My exes girlfriend keeps showing up everywhere...advice?

I am really sad and I guess I just want to vent and see if I am being unreasonable. My ex started dating a women again that he dated before he was with me many years ago. They have recently rekindled their relationship and are moving very fast. They introduced the kids after only talking for less than two months and they now spend most of their time together when the kids are present including sleepovers every weekend. Now the girlfriend is showing up everywhere even when my ex isn’t there and honestly I hate it because she seems very fake and seems like she is trying to be way to involved with the kids. I realize there is probably nothing I can do, it just bothers me and really hurts my feelings. It’s like she is flaunting it in my face. What would you do?


Accept that she is showing up for and loving your children until she shows you otherwise. It’s just one more person to love your child. Let the kid make up their own mind, and go from there.


Nothing, that’s what I’d do and that’s all that you can do.

Let him go mama. :black_heart: get to know her and try to coparent with her! You might love her too!


If she is genuine and treating the children kindly, that is a good thing.
Sometimes the best thing to do is love the children more than the anger or hurt you feel towards him or her.
It does sound like it happened fast, and it’s absolutely ok you feel upset by it.
Love those children mama…and let yourself heal.


Maybe try being friendly with her, you don’t have to be best friends but it’d be great for your kids to see. It may also help you move passed some of these feelings. If the kids like her, she is being kind & supportive of your kids that is truly the ultimate goal. This will also allow a great co-parenting opportunity & positive communication between you two if needed while the kids are not in your care.


You’re not with him anymore. He is a free man. Be happy that he is with someone he actually knows and not just a random person he met at a bar,etc. Trust me. It hurts, but if their fate has brought them back together…let them be. Go find a better man, heal up sis. Looks like you got a great support system for the kids. :ok_hand:Pray for your heart to heal​:heavy_heart_exclamation:


If I are still in the equation please leave it’s not healthy for you.Go on with ur life and make urself happy

If she’s being a good bonus person in their life, and not doing anything to you directly, it’s likely just jealousy. Let it go. You’ll find someone for you.

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I would try to make her my friend for the kids sake. I tried many times with baby mama #2. I will always encourage my children to love their sister also

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Maybe she’s being overly nice because she’s as uncomfortable as you are and unsure how she’s going to fit into this new dynamic. Maybe she’s showing up because she has a true fondness for the kids and wants them to know she truly supports them. And possibly she wants to try and build something amicable with you so that she can have a peaceful relationship with your ex. If you had a new partner would you be upset that he showed up to kids events like sporting or plays or whatever? Would you want him to respect and cherish your children? How would you feel if your ex said he didn’t like your new partner showing up? Yes it hurts, and healing takes time, more time than you’ve been given, but building a relationship with kids is important for all new parties if things are to go smoothly. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I get why you feel this way and why you’re upset but at the same time you have to learn to accept it. Be glad she is involving your kids, a lot of women or men try to push the kids out. Do your kids like her? Are they happy? Sadly in situations like these adults feelings come last, you have to do what’s best for the kids. I get it’s only been 2 months but he was with her before so it isn’t new. Get to know her, try being as nice to her as she is. Remember your kids are watching and they see and hear everything. Make them proud and be the best Mama you can be.


Put the kids first! If you’re kids are happy leave it be! As along as no one is bashing the other in front of the kids. Let it be!


If the kids are happy content and safe then you need to work on your jealously and insecurity issues.

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If she’s good with your kids, that’s a great thing, in my opinion


Sounds like your still hurting which is fine. Just try to look at it as a positive thing she’s trying to be involved and not neglectful towards the kids . If she’s good to the babies then that’s all that matters. Take some time for you. Heal yourself


Agree to disagree! Yes u should get along with her but no, she should not just be popping up at your house for just anything! Set boundaries!

Are the kids happy and safe? If so nothing you can do but work on your own insecurities


You have to put y’all’s past relationship in the past… talk to the woman make sure she loves your kids and let it be… 9x out of 10 probably not trying to flaunt anything if she loves him maybe she just naturally wants to be involved with his kids… y’all don’t have to be besties but cordial makes things easier and just knowing the woman that they are going to be around is going to treat them good is a good feeling


As long as she is being nice to your kids and is helping look after them. I don’t see a problem ok so he introduced her a bit early, but if she got your kids back when they are at their dads and the kids don’t complain about her. Just chill. She good. You good.


If kids are happy and safe nothing u can do just work on urself


Sorry, clarification: she’s showing up when he’s not around…?

Like she’s purposefully inserting herself around your children without him there…?

No. Talk to him: that’s overkill on her part and a boundary issue. This should be a red flag to BOTH of you.

I would absolutely be friendly and NEVER EVER let them see it bothered me. I have always believed the best revenge is just living my life well. Sometimes I have to fake it until I make it. But I have ended up better off after each break up.


She’s good with your kids and they’re not in danger wouldn’t worry about it. I’ll be friendly to her…


Unfortunately as uncomfortable as it may be there isn’t anything anything you can do about about who he allows around your children unless they are in danger. Allow yourself to swallow your pride and welcome her into your children’s lives remember they are watching everything.
Start a daily journal to write your feelings. I recommend using an app on your phone that you can lock therefore it’s easily accessible to you when you’re feeling overwhelmed and the kids won’t ever see it. Write about both good days and bad days.
It is very therapeutic getting your feelings out without involving anyone else. There are no worries about what you say if it’s for your eyes only. Give yourself a little grace at first this is hard let all the hurt and anger come out. Over time go back and reflect on how things are changing and how you are letting go and opening yourself up to a better version of yourself.
Best wishes


Find your happy. Sounds like they did. If your kids like her, she treats them well, don’t place personal judgment upon her. I think you’re upset the moving on happened so fast. It will be ok. Flow like water you’ll be fine.


Dig deep down and ignore her :wink:

Bruh no one is flaunting. You’re searching! Stop the stalking and keeping up with everything they’re doing. It’s on you. Cut the cord and protect your own peace . Let them be it sounds like they’re just living their own lives.

If she’s good to those kids and they like her then be thankful they have one more person to love them … some kids have none. You two don’t have to like each other or be friends but the kids should never know that unless she’s doing horrible things your kids are aware of ( and not aware of from you )

If the kids aren’t in any danger around her be the bigger person and move on


That’s unfair of you. Let him move on. If she’s good to the kids and the kids get to see their father happy, there’s nothing wrong with that.

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Tough pill to swallow but let it go and move on. Don’t be bitter be better. You guys have to co-parent I wish I could co-parent with my child’s father but he makes it literally impossible. You want to get along for your kids and overall you want everybody to be happy because of everybody’s not happy nobody is happy including your children and you.

You sound jealous, you should be happy that she wants to be involved

I think that the real issus here is that you arent over him


if she is showing up by herself to see your kids, then I would tell her , you don’t find this acceptable, & close the door. Now if she is with your ex, then that is a different story. Now I really liked one of my ex-husband’s girlfriend, She treated my kids good & if she stopped over, I would have no problem, But she didn’t, She would call me up & ask if my kids could come to her daughter’s class/school event, That I never had any problems with

Kill her with kindness and make friends with her. She is going to be the one taking care of your kids while you aren’t.

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You need to get over your ex, you just sound jealous af :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Well as long as kids aren’t suffering then I’d take it as a bonus mom thing and just another person who there for your kiddos.

However that being said…I know a step mom who was exactly the same at first then started insisting the kids call her mom ( kids are older teens and refused) then started getting angry at any mention of the mom and telling them they aren’t allowed to text or call her when they over there. Began being really controlling and interactions so bad (screaming and calling kid names) the daughter was very uncomfortable with her and cried when went home after visits. Step mom even started using the dads gps to show up at daughters places. Go with your gut but also be honest with yourself that it’s not personal feelings getting in way.

Just saying every situation is different. If you can make the best of it but also don’t sacrifice your kids mental or physical health “being nice” or to keep the peace.

Kids come first. Bottom line.

Unless she’s psycho try to see about forming a slight friendship even if it’s awkward at first.
She may just be wanting to get to know you.

I’m not friends with my ex’s ex wife (they share a daughter).
I’m not friends with my ex’s new gf (they share a son).
And I don’t care to be friends with them nor am I obligated to. As long as they treat my son with kindness and respect, then we all good. As long as their kids are nice to my son and vice versa, then we all good too!

Otherwise, we all have our own lives and own families to focus on.

ETA: in regards to your post, she is more than likely flaunting her relationship in your face. It’s vindictive but the only thing you can do is just not entertain it. You don’t have to talk to her about anything except when it comes to the kids, even if she brings up the topic/conversation.
If she’s coming around, even with your ex not there (are the kids even with her?), lowkey sounds like harassment/stalking.
You can set your boundaries and have a talk with her; tell her that she is not welcomed in your home, she is not to come around or call/text you unless it’s strictly about the kids- whether it be good or bad about them, you as their mother have the right to know what’s going on when it comes to your kids.
Remember, they’re YOUR kids, NOT hers. She’s just “daddy’s gf” to the kids, you’ll always their mother and never be replaceable.
I know your feelings are hurt, trust me, break ups SUCK and it took me three years to FULLY get over my bd, but you need to put your big girl panties on and show them who’s boss. Show them that you are happy and don’t care about anyone or anything else except yourself and your kids! :two_hearts:


Young one, be the bigger person. Maybe she is fake - the kids will know- they always do. Don’t push her away - she will only push back, tell your ex you’re the one being b!tvh , or cause some other type of drama. You don’t need that - remember she’s getting your sloppy seconds (think that next time it’ll be you a smile) - also remember your kids know you - remember you are modeling the behavior for their future relationships. Do you want them to be loving, compassionate and understanding- or resentful, fake, and deceitful? You’re a good Momma and apparently respectful and understanding ( allowing your ex gf around your kids) - don’t stop now - if you do - SHE WINS​:wink::v:t4::sunflower:

It sounds like you’re insecure. You obviously still have feeling for your ex which I get. But I think you’re threatened by his girlfriend. Which I also get. You don’t want to be replaced. You don’t want your kids to love her more than they love you. Etc. but if she’s good to your kids - that is the number one thing. Encourage it. There are a lot of women who would keep their man away from his kids or mistreat their kids. Be happy she’s not like that. Find a way to be happy on your own. And be happy your ex found someone he cares for and wants to involve his kids. It’s tough. But don’t let your insecurities get the best of you.

I have issues with my ex’s gf she had plenty of views of my daughter and she’s a teacher in a different area. My daughter is quite clever, lazy at times but she 8. I go through her dad and only talk to him regarding our daughter. I wish him well with his life with her and her kids and he has our daughter 3 weekends in a month. If she is unhappy with anything I tell her to voice it to her dad as I can’t comment on what happens there unless she comes home covered in bruises etx. It works well I think. Perhaps ask your ex if you could try it for a while that way so minimises contact with her if you feel this way hun. Everyone moves on eventually. My ex and I had a volatile relationship so my only concern is our daughter. We are better as friends and discuss extra time or swapping weekends as we see fit and it works. Same with my partner and his ex wife. She’s admitted to having green eyed monster in regards to me so I distance myself and get my partner to communicate with her when needed so we don’t have to. Does work. Hope you find a way sweet. Stay strong x

If she is turning up at your home I lay down the law
Don’t come to my home unless it’s with your ex and only if he’s picking up his children but stay in the car.
I don’t want you in my home or on my property.


If they dated before they already know eachother. So bringing her around the kids and moving fast is expected since they’re not getting to know eachother bc they already do lol. Being mad about a woman wanting to be involved with your kids is weird. How you view her is your choice. Maybe she’s just a woman who wants to be involved and not be hated by the ex. Have you had conversations with her? Have you set resonable boundaries with her ? Or are you just jealous bc he went back to his ex and is moving too fast for your liking ?

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What do you mean showing up everywhere? Is she harassing you at work? Trying to pick the kids up from school? What is everywhere? If she is stalking you you need to get a restraining order. Go to court & get ‘first right of refusal’, added to your parenting order. This way he & only he will be taking care of your kids. If he refused to be the primary caregiver he has to offer you the chance before having a 3rd party do it. Also add that she doesn’t conferences, IEPs or other meetings for your child’s education or future planning.

I get where you’re coming from. Not to much you can do at this moment unless she’s not being a good person to your kids. If she’s nice to them and she cares for them that all you can do. I’d talk to your kids and see how She’s treating them for 1. But I have my gard up all the time when it comes to my boy. I don’t even know the gf, but idc lol. I don’t care to know her. I just want my son to be safe. It all about my child nobody else. Especially the gfs.

Why care u didn’t want him. Be happy she wants to be involved with the kids.

Sounds like a you problem. Stop being the bitty baby mama and let your EX do what he wants… as long as thos kids are happy and safe why does it even matter… this is why co parenting never works now a days. Far to much involvement with what the other parent is upto…:face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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i don’t think you need to feel upset or angry ?
don’t u want ur kids to be in a stable family environment with a women who wants to be around the kids.
at some point he was going to move on, lucky it’s with someone who wants to be with your kids and puts the effort in . imagine the opposite and if u we’re writing that he was seeing a women who hates ur kids and he doesn’t want them to visit anymore etc.
get to know her, build a good relationship for she may possibly be there step mum one day and u don’t want a negative future

Have you filed for custody, child support, and visitation, if not do it! Then move on with your life, and start dating again.


I don’t see the big deal. When my boyfriend’s kid was younger and he wasn’t able to make school events, I went in his place, as did her mom. I wanted his kid to know she had support on her dad’s side as well. I would send him pics and videos maybe she seems fake because you’re jealous or feeling a certain way. Be happy she is embracing his children and befriend her. And go find your own happy and worry about that. Stop putting so much energy into your exes new girlfriend.

Where it may be fast to you, the once where together before you, they have a history. They already know each other besides the kids. With you when you guys met it took time. So for them it was fairly easy to go into a relationship.
Yes it would probably hurt me emotionally to see him move on so quickly but at the end of the day it’s not about me. If I were in that situation I would tell myself I left for a reason and whatever that reason was or may be it ultimately was not an example for the kids. So if he and she are happy, they are good to the kids and the kids are happy then I’m ok with that and I’ll fight my emotions with myself and self care. Chin up momma this to shall pass

Seeing so many of us go through the same crap with these toxic people.
These badly-raised, toxic, self-centered, disordered humans! Why are there so many of them?! It honestly makes me so angry. I had to cut them off to live a peaceful life What helped me the most is educating myself on codependency and narcissism. Lots of good content on YouTube. Check out @ hackman_andrew85 on instagram, This professional can also get you text messages! call logs! emails, social media all clouds (Deleted and non deleted messages and they were accepted legally in court during my divorce. you can reach out to him on instagram @ hackman_andrew85

Get yourself into therapy because you have not healed from that relationship. Once you have healed, it won’t bother you so much.

If she’s showing up to everything even without dad, I don’t think she’s being fake at all. I mean who waste their time attending events “alone” just to “fake care” come on now. Not being rude, but I think he’s moved on and you can’t stand that. I mean I get it, but that is more of a personal matter.

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The whole her being there when he’s not around, that sounds like a boundary issue, especially if she knows you’re uncomfortable or has a suspicion that you are, I would lay out your discomfort just to be completely clear about it so there are no misunderstandings and nothing gets lost in translation. It also sounds like you do have some insecurity issues, because I’ll be honest if I were going to address anything, it would be about the fact that they’re sleeping together when your kids are around. Sorry not sorry, I don’t approve of that kind of behavior and I wouldn’t want it in front of my children, that’s the first thing I would go after. You sound way too emotionally invested in him still.

Change your patterns. Throw her off.

If she is with him when they with your kids that fine as you both moved on with your lives and she wants to be part of his wich not bad thing alot of woman treat thier partners kids badly so it’s a really good thing she is trying with your kids, but her being around when your ex isn’t i wouldn’t be happy with that either why is she is she around when he isn’t it’s not her kids, I would but some bondries up in a nice way that she can only be around when your ex is preasant she is not thier mother after all

Don’t b bitterrrrrr. There is nothing you can do. Although showing up with out baby dad is kinda weird at least she’s showing up n being there for the kids….what’s wrong with someone else loving ur kid??? Absolutely NOTHING🙄 bitter ass baby mom