My ex wouldn't give me my childs backpack when I picked her up: Advice?

Has anyone ever been refused your child’s backpack from the primary parent? It was requested to come with her to visits because she is failing and wanted to try to help her get caught up and the request was refused.

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I’ve never had that problem but that isn’t right. The backpack should go if help is needed. If the child needs help and the primary knows it then that’s neglect on the education for the child from the primary in my eyes. Which I know that doesn’t count but :woman_shrugging:.

I would buy her a backpack and supplies to have at your place and just get the assignments sent with the child.


I have 3 step kids and we’ve told them not to take their school bags with them. But there’s a reason for that. Their mom lives 1.5-2 hours away and only sees them 1-2x a month. If they forget anything it’s not like it’s easy to get back, and she never helps in making sure it’s returned. Maybe email her teacher and explain that you want to help them. They might be able to send you material to help…

I won’t allow my son to take his backpack and district-issued iPad over to his bio donor’s house. We already had one incident of bio donor and his attachment leaving it somewhere and I frantically had to find it (finally did - it was at the batting cages where my son does his pitching lessons). I refuse to be held responsible for bio donor’s idiocy since I’m the primary parent.


Yup have had that problem for 5 years now. Pain in the ass and only hurts my daughter. We work on things here and do math together and we learn about history together but its not the same because I don’t have her actual curriculum to follow. Its terribly sad. Sorry for your struggle

Oh, it happens. Contact the SCHOOL and ask for extra material, ask the teacher how you can help- get involved that way. Don’t expect proper co-parenting, sounds like it’s out of the question sadly.


Document it and take it to the judge. Unfortunately unless it’s in the custody agreement then primary parent isn’t required to let you have it. Is it crappy to not let the kid take their backpack? Yes, but it happens.

That’s why he is your ex ass hole???

I have never dealt with that but in my opinion that is beyond hurtful and damaging especially to the child’s education which should always be taken seriously and needs to be addressed immediately

Thats weird…i cant think of one reason why the other parent wouldn’t want help with educating the child!!

It really depends on a lot. Does the child lose things at your house? Do you have bugs? Do you smoke? Have animals? Have clothes or shoes ever been ruined at your house? Are you 50/50 or do they have more than 50% of the legal rights? Are you willing to drive any forgotten items to the other person’s house? Are you willing to pay for any damaged or lost school property? There’s a lot of reasons someone wouldn’t send a school bag to the other parents house.


That’s a hard one to weigh in on. I mean, if the primary parent paid for said backpack they might feel it needs to stay in their possession? When my brother was younger our dad (his primary) had issues with sending him to our moms with his homework because my brother wasn’t responsible enough to bring it back every time. Really just depends on the situation.


I would calmly remind the other parent that you want to help your child and ask for the reason that they don’t want to give it to you. Maybe the reason makes sense? Otherwise, you can remind them they are doing harm to their chances of passing. If they still refuse, get some supplement books or apps to help your child study in other ways.


My daughter struggled one year and her dad and step mom wanted to work with her on school work. I already had a ton of stuff she was doing after school and I refused to send any of her work. She needed the break from all the extra she was already doing.

This is ridiculous to me and many of the responses I have read make me sick… 50/50, 70/30 whatever the hell the split is, why not just co-parent and do everything in in all of your powers to make sure the child succeeds. I am so blessed that the four of us co-parent and make all the decisions as a family unit. I think that why our son is the young man he is, why he is happy and well behaved. How other people cannot do this is beyond me!!!


Call the school, explain the situation and request that all assignments be emailed to you so that you can help your child succeed.


Sounds like he’s just being an ass.


Why are we fighting over a stupid back pack? Really?


Maybe ask the dad to send you some assignments via email or text, so you can help the child without needing a bookbag or things that might get misplaced?!

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I never sent my child with anything because it never came home🤷‍♀️


Happens to us all the time. We’re the ones who pay for 85 to 90% of all of his belongings at both homes and we are denied access to everything illegally because joint custody includes school access etc. It all depends on primary residences feelings towards secondaries. Disgusting but true courts don’t care about kids just money.


Sometimes I’ve heard of two sets of every thing,one set at Moms,the other at dads.

Explain the situation to the teacher and get two of everything including the backpack.

When you buy clothes and shoes for your child everytime he comes home and you never ever see them again, then you have to ask, what parent does that if he truelly was thinking about his child? These narcissistic mind games have to stop. When reported to the authorities, they turn a blind eye and when asked for reports by these so called agencies who are supposedly taking note, the answer is always “nothing to report” So if you’re expecting a miracle to happen, I can assure you, they don’t care. These parents need to GROW UP. It’s not about them it’s about their child/children.

Yes mind games! I would of just let it go you and him could just talk about what he’s learning and ask what he needs help understanding or how’s he doing with his classes! Call his teacher she’ll give you something he can work on! Let him play games by himself! lol

Contact the teacher/school yourself if your on the child’s school paperwork as a parent you don’t need the others permission.

Yep. Their mom would bring them with a different “fake empty” backpack, and be at the school to switch them before/after school. Psychoooooooooo

Someone needs to grow up for sure

Someone has issues and needs to grow up. This it about the success of the child

Power play. Mine tried that with meds. My son is on a controlled substance and a severe asthmatic so I had to call the police to get involved

Uhhhh wtf…great job “parent” :roll_eyes:

My exhusband thought that he could harass me into giving him information about our son’s schooling and doctor visists. He had the right to all that information but it was up to him to call the school and doctor to get the information. He didn’t want to do that. He just wanted to harass me about it. Depending on your custody papers, you may also have the right to all that but you have to be the one to contact the school and get it. I don’t know the relationship between you and other said parent. Talk to a lawyer and see what your custody allows you. Contact the school yourself and then help your child.

Honestly, you won’t get anywhere with the parent, unfortunately. Ask for homework to be emailed to you directly and tell the school about the situation you face.

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People suck and make life so hard for absolutely no reason. Take the idiot to court and embarras his parenting skills.

Depends. I refuse to send my kids backpacks because they have computers that he refuses to accept responsibility for and I am not being stuck paying the bill if they get broken on his watch.

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depends on who paid for it