My ex husband will not see our kids and idk what to do anymore…our kids are ages 6-15 (we have 5 of them) and since we have divorced he WILL NOT REACH OUT TO THEm. If they message him, they get ignored…I am heartbroken for my kids and I dont know how to explain this to them…
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Yes on the therapy (abandonment can be devastating) Explain that you don’t know what’s happening rn with their father but you all can pull together. Do your lil fam stuff together. Create new things for you guys to start doing together. Keep their minds thinking positively and assure them that none of this is their fault.
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Unfortunately, you can’t force someone to be a parent. My ex hasn’t seen, spoken to or even asked about my 13 1/2 year old daughter since she was 13 months old. I thank God every day that he walked away while she was too young to remember him. Give your babies lots of extra love and hugs and remind them that you love them so very much.
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Be honest. Say dad isn’t being a dad. What do you want to do? We can send him cards at his birthday. But encourage them to see what he chooses. It seems he made his choice. It stinks. Support the kids. But tell them dad isn’t dadding right now. Don’t know why but it isn’t them or you.
I’d get them in a support group. Online or in person. I had banana splits as a kid. Now it’s the norm. My kiddos dad is deceased and she still mourns the idea of him. It’s normal and you will still get blamed… but be honest. Non judgey. Thoughtful and support all those HUGE emotions coming out of smaller people.
But it’s real hard to explain to a 6 year old but I would just show them all that you will always be there no matter and won’t and just be there when they need you to talk about him or anything else
I’m in the same situation my kids are 13 and 18. We just moved on either our lives. He do t want o be part he misses out. Getting visitation rights won’t make him see the kids. If he don’t want to he won’t. I tried that. I would take them to counseling
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So sad! He doesn’t deserve them!
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Don’t force it. Let him keep his distance! Maybe it’s better for the kids that way. Forcing him to see them or be around them will only make those babies resent that man more! Be mama and love them more for him.
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Start with a conversation with the Dad. Ask him if he plans on being apart of their life, genuinely, be there and have a serious convo about it too. Not just some like, HEY R U GONNA STEP UP R WHAT. Don’t get upset, stay calm and firm. Then you can go from there and explain.
Therapy for the abandonment, increase support and maybe get visitation rights only dictated by you. And if you have joint custody and legal decision making get that changed.
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All you can really do is be there for them through ALLLLL THE FEELINGS. Therapy might help(it’s not for everyone). Eventually they will stop trying on their own…but until then just don’t bring it up unless they do. Let them choose when they are done.
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Sometimes it’s better if dad isn’t involved. If you force it the kids may get hurt emotionally. Leave it alone ! When the time comes the kids will find out about dad and his situation.
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Unfortunately there’s not alot you can do but be honest with the kids.
There’s no point lying to protect his ignorance.
Other option in some cases can be court ordered to see the kids so many days out of the year… No you shouldn’t have to result to this option but no matter how much dad might be hurting and processing everything still so are you and all the children.
If he chooses not to be apart of their lives because you are no longer one big happy family then that’s his problem and the kids will work it out quick enough.
Sadly this does happen,with luck he will come around,always keep the door open
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1 - you can’t force someone to be there when he doesn’t want to. It’s sad and it hurts. Sometimes they’re better off away.
2- a support group or therapy for the kids works wonders
3- Don’t have him the time of day. It ain’t worth it. Focus on the kids
Be honest with them but, make it age appropriate. Do not call their Dad names or disrespect him. Just plain ‘I don’t know what your Dad is doing but, at the moment he is not making a good choice by doing what he is doing. I’m sorry he is putting you through this, just know I am here for you’.
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Be honest. Is not anyone’s fault but his. Count the time that’s passed and at the 6mo mark terminate his rights. Doesn’t absolve him from paying cs tho, so get that locked in before then. 
Sadly, I’m kinda in the same boat. My son’s bio mom won’t have anything to do with him, or us. I don’t know how to bridge the gap.
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Take him to court to get rid of his parental rights 
he has a teenage child who very much understands what’s going on, and to allow it to continue to happen would be the worse thing you could do.
If he doesn’t want to be a father, take away that right to legally call himself one.
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Try not to run him down in their eyes even though you’d really like to tell them what a prick he is. He’s the loser , look what he’s missing . Hope Karma catches up with him , be strong 
Tell them I am very sorry that your dad’s a POS !!  And obviously he can’t handle life🤷♀️
You can’t do anything . End of story end of discussion it is what it isn’t
You stop forcing it. Tell the kids dad has other priorities right now and you are so sorry for that but the door is always open for him to call.
Go to court, put it as abandonment. Send kids to therapy. Don’t try to force contact. Even courts will tell you, noone can FORCE him to be a father, they’ll just enforce child support orders…
- Try to get them to stop messaging him & don’t encourage them to reach out. It’s only pouring salt on the wound & teaching them to run after people they shouldn’t be running after. They need to know you never chase anyone.
- Tell them the truth. That you don’t know why he isn’t in contact & sometimes you won’t get a reason as to why people do hurtful things but that you love them and you will never turn your back on them. Assure them it isn’t their fault. Ask them how they feel about it & discuss their feelings. Try to steer the focus off him.
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Easy: “Your dad’s an a$$hole.”
Unfortunately you cannot force someone to be a active part in someone’s life. I’d be honest with them & tell them that it is him that doesn’t want a relationship! But they still have you & you’re there.
What else can you do?
Similar experience. I learned to stop making excuses for him. They see the truth even if you can’t tell yet. They are putting together their own views of him. You be the best parent you can be and DO NOT speak ill of him at all ever!! Just let him sink his own ship. Best of luck, Mama! 
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As a person who had a useless parent in and out of my life, be honest with them. If they spend time wondering it will cause them to harbor anger and resent towards you both. It’s a hard situation for sure.
You tell them that you love them. 
You tell them when Daddy does reach out that they will know. Sometimes when people are sad they distance themselves from the real issues of family. It’s not anyone’s fault and no one is to blame. Your always there for them. I went through this with my ex and it hurts but there is not alot you can do to make him step up more. Just give all of yourself towards your kids and you. You’ve got this. Kiddos come first no matter what.
Just be honest you don’t know why… and if u are able to get him to respond to you. Ask him why.
My dad was in and out. More out really. But with me it was I don’t know Megan, the divorce maybe to much for him. Then when I get to ask him myself and it doesn’t change. He felt it was to late for us and we was better off. Idk what happened.
Your kids are old enough to know and see the truth already.
Or just flat out say he is just needing space. If everyone stops reaching out maybe he will learn.
My ex husband pulled that too, but we had been divorced for five years. He literally texted me one day out of the blue and said he couldn’t handle or afford them so would I take them, and had them on my doorstep in 48 hours. Now he hasn’t seen them since Christmas 2022 and texts them like 2-3x a year. They’re in therapy and I’m still figuring out how to manage the fallout of his decision. Good luck, Mama. Therapy is a good idea for all of you, I think. Sitting with you💚
My ex husband refuses to see any of his kids, he has 3 total. I have his youngest, and usually see my stepson 2 weekends a month to keep the brothers having a bond. He hasn’t seen his oldest in over 8 or 9 years now. Some men just don’t wanna be parents once they are on their own. You can’t change them
You can’t force him to do anything he chooses not to do. All you can do is love the kids extra and be honest with them at age appropriate levels. Wait it out and at the appropriate time(usually 5 years) file for abandonment.
As long as they know that you are not the one keeping them from their dad and as long as you give them extra love to fill them up. You can raise good and happy kids. As adults they will deal with the father issue as they choose. It’s possible they are better off without his influence. Just double down with love for your kids so they don’t feel the pain.
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A switch flips. They were there for us not the kids. It’s hard. We have to accept it and move on. Love them babies through it 
You cant MAKE him want to see his kids. One day he will realize the damage he has caused and they will see it too. In the mean time explain that all you, and the kids, can do is try, but he has to choose to see them. Dont bad mouth him, dont lie to them.
All you can do is be honest with them and be there for him. I can’t tell you how many times my sisters & I asked our mom why dad isn’t calling or visiting. She always told us that she didn’t know & never got upset that we were upset. She never spoke ill of him & never stopped a visit if he showed up. Eventually we stopped looking for calls or visits. We realized ourselves what kind of person he was. All you can do is make sure the kids know it’s not their fault & love em a little more when they need it.
He is taking his anger out on the kids….it is probably better that he stays away. Always be there for them, they will remember how faithful and honest you were.
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You tell them the truth and love them enough for both of you. File neglect charges with the state and let the court decide.
My kids haven’t seen their dad in 3 years and he is 10 min away! They will eventually see how he is and won’t want anything to do with him. U can not make him change. U can’t make him see the kids. I have tried that and it just makes things worse. My kids are now teens and almost adults and they know everything about him and see how things have been as i have always been honest with them. But all u can do is be the mom and dad they need and hope he comes around. I’m sorry these kids have to go through this but in the end, its better for him to be completely gone rather than lie and be inconsistent. It will all be OK! I know its hard! You got this tho!
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You don’t explain anything to them.
Don’t bad mouth him, just let them figure it out on their own.
My ex-husband was the same way. When my kids would ask, I would respond with “I don’t know” and then redirect the conversation. As they got older, they figured it all out on their own.
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Nothing you can do. Can’t make anyone do anything. And if that’s how he feels your kids are better off.
Honestly you can’t force someone to be a dad, it’s his loss anyway
I told my son, “sometimes parents don’t want to be parents anymore. And when you force them to be parent, They make bad/sad choices. We can’t be around people who make bad/sad choices. So We step away to give them time. They may come back and maybe they won’t. But it’s my job to protect you in every way I can. And I will. It might not make sense now but one day it will”. And then I let him ask questions. Just be ready no matter what, for the questions and for dad to pop up randomly. Because he could and he may not be at his best. Keep a calendar on missed calls, missed events, when you reached out etc etc.
You can’t force him. The kids will eventually see for themselves that he doesn’t want to be involved in their lives. It’s unfortunate bc one day, he will regret his choices and it’ll be too late. The kids will lose respect for him 
Try to shower them with as much love as you can
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To spare their feelings, id say something like “i think dad is really struggling with all these changes, and what hes doing isn’t ok and u have every right to feel mad, hurt, ect… But i dont think hes doing this to make u feel that way. He just doesn’t know how to process everything. Lets give it some time for right now because i know he loves you guys alot”
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Tell them the truth , don’t make excuses for him, … he doesn’t deserve it…… you just be there for them.
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Be honest but don’t bad mouth and carry on life without him. Going to a church where your children can have positive male figures in their life might be super helpful for you all. Gives you a community - you can leave the door open for your ex to communicate- but you can’t force it. Never bad mouth him. Just move on - I’m sorry for you all
I went through this! There is nothing you can do to force him! I told my ex husband that one day he will die a lonely old man without his children by his side ! That’s exactly what happened .
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my ex-husband is the same, hasn’t seen our kids in close to 3 years. they’ll eventually stop asking about him.
i was honest with mine, i can’t make him do anything 
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Prayers for father is now delivered in Jesus mighty name Amene
They seem with their own eyes. Don’t stress because it will only make you depressed. I have been there and the best thing to do is live your life with them and in time he will come running back when your babies show that they don’t need him. I have been there and know that pain. Leave him to his own demise and demons and have fun with them
Don’t make excuses for him. Talk them in age appropriate language! Unfortunately I was in the situation with my daughter’s biological. As she grew older we have more discussions about him. She tried to keep a relationship with him a couple times last year and he won’t put any effort into it so now she knows why I don’t like him! The older kids most likely understand more than you think
My stepdaughters were abandoned by birth mom 14 years ago. We never talked about her or made excuses. We were just there for them and they never even asked for her. Now they are 17 and 16, and it was her loss. I’m sorry your babies are going through that… it hurts when they hurt, but a parent can’t be forced to be a parent.
Just tell them the truth. They will thank you later. Just don’t bad mouth him
I would file for full custody babes and have him sign over his parental rights.
Get full custody and apply for child
Support f him
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Just be honest. Tell them that you honestly don’t know why dad is doing this but you do know it’s not their fault. Don’t bad mouth him.
i have an almost 29 yr old daughter and she hast seen her dad or reached out sense she was little. she was probably between 3and 5 yrs when seen last she dont care to either. the kids will realize and not want anything to do with i know a couple others same way.
You document it, then file for abandonment after the time passes for what your state needs (some are 12 months, some are less).
Then you get in with your life.
It’s not your fault he will not co parent - that’s on him. But tell the kids you love them, you want them, and you cherish them every day. Hug them. Interact. Make your presence known.
It helps.
Be honest.
I’m sorry for them. But then again it’s better to be ignored then mistreated. Don’t ever force anyone to spend time with them. No matter who they are.
There’s nothing you can do besides Love your kids even more!!!
I’m dealing with this same exact situation, and it is heartbreaking. to see children that were once wrapped around his finger, be overlooked and discarded the same way he treated me as a partner in our marriage has torn me apart. the only suggestion I have, Is LET HIM.
And let them. let them see him for who he is , true colors. be there to support and love them through the hurt and heartache, and help them know that you are there unconditionally.
Leave him alone you can’t force him but you can hit him and n the Pocket
Seek counciling for your kids to help them work through this period… Have them spend time with a positive male role model within your family if possible… Maybe in time your ex will reach out, but don’t build your kids life around that hope as many parents walk away and don’t look back sadly.
I tell mine it’s his loss not ours. I tell them He’s the one losing out on seeing his amazing kids grow into amazing people.
Just wait til he gets a new girlfriend. He will come around 
this isn’t funny. But true for alot 
My ex husband is the same way said that when I divorced him he didn’t have kids anymore his loss
I don’t truly have advice. I just wanted to tell you I’m so sorry you and your kids are going thru this and that he’s doing this to them. I hope he’s just going thru it for a moment and gets it together for those kids, but I feel for you all. I really do.
I would tell them I am sorry not sure what your dad is going through right now. How long have you been divorced he may be having a hard time and shutting everyone out. Hopefully he reaches out to them. I would call him and talk to him about it. All I know is this whole situation is sad
Always be honest. If you don’t know why tell them that. Explain you have tried reaching out to him. Explain maybe he is going through something and he doesn’t want to put it on them or show anger. Explain you can’t explain why he isn’t there but reassure them that you are there and you love them and aren’t going anywhere. They do have books and videos on stuff like this, you can find a lot online for free if money is an issue. Talk with the school and explain what is happening so the teachers and counselors can help them as well. They may even touch on the subject in class to help all kids understand.
Young one, you can not force love. I know it hurts but you must learn to go on without him. Never speak bad of him - ( your behavior right now can/will effect your babies future relationships) just love them and tell them there Pops probably has other important things to do. Eventually, they will come to understand your unconditional love and realize- You are all they need. Your ex is making his own bed - it’s going to be hard, lumpy and very uncomfortable when he goes to lie in it. 
Please get your kiddos some counciling! It is hard to accept that a parent is acting like they don’t want you. Just be honest with them as you can be without breaking them. You can tell them you don’t know why he is choosing not to call them or see them. Reassure them that you will always be there and that you love them. Be there safe place! Head up Mama, this going to be tough to watch, but you got this!
Put them in therapy asap. And have open lines of communication with them. Dont speak bad about it, just be honest. And if you don’t have answers that’s ok too.
Don’t cover for him. Tell them the truth. " Sometimes when parents split up, they get their priorities mixed up. Sometimes they realize it and fix it, sometimes they don’t. You can’t force someone to be a parent. I know it sucks but when he’s ready he’ll fix it. For now, I’m sorry you’re going through this and if you need to talk about it, I’m here. " that’s the only thing you can do, just be there for them.
When my ex started ignoring our kids. I took him back to court and demanded he take them on his days or pay for childcare for that time. He paid child care one time and started picking them up
To not sugar coat it. Tell them straight up dad is a self centered AH who is choosing to avoid them. Never minimize a parents actions. If they see that parent later & ask questions they will blame you & maniplulate the child to trust them just to hurt them again (get money from them, ruin their relationship with you & others etc).
My ex husband didn’t want anything to do with our kids when I left him 
they’re 5&7 now . My new husband adopted them and they don’t even know he’s not their biological dad
Get them in therapy so they can start to process their feelings 
Me? I would truly seek professional help. This is not a job for facebook answers.
Let him go. It’s his loss. Don’t bad mouth him and do not tell your kids daddy loves you. And those lies. I tried that once years ago and my daughter who was six said “if he loves me he’d be here”
I’m a single mom. I don’t bring other men around my kids. I stay single. I have raised my kids alone for years. Best thing I’ve ever done.
Find a good children’s therapist and take them there to work it out together.
You don’t grow out of the pain abandonment brings. Better to get to tools now. Plus that takes a lot of the burden off you to always have the answers.
There is nothing you can do. You can get more child support if he isn’t seeing them though
Abandonment is one of the top 5 forms of child abuse that results in adult psychological trauma and dysfunction, therapy and counseling now might help to disarm some components of that
It’s in him . His missing out on your kids … does he pay child support?? On all 5of them??
I tell my kids if they can’t take the time to reply back or reach out to u there not important 
Just let me say, there’s a special place in hell…
Same thing happened to a friend of mine he said u divorce me i want nothing to do with kids 35 years later he meant it she has never understood it but had accept it as rejection iver and iver is no good
Same here, although my children get texts from dad, but he does not make time to see them. It’s been 5 years since he left. They do resent him for it. 8, 13 and 15. It’s very sad. Sorry you are going through it too.
I’m more of the type to let the kids find out and make judgment on their own. I don’t believe in making excuses for an absent parent … I rather them see for themselves. I would never bad mouthed my kids dad in front of them but I’ll be damned if I make him seem like someone he is not . I don’t want to give my kids the false image of him. It’s the parent’s responsibility to keep a relationship with their kids. My mom and dad were divorced when I was little but she never bad mouthed him and I noticed myself he would never call, plan things with me and I seen it for myself and ended up not caring anymore , he may biologically be my dad but I know who was really there for me . And I want my kids to see that too, I’m also divorced with 3 kids and their dad doesn’t do a single thing for them and my kids don’t ask about him and my daughter says she doesn’t even want to see him and leaves it at that
My ex did this to our chikd as well. But they were just babies. My son who was 3 at the time called him. He left a message cry to see him. Instead of him answering or calling back to talk to him. All he did was yell at me for allowing our son to call him and to leave a message like that. He was busy with his gf and her kids at the mall. I think from that day, my son understood what just happened. All I could do was cry and apologize to him. I tried to make excuses for the dad but I’m sure my son saw the lie.
Only time my ex would see the kids is if his mom wanted to and I had to be present. It was never to see them. But to see what my life was like. ( I left him after years of cheating on me ).
My children are near adults now, about to graduate. They grew to know who was there for them. I never lied to them when they asked questions. I never talked bad about the dad. But I always boss mom up for them and anything they needed.
He was order to pay child support but never has really.
Moral of this. Your children will realize what type of father he is. 