Give it time. He has to come
To accept this big change in his plans for y’all’s lives . Let him grieve for what is not to come . Love him as you do and your love and your Child’s love will be enough.
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He needs time to process such a huge life change. This is the death of his future kids for him. This is not what he ever expected for himself. Try to be patient and understand it’s really not about you and your little girl right now, this is him time to receive support and love. Be there for him like he’s been there you guys all this time.
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I agree with many of the suggestions here although I have a suggestion of Maybe talking it over with her bio dad first but seeing if he’s interested in adopting her when you two get married, I understand it’s something everyone needs to be on board with but step parents are equally important in a childs life and a good /great step parent makes all the difference maybe if he has time to process it all he will realize how important he is in one little girls life already and step up to the challenge of being her bonus Dad💙
2nd opinion. Also. Turn it around and tell him he’s a father figure to ur daughter. And how life works in mysterious ways
I would get him a second opinion with a good urologist that specializes in fertility. My husband worked/studied with such a doctor in Houston. When we were trying to have a baby my husband found out he had a zero sperm count. None. Not one. After some more testing, to which they did not find a cause, my husband started some medications. After 3 months he re-tested and he had a normal sperm count. We now have a 1 year old. Find a good fertility specialist for men.
He needs to know you are ok with him not being able to have kids…he’s feeling less than and needs you to say he is enough for you…and it will take time…he is grieving for a lost life he dreamed of
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Oh man he is hurt and in turn is hurting you. I suggest therapy for him and how to deal with with he has been told. Just like us women being told we can’t have children it takes a toll on us and we tend to lash out at others. Please don’t give up on him
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You know there are lots of children who need a good home. He can’t help what’s happened but lot of people love adopted children as much as their own. And he will be helping out some unwanted child somewhere. Talk about this, maybe a boy. would give him more manly things to do. That would be a great family, right?
I had a similar situation. He needs to seek counseling first off, if he is constantly bringing it up. Then you need to have a talk with him about how his comments make you feel and how you’ve noticed some changes. Of course remind him that you understand his hurt and you are there for him. Tell him that you are still a family and sometimes life just doesn’t go the way you planned or look like you thought it would. God’s plan always has purpose, a reason and I firmly believe that sometimes it’s to humble us and let us be happy with what we have first. If he does start to feel better and come around, then there are always other options, but I know not everyone is happy with them. As another lady in here said, always keeping trying (because it’s still love making, you know?). I don’t know his medical history but if there is a slim chance (like he just has low count), then there is always a chance! I can attest to the whole “it happens when you stop trying so hard”. We tried for 4 years and just became pregnant this year (5th year) when we gave up and stopped seeking medical help. What he is going through is grief. He’s grieving the idea/dream of the family he saw y’all having. But when he addresses that grief, he needs to know how it’s affecting y’all. He may not say it, but he also may have feelings deep down that he isn’t enough and you will think less of him and leave him. Just be there for him, and show him nothing but love.
If he never deals with the grief then you may have to look at the long term and make a hard decision, but I really hope he is able to look past this and love your family as it is 
He is grieving for the loss of his future children. It will take him time just like it would take us woman. Sometimes we forget men have hearts too. Just keep reassuring him y’all aren’t going anywhere, and y’all are in this together.
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Idk about not feeling enough but u never know miracles happen everyday. I was told the chances of kids were slim between all of me and my husband’s issues but we have 3 now. Maybe have him get further testing 2 see just what the issue is. u may just be in luck with other possibilities. Keep a positive attitude when the time is right it will happen.
People hurting, hurt people.
He may not even intentionally be doing it. However, you need to keep in mind he IS grieving. Grieving little people he has always wanted, grieving a future he feels he can never have now. You need to give him time. See if he is willing to start counseling.
In the meantime, remind him that you and your daughter love him. Support him. Listen to him. He is in a dark place right now and that is 100% okay and normal.
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It does take some time for men to accept the fact they can’t have kids. Some doctors say they can’t have kids then years later they do. Go see other doctors to be sure… its not that ypu two aren’t enough but his whole life he wanted his own kid and now finding out he can have one he’s just gotta accept that. I’m sure you guys are more than enough he chose you two to be around he just needs some time to accept this news love… everything will be okay keep your head up and try not to give him a hard time… he’s already going through the motions right now.
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My ex couldnt have kids we both used maca root vitamins and we now have a beautiful 3 year old daughter.
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My husband and couldn’t have our own children so he adopted mine as well as the grandchildren
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That’s odd, I would think because he cannot have any. That he’d be more inclined to bond more with you two
Give him time geez how would you feel?
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It must be so hard for him. Infertility is hard on men and women. Definitely agree he might benefit from therapy and maybe seeing a doctor to help with fertility. I saw maca root already recommended, I’d also mention tribulus a supplement that has helped some men with fertility issues. Hope you both find healing and acceptance.
Just give him time and be there for him. He probably is not distancing himself on purpose.
Let him know not to take what the doctor says FULLY to heart. I know couples where one or the other were unfortunately told they couldn’t have babies. Guess what? They have babies now!
Some more than one child. There are things you can do to help and miracles DO happen. Just don’t give up. 
Let him also know that just because your daughter is not biologically his, it does NOT make him any less of a dad and then remind him of all the good he has brought to your life and especially your daughter’s.
Let your daughter that he is just going through a tough time right now, but your husband still loves her very much. I’m not sure how much she is picking up on his change in behavior, but it’s always nice to have reassurance.
Everything will work out. Sending prayers and good thoughts!
You just went on a litany of all the wonderful things he has done for your daughter and how much he is part of her life, but then say you feel you arent “good enough”
Ridiculous…he is grieving and trying to process that he cant have children …dont make it about you because it isnt…give him time.
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Why can he not have children? They told my husband the same and he has one. If you want max results then do a fast- he will produce healthy sperm in no time. Men’s bodies are amazing
I was told I couldn’t have kids. I got pregnant with my daughter at 25 and then 10 years later had my second daughter. I know everyone isn’t that lucky I’m just saying doctors aren’t always right and God has the final say.
Maybe there is a way y’all could do sperm donation or adopt and him still feel like it’s his baby. If he just recently found out he still needs time to process. Just imagine being told you couldn’t have kids when that’s all you wanted. It’s a hard pill to swallow and definitely takes some processing.
I was informed at 14 that I would never be able to have my own children which was devastating but when I met my now DH he had two beautiful little girls and I knew after a time that they needed me as much as I needed them. Fast forward a year and we had our first miracle boy then a year later our second miracle boy and a year later yet another miracle boy. Let him have all the time he needs to come to terms and get his head wrapped around this news and hoped he will realize what I did and love your baby as much as you do
i left my first husband for the fact that he couldn’t have children bc it was the one thing i wanted so bad in life, but he would always make comments about how he wasn’t good enough, he couldnt give me the one thing i wanted… it ruined us honestly… looking back… 10/11 years later i feel selfish about it… i feel bad about it… there were other ways for us to have children… but at the time our marriage was just too far gone… in my situation it probably worked out for the best… sit down & talk it out bc there are many many options… which i was not even aware of at the time. i hope that whatever happens it works out for the best for you! it’s devastating, i know. ive been there. <3 hugs & love <3
Just remind him that being a father isnt about blood. Expecaly since he cant have kids. Im so sorry. Ur just as much as a family and u can talk to ur child and her bio father and c if they would be ok with ur fiancé adopting her and bio dad would still get his time as well but her last name would be his. He just has to except the fact he cant before he moves on. Remind me u and ur daughter love him and hes been there since 3yrs old. Things to think about.
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Be supportive and let him get through this.i was told I couldn’t have kids I have had two miscarriage and 3 living .they adamitly said I couldn’t have kids .I fell apart for a while
Adoption? At least you would be doing that together.
I would get a second opinon my dad was told he couldn’t have kids (i mean that was forever ago but still) and ik a couple friends that were told the same thing and then had kids
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I think your have emotional reaction to the news -
He not your daughter father -
She has a relationship with her father. He at best " extra a adult -" in her life. That role of father is filled.
Both need to emotional feel this loss-
Talk about options - adoption- ect-’
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Right now what your partner is going through Is often experienced as an assault on a man’s self-esteem and self-image. Infertility is a very challenging and stressful life event. Encourage your partner to open up to you or a professional counselor experienced in working with couples dealing with infertility. Im not sure how far he’s went in this diagnosis, but there are fertility clinics that can offer a second opinion and some conditions can be treated. Just don’t give up hope. Remind him too that you don’t have to be the biological father of a child to be a great dad, he’s proven that with your daughter.
Get a second opinion/ my son in law was told he couldn’t aswell and they had 2Girls. Back to Back.MANY blessings to you and YOURS.
I’m sure that he is suffering inside, no doubt. It also makes me wonder if he would have had a biological child, would he have treated your daughter differently then also? Hopefully, after he has had some time to recover from the news, he will start to recover and accept that things didn’t work out like he planned. Unfortunately, that has happened to many of us in one way or another. I know of one couple that shortly after they adopted their first daughter, they found out that another one was on the way. Who knows? Maybe give him sometime and then try to communicate with each other.
I know 2 people who have bonus grandchildren & they are the most wonderful grandparents I know, couldn’t love those kids any less.
It takes more than biology to be a parent. I know. I’m a bonus mom and could not love them anymore than if I birthed them
Give him time we all cope differently and as a man I’m sure it is a very hard blow to his ego
Get in couples counseling and see if he is willing to also go see a counselor one on one
Is he sure he can’t there has been instances where doctors are wrong.
Well that’s not good, the enough. Adopt? A topic I could so get me started on.
He needs: 2nd opinion, fertility specialist, therapy, and time.
Sorry I feel like that is just excuses he is making, get a second opinion they are things he could do to raise his sperm count up to get u pregnant, if for sure he can not, Adopting is same u don’t need to be a biological father to be a father, he should know that by now helping u with ur child, plenty of kids in need of a parents out there, I think just a bunch of excuses, there is gotta be more to his excuses
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He will need to go through the grieving process. He may need the assistance of a grief counselor. This is a huge blow to any human who wants to have children. Don’t judge him, support him.
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He needs to process. And you need to let him do it. There’s a lot of unknowns in your question as well. Often male factor infertility only means they cannot father a child “naturally”… there are several potential options, but you don’t state the “why”. There are many MANY children running around that are the product of male factor infertility, that are biologically their fathers.
Give him time, and then explore possible options.
I can relate to how your husband feels somewhat. I had 5 miscarriages,my second husband had a 4 1/2 year old daughter by his 1 st wife. 50,50 visits. She was my world,head over heels loved her and I still do. I wanted to have a child with my husband but at first it wasn’t in the cards. I was content,but was never told I couldn’t have my own. Eventually we did have a son together when my step daughter was 7. Another son when she was 10. My second son died at less than a day old. Maybe pointing out the uncertainty of pregnancy and birth may comfort him somehow. Not all pregnancies end with a happy ever after. He should be thankful for the child he is sharing in raising with you. I would give nothing up for my life being a step mom. She is my little girl. She is 34 now and I have 1 grand child from her. My son is 27 and no children as yet.
Wait a minute!! Hold ON!! Sounds to me like he already IS a father!! Blood does not matter. U can have as many children as u both want. My husband had a biological and an adopted child when we met. I ask him which was which. He replied “Ya know, I don’t remember!” Comfort this man and reassure him that God has a bigger better plan for him than biological kids. Trust Him and move on!!!
He going thur a grieving process. Give him time and understanding.
A child doesn’t to be same blood to love that child he can’t adopted ur kids
Don’t give up!!! Not my story to tell but just don’t give up!!! Miracles do happen!!!
Give him some room to absorb this… You have a child… He never will. I’m just sorry that people have to be so insensitive to other PEOPLE !!! You would be upset to if you was in his shoes !!! Grow the F up… It’s not about you !!!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiancé found out he cannot have kids and now I feel like my daughter and I are not enough for him: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
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