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"So my fiancé and I discussed he wouldn’t vape anymore either because I was having such a hard time, tho I let him keep smoking because I didn’t wanna treat him unfairly, well that was the beginning of my pregnancy, now I’m 17 weeks, I found a vape hidden under our bed about 3 weeks ago and when I confronted him about it he said he had no clue and that it must have been one of our friends that left it there. Which already didn’t add up but I let it slide because I trust him. Well fast forward to today I find another one in his pocket, I asked him thousands of times what’s in his pocket and he would say nothing and make me feel crazy, so I reached in and guess what… it’s a vape… turns out he has been having his mom buy him vapes and lie to me. He has been gaslighting me and lying straight to my face and vaping my whole pregnancy so far and idk I feel so betrayed and upset, he has been deleting calls and messages to his mother so I don’t find out and has been hiding them at work or in the car … do I have the right to be upset? Or is it my hormones… because I’m heartbroken over this."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Yah he shouldn’t have lied 100% I agree. But if he’s not smoking near you. You do not control his body or him."
"Your feelings are valid. However, I would say nicotine is harder to quit than heroin (in my personal experience) I would explain to him it’s the lying etc. But to be honest he probably felt it was a lose-lose if he didn’t agree. Hugs dear!!!"
"Fuck. Let him vape. I get it, but he isn’t pregnant. You are a big, strong girl who knew you’d have to give it up when you got preggers."
"I’m gonna be honest my boyfriend has told me to quit smoking cigarettes a hundred times but every time I tell him no— I’m an adult. If he wants to dictate someone he can find someone else. I get why you’re upset/ because he lied, but in reality he’s an adult and this is a relationship not ownership"
"He shouldn’t have lied to you but he obviously wants to vape and you can’t make him stop."
"Maybe he lied to you because you act like that? He’s a grown man, he isn’t vaping in your house or around you while you’re pregnant so let him deal with his vaping and you concentrate on growing your baby and keeping your body healthy."
"If vaping bothers you, ask him to not do it around you which according to you he already doesn’t smoke it around you….so what is the issue??"
"Wow, you’re not his mother. As long as he’s not vaping around you then what’s the issue. Just because you’re having a child with him don’t mean you now get to control him"
"It’s not fair to make him quit something just because you had to. It is wrong that he’s hiding it from you but maybe he’s scared you’re going to flip out on him. Stay out of the man's pockets and sit down and have a conversation with him without scolding him."
"He’s going to quit when he is ready and not any sooner."
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