My ex is being spiteful and won't let my fiance pick my kids up from his house: What can I do?

I want you to post this please…I’m currently a SAHM and just recently got a job to work every other weekend while my other two girls are by their dads. Well, I filed for a review for child support because he won’t help with half of any expenses. I asked if he wanted school pictures, and he said yes he would pay half, now when it comes down to it, he won’t give me half. I’m just beyond sick of it. He sees the kids every other weekend because that’s his decision. Now he is all mad because I’m taking him back to the court that he won’t let a friend of mine or even my fiancé pick up our kids on Sundays that he has them. He is doing this because he knows that I won’t be able to work now. How do I get around this and have my friend or fiancé be able to pick up? We go to court the 29th, but I honestly will think the judge will have me make another court date for this alone. He is doing this out of spite!


You don’t have a current custody agreement?

File in court, my fiancé has had a issue with this aswell, she wouldn’t even allow me to come with him to pick up his daughter, I’m not only his fiancé but I’m the mother of his other children. He was so over it he filed a no contact order, his mother and his daughters mother only contact each other and his mom does pickup and drop off. Oh well :woman_shrugging:t2: can’t act like a a adult you’ll be treated like a child then.


Tell him that either he allows an alternative person to pick up or he won’t have then at all… your 2 grown ass adults tossing your kids in the middle (more him) but I get it. Either he gowns some balls and respects the arrangements or he just won’t have access.

Looks like your ex will have to have them until you get off work Sundays then I guess. If he can’t handle having them longer then he’ll have to let someone else pick them up for you.


As for money. It should always be court ordered. Can he just drop the kids off. My ex always has dropped my kids off. We have generally never used anyone else


The only thing you can do is get it in writing however they are your children not your fiance’s. ND unless you arent legally allowed to drive they don’t normally allow anyone else to do pick ups. At least where I live

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Is many states you can put in the custody papers that certain people are allowed to pick up the children in your place…especially if it’s because it interferes with your work schedule. Just talk to your attorney.


Court u need to get it approved that ur finacee is picking them uo when u cant. If its court approved he has too.

Also get court approved that u get paid half of all money for child.

Take recites like school pictures , school cloths, school snacks, lunches , school feild trips, insurance , doctor copays.

Have court order drop off at police station

If it’s your parenting time he doesn’t have a choice. Call the police if he won’t hand the kids over

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This happened to us. I was picking my stepdaughter up from day xare because I got off 2-3 hours before my husband. His X tried to make it a court order that i wasn’t allowed at the day care. The judge basically told her too bad so sad. People work. It’s life. If she wanted to pick her and drop her off each visit day then go for it. I picked her up on our day. I get the X’s not wanting the new man/woman around their kids but if it’s a long term relationship then it’s going to happen. Unless there are specific reasons. I’m in CA.

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You’ll have to get an attorney and have a formal custody and visitation order drawn up. There’s really no other way to go about it. The child support issue will be dealt with simultaneously as well. Until you have a court ordered custody/visitation schedule, both parents have equal rights to the kids and verbal agreements are simply unenforceable. GET AN ATTORNEY

Does the court papers say anything about who picks up the kids?

Im sure the current paperwork doesn’t say you have to be there to drop off and pick up…I would call the non emergency police number and ask them if your fiancée can call them if dad won’t release them, they should be able to direct you how to proceed

You can have anyone you want pick your kids up. Lol. As long as theres no court order to say otherwise. Just send them and have your man or friend d pick them up. If he has a problem with that then tell him ok well you can drop them off at home then. And if he doesn’t call the police.


Just bring it up in court to judge. You’ll be able to work

To modify the actual custody agreement, you’ll need a lawyer. For child support modifications, it’s easier through CSS. Just went through something similar. CSS judges can’t do anything regarding pickups or custody.

Regardless of custody, your not married ( not sure it matters) but he’s the father and my be a ass, but he don’t have to release his child to any one he don’t want to.

Anyone can drop off, or pick up the children. There’s no law in that, and he doesn’t have a say so in who picks up the children as long as there aren’t any restraining orders. Thats just a pill he has to swallow. Just send the friend, or SO to pick up the children. If he refuses to release the children, have the person call the cops and make a report, then, take that report to court showing proof of his behavior.


It all depends on your state that you live in. Where I live, I have physical custody of my kids. Their father is not allowed to take them unless I give permission too. (Some of you judgey people may think its messed up. But then again I have no reason to explain.) I would check with your state and see if it’s a mother or a father state. But I delt with something similar. Eventually he ended up telling my SO that he doesn’t care if my kids called my SO dad. A few weeks later he ended up leaving to a different state. So do what you think is best. He might be doing this because he’s jealous you moved on or maybe he doesn’t like your fiance at all. But I hope you can figure it out.

Get it mandated in courts who is allowed to pick the children up. If he doesn’t abide he doesn’t get them. Simple enough.

Before your court date go to the court house and file a motion about this so when you go its on the docket already

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Just call the cops it’s your parenting time and what you do on your parenting time is your business as long as who ever picks them up have valid ID and insurance your fine also unless it says in custody papers that only the parents can do pick up drop offs he doesn’t have a leg to stand on


Look at ur current visitation order, mine states that as long as its a known adult to the children and they have proper carseats, drivers license, and insurance there’s absolutely nothing you’re childs father can do!


Maybe he doesn’t know your fieance.

I would just call the police. If its your time to have them and you can show that via court documents and they are acting as your agents then he is in contempt of the court order (keeping them during your time).


Perhaps remind your ex that the less hours you get at work the more child support you will be entitled to out of his pocket. Let him know his childish tactics will be reported to the judge and no amount of games is going to alter your intention to provide the best life for your children. Including holding him responsible for his participation in their life. Do not split expenses with him for pictures. Pay for what you want and allow him to get what he wants. If he doesn’t buy any…:woman_shrugging:
Don’t give him any. Don’t have birthday parties together… just treat him like a separate entity…
Let the judge know what’s going on. Request that it is ordered that ANYONE may pick up your children during your court appointed custody terms providing they have a valid DL.
Or… call him on his bluff and leave them a couple weekends overnight and force him to make sure they get to school Monday… you can pick them up from school. It won’t take long for him to figure out he’s inconvenienced himself. He’ll stop with the BS

You shouldn’t base when you work around when the father gets your kids. OBVIOUSLY he is not consistent so you’re putting yourself in a bad position… making him pay for every little thing is petty. And if your visitation agreement you have already does not state other people can pick up your kids then you should be the one picking them up and dropping them off… legally a “fiancé”or friend has absolutely no say so for your children… sorry but to me you sound very petty


Fucking ridiculousness!!! People can be so fucking petty!!! That’s plain out selfiness and Childish. Mom is trying all she can to be a good mom. Going the proper route. He needs to stop wearing his ass like a hat. Get over himself and grow up. Sad but relationships end sometimes, when kids r involved its a game changer. Obviously a control freak and this is what he chooses to control! I would absolutly involve the cops! He needs to learn life isn’t about HIM!!!

Then HE BRINGS THEM HOME when you get off work~ Problem solved!

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Do you have a court ordered custody agreement with visitation included? You are probably right they will make you make another court date for visits. If you don’t have court ordered visitation already in place then don’t let them go with him until you get court ordered visitation with the details of who can drop off and pick up. You can legally do this only if you don’t have court ordered visitation in place. Make sure you go file for temporary physical custody of the kids and get a court date for custody/visitation. This will give you physical custody papers for the kids until your court date, then whatever happens in court you will get new custody/ visitation paper work. If you already have court ordered visitation you have to let them go and accommodate him until you get to court to have the paperwork. If you have an understanding boss maybe they can somehow work with you until you can get to court. Good luck

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Here is the thing why are you taking the children to him and picking them up??? It is his visitation then it is his responsibility to pick them up and drop them off. Unless it is agreed upon that you two meet at a natural spot for pick ups and drop offs. If this is the case then you may need to switch weekends at work. Your children have the right to have a relationship with their father as well as their mother. So really the only thing here should be what is right for the children.

What wrong with you picking them up change your schedule time

Not legal. Make sure he knows that. If he still don’t. :policewoman:

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The judge is going to see him for the spiteful person he is.

He sounds like my ex. Agreeing to help pay for things and then never giving me a cent and trying to use my kids to control me and my life just because he’s jealous that I moved on with a great man and got my life together without him.

If he won’t give your kids to your friend or SO, have them call the police. Go down to the courthouse before your child support hearing and make sure this problem will get mentioned as well.

My fiance and his ex had it set up (and the court actually presented this idea PA court btw) but any responsibe driver was allowed to be able to pick up children. So as long as they have a clean driving record he really cant say no, once his time with the kids is up he has so say in who picks up your kids as long as they are responsible, dependable and non intoxicated.

You need it in your order that your SO or friend can pick up/drop off. Same goes for him as well and his SO or friend should be able to pick up/drop off. As far as child supoort goes, if he’s paying his child supoort then he’s paying what the court deems to be his half. Your child support would go towards his half of those school pictures. That being said, without it in the order, I won’t be releasing my kid to anyone but there father :woman_shrugging:

Make a motion to modify your parenting plan. Ask to have a list of approve people to transport and care for the children when you are not available. State that the other parent is attempting to interfere with your work schedule, that he is not collaborating in the best interest of the children, that he is effectively interfering with your parenting time. Keep all communication with the other parent civil, you can also ask for modification of the child support order, if he agrees to pay for something make sure he puts it in writing so you can bring that documentation in front of the judge … it will show his character and he’s jerking you around