You didn’t mention if you’re stsy at home mom or not. If you are, it’s a general agreement he brings home the money, takes care of bill n food n does all the outside yard work n any repairs house needs. Rest falls to you honey. My mom was a stay at home with 7 boys n one girl. She always cleaned house, shopping, cooking n driving us around for sports n appointments. dad worked 14 -18 hr days. Young people today feel entitled n lazy.
4 Likes
They don’t change till they hit rock bottom.
1 Like
Do not marry him!! He’s giving you a glimpse into what the future looks like with him and I hope you don’t brush it off. He needs help, and sometimes love just ain’t enough when dealing with these types of situations. Stand firm, Demand a change or leave! You and your child.deserve better than this!
4 Likes
Google Alanon and talk to some people from there in your local area.
You may not want one, but you have an alcoholic on your hands, and an adult who is still a child. Go to court, get what support you can, and RUN.
9 Likes
Please don’t fall in love with potential. You need someone who is 100% all the time and not a project that needs fixing. Ask yourself “if things never changed, would I be okay?” Because I think he has shown you through his actions where his priorities lie. It’s a tough one to swallow but at least you know now and not 5 years+ into a marriage with more kids/things on your plate. Also, at 31 years old most people are no longer in the “party stage” of life (for example: going out more than 2 nights a week). I wouldn’t put up with that and quite frankly you need a break, support and a partner who provides what you need. There is no shame in you doing what’s best for you and your child, don’t be afraid to back out of the engagement… it’s your life 
5 Likes
He sounds like a alcoholic in process (50% chance since his dad was one) so you can’t do it, he needs professional help. If he won’t get help it will only get worse 
2 Likes
Leave and make it clear it is his drinking. Call off the wedding make it clear as long as he continues to drink you don’t want to even talk to him. You can’t make him stop but you can protect your baby from growing up like you did. Also if you leave supervised visits with passing a breathalyzer eavh time before so your child does not see him drunk.
5 Likes
Amazing partners and fathers do not spend 4 + times a week, for 6 or so hours , after having worked , out drinking and shit with mates
He’s on his way to being like his alcoholic father. Socializing is one thing but missing work is another! Unfortunately it’s going to be a lifelong struggle.
8 Likes
Lock the doors and don’t let him back in until he grows the hell up. You say he is a good partner but I grew up with an alcoholic and trust me they are always the victim and they don’t change unless they want to.
If he truly loved you he would be by your side not out drinking.
1 Like
Alcohol was just the tip of the iceberg in my situation but I have no regrets leaving. And my advice is the same… Leave as soon as it’s safe to do so.
2 Likes
It’s never going to change till he’s ready, sorry about you luck wish you the best but it’s up to you if you want to stick around and find out for your self.
3 Likes
Address this with him and a professional.
1 Like
How can you say he’s amazing as a partner when 4 times a week he’s gone for 6 hrs and then isn’t even responsible enough to call himself in sick. He’s a child . Don’t put up with this nonsense . You don’t need him!
6 Likes
YOU ARE STILL KIND OF YOUNG TO REALIZE THIS BUT
DO NOT GET MARRIED
If you realize he has a drinking problem and you tried talking to him about but he isnt willing to change
By all means do not marry him …once you are married the problems will increase…they dont get better
You know deep down that while you realky live him
You cant raise your child around someone like this
He needs to hit rock bottom before he changes
And you need to leave
Because right now he is more concerned in going out and drinking and doesnt respect you enough to change
Good luck
10 Likes
He has a problem. He won’t change unless he want to. Being that he came from an alcoholic family, he likely suffers from it to.
You’re going to have to make some tough decisions. It won’t get better until he hits rock bottom.
3 Likes
Hes not happy, usually people drink as a crutch… to escape their problems…
2 Likes
Sounds like he isn’t fit for marriage or being a parent. He’s gotta wise up and quit being childish.
4 Likes
My ex/ father of my child was a verbally abusive alcoholic & only when he drank did he become that way. He was someone who I would have NEVER believed would be like that, because he grew up with a verbally & physically abusive alcoholic father. I begged for him to go to rehab, I offered to go to meetings, and all I got was I am sorry or if it was a bad night I heard all about how fat, worthless, and if I said another word he was going to shut me up. After some soul searching, I decided he had to move out. (It was my house). Best decision I made. Does he interact with our child? Nope. He chose alcohol over his child.
5 Likes
You need to join al anon
2 Likes
There is only 1 reason a 31 year old is dating a 24 year old with that type of mentality. He’s not ready for you girl, don’t marry him.
6 Likes
Start packing your bags, give him a taste of reality…
4 Likes
Get running it wont change they cant they promise but no
2 Likes
Girlie, it’s time for you to get out of this relationship. It’s only going to get worse. He is clearly not the one … Drinking and running with his buddies all the time. Now missing work because of drinking. Only thinking of himself.
2 Likes
We deserve better than that. Set the example for your child. You choose how they grow up.
2 Likes
Find an A A meeting take him or you go alone. The A A meeting will help you even tho you are sober.
5 Likes
He is a father now, he needs to grow up. He won’t get help until he wants to. Have you tried locking him out ?? I suggest counseling. Also… postpone all wedding plans. He’s not ready !!!
4 Likes
He’s an alcoholic. Growing up with one should let you know what to expect. If he’s not willing to stay in recovery then there’s nothing you can do but repeat the cycle, unless you leave. You can only protect you and your child. You can’t save him if he’s not ready and sees no issue in his behavior.
3 Likes
Ugh, explain to me again how he is “quite an amazing partner and father” if all this is going on and this is how what he is and isn’t doing is making you feel??
4 Likes
Tell him this is not the life that you want for yourself and your child. Tell him if it doesn’t stop…NOW, you’re out and so us baby… requested supervised visitation and get child support. Do not proceed with marriage unless THIS is corrected. Best of luck.
2 Likes
You need to talk to him about what you want for your life and your child s life. If he does not want you to leave, you can see if he will curb his drinking. Then you can choose what you are going to do.
You say he’s an amazing father and partner but yet he is unable to function most of the week? My ex was a drunk and I was blind to how bad it really was for far too long. If he can’t see this as a problem then it may be time to (if nothing else) take a break from each other and this will give you the chance to see if he is willing to do better without having to actually live through it. If he doesn’t see the problem with you there maybe being separated will wake him up but if it doesn’t then you’ll know you got out before it was too late and your child has to grow up with it.
1 Like
Sometimes you just need to pack up and leave til he decides what’s more important, drinking or his family
1 Like
RUN, and don’t look back!
GET OUT!! He’s not ready to be a man! Much less a dad…
I’m a recovering alcoholic 27 plus years and if he is drinking and missing work and going out almost every night and coming home drunk, your man has a problem. Most people are recommending going to an AA meeting and an open meeting you are welcome, but I’m going to suggest for you to find an Al-Anon meeting.
I stayed in a relationship being sober with an alcoholic that couldn’t get sober for almost 8 years and was miserable, but I kept hoping among hope that he would quit. I’ve been out of it for over 2 years now and guess what? He’s still drinking and dying from his drinking.
Take care of you and that baby first. Either your man will get sober or he won’t but you need to take care of yourself first, so you can take care of that baby.
I think you should stop drinking. Take a breath.
Honestly knowing your feelings about it and also growing up with an alcoholic parent and still choosing to do so he’s not an amazing father or partner.
He completely disregards your feelings and what you and your baby need from him. And tbh if he’s this bad and missing work bc of it already he’s only gonna get worse.
So ask yourself is this the life you want for your baby and yourself? The same childhood you had or possibly worse? If not then I’d leave now.
We both work as teachers. I am currently on maternity leave and he is currently on holiday.
FYI.