I’m a SAHM to a three-year-old and now almost three months old. I feel like my fiancé helped out a lot with our first daughter, but the second time around, he doesn’t do anything. He deals with the three-year-old when he’s home from work, but he never bonds with the baby. He complains that the baby doesn’t like to be away from me, but it’s because she only knows me. Sorry I just needed to rant for a minute. My question is, do your baby daddy’s help out on the night shift during the week or weekends? Because I do it all. I’ll ask him to make a bottle, and he’ll do it, but he complains about it, or I’ll leave him with the baby for me to do it, and he’ll just let her lay there crying.
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It really sounds like he could be in a bad place mentally. He might really be missing quality time with you. I hope that it gets better, just try having a heart to heart with him to see what’s going on.
My hubby was hands on, more then I was. So obviously something is up. Best to talk to him & find out. Cause it’s not ok to stand back n allow you to do all the work. It’s his child also. I mean if you wanted to do everything alone, you’d be single that’s the bottom line. Does he help around the house, or is that all you too? Cause maybe you ain’t telling him that your relationship is a partnership. One of my friends was in a relationship like this, where her hubby did nothing for the kids or her, except go to work. She eventually had a mental breakdown n left him. So maybe start chatting to him & expressing your thoughts & concerns.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiance doesn't help out with our newest baby: Advice?
I say it’s common. Once the baby gets to a “fun” age then it changes.
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If your husband works full time, and you’re a SAHM, then it should be your responsibility to get up with the kids at night during the week. On the weekend, he should get up early with the kids so you can sleep in.
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Honestly is a 50/50 thing he helped make her also just try talking to him about
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Regardless of the fact that you’re a SAHM your husband should be doing more. You take care of the house and kids when he’s off to work. Once he clocks out of work, he should help equally with the children and your home. Or why should your “job” be 24 hours while he gets to clock out? Plus how else is he going to create a bond with the baby if he doesn’t do anything for or with said child.
Tell me you’re a deadbeat dad without telling me you’re a deadbeat dad. This is why you dont have kids with just anyone.
I have an almost 3 week old and my husband would help if I let him lol. We had 3 miscarriages and lost a baby at 5 months so with this one I’m so attached and have anxiety about anyone holding him or anything but My husband is constantly asking “do you need help?” Or “do you need anything?” And I always so no I’m good. Right now he works so I don’t ask him to do night time feedings or anything but he would if I asked. Have you tried talking to him about this and letting him know you need some help? I’m sorry that you’re not getting the help you need, I don’t know where you live but you can message me if you ever need to talk or anything!
Hes tired from work. Leave him alone! If you’re a stay home mom deal with it.
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My husband helped out with both babies. We have a 2 year old and a 3 year old. We both would try to beat each other to changing diapers and feeding them.
Atleast you have help at all. Even with the toddler. I have a 2yr old and 1 month and get no help at all from their father. He chooses to only be a parent when it’s convenient for him. I would take the little bit of help you do get. Maybe as baby get older he will help you more. I would take help with my toddler any day, hell any help would be nice. Just have to suck it up.
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Just because you’re a stay at home mom, doesnt mean you need to take on everything at home yourself. You need a break as well as he does. Theres a reason why nurses and doctors tell you that after having a baby.
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I’m at SAHM. My husband gets home from work, showers and then takes the baby for a few hours while I get things done. I BF so during the week nights I get up so he can sleep for work. On the weekends , he gets up with me and helps with whatever I need. He also helps with house “chores”.
SAHM deserve breaks and time to themselves.
I’ll apologize on account of all these gaslighting comments made here. Just because you’re a stay at home mom doesn’t mean he should have no responsibility with the kids. If you worked full time, you’d still have to come home and do everything for them and clean the house, why shouldn’t it go both ways? Also, kudos to you for staying home! I would literally lose my mind if I wasn’t working because my daughter is always with me if I’m not at work.
That being said, I would come up with a way that works for you guys. Maybe like giving him an hour after work to unwind, then he gives you an hour while he watches the kids? Even something simple can do wonders for everyone! And then he has to be solely responsible for at least a small amount of time every day and bond with baby. Good luck! 
I think that both parents should work on getting them up during the week. Fed and dressed.
Sat& Sun one morning off for each parent.
Both parents should help my husband gets home from work he relaxes some then i give him the baby
Sounds like he is having difficulty handling and bonding with baby. Be easy on him, this can happen to woman too. I would try and focus on my SAHM duties and as long as he is working and paying the bills just be patient and let everything fall into place in its own time.
I’m a SAHM to three - 4yo, 2.5yo & 6m old. My partner works full time but when he’s here it’s 50/50. He’s always the first to jump to do our 6m old during the night (even though he’s breastfed, he enjoys the sleepy cuddles). And if our older girls wake during the night he’s always the one willing to comfort them first.
But I would like to add in that sometimes dad’s get PPD too (I think that’s the right term) and can show in different ways, so I think it’s worth having a chat with him to see if he’s feeling ok 
If he spends the time with the oldest then it’s good because the oldest won’t get jealous of the new born. The oldest needs more time than the youngest right now. But if he is not helping at all that’s not good.
You lost me at baby daddy.
Oh hell to the no… All yall idiots talking about “hes tired…let him rest…its your job…” 
first off you Aint mother Mary. You did not make that baby by yourself with god. 2nd “hes tired” um last time i checked baby’s dont sleep a solid 8 hours or more so this poor momma is not only lacking sleep but she also has to make sure everyone is fed, clothed, bathed, and happy without once thinking about herself Im sure… What’s he do? Go to work for 8 hours then clock out … Where’s her clock out button? When does she get to have an adult conversation? When does she get to wash the spit up off and pull the Cheerios out her hair?
My dear, do not listen to these fools. Tell your husband that he needs to bond with the baby, help more around the house, make time to give you a “clock out” moment. And if he dont listen then sister you have every right to throw the biggest hissy fit hes ever seen. Stop cooking for him, let his laundry pile up, make sure that shower is filled with toys so he has to clean b4 getting in, and throw some shit if you have too. Trust me… My son is 6 months old… My husband has been more involved since he was 3 months old and the kitchen wall was wearing breadsticks and tomato sauce… And HE cleaned up my fit. Since then he works 14 hours days, comes home, does the dinner dishes, takes our son so I can care for the other kids and shower myself, then he will go do his stuff and go to bed. Men are dumb… Sometimes you gotta spell it out for them and sometimes you gotta use the kitchen wall and tomato sauce to spell it all out. My advice… Dont sugar coat shit… TAKE the help and the break you need. 
My husband works in the heat. He doesn’t do night shifts with baby and really hasn’t gotten the concept of the newborn stage. Lol. I’d say it’s common for men. Lol.
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Both should help. My husband plays with our son when he gets home, takes him outside, does his own laundry and cleans up after dinner and all that, plus we work together on the weekends to clean the house.
I’m not a stay at home but my boyfriend helps me with both kids one of them I had from a previous relationship but he helps and wakes up when I wake up and will do as much as he can I think parenting is something that should be shared if there are two parents just because he works doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed help for the kids you both created
I didn’t play that with my daughter when she was 3 weeks. I got up nd left in the middle of the night. Told him I’m taking a 24hr break. I got a hotel room nd slept. He had no choice but to call off work nd take care of her. When I got back all was well nd he had bonded with her. He said it was the best thing I ever did. Everyday from that point on he was amazing
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When my kids were babies I pretty much did the over night stuff. Cause he worked and I stayed home. But he would do a 5am feeding for me because he had to get up anyway. But when he got home he would help but I was ok doing it myself and I was thankful when he would come home and entertain our oldest because I don’t think she got as much attention when i was alone.
No, he did not… only thing is I worked also…
It takes conversations,
I left cuz mine just wasn’t a good parent… if imma do it all and do it alone I might as well be…
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Give him time.
Patience .
My hubby would wake up at 4 am for work and come home at 9.
By the time he showered ate decompress a bit , he couldn’t do to much with the kids when they were infants because they were asleep. Asleep when he left and asleep when he came home ,
Worked hard so I would be able to be with our kids at home.
He’s the BEST FATHER IN THE WORLD!!!
So please give him time.
When they are that small( babies ) they have their own schedule as well.
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I’m a stay at home mom, and have been for just a bit over 3 years. Girl… he’s tired from working his ass off all day. Leave him alone. Be thankful he is helping with the toddler, babies are so much easier to entertain than toddlers!!
Do it to him… and let him lay there crying
My husband helped all the time he got upset if I didn’t tell him when they woke up. He worked I didn’t that’s why I never told him. He insisted I wake him. I’d a few times but not every time. You need his help you need your time too. I hope he helps soon and continues too. When I got a job he worked 2nd and I worked 1st. So we were each other’s baby sitter then he became disabled in 2010. Now my son and I are his baby sitter
Was this baby planned? If so then he knew what to expect. I would not rush in to marriage because it does not change people. Have you considered couples counseling
We have a routine. My husband works a very physical job so during the week I wake up with the newborns although if I need help he will get up and help. And on weekends we take shifts he wakes up one night the next night I do
It takes two to have a baby. Maybe he needs a wake up call. Go have a spa day let him take care of both of them.
My husband and me both worked full time and I was always the one who got up at night with our children. My husband helped in the evening and on the weekends. I always wanted too. It was my special time with them whether I was breastfeeding or bottle feeding.
First off, being a stay at home IS mentally hard. My husband who works 89 hours in two weeks told me he’d MUCH rather go to work then stay at home with our kids. So all the ones basically saying she needs to suck it up should really shut up. NO ONE has a baby to raise it alone. If mama was out in an office working THEN WHAT?! who wins then? Both mom and dad need a break from baby. Mama needs a night where she doesn’t get up! A second where she’s not tending to everyone BUT HER. She’s still a person with needs! It is not fair to make her do EVERYTHING, bc he clocks in for 8 hours a day/5 days a week. Because last time I checked WE NEVER GET TO CLOCK OUT, unless DAD let’s us. DAD IS OUR COWORKER. And dad needs to atleast HELP without frigging complaining bc I SHO don’t think he was complaining when he was shooting his load. So no complaining now! A PARENT should NEVER feel bothered to help THEIR child. Some of y’all are just gross. And women saying it at that.
Doesn’t matter if he works kids are a shared responsibility
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiance doesn't help out with our newest baby: Advice?
What you allow is what will continue. Time to find your voice, speak up, and lay down the law 
He needs to be a real father
Throw him in the bin…
If he’s man enough to help create a a child, he needs to be man enough to help take care of and raise that child. If he doesn’t, he needs to be gone.
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Postpartum depression maybe? Men get it too.
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Maybe he feels hes helping by helping with the older child, also is baby crying alot maybe that makes him feel like baby needs you.
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It is possible he has post partum depression.
This will probably be an unpopular opinion but infants need their mama. Men aren’t made the same…they don’t have that same urgency or instinct. He is taking care of the 3 year old (When he gets home from work) which means he IS helping. And for those saying…Oh if he is man enough blah blah blah…telling her to kick him to the curb??Y’all are ridiculous…he is man enough to go to work and take care of his family so that she CAN be a SAHM. Get a grip.
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He’s helping out with the older child but not the baby?? Is it possible he wasn’t ready for a second child or his relationship with you is not the same as it used to be?? I’m not excusing him for his actions, but those are reasons a man sometimes doesn’t bond with a child.
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Im in the same boat and mines at home. If I ask him to do it during the day he’ll do it. And I’m nursing so I’m on my own most of the time day or night.
Normal if she only wants you. Give it time. But sit him down and have a serious talk.
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I think we don’t realize dad’s can get a sort of post Parfums depression thing going on to sometimes. Maybe talk it out with him. See if maybe he would be willing to go to therapy. If he was great with the first and still is there’s gotta be an underlying issue
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Did he want a second child?
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Mine was like this. As the baby got older they began to bond more. He would help w the other kids but didn’t bondw baby until later. This baby prefers me over him. Once I stopped breast feeding and he started to feed baby things got better. U bond w them when they eat. As ur baby gets older it will get better. Now my baby is a toddler and they have a great bond he prefers dad now to mom. Don’t worry it will get better. There’s nothing wrong he doesn’t have postpartum lol this is very normal. The last baby was his first it’s all new and exciting this is baby two so the newness has worn off. My last baby did like me better at first and my husband would say that it’s bc tho u are the main caregiver u Carried that baby inside u of course baby prefers mama she has the milk and they can smell that. Rub some breast milk on dad’s chest and hold baby. Give it time they will bond. When the baby gets to crawling and playing and able to interact more things will improve.
“her liking you better” is the lamest excuse ever. & That’s what it is: an excuse. & The cure for that is for him to start interacting with her. Talk to her, hold her, play with her, feed her. I don’t understand why we let m** get away with so much nonsense
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If you are a SAHM then that is your job. Why would he ever have to get up in the middle of the night if he has to get up to go to work in the morning? That doesn’t add up. It is a very awesome thing to be able to stay home with your kids but it comes with responsibilities that might not always be great but it is the deal.
Dudes get depression too. Maybe try and sit down and talk. He may have feelings he isnt expressing.
Helped with all of them, was a wonderful father
Maybe HE has postpartum depression 
Sounds like post partum depression could be stopping him bonding with the baby. Or maybe he thinks taking care of the 3 year old is helping so that’s how he shows his support after work? hope it all works out for you both xx
SAHM…so he works full time and helps at home …tends to older child…and you expect more…do you want him to work or be a stay at home father while you work…sharing is about not expecting someone to work 8 to 12 hour day and come home and work another 8
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He needs to spend more one to one time with the new baby or she will never bond with him. If she fuses because you are getting a bottle ready or going to the bathroom he needs to comfort her she will bond better this way. Tell him to get off his duff and help more period.
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You have more issues to think about here like WHY is he still your fiancé? Right now he is doing a piss poor job of being a father let alone a partner to you. Stop asking him to do anything for your children and just do it yourself. Tell him how you feel and how you’d like things to go. He will either be receptive and fill you in on what’s going on with him or he will make it your fault. If he turns it on you, then make a plan and walk away, don’t marry him-get out while you can.
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Ive both worked and stayed home. Neither of them is easy. Being the mom and wife wife we take on a lot. We are the managers of the house hold. If you need some extra help you should be able to reach out to your husband on any given day. His job being Dad and working it not easy either. Family life it tough when kids are little. My best advice is to work through it best you can it gets easier on the both of you. I had many moments where I felt I hated my husband but it was just tough times and they wilp pass. I am a mom of twin boys and a daughter. Hope things get better as kids grow.
Sadly, you must be too tired for “wifely” duties… (Your children come first…)
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Helping with the 3 yr old is a big thing cause as we all know they are a hand full anyway.you need to sit down have a conversation with him about how your feeling that’s number one cause letting how you feel out is good always keep that door open and if he can’t communicate back then he’s got issues
I don’t think this is about him helping as much as it is about him not bonding or having anything to do with the baby. She said he never holds, or talks to the baby. Lets the baby cry while she makes a bottle. She’s a sahm, she isn’t at home being lazy, being a sahm is hard (she’s working too) and when you’re constantly with your child/s you need a break once in a while so why is it so bad that she asks for help or expects it? He worked 8 hours and so did she. The responsibility after work should always be shared and the child is HIS too… him acting like he doesn’t want anything to do with ONE of HIS children … would worry me too.
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My daughter is 2 and my husband doesn’t help
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It’s normal for the baby just want to be with you she won’t realize she’s out the womb until 1 or later. Just take it easy the first months because you can get too overwhelmed and pass all the stress to the baby, my mom used to say the chores are so loyal that will wait for you until the end.
So you focus enjoying your baby and see as a blessing even to have to wake up in the middle of the night because many women wont ever have the opportunity. #momof3
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiance doesn't help out with our newest baby: Advice?
I have a 3 year old and 2 week old. And my husband helps out equally with both. We take turns feeding, changing, bathing the kids. He plays and bonds with them both.
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My man helps with the older two. And he does help with the baby but the baby is 99.99% attached to mama. Hell do what he can to give me a break but it doesn’t last long
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Sounds like daddy blues
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I doh wanna sound insensitive but if u can’t relate best not comment cuz saying how well u have it only making her feel worse. I mean if u guys don’t have the issue just sympathize and tell her have a talk with him but doh boast how good u have it… again I doh wanna offend anyone… #ijs
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I have both kids all day and do the cleaning and all that and he wakes up with the baby at night. Parenting is a two ways street. You deserve a break from your baby too.
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I do it all. But my husband has made it clear he doesn’t do babies. He will hold them and if I need a shower change a diaper but he was upfront about it. With our son being 2 and I an due with his first girl. He said I would have to show him how to change girls. But I know it will be rare. He has an amazing bond with our son and our son adores his daddy but that bond happened around 18 months. But helping with our 2 year old is more than enough help bc I am to sore to chase. Or wrestle. That’s what daddy is for.
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Does he have postpartum depression? Sounds a lot like it. Maybe come to him in a loving caring way and let him know you’re concerned about his mental health. Non judgemental and non combative. If he is suffering with ppd he will need your support
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When my second was born my husband did everything. I never wanted to touch her or be around her. Yeah it sounds hella horrible but I thought she was replacing my son and i wanted him to know that mommy still loved him. Now shes 5 almost 6 and hes 8. I absolutely adore her now. Took me a year after she was born to literally interact with her. I had severe ppd.
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Ask him straight out what the problem is
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I guess I can see how he may not love babies, some like it when they get a little older. Also yeah if she doesn’t like to be away from you I’m sure it’s more stressful than anything if he tries to do things with her. I’m not saying it’s ok just that I can kind of understand. I would talk to him and tell him that you need some extra help with the baby so he has to step up even it he really doesn’t want to.
I can say I got lucky the 2nd time around. He was very supportive and so was his mom. He got up most of the time and slept with our baby too. And his mom would take our baby overnight so we could both get rest. However with my first, I did it all including working full time. I would nap between shifts. My 1st bd was a pos.
My husband honestly has always had a better connection with our youngest than our oldest. He does way more for our youngest because they just get along better honestly. I hope it’ll change as time goes on but my oldest is honestly a very unique kid and I feel they just butt heads too much because even though he is unique him and his father are very similar as far as overall attitude.
My husband helped with our son when we brought him home. Did night shifts with the him but I was working more hrs then him. But with our daughter he didnt help as much. Although he was working full time and building our home on the weekends. I still felt that he didnt want to keep her occupied while I showered or cooked. When she got a little bigger around 6mths old he started spending more time with her and she has him wrapped now at almost 2
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With my second, my husband didn’t help much with the baby but he was pretty much the main parent for our oldest when he wasn’t working so I could focus on the baby so I felt like that evened out for us.
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My partner doesn’t do night feeds my baby is almost 5 months old . We have 7kids between us. But my partner leaves for work most mornings before 5am and not home till 6ish so I guess because my partner works I really shouldn’t get him to do night feeds. My baby doesn’t sleep either he wakes every halfa or so. Nights are very long and tiring. Weekends was meant to be each parent a morning they can sleep in but that hasn’t happened for a long time. Some men just don’t deal with baby’s which really sucks.
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My baby who’s now 12, I did most for because I was a SAHM. Her dad has 2 kids from prior marriage and would play with our baby but I did 99% of things. Didn’t bother me
My man has helped from day one with my son not his real son but he does equally everything.
Simply tell yours I’m not the only who made them you can help sir!
To all the ladies with partners who won’t help. I don’t know how you do it. Obviously my personal opinion but I never would have had kids with someone who doesn’t help raise them in all the stages. My daughter is 8 and I’m due with my second any day now and my husband talks to my daughter about having sleepovers with her and the baby in the living room on a blow up mattress some nights so I can sleep. He also homeschooled our daughter throughout the pandemic and has always been super hands on. When she was born he worked two jobs and would get up with her a couple times a week so I could sleep and always made time. I have always been very straight up with him though and told him that if I was going to be doing it alone, the child raising, then I would rather do it all the way alone rather than be with a partner who is not helping. To each their own obviously but to the mama who posted this. You deserve a break and don’t feel guilty for needing one. You didn’t make these babies yourself and you sure as hell shouldn’t be in a relationship and raising them yourself as well.
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That would drive me nuts
No. But part of it was that she was breastfed and part was that he was too busy playing video games.
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Find a new fiancé. If he helped make the baby, he can help take care of them or separate and pay child support. His choice
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I stay at home with 2 kids, and when my fiancé was working, when he got home he made sure he got bonding time in with the baby, and would put our oldest to bed. Our kids are now 3 and almost 1, and they are both insane about their daddy, ive been chopped liver the whole time lol
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I was able to to be a stay at home mom and he works full time. I dealt with all the overnight stuff, bc he was getting up and going to work.
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At first my husband did with both of our younger 2. But we sat down and talked about it and now he helps more granted now they 1 and 2.
Maybe suggest he wear her?
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It’s not because she’s only around you. If it’s a new baby, it’s nature’s way for it to only want you. There is no need for dad or outsiders as a baby.
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That’s not a goddamn dad then. he needs to nut up and take care of his fkn kids with you that is absolutely unacceptable to not take care of your own goddamn kids.
If he still wants to complain, divorce him
Not worth it at all
My husband goes to school and work everyday, he doesn’t need to help with night time
Tell him to man up and be a father.
My son is 13. When My son was a baby I stayed home and did most of the stuff needed. I viewed it as the greatest gift a man can give me. The opportunity to stay home with my one and only child. But that is my feelings. If you feel a certain type of way or are feeling overwhelmed then you should start a conversation with your man.