I’m just here to vent. Yesterday my fiancee was being so stand offish. It started at home. The kids opened their stuff and he was just on his phone the entire time. Then we went to his parents house and he was cooped up in the room most of the time and then when he did come out he was sitting on the couch on his phone… it was Christmas and he was being weird. I kept asking him if he was okay and he said he was… his parents even started asking me what was wrong with him. He was just pretty much mute and stuck in his phone all day and just acted annoyed with everything. We got home and got into an argument because he didn’t think he was acting different. If it wasn’t for me talking to him yesterday he would have probably went all day without saying a word. He does this often and sees nothing wrong with it. It’s really exhausting, especially when I try to be open and communicate with him when I’m feeling some type of way. We’re planning to get married next year and at this point I’m not even sure if I want to. He doesn’t offer help, he wants me to ask for everything… meanwhile I just do without needing someone to tell me or ask for help… it’s really just a lot more to it. If he’s that miserable and annoyed idk why he won’t just leave me alone.
I do this all the time , especially in social situations
Marriage is partnership, forever. Teamwork, forever….
Sounds like a one sided relationship. If you aren’t married yet I would run. Unless he agrees to couples counseling you are looking at a quiet relationship. Better to fix things now. You can’t force him to change either
Put yourself and children first. Maybe don’t get married and go and create your own Happily Ever After life without him. Sending prayers and 
Huge Red Flag!!! Don’t even think about getting married til things get better, if not leave him, you owe it to yourself to be treated the best, go for no less…good luck…
I think you already know the answer, give yourself the advice you’d give a friend and that’s your true perspective without the ‘love’ cloud
He will never change. Run while you can 
I don’t understand how folks who don’t know him or you can come to a definitive decision as to what’s wrong…
However, it is clear that something is wrong with him. It could be any of several things.
Regardless, this is a sign that he has difficulty communicating with you and could lead to more problems down the road if you do get married. His lack of communication and arguing with you when you ask about it is definitely a major red flag. 
I used to be married to this type of person and it was a huge waste of my life and we are now divorced. Take this as a sign and leave. You’ll be happier and he can find something that makes him happy or not but it won’t be your problem anymore. These are huge red flags and I’d bet money he was talking to someone else on that phone and his guilt is part of his stand-offish attitude.
I know one thing dont marry him
If you have ANY reservation at all about marriage, then don’t. You must be 100% sure.
It sounds to me like he’s either manipulating you (and others) for attention or he’s using weaponized incompetence to have you do things for him.
Full stop.
He is not mature enough for a relationship.
It won’t get better. Not easy to hear and you may not do anything about it bc let’s face it that’s not easy either but life is full of choices. Doesn’t sound like he will change. So you need to decide if you are happier with him or without him
He may have depression. Encourage him to talk to his primary care dr about sighns of depression. Especially if he does this often.
He’s not that into you; he’s probably into someone else if you know what l mean 
Big Red Flag…his mind is so.ewhere or with someone else?
Be happy you see it before you make a legal commitment and you make matters Worse for your already children.
Sounds like he is just in his own head. And that’s a hard place to get out of sometimes. He clearly isn’t ready to talk about it. Nor has he found a solution for himself. And if it is something he does all the time this maybe how he copes with stuff.
Also u make sure he stays a fiancee until the situation changes, not just for a short time to appease you …
If it doesn’t, I’d reassess the situation.
Believe it or not … There are still good men that will give the same amount or even more as you do
You always have 3 choices:
- Accept the situation 100 percent
- Change the situation by changing yourself, you cannot change another
- Leave the situation
Did you tell him yes he was acting weird even his parents brought it up to you? Tell him if he is going to continue being like this and not talk to you then getting married is not a good idea. A big part of marriage is trust and communication.
Definitely has somebody else
Be really honest with yourself and answer the question do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?
Is he on the spectrum? Diagnosed or undiagnosed? Sometimes neurodivergent and people with spectrum traits can need to have that escape from the action by either going to a room or playing games. If you try and talk, there can be no answers, this doesn’t always mean they are cheating or not right for you! Look at the big picture 
‘Why won’t he just leave me alone’! Sorry dear, you should leave him! You said this happens often and that he doesn’t help. Sounds to me like the “relationship” isn’t working.
Huge red flag. 
Every time this happened to me, I was being cheated on. Please hold off on marriage if you’re asking these questions. There’s someone better out there!
He won’t change. He’s got a side piece.
If you have to beg for attention or time,get out 
A take his phone and look at it
Take my advice “Run” now .
Move on. It won’t get any better.
So mean of him to act like a baby, especially on Xmas day.
Don’t get married or will Just get worse
This is a RED flag and please DO NOT get married unless you can get this figured out
Until you know what is going on with him put the wedding on hold. Communication is a big part of a good relationship. Whatever is going on with him, good or bad, you need to talk. Don’t get angry or accuse him. Think it through and do it calmly. He is more likely to talk to you if you make it about concern for him and his well being rather than putting him on the spot and making him feel defensive. Say things like - I felt anxious/worried/scared/angry/whatever when you… and listen to what he has to say.
Why would you want to marry this guy? I don’t hear one quality about him that says “loving husband.”
I can feel for u on that one to them there’s nothing wrong and if u try to talk to them they say all u want to do is argue no that’s not what I want I want to know what’s wrong he liked not ranking about problems to him he thought he was perfect and still acted like he was still young and could do what he wanted to he was on phone all the time I told him he was talking to his girlfriend I could say more but I won’t but if he’s acting like this now I’d forget about marriage because it won’t get any better only worse
He’s got something or someone going on in his life and it’s not you.
Could he be overwhelmed in social situations, so he uses the phone as a way to calm himself…Just a thought, my Nephews are on the spectrum and do this a lot…
Runnnn. You’re already doing things alone. A ring won’t change that.
Probably on the phone with a friend who’s pronouns are she/her
Run!!! If you go through with the marriage you will be lonely, have no help & it will only get worse
Why would you want to marry someone like that,misery
Could b a over load, give him space
He still has a room at his parents house? 
Nothing about this situation is normal or ok.
Seems like he might be cheating. The being engrossed in his phone is an indicator and picking fights, they do both when cheating. Maybe keep in eye on it, but either way I think you should rethink the marriage.
He was on the phone with his side chick and would have rather been with her.
Honestly this happened when my ex had an affair.
Find someone who will talk to you and love you more than his phone.
This is a red flag for narcissism🙃 especially if it’s a pattern. Ruining holidays is common for them- it refocuses the attention of the day back to them.
Do NOT marry that guy. Please save yourself the stress of having to change all of your legal information and everything else that goes with it just to realize that it was a mistake. It could and probably would get worse after getting married. To protect you and your children I would even end it NOW.
My boyfriend hasn’t so much as bothered to even get me a $1 card, let alone spend time with me alone, for the last 5 years… pick your battles or walk away 
Everyone is different, some of us have trauma and have experienced loss that makes this time of year difficult, that’s not my boyfriend’s case he just assumed that since I’ve told him not to get me certain things like food I can’t have or things I intend to get myself that I just don’t want anything, but I do, I want something meaningful even if it’s cheap or homemade that says you know me, it’s the genuine thought that shows you know me and bothered to think about me that counts. I’m the one with trauma around this time of year, so I understand someone trying to isolate. But if you love them and they love you, weigh your options, do you stay and be miserable for a few weeks and happy the rest of the year, or do you walk away and possibly never find what you’re looking for. The holidays are hard for a lot of people, especially the older you get and the more people you lose. Cut him some slack and talk to him.
His cheating plain and simple. So it’s up to you if you stay or go.
Something is up. Cheating. Drug withdrawal. Something going on at work. Maybe he’s scared to get married? SOMETHING. It may be something less severe.
Does he have a lock on his phone? Did he openly share his pass codewith you? Are you allowed access to his phone? Because I feel like I would want to say hey give me your phone… if his phone is off limits. RUN. There is no telling who or what they are willing to hide.
People treat you how you allow them to treat you.
If something feels off. Go with your gut. Trust your intuition.
Sadly phones have destroyed a lot of marriages and relationships. I said what I said!!!
Do not marry him !! It will only get worse !!
Sounds like he needs to grow TF up. Get out while you can.
There is a new addiction going around. It’s the phone and all the excuses that come with it. You can find out by putting his phone under your car tire and driving over it. I bet you get some attention then.lol
Time to say goodbye to this relationship!
I’m feeling you need to just get out now while it’s easier. No divorce or anything holding you to him.
That is not a man you want to marry. Seems like whatever was on his phone is more important to him than your family. May be another woman, may be video games, whatever… but definitely not someone who is ready to be a husband.
Id be going through that phone
If you feel that way why don’t you just tell him to leave
Sht. Mine didn’t even show up but he’s sorry 
Red flags galore! It’s not the carnival though.
This time of year is hard and worrisome on lots of people emotionally and financially.
Depression or another girl
It sounds like he’s being a jerk until you break it off so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. Go find your villain era, girl. He’s got someone on the side, guaranteed.
I wouldn’t get married. You’re questioning if you even want to. If you’re not good with the way things are. DO NOT GET MARRIED.
On his phone while kids are opening their gifts? Yeah he needs to wake up or go
He sounds like a lot of work. Men like that get you to nag and then blame you for nagging. Get someone who wants ot help out.
I think you’re right about postponing the wedding. As he is now, he’s not ready for that kind of relationship. In fact he’s not ready for what y’all have. He’s treating you like his mom and not like his partner. A partner shouldn’t have to ASK for help, it should be offered freely because they see that you need it. If he’s unwilling to communicate or to listen then he’s not partner material. I would tell him how you feel and, if YOU want to put in this effort recommend counseling. If you are tired of putting in the effort and you’re fully done, just break everything off. It’s not fair to you or to any children involved to have someone around who refuses to be active in yalls life and refuses to communicate. It’s especially not fair to have someone around who gets mad just because YOU try to communicate.
Honestly this sounds like I guy I dated but I was on the other end. I was the chic he was texting ignoring everyone he was around because he was taking to me. We spent new years together for me to get a call the next day from the girl in your shoes. Huge red flag hunny
Sounds like he wanted to be with his girlfriend instead of his fiancé.
Well since he is on the phone all day I’m just wondering who he is on the phone with. He’s at his parents house so it’s not talking to them. Who could be so important on a holiday or any other time to talk all day ? Major red flag. I would be checking out who he is hanging out with. Also it could be depression involved. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t get married to someone that I can’t even have a conversation with.
And you want to marry him ??
Ekkkk don’t follow thru with the wedding I’d ditch em now 
Let’s just assume it isn’t a “red flag” that he isn’t cheating, being sneaky, or annoyed. Maybe he’s tired, maybe he’s disappointed, maybe it’s just an off day or a time he isn’t fond of. Don’t assume the worst.
If you already feel this way, don’t marry him. It will only get worse. No sense in being unhappy for the rest of your life
He won’t leave because he has it too good
Sounds like average bloke to me
Don’t waste your time and life on a lifeless person. The RED FLAGS ARE BRIGHT AND BIG forget marrying and don’t ruin your life
You just said he doesn’t think he was acting different…then you said he does it all the time. So obviously this isn’t new to you and you’ve allowed it all the other times so he doesn’t see the issue with it at Christmas.
Phone addiction is a real thing. I have it and it sucks. It’s usually due to anxiety or depression. Have him start seeing a therapist and if he’s not willing to do so and to work on his issues then absolutely don’t marry him.
The amount of people saying to run is crazy to me. Yes he has some red flags, but not everyone is the same as to why the exhibit those red flags. It seems like something IS wrong with him - but we don’t know what. Is he depressed? Does he have something going on? Is he an undiagnosed ADHD adult? Because those symptoms can manifest as anxiety and depression. Is he on the spectrum and was never dx? I mean, there could be more to this than “just a one sided relationship” or “he’s def up to something, don’t trust him.”
Find the root of the problem and try to work on it. See if he agrees to even want to find the root of the problem. TALK first. It won’t be easy and most of the time people fight the talking part. Put the work in and then, in the end, if it is still ONE sided and he just doesn’t want to put forth the effort - make your informed decision off all the facts and do what is best for you.
If he was on his phone all day . Who was he talking to or was he playing games . Also if his parents commented on what he was doing so even they thing something is not right .
Get out of this relationship. Who is he talking to? I wonder if he is talking to another woman. He is not committed to you, the kids or a relationship.
It won’t change. Don’t get married save yourself a headache.
You have multiple problems with this scenario, your committed to someone who goes into lockdown mode with his family without explanation, while he has his communication blockade up for his ENTIRE family he is still communicating with someone on the other end of his texts, and there is an obvious perceptual barrier in the status of your relationship, marriage to this person has a statistically remote chance of success
Believe me there is a fella out there who wants to hear you!! He’s not the one for you. You shouldn’t have to ask all the time for him to be a part of your life. He even ignored his kids! He’s just looking for a Mommy to take care of him and his kids. Walk away from this one. Look for a partner, not someone to train.
Don’t get married… red flags honey
Who was he talking to ???
Sorry to say but it sounds like he has someone on the side
But you are clearly annoyed and miserable too in the relationship, not one but you are the one that can put a STOP to it , we get what we allow
Listen, I don’t know him or any more about the situation than what you wrote in this post…
But I do have to say (no I’m not diagnosing him a narcissist) I just want to say to you that it’s a “narcissistic tendency” to ruin your birthday or any special days , holidays anything that isn’t specifically about them.
Was he on the phone with another woman? Just know marriage will probably make everything worse! Run
I would break off the relationship and of course the engagement. You don’t need that until you die. If you have kids with this man, he won’t be much of a father. He probably has another girl actually.
Why are you even with him???
If you didn’t piss him off his other chick did 
don’t do it fren
Um sometimes people just wants to be left to themselves. Maybe he didn’t want to go anywhere and you forced him to go and because hhe is not all up in your lap you nagging him about what is wrong. I would be pissed off also.
Sounds like a cheater to me.
My ex wife did same kind things ,the red flag was in my face never seen it ,know the truth now,