It’s a lot to deal with, give him some space and time. He needs time to mourn. I would be the same if I was in his place. Later on, maybe adoption might be an option?
Let him process this news. Give him time and space. However, there are other ways to have a baby like seeing a fertility specialist. If he has a low sperm count, they can harvest eggs from you and fertilize the egg with his swimmers. Also artificial insemination is possible even if he has a lower count. Yes I get it takes money to do that but it still offers the chance of him being a bio dad. There also second opinions too. There are options, just don’t settle for one answer.
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I’m sorry to hear your family is going through this it’s a tough road, have you guys considered adoption or fostering? Or has he tried any fertility treatments? I know it seems bleak right now but you never know what could happen. Try reminding him that no matter what he has you and her and he’s been in her life pretty much since she can remember he’s helping you raise her and she doesn’t love him any less than a bio kid would. I don’t think a sperm donor would be a good option in this case simply because it really still wouldn’t be his child and I feel like he might feel some kinda way about that later. Adoption might be a good road though, or I guess if he’s ok with the idea of a sperm donor, you guys could see if a family member of his would do it then the child would still have his genes. Just a thought
Recommend therapy maybe it might help him cope with it. It is like when a woman has to have a full histerectomy and can’t have kids they go through a depression and this happened to me at 28 i had to make peace with it and went to therapy and it helped me alot. Talk to him about how you feel and make sure he knows you love and support him no matter what. My husband stood by me and still does.
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You could use a sperm donor??? If that is an option. I know it isn’t the same, but he’d be able to go through a pregnancy with you and be there for the birth and sign the certificate and all. Maybe bring that idea up.
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To learn that is painful it’s a dream dying, it’s basically like losing a child. We seem to be more understanding when it happens to women. Most of all don’t take it personally, it is not you by any means no matter how it pans out… good luck
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This is not about you. Give him a minute to get used to the idea that bio kids are not in his future.
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Sorry your family is going though this. And I wish y’all the best of luck! Along with all the other comments. I myself do not put a lot of faith in doctors and what they know. Pray, and keep praying. Doctors don’t have the power to give anybody a baby! Only God has that final decision. It’s happened before with couples who couldn’t get pregnant for years. And all of a sudden bam there’s a baby. Not by the hands of the doctor or doctors! God has the final say so! Miracles do happen, so I’m going to start praying for a miracle for your family to be complete! And I’m praying one day that miracle happens. And God blesses y’all with a beautiful baby of y’all own! Good luck lovey’s!
He needs time to get his head around the situation this post makes it look like it’s all about you and not him how would you feel if it was you that couldn’t have a child and he could I think it’s so wrong you have put on a Facebook group tbh
Just give it time hun. I have an almost 2 year old i got with my boyfriend shortly after she turned 1 and he has been told for years now that he couldnt have kids and at first it hurt him but as time passed he learned to accept it and find joy in being a part of our lives and miracles can happen we are now 5 months pregnant. My advice is just give him some time and space he is grieving but he isnt trying to treat you guys differently he is just processing and hasnt gone through all the steps of grief yet
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Keep trying! Dont give up!!! I know a guy who was told the same thing and it took years but him and his wife finally got pregnant!!!
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I think you should let hom process the grief. He will accept it, but it takes a bit. I wouldn’t take it personal or try not to. He might be angry with himself.
I understand his pain, I got told because of a genetic mutation I wouldn’t be able to have kids…. I proved drs wrong and was able to carry three full term babies. But, there is more than one way to be a parent. Would y’all be open to adoption? Maybe ivf with doner sperm? I understand he wants his own biological kids but blood doesn’t make you a parent 100 percent of the time.
Poor guy. I feel God set him with you because He knew that he would not be able to have children and your child would be his. This is God’s gift to this heartbroken man. He had it planned all along. If you too see this try to tell him that he dies indeed have a family. I will put you on my prayer list for healing.
Why not look into adopting? You could adopt an infant ?
Theres ways that he could make it happen, cost a lot of money but people that are having infertility issues up for that. Just call a fertility clinic and they could give him a better understanding of what’s going on
He’s going through a lot…its a mourning process.
Get him counseling
She’s got a father. Lose the drama and let the man grieve ffs.
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Sounds like he needs time to mourn. He’ll come around because eventually he will realize he does have a daughter, yours. Just give him that space to grieve and go through the process of grieving. It takes time, be patient and love him through it. Just be there.
Does he have a brother living ?that’s very close biologically.
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Adopted and I love my parents like they birthed me. Met my biological family and we are friends. Blood isn’t always what matters
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Oh… and maybe try talking to professional counselors instead of a bunch of wannabe experts who are strangers on Facebook.
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I’ve just carried a baby as a surrogate for a couple who have infertility issues.
I think it takes a long time for people to come to terms with their loss.
You can discuss with him if he’d like to go down the donor sperm route & you could have IUI or IVF.
There’s also the option of ICIS IVF where a single good looking sperm is injected into the egg & then transferred into the womb. If he’s got any level of sperm then this could be an option. It’s not the end of the road for him.
First and foremost, therapy, therapy, therapy. Please remember he us grieving and we all grieve differently. He needs to vent and it always seems when hurting we always seem to hurt the ones we truly love. But once again therapy for him as well as the both of you to get thru this difficult and trying time. Remember there are other ways to have children and that family he has always dreamed of. Best wishes to you and your family!
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This likely has more to do with him grieving the idea he may have had for years about bio kids. Give him time to process
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Give him time to grieve
Get a second opinion, I was told I couldnt have kids… I have 6 and birthed 5 of them
Give him time to process all that, then talk to him about your feelings but therapy seems good
Get a second opinion.and don’t give up. Maybe think about adoption.
I’m a big advocate for therapy! He is devastated and may distant himself. But do couple therapy or even family and include your daughter if you think she needs it. There are so many kids out there that need loving homes and it sounds like you guys would be awesome! In most states you can adopt a child for free through the foster care system. It’s just something to think about and maybe talk about in the future after the shock wears off and you all are back on the same page in a healthy mental state. Hang in there though! I’ll be praying for you guys 
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I think you need to give him some time. Like you said, he’s always wanted to be a father and now he can’t. He’s probably hurt and feeling inadequate. Be supportive and understanding. Give him time to heal; he’s hurting. Then you can talk about other ways to have children. There’s always adoption and plenty of children who need a loving family.
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I’m a bit confused on your post . you stated you’ve been with your guy 3 and a half years since your daughter was 3 and she isn’t 6 yet. so were you seeing your now fiance when you was still with your child’s father ? why are you in a rush to have another child anyway? sounds like you’ve been trying for awhile if you already went to a doctor. I would wait to see what happens and try later on if you two do get married.
Get a 2nd opinion from a Dr
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If he just found out, it’s going to take time for him to process this information. Give him time and be patient with him. News like this is devastating to some people. Maybe you you guys can see a fertility specialist and see what your options are. You can also look into adoption at some point. I know he wants a biological child but maybe at some point he may be okay with adopting a newborn. He was so girl with your daughter that he might consider it one day.
Do you know how many “you can’t have kids” parents ive met? Alot… seek a 2nd or 3rd opinion
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I have been in my daughters life since she was born. She isnt my blood daughter and then when me and my fiance tried to have a baby, I ended up having 2 miscarriages in 1 year. But that doesnt stop me from being there for my daughter. I would never hold back from being there for her. She is my whole world. Give him time though and dont give up on trying!!! Dr didnt think my mom could get pregnant without fertility drugs and here I am!! She needed them for both of my sisters but not me!!! So dont give up!!!
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Sorry but A real man and Father could care less if the child was his. He has been there for 3 1/2 years it should not matter to him now. But that being said there is a difference between being a Father than being a Sperm donor…sounds to me like this one might be just a Sperm donor in disguise. Real Father’s Love their children biological or Not .
My uncle and sister was told they couldn’t have kids and my uncle has a 17 year old and my sister son is 11!! There’s hope these doctors aren’t God and don’t have the last say so!!
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He needs advice, not you.
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My son and daughter in law were told both cant have kids, as I sit here holding 18mo old twins…
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Don’t give up on trying. Don’t give up on him. Seek a second opinion. 17 years ago I was told I couldn’t have kids and now I have 4! A 17, 7, 6 & 2 year Olds. Don’t loose faith! Keep your head up. Talk to him about how your feeling. Communication is key. I for the best 
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Let him grieve for a while, maybe some counselling. And even seek a second opinion because there are many people out there told they can’t have kids and then they end up with one. I was told 20% maybe even less chance of concieving and we have a daughter naturally without IVF or any other help. There is still hope.
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I think you need to give him time to grieve like others have said. Talk to him about getting a second opinion. You can’t be upset with his grief. No matter how much you want her to your daughter is not his bio daughter and though that should not change how he treats her she will not fill in that void he has. I think you need to worry more about his mental State right now than you should about if you are good enougj.
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I’d encourage therapy to help be guided through a big blow like that but I’d also not yet accept it as being 100% factual too. Lots of people who were told they wouldn’t ever have kids have ended up with biological kids. Adoption is another great option if the poster can afford to head down that route too though.
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Give him time. Sounds like u have a good man who’s just needs to adjust to the news. Once the dust settles, he will probably end up loving your daughter even more. Good luck, just give him some space to absorb his bad news
I was told when I was 25 I wouldn’t be able to have kids naturally because I had very narrow Fallopian tubes, after being with my husband for 4 years.
Less than a year later I gave birth to a perfect little girl thanks to IVF.
If it’s something that’s extremely important to you both maybe look into IUI/IVF/Sperm donation. Its not uncommon and 1 in 6 couples struggle to conceive. Good luck to you both 
Miracles happen. I know a few people who weren’t supposed to have children. 1 has 2. 1 has 3. 1 has twins. Doctors aren’t always right.
Talk to him about therapy it sounds like he is needing it now and definitely go get a second opinion my mother got told my specialist that she could no longer have children after having my sister but yet 18 years after my sister my mom surprised everybody including the specialist who told her she can no longer have children by having me. Definitely definitely definitely get a second opinion
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Get a second opinion
Having been infertile for many years before my miracle happened, I know how deeply it hurts to know that your body will not do what it was created to do. The pain is within himself. His anger is at himself. He needs to be allowed to feel it for a time without you making it about you. Not to be mean in any way, but you feeling like ya’ll are not enough for him is making this about you. Support him. Let him vent his feelings. Be open to other options like adoption or fostering if he is open to it. Yes, some of that sadness he has will make him hold back because he is in a self protective mode right now. But giving him that room to grieve what he will never have is so important.
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I think you have it backwards. I feel like he may feel as if he’s not enough for YOU! Give him time to process. Get a 2nd opinion. Don’t stop trying because there are several people that have had miracles happen, and maybe when he’s ready talk about options as in adoption.
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Be patient, Be kind, Be understanding, be supportive. This is some thing he hast to process on his own and work through his emotions before he can talk about it or fully discuss it with you. I know it’s hard seeing him go through this and fill in some of the effects of it. To find out you can’t have kids of your own one of the worst feelings for a dad that finds out he can’t have a child of his own That’ll always be with him kind of like a woman who lost pregnancy never leaves you.
He can’t provide you with another child he can’t provide your daughter with a sibling that’s hard.
He’s got to grieve this loss. He’s essentially lost a part of himself.
When the time is right I’ll talk to you just let them know you’re there and you always will be and that he’s very loved and he is amazing father.
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I was told I couldn’t have any more children I have had three healthy Happy babies
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Give him time and let him mourn this. I know it’s different because he can’t carry a child, but women who can’t carry children grieve this too. I think it’s just a natural biological response. Men have the right to feel the same when they find out they can’t have biological kids of their own. I’m sure his love for you and your guys’ daughter has not changed.
Maybe he’s just depressed and not purposely holding out on your daughter. Did they say why he couldn’t have kids? I was told I couldn’t have kids after my first and now I have 3. There might be treatments he can try, depending on what the problem was.
There is nothing wrong with being honest with your partner. Tell him how you are feeling.
“I understand that you are grieving and rightly so but I’ve noticed you’re being distant with our daughter. I really don’t think that’s fair. We are your support system. We are here for you. Please don’t push either of us away.”
It was probably a big shock to him. Maybe he will be different for a while. Let him grieve. The thought to never be able to have children of his own was a big deal to him, not that you and your daughter aren’t enough, but you have to be understanding to how he must feel. Just give him time to grieve and process
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Why do I feel I live in a world where men are suppost to greive for like 10 mins and move on 
let him greive and process this is devistating for him 
step by step look into options 
counseling and support him he will come around he’s allowed to feel sad devistated and hurt
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Let him grieve and sit and have a talk about adopting a baby for you both to have together. That is a special gift to have together.
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I think he could be grieving. It’s considered a loss. I’m sos sorry. Maybe you can find a support group near you.
He just needs time… grief has many stages, and hes gonna get angry too, and it might get directed at you two. Be there for him. Then look into artificial insemination, it may not be biologically his, but he won’t have to share with another dad and it will be his from birth. That makes a difference. Your daughter called another man dad, not him, he needs that. So talk to him about it when he’s ready… its not the blood, its the bond, and sharing her with another man is tough, so give him what he needs.
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Miracles happen. Let him grieve it’s hard I’m sure he still loves yall just the same. I was told I had a 15% chance of carrying a baby to delivery and it surviving after 2 miscarriages I have 3 little Angel’s 5,2 and 9 months. Please get a second opinion. Give him some space and time and maybe see if he will talk with a counselor. He will come around just be loving caring and patient
I would definitely get a second opinion with a successful infertility clinic; there are several ways they can help. If not, then I agree with everyone else that he needs time to grieve. My husband didn’t want to adopt, but the minute they put our baby in his arms, he was in love.
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Give him time tell him how you feel . He is a dad to your daughter that should not change
So tell ur hubs doctor is not always right. I know a person that was told exact same thing. And he had a little girl his bio child. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD
Have you all tried ivf?
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Men hide under a rock with their emotions. Girl, I know you said you understand he’s probably hurt, but it’s not just hurt, there’s anger and DEPRESSION) Being told you can’t have children Is HARD. I was told I couldn’t, luckily they were wrong, But also, get a second opinion, look into options. This isn’t the end of the road if you guys don’t want it to be!
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You need to be there for him hes having a really rough time dealing with this obviously and is very down about it maybe have a sit down with him and have a very deep talk about how much he means to the both of you and how your feeling both you and daughter just need to be there for him, hold him tight. It’s rough news and probably broke his heart, he is blinded by grief you just need to show him the family and love he already has isnt going anywhere and is just the same and as good, also it never hurts to keep trying all it takes is one good swimmer to get through, miracles in that way do happen sometimes.
He’s got to have time to process this. You would be the same way if he only had a child right now. Also get a 2nd opinion and look into other options like adoption, etc…Good luck!
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Encourage him to get counseling to process this very hurtful information. Be supportive and understanding.
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I don’t want this to sound rude, because that’s not at all how I mean it, but if the woman and child he has had for 3.5 years isn’t “enough” for him, no one ever will be. It’s not you that can’t have children, it’s him. So leaving you and your daughter, doesn’t in any way resolve his issues. With that being said, I know men and women who have been told they will never have children and now have one or more of their own biological children. It’s still a possibility. Not to mention, there are other options. You two could go through IVF, you could adopt. My best advice is that while he is processing this information, remind him that he is already a dad. An amazing one. Blood doesn’t make a mother/father. I know her biological father is involved, as you said, but that doesn’t take anything away from your fiancé also being her dad. There are so many children who don’t have one dad, she has two, thanks to him. Remind him of that. Reassure him of that and the fact that y’all will get through it.
You are taking things too personal and not putting yourself in his shoes whatsoever. Finding out you can’t have kids when all you’ve ever wanted was to have one is so hard to deal with and the pain doesn’t go away in a day. Be supportive and understanding and there for him.
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Counseling might help if the two of you went. Maybe adopting might help but it seems that the issue is that he can’t have any biological kids and adopting won’t help that. I think the first step is processing it. Then going from their.
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If this is something he really wanted, and was basically shattered after being told it wasn’t possible then he is grieving.
- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance
What stage he is at depends on how long ago he was given this news and how he is coping. He is hurt and is not fully at acceptance yet, so the best thing you need to do is allow him to go through this process and be there for him… don’t make it worse by adding fuel to the fire. From what you said, he loves both you and your daughter he just needs time!
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Miracles do happen. I would even get a second opinion. I was always told by doctors that I could never get PG then I had two boys. It took many years. I finally had my first one in 2012. One is 8 and one is 7 years old.
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I’m currently in the same situation. I know your feeling.
I would try to get him to talk to a doctor about how this affecting him
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Encourage him to get a second opinion
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They told me the same thing and I have a 7 year old now I was 28 when we had her took that long
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Like not at all or could fertility drugs help or IVF?
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Give him some time girl! He’s pro just hurting! 
maybe sit down and talk to him and just let him know how you feel!
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Im so sorry, he needs all the support from you he can get right now. Maybe try and get a second opinion my best friends husband was told for years he would never be able to have a child (my friend has 3 kids from a previous relationship) he took her kids in and has loved them unconditionally. She’s now 7 months pregnant with his baby boy. Best of wishes to you and your man
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My husband was told by a doctor that he would have a very hard time near impossible time to have children. We laughed and said we have 2 already. With my issues and my husband’s issues we shouldn’t have be able to have children, but we do.
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U know shit happens and yes we r told things but never give up God has giving people miracle baby’s don’t underestimate the power of God. I know so many people who have been told they could never have kids and let me tell those that have said that have at least 1 miracle baby. It can happen but patience is everything
Give him time to come to terms with the news. Depression, anger, and other feelings from news like that can take a long time to heal or not be as strong. The things he is saying is just from the hurt he feels inside not from his actual feelings about your family. I have been through the same thing, not about fertility but with my eyes and destroyed dreams and I was devastated and lashed out for a while.
The news of not being able to have children is devastating to hear, especially when the person wanted children so badly. Give him time, space, just listen when he wants to talk about it. Take care of yourself and your little girl. Time and patience. Good luck
He is grieving, give him a little time.
That’s a big thing to take in, be there for him and reassure him that it doesn’t change how you feel towards him. You need to be really supportive of him right now. His dream just got crushed of becoming a father. Is there any chance that he can get tests done to help his swimmers?
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How do u feel that ur not good enough when he’s the one that can’t have kids🤔
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Artificial insemination ,adopt ,foster ,etc. There are other ways to " have kids " ! 
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Have him get a 2nd opinion. If it comes back the same, let him grieve & then maybe he could see a therapist
Sit down and talk to him about it but make sure he also knows that you understand how he feels and is hurt
Maybe he feels like you may kick him out now that you know. A child doesn’t need to be biological for a person to love it. Perhaps you two need a ‘date night’, without your daughter there to clear the air. You guys could always look at adoption. Children just need love and you both have that. Good luck 
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The sperm of the donor doesn’t make the father the one that has the time, love and energy invested does…
Sounds like you two need to talk
I think is just his frustration about he can’t have a family pray for him Let him know you love him and there is always more options Talk to him
You guys might benefit from a few sessions with a family therapist.
It could help both of you adjust and figure out how you want to handle this new information.
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I think you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart. Lead with empathy and how you care about him and are saddened he can’t have kids. You would like to discuss with him other options, but first you need to talk about some things that have been hurting you. If he can empathize back with you and apologizes then you can move forward and discuss other options. Have you considered fostering and adoption? I have many friends that foster and have adopted. My best friend’s adoption party for her daughter is tomorrow actually. I know it’s not for everyone though, and can be a tough road. I want to encourage you in the idea though, that just because he can’t have biological children doesn’t mean he can’t be a father. He’s already a father to your daughter. He can also be a father to other children that need one. He could join a Big Brother program, check your local churches for a fathering program. Just last night a woman in my single mother’s group posted how glad she was that her church has a program for the fathers to hang out with and mentor the boys in the church that didn’t have fathers. There are secular programs too, if you’re not religious, like the Big Brother program. He could do Scouts. Coach little league. There are many ways to be a father.
Gently remind him that this is his family. It MAY be the only family he ever has. Remind him that he is loved.
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Let him grieve his loss
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