I moved thousands of miles away and then found out I was pregnant. I had our baby, and he came down right after he was born. He’s not quite a year yet and has made one more trip to see him. But he has no idea when he’ll see him next. He made a lot of promises to us to be there, to do the right thing for us both, but then hasn’t. I told him I think the best thing in this situation would be to see about a relationship between us, and if it works great, and if not, at least we tried. I think it’s always best for a child to grow up in a home with both parents. He has a girlfriend now and does not want that, which I can respect. But he seems to think that he can be involved in our baby’s life when he’s old enough and can go to him. His idea was for me to raise him for six months, and then he can for six months. I don’t agree with that, and I’m not sure what other options we have in raising him so far apart. I’ve also expressed I don’t want him to come and go in his life when it’s convenient for him. He’s made no effort to support him in any way. Fathers are important to children. I want him to have his father. But I also don’t want him hurt because he doesn’t know who his father is or only knows him as coming in and out. Any advice?
Oh hell no. Not 6 months at a time! Baby would be so confused.
Unreasonable. First father should visit child in your home, but not stay over with you, and gradually become familiar with the child, increasing visit as the child grows older.
I think you should help him get established in the same place you are if he wants to be a part of his son’s life.
No tell him to video chat when he feels the urge to play daddy! Your son deserves more.
He need to move closer to you or just make the effort to see the child.
Time to file for child support
I understand he’s dad but the circumstance isn’t like you took him away from him. I’d offer him some other way.
He should move closer. If that’d what he wants… No way would I allow that and how confusing
It’s called co-parenting for a reason. Why can’t the dad have him half the year? As a mother I can be honest and say I would be hesitant only because it would be hard on me (not the kid)
Careful , there are states where ,if he has possession of the child, he can go to court and get custody. Make sure you have a court order in place in the state you live in before you let him take that baby anywhere. And 6 month at a time? Careful like I said. Know the laws in the other state.
Nope, he can move closer if he wants to see his child.
I would be very careful and get court papers stating what was going on, that way he doesn’t try to get you for deserting the baby. And why can’t he move to where you live so that he do the co- parenting that way? Instead of 6 months at a time, no judge in their right mind will allow this, cause a baby needs their mother if he is still an infant
Tell him no. It not ideal for the child if he wants to be involved he needs to move closer.
No Way! He and his girlfriend can move closer to you. Was his name on the birth certificate and has he taken a DNA test?
He’s the father he has rights also. You should allow him to be a father. Sometimes being a parent isn’t about what is in your best interest but the child’s. It sounds to me that you are only thinking about yourself.
So, what happens when school starts?
I co parent just fine. But 6 months straight nope not happening
Well you contradict yourself when you say he hasn’t supported you yet YOU moved thousands of miles away and he came to be with his son. It seems to me like you want a relationship and he doesn’t. In most states since you are the one who moved it’s your responsibility to pay for the child to see his father. I think it’s pretty selfish of you to move thousands of miles away and then claim the man isn’t there for his kid. You made that choice. You could move closer or let a judge decide what’s best. . It seems you are more concerned with the dad the focus needs to be the child. Maybe not split years but in the state I live in the judge ordered every other month when the mom pulled this stunt
Can’t believe you are asking strangers For such a private matter
No. Because then he can use that against you in court and take him from you and get custody. I appreciate him trying but, he doesn’t even pay child support? I like what someone else said about the video chats. But don’t let him take your child for 6 months. You may never see him again.
Maybe you should both move towards each other and make it a reasonable distance at least for shared custody
File for child support… I would’ve did that in the beginning… If you where to do that he’ll feel obligated to move closer. Seems like he doesn’t take you or your child seriously
6 months is waaaay too long for an infant!! No no. (Just my opinion)
I’d tell him nope. Either help out or go sue for child support
Keep the baby. Don’t confuse the kid with 6 months hete and vice versa. Let him see him whenever he can.
You both need to go to court and sort all these things out
Oh hell no. Nope. Nope. Never. I don’t care if I’m selfish or an asshole or whatever. No way am I letting my baby go away for 6 months, then come back, then go away, then come back. Nope.
There’s many solutions maybe he can stay with him during the summer or until the baby starts going to school every third month he can go stay with dad whatever works out best to be sure the dad can still be part of the babies life and the fact that you’re not denying him that is a wonderful attribute by the way I don’t think if he hasn’t been involved with you since before you knew you were pregnant that pulling him out of another relationship to be with you wouldn’t be something I would suggest he may end up feeling trapped in the end and it would only lead to a greater heartache later for everyone Hope everything works out well and always remember the child is the important one in the situation the two of you just need to learn to work together to make that child feel loved at all times …Best of luck
He. Has a agenda taxes chile
You need a guardian adleitum (sp?), and file for child support.
Id say no. That’s too long. Idk why he would even suggest that. He should move closer or visit at least twice or once a month…taking turns you going to him then him coming to you…not that its not fair but how would he expect for you to be ok with it. How is he ok with him being far from him that long. I sure as hell wouldn’t be ok with it and neither would my kids dad.
Seems like you should consult with a mediator or attorney as well as a child psychologist to understand the impact of this separation on the child’s attachment and at what age a long separation from the primary caregiver could be done without trauma
He doesn’t seem to want a relationship with both of you so why force it? Just move on he knows where you live he’ll see the baby if he wants. Trust me you making him come see the baby just pushes him even more away.
My sister went through a similar situation she moved and would bring my nephew to his dad (or try too) every other weekend let him stay with during the entire summer and during holiday breaks in school I know your child is not in school yet but since she moved away she tried her best to keep my nephew in touch with his dad
My parents separated and my step dad was military so we always lived across the country from my dad. We spent summers at dads and school year at moms.
Go to court and let a judge decide. 6 months is unreasonable for either parent.
What about half of summer break and then you get him fall break and he gets him spring break or vise versa?
I think that is not a healthy situation, no matter what. I get he has rights also, but I don’t agree with 6 months there and 6 months with you. He needs one stable home. A better solution is taking turns with holidays and him having him for a couple of months every summer.
Two words… Hell no.
The father has as many rights as the mother does. Unless there is a court order in place, he can take his child whenever he wants to. I’ve been on both sides of the fence with my ex and my husband. If he wasn’t there and didn’t try for his child then people would cry abandonment, but because he’s trying and wants equal amount of time with his child, now it’s a problem? That doesn’t sound fair at all.
Try to talk to him and see if maybe he could take his child for the summer and alternating holidays.
Go through the courts. You can set a visitation schedule and you can also agree to an age that would be comfortable for you for the child to travel the long distance to each parents. The document will help eliminate arguments over when visits will happen. I would also suggest keeping a detailed log, phone records, visits, etc. A 6 month split between each parent does not at all seem beneficial to the child. It continuously disrupts their lives.
*Its very confusing for the child. My son use to cry and throw a fit when he had to go to the sperm donors. He told me i was punishing him by sending him because he was so inconsistent with visits the guy was a stranger to him.
Go to court-the fact he has only seen him once in almost a year is concerning-6 months is too much for any child-it could be breaks from school that extend the time -he should also be paying child support also￼-￼￼￼please also seek legal counsel-things can get difficult with emotions involved
We tried a week each for a few months and my children all of a sudden stopped learning, the confusion stopped their mental development.
They were 2 and 4.
You both need to talk to an attorney. That’s the only way to figure out something as important as your rights as a parent and to figure out how to co-parent with both legal rights adhered to.
Forget a relationship because he’s clearly moved on. Now just focus on that Lil baby of yours and keep the communication open and honest with your child’s father.
If you do end up doing the 6 months back and forth which i would not do make sure you go to court and get full physical and sole custody of the baby. So he cant keep the baby there.
I do not think that your ex having him for six months at this time and age of the baby is a good idea. I definitely advise you to file for child support and get visitation set through the court. Going through the court and having legal documents of visitation and custody is the safest choice for all parties and the child. In some cases if there are no legal documents and he has the child for that long and decides all of a sudden that he’s not going to give the child back to you, then you are going to possibly have a nightmare of a situation on your hands. Do not try to force the father to see the child either. I pushed my ex to see our daughter all the time when she was younger and it would’ve been in her best interest to not have him around because all he did was make broken promises and cause her heartbreak. She’s now 16 and she sees him for what he is. She still loves him but she’s chooses to keep him at arms length now. Bottom line GO THROUGH THE COURT…
6 months at a time is not realistic or healthy for either parent or child. If he wants to be involved he needs to move to a location that make an every other weekend and occasional weeknights work. In the absence of that, every other weekend and then more time during summer. Whether you come to an agreement or not, definitely go through the courts so it is binding and enforceable
Keep your child with you!
You need a lawyer. 6 months is too long and if your ex decides not to return him home you’ll have a hell of a time getting him back
Too young to be away from you so long since you’ve been primary full time parent. My son’s dad didn’t meet him till he was 14 through his own fault. He left when I was pregnant and denied him till he was 3. And was in another state his whole life. Since he met him he’s asked for him to come visit for the summer for the last three years. Even though my son is sixteen I say no. For many reasons, but the one you should think about is legal reasons, the father is his parent too, without legal arrangements it would be damn hard to get my son back if my ex decided to keep him there.
That’s why you take him to court and ask for sole custody or joint custody but no judge will separate a child from its mother especially that young.
The only time I’ve ever known a child to go for long periods was summer months. But that was an agreement or the child was a teenager. But once they’re school age 6 month split could cause all sorts of problems with schooling and emotional. I hate saying it but get an attorney you need legal advice.
You need to file for sole custody immediately. Then you can deal with visitation.
Entirely to long, especially when children start school. If the other parent is an ass he/she can do a lot of damage in 6 months😠
Nope he is too young talk to legal aid can you do a parenting plan
As someone with 2 kids this can’t be serious. YOU moved making it harder for him too see his kid. I think your your responsibility to move back so he can see his kid. Technically I consider what you did to be kidnapping once you found out and stayed where you are with no sympathy for the father. It should not be all about you and YOUR wants, but your child’s. If that is the case you would move back. You sound naive and selfish imho. You didn’t use protection so you need to do the right thing too and that is to move back closer to the bio father. IF not then I feel NO sympathy for you. Hopefully he does want contact and goes to court because it sounds like he needs to before you try to jip him from his rights as a father.
I went through this, He made promises to? I also believed like u did about it’s best having both parents raising a child.But in the end? It hurt my child alot. I raised my baby without him and my baby is just fine. I dedicated my knowledge, my love in raising her and she graduated college with honors…A father figure can be a brother or your dad that you know will be someone positive in the child’s life…You don’t need someone in and out of your life starting over and over and over a relationship… My best to you in whatever you decided.
Nobody in their right mind would agree with that, the emotional effect it would have on your son, being with you his whole life then go to someone who is virtually a stranger for 6 months then back to you. What about school? He wouldn’t be able to be in two different schools twice a year. What about his friends?
My partner tried to say he wanted our children for a week and then me a week when we split up, I told him no because it’s too much for a child, they need a set routine and their needs come first
Wow harsh! She can live anywhere she wants to, if the child meant that much to the dad then he’d move to be closer to his child. You don’t know the circumstances of why she moved, her moving away is hardly kidnapping especially as she didn’t even know she was pregnant
Co-Parenting isn’t 6mths each, that’s insane!
Co-Parenting is doing what’s best for the child.
I’m not sure why you moved thousands of miles but perhaps you need to move back?
It was you that moved away, presumably after ur failed relationship, not him rejecting his child maybe you should both move closer to reduce the gap and make it easier for dad to be involved as he clearly wants to be
NOPE! If he wants to be part of your son’s life, he can move closer to you. Then legal visitation can be set up. Also, you’re going to have to file for child support if you ever expect to see a dime. If you are able to raise him on your own financially, then keep it that way. Let him pay for an attorney to fight for visitation. I’m guessing that he more than likely won’t. If he truly wanted to be a part of his life, he would have done it already.
Dont ever give your child to him …without visitation set by a judge…and never for 6 months straight.
I don’t know him and I’m not trusting the situation…
Wow sorry but if you dont know whats wrong with asking that +question then your prob as unfit as you know the father is, for amyone to even think about that is ridiculous as it seems if the father has a girlfriend hes not interested u seem to be the one tjat wants this so you can get bk with your ex hmm
definitely get a lawyer and court papers been there done that you could lose that child
A dead beat dad is not good for the child. Either he supports the child or you let him go. As for taking the child for 6 months, no way! That sounds like he might be setting you up for a fail and try to take the child from you.
You need to make sure that legally you have custody. THEN decide on visitation.
NO WAY!! Get a parenting plan allow local visits only until that child is old enough to fly alone. And if he makes no effort to be involved file abandonment charges!
You do not owe him to feel pressured to move. Sounds like some official orders need to be created and put in place regarding visitation and support. Go the legal route even when on good terms.
Nope, it only takes 3 days for a infant to die from malnourishment and dehydration. Make sense to yourself. Don’t be manipulated. If this man is interested in being a father to your child he will make it work. He can bring his gf get a hotel room an visit once a month. Frequent flyer miles help off set costs. Otherwise he’s just using you for his Patsy.
NO! This is a set up. Anything done needs to go through the courts.
NO, doesn’t sound stable
go to court to get the “legal” way done. I wouldnt let him keep him for 6 months at a time too confusing at that age. And this way you can get the custodial and non custodial taken care of and everything else. I know it sounds terrible but at least he will know when he can have him and when he cant and all.
It’s very important that you do NOT allow the father to have the baby for six months, out-of-state. Neither of you have custody of the child and he can keep the little one and there would be nothing that you can do about it. He has made promises that he’s not keeping and there’s no financial support. I strongly advise you to file a motion through the family courts for residential and custodial custody, plus child support.
If he wants to be involved great, but being involved means physically, emotionally, and financially…if he does all three as your child gets older then slowly increasing visitation time would seem to be a possibility BUT before any of that there are legal issues that both of you must deal with: #1-he should be listed on the birth certificate if he is not already #2-because you weren’t married and don’t have a divorce settlement that deals with child custody, child support, and visitation, you need to contact an attorney and go before a judge and get everything on record…this is for everyone’s protection.
It’s a tough situation…I lived in the same city as my ex…and I openly gave him options to be in our sons life and he chose not to…when my son was a teenager his dad came back into his life for a while but then left again and that’s my son started having issues…looking back I wish he would have stayed gone as him being in and out created more hurt…
But you have to find what works for you both…give him a chance to make it happen…
Obviously it would be best if you two were at least closer geographically, but with technology you two can Skype or face time even if it is for a 10 or 15 minutes every few days, so that parent and child are still consistently seeing eachother, a six month split is not going to be in the best interest if a child, but yes when the child is old enough to travel arrangements should be made for some longer stays that avoid interfering with school. If you are both serious about making it work you might have to get creative and outside the box but you can both still make co parenting work if you choose too.
Honestly when it came to me and my ex he asked for the same I said no simply because stability in the kids lives is extremely important in my experience you can’t make him be interested in being in his life but also leave the door open situations change and evolve your son will be grateful to you and in the long run he will know who was there and who was not
My daughters father was talkin about 6 months too I said no Im the primary parent after my daughter was 5 months old we split up and he refused to help. He doesnt want to be involvled because of the child support order from court, I dont force it cause kids need a parent all the time not part time
Move on w your life and take care of your child. If he really wanted to be a part of babies life then he would
Whatever you do decide just make SURE that you go thru the court and do not do an agreement between the two of you because it is not legally binding. I made the same agreement with my ex and still have the notorized document, but what I dont have are the memories of being around my child for all the years he kept her from me. Don’t fall for the idea that you can come to an agreement together because a new partner wants things how they want them and will sway that person to do what they want, including betray you and your child’s best interests.
Ask on face book for a good family lawyer reference w free consultations. Get your Legal advice so you know your options then source who has made similar choices and how they worked out. BUT remember all situations are differant
Either you move back or they move closer if he is really serious about being part of his child’s life
You should move back