My fiance didn't spend time with me on Christmas...advice?

If the thought that you don’t want to marry him even exists then you shouldn’t do it. For any reason

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Everybody’s saying he’s cheating, it’s major red flags, etc etc… But I have yet to see a comment asking if he’s depressed.
Does he have seasonal depression? Has he been diagnosed with, or suspected of having, depression? Does he possibly have any other mental illness such as BPD, BD? Is he autistic? Does he have trauma from his past on certain holidays?
We’ve got the details on what happened in this situation, but we don’t know your fiancé like you do.
These could very much be signs of him cheating, but it could also be signs he’s been going through something silently.
I have BPD, CPTSD, and depression and honestly holidays/special events get me into a mood. Like I get really depressed, distant, and quiet. I’ll stay in my phone to distract myself and constantly disassociate. It gets hard for me to communicate most of the time, unfortunately. I’m not trying to justify this behavior because it’s definitely unacceptable (trust me we guilt ourselves enough for it). But he should be open about what’s wrong or what’s been going on.
My best advice would be to just sit down with him and try to talk to him. Continue to communicate and try to find the root of the problem together. Maybe offer couples counseling, especially if you plan on getting married. If nothing works and you’ve completely exhausted all options, I would consider an exit plan to leave.

spent 8 yrs with someone that gave me the silent treatment more than not… the last 2 yrs was texting & not actually speaking… he’d talk to everyone but me, so I left…

I would have a good talk with his Mom, in private. No one knows him better than her. Next: get ahold of his phone. That’s his focal point…figure out why.

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Why are you putting up with it? It will just get worse. Does he work? Maybe tell him you need to take a break and see what happens…

Girllll he rather be somewhere else and there’s probably someone else…

Sounds like he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. So instead of being the bad guy who ends it. He’s just waiting for you to leave him. There’s alot of cowards out there. Just saying. Butnim sorry you’re going thru this. :pensive:

His side piece was mad he didn’t come see her

Hes cheating…come on its sooooo obvious!

I would think twice about marrying him. He sounds like a jerk

This sounds like my ex. I was to ask him if I could go anywhere, do anything, talk to anyone. If I did something “wrong” I’d get the silent treatment without even knowing what I did. If I pressed him for answers it would start an argument.

Don’t keep living like this. Pack up your kids & move out. Or evict him. You deserve better than this.

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Fiance? Not yet married and putting up with this. Get rid of him

Run girl and fast. This guy is either in love with someone else or he is mental.

Please do not marry him . Please xo

He is definitely talking to someone or seeing someone to be that attached to his phone, cancel the wedding and move on momma, he is wasting your time and energy!!

Drop this guy. It will get worse if you marry him.

Sounds like his other gf is angry he spent the day with you … lol honestly tho I’d check his phone that is sus as hell, don’t get married till he can be a stable member of the family.

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He is leaving you alone :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Not married and…KIDS!!! That may be part of your problem. You can’t FORCE someone to be a daddy or husband…you already know what to do and it ain’t get married.

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Bye bye Fiancéé! Steer ckear! If you have problems now, you know what you need to do, it’s in your OP!

He could be ADHD/ASD, both have traits for social disorders. My son gets the same, finds he just has enough of people, gets overwhelmed/over stimulated and just needs him time so he withdraws.

So I had this happen and it ended up that the guy was cheating on me and he was texting another woman or I should say other women a lot more than one and red flags galore and I ignored them until I got pregnant and then he said that it wasn’t his and get rid of it and then I was choked and then the next thing you know I left him Shouldn’t take that long to leave somebody but I was a stupid young girl. So you’re red flags say that he’s probably cheating on you honey and that sucks because you guys sound like you have kids together but it’s better to walk away now than to assume he’s gonna change Cheaters or it’s harder for people that are cheaters to change so I’m just saying that to let you know big red flags there like a lot of people are saying do not marry somebody that makes you feel this way, especially since he seems to be in his own world with another woman and his mind I’m so sorry you’re going through this and it sucks that you have kids together to go through this as well Best wishes.

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He is cheating. He is trying to piss you off so he can leave and blame you for it.

This is a huge red flag. How he’s treating you now that will absolutely continue into marriage unless he wants to work on himself. Do your kids deserve to be treated like that? Do you deserve to be treated like that?

Have a conversation with him about. Ask him for couples counseling. Personally I’d want to know what on his phone was so interesting g that he ignored everyone gathered together. But be clear if he’s u willing to share and unwilling to put in the work to be a good partner and parent then the relationship cannot work.

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Hes cheating.

He didnt want to be there.

His head and probably peenis were miles away where he really wanted to be

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Why would you want to marry someone who doesn’t interact with you?

Stop planning to get married, plan on splitting up

Try to get some answers. If he want talk move on.

He is cheating, toxic people like ruining holidays.

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He may be bipolar and a narcissist. Not something that you will want to have to deal with much less live with.

Side chick was cussin him out via text message cause he wasn’t there

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If he won’t seek professional help, help yourself and get out. No need to live like that.

Why does he have to leave you…why are you going to marry someone like that…someone who does nothing and your miserable do you think he is going to change when you are married…thats a big nope…don’t do it and stop wasting your time on someone who can’t be bothered to be what you need and want him to be.

You would be a fool to marry that guy… Run like hell.

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Yeah that is a huge red flag I wouldn’t marry him until this is resolved. I suggest couples counceling to ensure he’s in this for the long haul.

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This is not the guy for you. Too much effort already. If he won’t communicate, do you really want to marry this?

Re-read your post as if someone else wrote it and take the advice you’d give that person 🩷

Why would you consider marrying such an emotionally dishonest person?

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Check his phone. Deleted messages/pictures. The whole damn phone and you’ll get your answer.

I can’t say he’s cheating like the previous comments but regardless of the why, it’s not going to change. And you can’t change people. I’d leave. Take a break. See what happens. You’ll not regret taking the chance to help yourself and kids. If things change and you see that or the doors open to communication then good. If not, you’ll know you made the right choice. But this isn’t okay regardless of WHY it’s happening.

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If it makes you feel better, get your hands on that phone…but I feel that you already know. If you continue on, you’re going to be in a world of headaches, heartache and wasted time. Listen to these comments~we (sisterhood) are trying to prevent you pain.

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Sounds like passive aggressive behavior- from a narcissist.

He’s trying to leave u alone but ur just not getting it. Dude is literally not doing anything hoping u will give up. Dudes putting forth no effort and u still want to marry him? Looks to me like ur the dumb one. Maybe don’t marry him!! Duh

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Major red flags going off here. I’ve noticed crap men always somehow usually always ruin the holidays or specials days by doing this crap, even on kids birthdays. It’s like it gets them off somehow knowing they’re hurting you even worse bc it’s supposed to be a special day. Me and a friend were just talking about this yesterday. Weve both been in crappy relationships with crappt men who always ruined Christmas and she finally found a good one and had the best and least stressed Christmas shes ever had. She almost was half expecting something to happen but nope she found herself a good one who made the day special for her.

Time to move on and start fresh. Life is too short and you deserve better

If he ain’t helping, he’s too distant and that’s now…yeah…I wouldn’t be marrying him, it’ll only get worse. He is taking you for granted. Time to go. :100:

Leave it all now
He is a baby and not able to treat you right

You will meet a mate who is respectful when your respect for yourself blossoms

If he can’t or won’t communicate his feelings like an adult, I wouldn’t waste time or energy on him.

If it were me I’d walk away if he refuses to address his feelings like a mature adult. And I certainly wouldn’t marry someone knowing this is how they act.

Red flags are already there maybe consider marriage counseling before taking such a huge step

Don’t ignore red flags it’s not too late I’d give him an ultimatum

Narcissism. Narcissistic behaviour is " ruining every important event or day" …please do some research on these behaviours. He is " sulking " to draw you in and get the attention that he craves.

Get out now!! Don’t waste your time!!!

Ask yourself this…I this how I see my married life being? I wish I had reflected on these types of things.

I have zero time for people like him.

Does he struggle with lots of people around? I know my ex husband did and would get really anxious around family no matter if he wanted to be around them or not.
But if it isn’t like that, it sounds like something is going on but who knows what. Hopefully it isn’t what a lot of these women are suggesting – cheating. That would be heartbreaking for you. I know how hard it is for people to just say to leave him because it’s not that easy but if it’s something that truly bothers you and he obviously doesn’t seem to see a problem with his behavior then you really might need to reconsider your engagement and even the marriage, sadly. :face_with_diagonal_mouth:

Big red flag. Walk away. You deserve better than this.

Who was he on the phone with?

This won’t get better, in fact it’ll get worse, if you don’t enjoy it now then don’t marry it

Narcissistic people like to ruin holidays. Even if that’s just by being in a mood all day, not normal, etc. so, I’d figure that one out quick.

Definitely do not marry a man who won’t help you and the phone and being annoyed with everything is a huge sign someone else has his attention and they don’t just leave you alone because you’re their back up plan incase what they actually want don’t work out

RUN away quickly or you will have a life of misery.

Think about his being emotionally absent before you marry him as it may get worst. Go to counselling now and get him involved in your lives now and put the damn phone down !

He has another woman sorry