So my fiance has a BM, his son had told us that he wanted to spend Thanksgiving with us because his mom was going to work and that he didn’t want to spend it with her boyfriend’s family. So my boyfriend texted her yesterday asking if he could spend the day with us, I think she was in a good mood because she said yes, ( this has never happened, she’s been full of drama the past six years). We were so happy and excited, she also yesterday she asked my fiance if he could pick him up too because she didn’t have anyone to watch him, my fiance also said yes. Then a couple of minutes later, she texted, saying he didn’t have to pick him up after all because she found someone to babysit. Everything was good. Until about 11 pm, we started hearing his phone blow up, he finally checks it, and it was her sending texts paragraphs after paragraphs, saying all kinds of things about him manipulating her and that he was a piece of shit dad, and that he was not picking him up for Thanksgiving. She kept accusing him of trying to take him away from her; he just told her that he was not at all trying to do that, that that’s why he was asking her. She kept going on and on, paragraph after paragraph. We were literally with our mouths open. We kept asking each other what had happened? What had to trigger her all of a sudden? They had been co-parenting pretty well for the last couple of months. We do know that she’s having problems with her boyfriend, his son told us that the boyfriend had kicked her and him out of the house and that he had said that he didn’t want the baby in the house, so I could understand why he doesn’t want to spend that day with him. His son is 9 years old, so he is pretty aware of what’s going on, and he’s expressed how mad he is at the boyfriend, yet mom continues to keep him watch him, we can’t even ask if we could watch him on days that she works because she apparently knows what’s best, but his son keeps telling us how much he hates going over there and how much he hates when he spends the night. I’m just venting. Theirs have never been holidays where we don’t have drama with her. It’s always something. They did break up around the holidays, so IDK if it has something to do with that. But it’s been six years. Shouldn’t she be over it by now?
Emotions get triggered by many unknown factors; especially around the holidays.
Sounds like she’s being told what to say or how to handle it. Also, she could be bitter.
My advice, get a parenting plan if they don’t have one. That way, it’s in writing and if she goes against it, she will be held in contempt.
My agreement is if I have to work and the father of my child wants visitation he gets him until I get off. Holidays are split for the most part and if not split they are even/odd years…If the mother is working what does it hurt to let the father have extra time? The boyfriend has no say in the co-parenting , that’s just none of his business, let the parents do what’s best for the child !!!
Unfortunately some people never get over it and try to manipulate others…
Have him take her back to court for mediation. This way they can have it in writing which holidays they get the child. This way there won’t be any fighting when it’s in writing by the courts.
tell your bf to go to court to ask for visitation rights. let the lawyer handle it for him so he does not need to directly have contact with her but with his son only.
And your fiance isn’t getting off his ass and going to court why? Cuz that’s my only advice
I had this situation with my ex husband from the time my son was 5. If i asked to change weekends for my son to come to a special family get together he would literally send me the amount of how much he was paying in child support for that time, among other ridiculous things. My son was well aware and i let him decide if he wanted me to intervene once he got old enough. Me flipping out made the time there hard. His father put his girlfriends and wives first always. Anyway, my son learned to tolerate, he did not want to rock the boat. I only communicated with his father when i had to because he refused to coparent. When it got to the point that my son would say he didn’t want to go there bc of the girlfriend, i had enough. I spoke to my attorney and went to have custody changed to give my son the legal right to make the decision. Just petitioning that put somewhat of a stop. I don’t have answers for you. But if the child doesn’t feel safe or truly doesn’t want to go, maybe see if he and his ex can sit down and talk. And definitely do not engage like that. Whatever caused such a dramatic text war isn’t worth the attention. I’m sorry you guys are going through this.
If he don’t take her to court and stop playing this game with her…with his son’s well being!!
Sounds like he needs to get custody the boyfriend could abuse the child considering he doesn’t even want the child there to begin with.
Time for your bf to step up and be a dad/man and take her to court for visitation or even custody!! The child is old enough to talk to the courts and let them know what’s going on!! Tired of reading stories from gf about their bf and them not being able to see their kid(s), all while the bf does nothing about it!!
And , it is not your job to have or fix all these relationships either . Duh !
Sounds like her and the boyfriend had a big fight and to “prove” herself to the pos boyfriend, she blew up on baby daddy.
maybe she was just drunk and in her feelings I would also go to court for visitation rights. especially since the son has a Father that cares why should he sleep somewhere else then if he doesn’t want to.
Tough situation would definitely let the courts handle it .Sometimes the other can’t let go they don’t want the person BUT they don’t want anyone else to either. I have been married to My spouse for over 30 yrs and his ex is still a miserable B .
Seems that lady needs a therapist cause she sounds like a straight lunatic & she is probably not over their break up. That poor boy has to see the crap humans she chooses and has to suffer all the adult b.s I was also wondering if he bf ever touched her son in a funny way, it;s not easy for boy to tell that. Seems your man needs to go to court and ask for visitation rights & for her to get mental help. 6 years, you have every right to be concerned.
Her bi polar must have kicked in js
Show those messages to the court and next time little man talks about stuff going on at the house record him. Go to court and get the kid. Boyfriend could be abusing him and it’s your and bfs job to fight for him. Can’t tell if she’s drunk or in her feeling or drugged up but she’s needs someone to put her in her place. Who better than the law.
She’s probably scared of her boyfriend so she has to flex her muscles in the relationship she can
Sounds like its time for a protective order. The child should not be forced to be with an abuser. Also visitation and holidays should be established with child support. Forms can be filled put at the local courthouse. A child is not a pawn to be played with.
So if she got kicked out where is she staying? Take her back to court and try and get custody. If not, get it in writing which holidays he can spend with each parent
Following… I’m in a similar situation but only since the BM found out I was pregnant and the son is 11
Hmm I wish so much my son’s father or his wife had ever cared so much about my son. He didn’t even bother meeting him till he was 13. He’d moved out of state and I couldn’t even track him down on Facebook till our kid was nine and they started talking on the phone. It honestly sounds like this woman is in her feelings and needs somebody. She doesn’t recognize her blessings, this is the time of year to outline them. Try reaching out to her on a personal level, him more than you but still be involved. Don’t let her reel you into drama but let her know y’all are there for his kid and her if she needs it. If all else fails kids come first and consult an attorney about the full situation and his options. Good luck.
BM to me is bowel movement. So, what the fuck is going o?
She need 2 get a life and let his dad spend time and see his child… even though he’s 9…and quit making life so difficult 4 her baby 2 be with his dad and step mom…these children need ther dads…l didn’t grow up with one…if he’s around let him enjoy his moments with his child…
Damn. Was your fiance married to my husband’s ex? Create clear boundaries and when she pulls her drama, don’t respond. Just keep copies of all her texts. If you don’t respond she will get the hint. She sounds like she drinks or is on drugs.
Easy fix. Get a court ordered parenting plan. They alternate holidays and give days to have child every week. Yes it costs money but if you want problem fixed. That’s a sure way
Dad needs to get custody. The BF sounds dangerous. Too many kids getting abused even killed by a non loving BF/GF. Save this child before it’s too late!!!
Maybe bipolar or similar cause she can’t be sound.
Sounds like drama is the standard and being cooperative is out of no where… also sounds like she was drunk dialing
Pardon the yelling but, I’m old and have lived a lot of life. Here’s my advice. NOTHING concerning anything as important as a child should EVER be handled via text. PERIOD. They need to meet and discuss, then agree with no conditions. Until that happens, you got nothing.
Sounds to me the son is playing both sides. What set her off? Your bfs son, when she asked why he wanted to go to his dads on thanksgiving…trust me kids do do this.
The BF sounds like abusive,and scary. The little boy doesn’t need to be around someone like that. I think the dad should try to get custody or joint custody. Maybe take the boy to a counselor to see what is going on.
Why do we never see the men actually asking these questions or caring? Always the gf, fiance, or wife etc? Let him deal with his bm
Child can speak to the courts if it is that bad.
- If mom is working on Thanksgiving then dad should be given first right of refusal before taking the child somewhere else.
- If the boyfriend did kick them out, it’s cause for concern because the mom isn’t providing a stable living environment.
Keep a log book of all occurances and fight for custody
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Until you are married to him (fiance/bf) since you aren’t sure what he is, I’d stay out of it. Legally you have no say and if he can’t deal with his ex or son…what makes you think he parent? This is called life and if he wants his son, he needs to see an attorney. Discuss his options and then go for it. Support fiance/bf mean while and don’t push him, you could be the next ex. He needs support not nagging from you also.
Firstly. Suck it up and your BF can say. What can I do to help and make this situation ok?
Next I would quietly without involving anyone else. Get some legal advise.
At the very least some visitation rights.
He needs to take her to court, and have his visitation or even shared custody set in place. He shouldn’t have to deal with that crap, just trying to see and spend time with his kid. And his child shouldn’t be having to deal with that chaos either
Sounds like she needs some help mentally and emotionally. Is she stable?
Save text. Take her to court and get custody. The child should not be exposed to this. If child is over 12 he should have choice. This is not healthy for him
I’d let the boy talk to his law guardian and express all this. My x husband and I never did a custody agreement my kids just floated back and forth. So sad because these women/men ruin these kids childhood w their drama!!
Children’s advocacy custody welfare committee get some things started n get your kids priority first ASAP
Part of being with someone who has a child elsewhere…learn to live with it or get out of that relationship…in my opinion it’s not worth it…to much baby momma DRAMA…well maybe drama on both sides…not worth their bullshit drama on ur life…just my opinion…good luck too ur family! PEACE!!!
I would just take her ass to court because she’s being a petty ass baby mama
In some custody agreements it says that if you need someone to watch your kid while you go to work you have to ask the other parent first and if they can’t then you can ask someone else. Do they have anything like that in their agreement? Also what does the holiday agreement look like??
He better go to curt and handle this fast 6 years and he didn’t care do to anything about it ? He needs to put his foot down and make sure he gets to see his soon as much as possible. Also if possible ask if the would interview the child for his own comfort and well being.
Why hasn’t he taken her to court.
Sounds like she controls you both …
There needs to be a custody agreement. Then he would get his son every other weekend and alternating holidays. Plus spring break, Thanksgiving break, winter break and summer would be split up between them. That’s very sad that she is doing this. I hope things get better for you soon.
Time to get a Lawyer!
Take it back to court and get full custody. Document everything including text messages, volume mail ( anything where she is verbally abusive). Write a diary where you write down what the son has said and at what time, what mood he was in.
They don’t call it baby mama drama for nothing. I used to deal with my husband crazy ex too in similar situations, but his 10 y/o now lives with us full time. I love him like he’s one of my own. He’s a great help with my babies. Don’t give up, just be firm & stand your ground and most of all don’t take it out on your man. He can’t help it.
Tell your biyfriend to take her ass back to court. And have the boy testify too.
Oh yea. They must have had a fight or he is texting for her. Either way, not good. Yes, my ex does this. Great co parenting them flip of the switch for nothing. ( his wife is full of drama) so just agree to disagree and call it a day. Not worth the headache.
Go get some kind of custody agreement. That’s too much drama, and the kid doesn’t deserve that.
I wonder how old the son is, is he old enough to decide who he wants to live with? It sounds like dad & step mom are more stable.
Go to court and at nine the son may be able to state what he wants
I agree. Custody agreement and I’m pretty sure with his age if it does get in front of a judge he will want to speak to your son without any outside influences. My x was horrible first few years after I remarried with our son, it got to the point my sister and I had to make sure our weekend with our kids were in sync with each other so we could do family stuff because of my x.
Is she on drugs? And yes please get court order custody/visitation agreement
It took almost 8 years to get a good relationship going with my fiance’s ex. She still doesn’t talk to him, but she does talk to me! Depending on how they broke up it could take quite some time. Sucks but with the wait!! Just tonight me and her were trying to work up a way to help one of the kids!! Just give it time and be super patient. Do what you think is right for the kids. Bottom line they are what matter! Hope everything works out for you!
It’s time too get a lawyer and court!
Well your boyfriend is just as much at fault this has been going on 6 years and he isn’t doing anything for the child to have stability, do something go to the court house for custody hearing get a lawyer Im sad for this child not having anyone but a end to this endless drama
Somebody was in her ear after she made the decision to let the son come over and she changed her mind.
She probably is “over it by now.” There are 2 sides to every story. We don’t know what this bbmamas is. I was labeled the crazy ex, jealous, baby mama drama, etc by bbdaddys family. Then we went to court & my side was heard & all of bbdaddys lies came out. I wasn’t the crazy, jealous ex after all lol Why doesn’t your husband take her to court for visitation? Is he hiding something from you? Encourage him to go to court but don’t be surprised when your feelings get hurt bc you may find out that bbmama isn’t the enemy
I would def take this to court for visitation rights. Sounds like her boyfriend may be controlling and possibly made her pick a fight to cancel plans. The husband’s son is uncomfortable for a reason in his own home. Very sad for the child.
There’s always 2 sides to every story. This particular side makes her seem unreasonable but we don’t know all the facts. My husband fought for him to be able to see his son, he didn’t jump on FB to ask, he jumped on the phone and called a attorney. He physically went to the juvenile department and asked a million questions. The father needs to plead his case, if his case is good they’ll rule in his favor. A child under 18 has no say so whatsoever on this, his “wants” are irrelevant. They go on facts. The fact that the father hasn’t consulted a attorney or anything else logical would lead me to believe that there’s more we’re not hearing.
Are you sure it’s not the boyfriend texting you guys pretending to be her? Sounds like he’s the one with the issues.
I’d get the name of the BF and look him up to see if he has any run-ins with the law, or anything else disturbing. He sounds awful.
Call baby mama at work, ask if she’s OK, if she needs an escape plan & a safe house. If she’s agreeable, help her get out of a bad situation and work with a women’s shelter to keep her safe.
If it’s not the case that she’s being manipulated by the BF, maybe stipulate that kid can only stay w mom if BF is not there in a new court order.
Why do people make each other and their children so miserable? So sorry you are going through this.
In most cases, if a parent can’t watch the child during their time the other parent should have the first eight of refusal. Meaning if mom can’t watch the boy because of work or whatever, then the boy should be with his father, if his father isn’t unavailable. The boyfriend should never have the boy if his father is available. I would definitely bring this up to a lawyer and get the custody agreement adjusted.
I’d go to court. She sounds bitter, at your man and hers. And taking it out on the kid is crazy. Its just a holiday that she wont be there for. No big deal to me.
Were seriouly going threw same shit… 2yrs of court… We finally have trial in 2 months… My husband’s ex is seriously a night mare! She doesn’t no what co parenting is… Soon as 6 months r up go back to court. For child s sake don’t give up… Dad’s have rights just as much as mothers do. Good luck.
If she has been kicked out then I would say he has a chance to petition the court for guardianship. She seems to be unstable and in a toxic relationship
Judt becuz the son doesnt want to be at his moms is not enough reason
Or becuz he hates it when the bf spends the night
It has to be bigger problems of neglect or abuse that mother or boyfriend is doing
Otherwise judt follow the court order parenting plan
If theres no court order parenting plsn…then file a motion
Custody and parenting
Either schedule u want. Then u have to prove why u should get more parenting time
Evenly split the holidays so there is no more holiday drama
The BM is having a crummy time with her bf…so she misses ur bf and is selfish becuz thats the only way she can retaliate for her BD moving on
Dont expect her to change…just file it in court…that way it eliminates the holiday drama. She will then get in trouble in court if she hogs the boy on ur designated holidays or week days…which filing another motion
Misery loves company
She sounds bi polar
Unfortunately u cant force her to get psychological help
Dont let this revolve ur whole life
Some never get over it, and will try to control everything and cause trouble forever! Time to get a custody agreement dictated by a judge, not her.
Can you go to the police station when the son isn’t around and see what you can do? I went to live with my uncle and his girlfriend at 13 because of issues with my mom’s boyfriend. The mom’s boyfriend might be in her ear. Is mom’s boyfriend abusive mentally or physically to the son?
If there’s a parenting plan follow it! Do not deviate. Do not ask favors or swaps. If there isn’t one get one! Have boundaries about communication in the plan. Stick to the plan. Document evidence & file for modification if there’s a change in the “child’s” circumstances.
Bitter females NEVER really get over it… it’ll come out somehow someway no matter how long it’s been.
Save the texts and get to a lawyer right now. If she’s in an unstable relationship like that she shouldn’t have custody rights to that child. If he’s kicking them out your bf should file emergency custody and will immediately get custody of him and then file for full. He needs a stable safe home where he feels comfortable not like he’s going to be homeless any minute. It sounds like there’s domestic issues there and he needs to be out of there.