after the party. Problem solved
Why can’t he get a hotel? Or get up early for the drive?
He can get a room or go to someone’s home. He’s welcome to the party not a night in house
Tell him he can stay in a hotel for the night.
Being welcome in your home for the birthday party should be looked upon as a huge victory for someone with his level of dysfunction, most people would promptly restrain someone who threatens violence from their home (and the children)
Its called boundaries.
“Looking forward to seeing you at the party, but unfortunately we’re not comfortable yet with you staying here. See you at the party.” Send him a list of motels nearby. Stop worrying what he thinks.
Never invite anyone who verbalized violence or has displayed anger and resentment into your home.
Can’t believe that you have to ask online, you are divorced, you share kids, co parent , but he seems like he doesn’t like the fact that you are remarried, but it’s ok for him. Tell him to get a motel or get up early and drive 3 hours to the party. Some people drive 3 hours daily for work. He’s pathetic
Eff that. No way. Get a motel room for the night.
Absolutely not ok and not your problem. He can drive there and back…3 hours isn’t that long. Doesn’t matter if it’s 3 days of travel lol not your responsibility to house him. Ridiculous!
He can spend the night and be there the next day for party but is doesn’t have to be at YOUR house! That’s HIS job to make accommodations to be there and very rude to try to invite himself into a home that is not his. You allowing him to come and be a part of the event is more then fair enough. Sounds like he has not gotten entirely over the divorce which is non of your fault. Your allowed boundaries for yourself, your home, children, and new marriage. He either plays by the rules or loses out either of which is HIS choice.
One word - narcissist. He wants to make it your fault so you can’t blame him for being a sh*tty dad.
He can stay at a hotel. Motel. He’s an adult. You are NO LONGER responsible for him
No, no. Stand your ground, don’t let his affect your new relationship, new you. He can get a hotel or sleep in his car, not your responsibility. But did he properly care for child ? Thats the most important
If he really wanted to be there for his child, he would get a hotel or something and show up. Just because you & your husband won’t let him stay at YALLS house doesn’t mean anything. It’s just another excuse for him to not show up.
Unpopular opinion - our daughters(2) mother (his to a previous relationship) used to stay all the time with us.
These days, she has 2more kids and they stay on a regular
Not at all downing your choice, that’s completely up to you and hubby. Just a different view xx
We’ve been together 11years now, and anybody would think we’re crazy with the happy little unit we’ve created, especially from the toxicity it came from
Sorry but I wouldn’t allow that either. It is HIS loss if he chooses not to go
Hotel, air bnb, motel… there are options!
No, tell him to get a motel room. Keeps things between you and your husband better.
You’re not wrong at all. He can get a hotel room!
It more than likely an excuse for not turning up as YOU! Wouldn’t let him stay! He could get a hotel?
If my baby daddy was threatening my current partner in any magnitude, I would not let him stay at my house. But, in order to allow him to be at his son’s party, I would offer to pay a night at a motel nearby
No. He needs to make his own accommodations.
It doesn’t make sense so we can’t make it make sense dear. He’s always going to be this way. You can get used to it and not stand for it all at the same time. If HE comes to town early that’s on him haha keep your space to yourself and let him be mad. If keeps this up it will make sense to your kid one day who the real problem is
He can get a hotel room. If you guys don’t already have that kind of coparenting relationship it seems pretty inappropriate 
my family we always had the other parents that’s stayed.
I have even stayed with my step parents ex .
I could imagine the joy on your daughters face to see him wake up there the day of their party. However, it’s still a no. He’s threatened your husband and that’s crazy. 100% no all day. If he really wants to be there he will sleep in his car and do whatever it takes to make an appearance. Inviting himself into your house like a friend and he’s probably going to want to bring other people with him without asking. Again—NO! “I’m sorry that’s not going to work for us. There’s XYZ hotel down the road.”
Set your boundaries. You’re more than welcome to my house but you cannot spend the night. If you want to somehow twist this where it makes me the bad guy, have at it. You’ll probably continue to be the absent parent you are but I hope you can be a grown up & still attend!
Tell him he can camp out in back yard
Not your responsibility to provide him with a play to stay just so he can make sure he’s there. He took on those responsibilities himself when he chose to become a father.
I understand that y’all are in the past. But it’s for your daughter birthday I personally would hand him a blanket and pillow and tell him he can sleep on the couch. That’s just me.
I used to stay at my ex husbands house when the kids were there on the weekends because I didn’t get a lot of time with them during the week due to my job and I missed them. Half the time I wouldn’t even say anything. Lmao he would just wake up to me making everyone breakfast
I wouldn’t allow it either if your not on good terms it’s not your fault, he can get a hotel screw that.
It’s definitely not your fault
why doesn’t he get a motel room? he doesn’t have to stay at your place, or if he can’t afford a room, he’ll just have to do the drive
He should be an adult and reserve a hotel. Cool if you can make it happen the other way but thats a hard no thanks from me.
I would explain to him it would be different if you two had a better relationship.
Your not the bad guy if he was a upstanding father he would be there no matter what. Rent a hotel or sleep in your car
No way should your ex ever spend the night in your house.
With the beef with your husband and the shitty coparenting on his end. Hell no. That’s just asking for trouble . I did like above comment… he can pitch a tent outside lol
He is out of line. That’s a definite no.
Not when you are remarried or have a partner living on your home.
Sometimes you have to be ok with standing your ground & being labeled the bad guy. This is none of your kid’s business and if he brings them into it, just stand firm with it being inappropriate. As your kids get older and reflect back, they will agree.Period. No adult with common sense would see you as the bad guy in this situation.
Send him a link to the nearest motel 
If he was continuously in the children’s lives, it would be a “maybe”, but since he hasn’t been around much and makes ridiculous comments, heck no, nor would they get any sleep with him there. He can get a hotel.
Unless your party is at 6am there’s no reason why he can’t make the drive. I live 3hrs from ex and I would NEVER allow him to stay in my house. Be the bad guy if it makes him feel better but stand your ground!
After talking shit about my spouse and you still think I’m going to let you sleep in the house with us. Dumbass is what he is. I wouldn’t want him to come. He can figure it out or stay home. I wouldn’t think twice about it.
He wants to be able to blame you for him not showing up!
He can drive in and make a thing called “a hotel reservation!”
He should not spend the night in your home. He came for your Daughter’s party.
Three hours is not that long or far to drive. He can’t drive then he can rent a motel room. Sounds like he’s trouble and trying to cause trouble in your new marriage. He needs to go,
It’s just a really easy way for him to get out of it.
If he’s manipulative, it makes sense he tried this.
Knowing it can’t happen just so he doesn’t look bad
I’d simply say welcome to attend party but my home is not open. Here are the local hotels/motes with contact info. Our daughter will be thrilled to have you here. Let me know what time to expect you. If you choose violent not come thats on you but we are not in position to have overnight guest. See you then.
Gurl he’s full of drama screw him. Either come or don’t but you’re not staying here and if you don’t ask I won’t say no.
They made hotels for that.
There’s no way in Hell I’d let my Ex stay in my home with my new hubby that’s just asking for drama/fights to start. Definitely a pile of crap you don’t want on your LOs bday
It will never make sense. You and your husband are opening your door to him and his gf to be at the party for your daughter. You aren’t stopping him. He can get a hotel in the area, buy her a gift, and be there on time. That has nothing to do with you. Healthy-minded people don’t blame others. They take on responsibilities themselves. Your daughter needs to see that he’s made a sacrifice for her. What your kids will remember is you being there for them. Maybe he’ll grow up some day.
Tell him rent a room. A hotel
Nope he can just get a hotel
Put up a tent in the back yard let him stay there, definitely not in my house would any ex of mine would not be allowed
Let him run his mouth ppl that you know understand
Ya, don’t let him stay there. But offer a hotel close by.
BIG NO. Tell him to get hotel room since he has said he might do something to your husband. It is his responsibility to make sure he comes to his daughter’s birthday and has a place to stay not yours
Sleep in the car it’s one night or put up a tent in the yard .
I say no and you have your new husband to think about I don’t think that he would like that one bit if he can’t drive 3 hours to be there for the party then he shouldn’t come
He has already said he wants to start a fight with your husband. You letting him stay at your house would probably make that happen. He would look for stuff to start a fight and then blame it on your husband. If he really wanted to come he would get a Motel. That’s going to be his excuse for not showing up. Your husband or BF probably doesn’t want him to stay over anyway.
Nothing wrong with him staying there for 1 night for your kids sake just set boundaries
He is creating a paper tiger so it can be torn down and he can blame you. He KNOWS it is unreasonable to expect to be allowed to stay in your home after all he has threatened towards your current husband. Yet he also wants to blame you for his lack of involvement. Let him know you see through it. His behavior is his choice. The consequences to his behavior are not.
Sorry inviting him is one thing , but that take some guts to think he wants to stay there tata ex
Isn’t there a motel around he can stay at instead of yr place. Yr not stopping him from being there u just don’t want him sleeping under yr roof which u have all right to do. I do same
Make him stay at a hotel/motel