You for sure need more then that testing. Does his doctor know he has injured his brother?? I know many are taught to be “afraid” if cps but as a personn who works closely with them they DO want to help kerp famikies togethet and give resources . I am not saying you are not doing enough but you need to say more and not be worried about wat it means as long as he gets help. Next time your 2 year Olds injuries could be worse or fatal.
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Ain’t nothing wrong with getting whooped.
I was when I was a child and it taught me respect. U bet ur ass I didn’t keep doing the same dumb stuff. If used in the correct situations with the correct children it’s not an every day thing. U only end up spanking them a few times and they catch on. Now if ur child shows no emotion or continues to act out after a spanking then it’s a lot deeper than just a kid learning right from wrong. U can’t keep spanking a kid and not get any type of improvement. At that point absolutely the child def needs a psych evaluation. If he’s hurting other and animals on purpose? That’s a huge 
Your the mama show him whose boss!!
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He needs to see a child therapist who specializes in trauma before yoy automatically assume its ADHD or ODD.
He literally spent his entire childhood probably watching your husband beat you. The first 5 years is crucial in development. They learn so much from their environment and the people in it. If he’s spent 4 years in an abusive home chances are he probably thinks that it’s normal to be violent.
Poor kid is probably traumatized. He’s been through ALOT and probably doesn’t know how to cope in a healthy way.
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What type of discipline has he had??
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He needs therapy from all the trauma he has experienced. This breaks my heart for him.
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If you would like to PM me- I can look up local resources for you! I deal with this at work Quite frequently
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Put him in an institute so they can properly evaluate him. There’s no way in hell he should be harming/threatening you or your other child.
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By noticing something is wrong you’re not a failure. There is still time to get things under control but only if you act fast. He needs to learn empathy. Seek a therapist that specializes in young children of abuse you need to be super transparent because these are potentially psychopathic traits that if untreated will absolutely become so much worse. Absolutely do not combat these behaviors with similar responses. He needs taught how to properly process his emotions, not punished.
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You should look into behavioral homes, as hard as it is. My stepdaughter went to one, she is there now and just turned 6 and has had huge success there we couldn’t give her out here even with therapy and every tool being used we could.
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Hes acting out bc of his daddy. He saw/heard things he shouldn’t have. To him, that’s normal. You need to have time set aside for just him. Have a friend/family take the younger one for a day or two and spend time talking and playing with your 4yo. Explain that things hurt, and to use his words to show you how he feels. Actions have consequences and hurting others is a bad action. Put locks on your cleaners.
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Honestly my 4 year old went insane when I brought his brother home. Brother is now 11 weeks and older brother is 5 in a few weeks. He hated me. Called me names. Would say the world would be better if he died and wasn’t here anymore so it would just be me and the baby. Told me he hated me and I was the worst mother ever. Was hitting again. Just right out of control. I cried a lot. So did he. Well, I finally got him in school. He went 3 days last week and 3 so far this week. He’s already so changed. If he slips and calls me a name he genuinely apologizes and says he loves me and hugs me. It’s just blowing my mind. And he doesn’t even want to go to school he cries every morning and begs to stay home.
Maybe he just needs some time away from you. It’s a big adjustment to lose your father when you’re so little. Even if he was a bad guy.
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He’s acting out and has seen what dad did. Be fim with him and put him into counselling and with luck the doctor will put him on meds to help him calm down. Remember this kid has been though alot to
He might be acting this way because of your husband. You are going to have to be tuff on him take things away from him & let him know he won’t get it back tell his behavior changes & make him stand in time out he will probably try to fight you on it but if you have to stand with him & make him stay in the corner if he try’s getting out . If he is not sleeping at night try giving him childrens melatonin you can find it at Walmart. Therapy possibly would help but it isn’t always a solution for everyone but your aren’t a failure parenting can be so tough sometimes just need to stand your ground & be more stern with him but try to get him tested for autism he could have behavioral issues & may need to be put on medication
You’re recognizing his behavior isn’t normal, which is huge. If you’re concerned for his safety or others safety, you could always take him into ER and that may speed up the process of things. Make sure it’s a hospital that has a pediatric unit. Hugs.
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He needs to be sorted. He shouldn’t be a problem child. If he does that at home now he will be a bigger bully. Try punishment corner, remove luxury. Seek professional help da quicker the better.
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Smaht therapy is a new type of therapy. It’s hands on and meant for trauma. He needs in home therapy. A smaht therapist. And a therapeutic mentor. get him evaluated and A psyche valuation since he’s violent. I called and on call crisis team for my son and got him screened. Keep in mind that a hospital setting may be more traumatic but they can also help get things rolling. Call his doctors and ask for a therpist. And if you need it right away ask for the childrens crisis team. I started with his doctors and they referred me to a center for therapy and it’s been great. I was in an abusive relationship.
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Def get into counseling!
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He needs to be in therapy asap with someone who’s specifically deals in trauma/abuse. You are not a failure bc you got out!!! He’s just acting out how he was taught to handle his big emotions or just general displeasure. He could Be NT as well and all the change is upsetting him and again he didn’t learn healthy ways to handle his emotions. And make sure you get into therapy too bc you went through traumas as well.
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He is a child who had to be around violence. He is at an age where he is trying to learn boundaries so he is going to keep testing them, he is also craving a bit of independence while still wanting you there to nuture and comfort. He is going through BIG changes and BIG emotions for such a little one and has trouble processing. First especially with the sleeping, make sure you get into a routine. Make sure things are set at the same times each day as much as possible (example: nap at 1pm. Or at bedtime in the evening bath, pj’s, brush teeth, story&bed) not only that but try to lay them down at the same time every night (example: go through bedtime routine and have them in bed by 7-7:30 pm, sleeping by 8:00-8:30)
Before bed try to make sure lights are dim and low, environment is quiet as possible or with white noise. Next step is consistently following through with discipline. (Example: says or does something mean. Time out chair for 1 minute per year of age. Make sure EVERY time it happens it is followed with EXACTLY that.)
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Regardless of the reason or the diagnosis, this child is dealing with some type of mental health issue and is struggling. Lean into all available resources and if he’s not already in school he likely could be due to his emotional state.
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There are gummies that are natural that can calm him styles until you take him to see a professional. Acting out is expected but what you describe is a bit extreme if you can’t even sleep
You’ve gotten the ball rolling with therapy, stick with it and be persistent. In the meantime, maybe reach out to DCFS for more immediate help. Talk to social worker about your situation and they can point you in the right direction for resources to help when the need arises. Good luck, mama. Life is so messy.
Theres time to get things under control… You’re not a failure mama, hang in there💙
He needs therapy and you do too. This is not your fault and no one in their right mind will judge you. I am sending all my love. It will get easier. Congratulations on leaving your abuser
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Put a stop to that ASAP he’s 5 . If you don’t get control of him now you never will , when he gets older you may have a bigger problem , whoop his rear end & show him you mean business won’t take much more than a couple good spankings he will either change or you will know for sure to get him some professional help. It could be anything causing it , he might be having problems hearing / seeing / communication as well that he doesn’t know how to deal with so he’s acting out .
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I saw similar behavior with a family member. He would cuss at adults around that age and smack his head on things if he didn’t get his way. He had a rough childhood. I won’t get to much into it. But I will tell you what my grandmother told me and it working for this child and for my own three boys as well. Be firm, be consistent, and put the fear of god in them. I don’t mean make them actually afraid of you like they actually cry if they see you but you let them know if they do something wrong they will be punished. You know what your child likes and what they hate so make the punishment fit the crime. Be consistent. When my son ran down the hall I made him walk the hall. If they lied they bit soap. For various other things I took away all toys and made them go lay down or corner time. They learned momma doesn’t play around. I had to be a single mom for awhile so I know how hard it is to fill both shoes. But it’s possible. And since he is young you can turn that behavior around. It just takes consistency and a schedule. Also reward and praise the good behavior. Make the rewards really good that way he isn’t just getting punished all the time as that will destroy his confidence. I did all these things and now have three well behaved kids even as they hit there teenage years.
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OMG, YA’LLLLL…So many people are responding, “get in counseling, he needs help now, this situation has red flags”. SHE KNOWS THAT!! THAT IS WHY SHE IS HERE! She already said she is scheduled for an appointment in 90 days. Obviously she is asking for additional resources and suggestions FOR RIGHT NOW!
OP…First of all, you are SO brave and SO strong to get yourself and your children out of a dangerous situation. Because of that, you are NOT a statistic so please, DO NOT EVER FORGET THAT! Next, the reason you feel like a failure is because the help, resources, and actions you have tried up until now did not work. BUT, the good thing about that is you now KNOW those things don’t work so you can move right along to new ideas. I am by no means an expert in this although I did pack my entire life and move myself and my, at the time 2 year old, daughter to a brand new state where I knew ABSOLUTELY NOONE. It sucks, it all sucks. Life can damn sure deal us a bad hand but you are stronger than you think!! Here are my suggestions:
- I know you said all 3 of you are together 24/7 but I would start making one on one time with him. Every Night when the baby goes to bed, take 30 mins of the evening to devote strictly to him. In that 30mins you sit on the floor and allow him to choose one game, one book, & one treat/snack. While you are devoting this time to him, begin asking OPEN-ENDED questions. For example, “I’m sorry you had a rough day today baby, is there anything mommy can do next time to help”? “You were so kind to your brother today and I’m super proud of you! What are your favorite things to do with your brother”? “Mommy remembers being so angry just like you were today. What do you think makes you get so angry”? Do this every day or night…30 minutes, you & him ONLY.
- Rewards & Consequences that you stick to NO MATTER WHAT! Next time you are at Walmart, dollar store, etc. pick up a box and several small toys/games/art/etc. Let him decorate the box which will become his treasure chest. Put the little fun things in the treasure chest alone with some coupons you make that are for things like an extra 30 mins. to stay up late, a play date with a friend or mommy, breakfast in bed, etc. Next, make a chart or get one from Amazon (they are cheap) and pick 3 behaviors (hitting, bad words, yelling, or what have you) and 3 chores (brush teeth, pick up toys, make bed…things like that) Every day you fill this out. A check/star for good, a frown/X for bad. At the end of the week if he has say 10 checks he gets to choose a prize from the treasure chest. Consequences will also have to be decided on and this will be much harder than the rewards part. But is HAS to be done to change the behaviors. Every single time…EVERY SINGLE TIME he hits, uses bad words, yells, or all the things that he is doing to get that negative attention needs to have a Consequence! My suggestion would be to put him in his room for 4 minutes every time. It may end up being the whole damn day for a bit but that’s okay, YOU Just keep your eyes on the prize and do it every single time! Side Note: you are more than likely going to have to take everything out of his room or he will use it as weapons or for play so take everything out. Don’t worry, he’ll get it all back soon because if you are consistent with these suggestions combined with physician & counseling, he WILL get better!
- Prayer & Love! I don’t doubt for a second you don’t love your children but I also know you are worn down and just simply exhausted. This is when you need to LITERALLY talk to your higher power…out loud if you need to. Every day & every time you need help, cry, yell, etc. You pray to God to help you, to guide you, & to give you strength, patience and more love than you thought was possible. Use that strength and grace to love your boy strait! Hug him, kiss him, snuggle him, tickle/rough house him…allllll the things that he needed when he heard & saw his momma getting beat on and was scared to death. Love every bit of that anger, rage, & hurt right out of him!
YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE WORTHY AND YOU ARE A DAMN GOOD MOMMA. Use every bit of strength in your soul and help your boy see that LOVE WINS EVERY SINGLE TIME
Getting into things is normal for a 4 year old. Put chemicals in a high cabinet so he can’t access them. The violence sounds like a learned behavior from the ex. It’s going to take time to correct that. Just keep at it. Stop him when he’s acting that way, and correct him by demonstrating healthy ways to deal with his emotions. Every time. Don’t give up or feel helpless. It’s just going to take time
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He’s mimicking the behaviour you escaped. He needs counseling.
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Where do you live? Maybe you are close to someone who can physically help you. Message me.
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Cabinet locks on everything and get all 3 of you help I’m sure he has seen things that happened to you I know it was traumatic for you just think of how he feels
Please look into RAD support groups. And look at what it is. He has all the symptoms. Reactive attachment disorder hugs mama
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If this brings any ease I somewhat know what you’re going through. Happened over 15 years ago but when my brother started JK the teachers noticed same behaviour so when meet the teacher night came up, they brought it up to my mom and she knew it was because their dad was still around. So she had to kick him out for everyone’s well being and had to gain supports aswell… fast forward to now, my brother is an amazing young man who has the biggest heart for our mom.
Give this time, take some of the above advice from everyone here & know that with your continued love & consistency; he’ll get there too❤️
& virtual hugs to you! You’re doing amazing!
Children learn from us… Our words and our behavior. He needs to be told every time that the behavior is wrong… He needs love and absolutely no violence in his life. Yes therapy is always a good idea. Help for you as well is not a bad idea…to learn how to help him learn healthy behavior in replacement of the violence
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You said you escaped an abusive relationship, how much did your 4 yo witness? Monkey see monkey do, I would be getting a mental health plan for the 4yo
THANK YOU FOR REACHING OUT
DO NOT STOP IM BEGGING YOU
These are all signs of mental and behavioral disorders. Like many others have said you are taking the right steps and there are many resources for you.
I know you feel as if you’re drwoning and he is drowning with you. Keep your head up. You are strong enough no matter what you may feel at your low moments
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He is practically displaying what he has been seeing. So sorry u have to go through this alone. Hugs to u
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My son was diagnosed with something called dmdd at 4. Maybe look into it. It sounds like he is having a hard time and repeating behavior he seen. He probably needs some therapy. Best wishes!
Please till he best help keep the brother and the animals safe please. Also yourself. Stay strong is going to get better
I hope you find something that helps you make it through a little easier im sorry you are going through this alone hugs xx
He learned this behavior … kids do what they see. Dont put him on medications ffs . U gotta love this anger back out of him. He is a nervous wreck from the life y’all lived. I’ll help u anytime, u dont have to feel alone. Message me
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Hang in there and pray ,pray ,pray ask god to help you and guide you …prayers for you and ur family may god bless you
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I don’t have any advice and feel everyone that has commented has given great input. I just want to offer virtual hug. You are a rockstar for leaving an abusive situation and for asking for help on this topic. Far from a failure. We are here if you need anything else
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He’s traumatized. Keep providing a calm and safe environment and he’s gonna trust it again.
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Sounds like my girl when she was younger.
I was also in an abusive relationship…
My girl was finally diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, Anxiety and Depression
Your younger one, like my younger one is a sponge. He will be soaking in everything he see’s his brother doing and eventually will do the same
Get a referral from your doctor for support. Counselling and therapies. ELMHS wpuld be able to point you in yhe direction of somewhere for your boy if he is too young for them.
By reaching out and asking for help your not failing mama. Ur son sounds troubled. Maybe medical related. Maybe trauma. But Ur going down the right channels. Just keep going
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This happened to Me with my oldest when I left my ex. Children pick up on things. You really should look into play therapy. It’s soooo hard at first when you leave but after awhile they will start to calm down, but the first couple of months to the first year after leaving an abusive relationship is definitely the hardest. I’m so sorry you are going threw this. Stay strong momma❤️ you are NOT failing your kids.
I’m not sure where you are from but you can always look for something like this in your area for help.
He may need councilling. It could be from the dv. My oldest is awful and violent.i think aswell as been through dv your scared to punish as scared what he’ll do. But you do need too. I was same with ex 11 Yr. My oldest is as tall as me though so you need start sorting it early on. Put all stuff dangerous in a lockable cupboard
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I so feel for you 
you have been given great advise on here so just want to send u virtual good vibes , hang in there mumma it will all be ok x
Serial kil??e;r in the making
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Put an outside lock on his door for at night.
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You are a hero mummy
Your abusive husband failed him you didn’t. Well done for finding the courage to leave. Go talk to your doctor to discuss any therapeutic support for your boy you will all get through this
The kid has mental illness of some sort tamtrums are the first signs of mental illness don’t give him adhd meds if he has a mood disorder How much stuff did he see his father do and if his father was bad he may have had a mental illness problem. And now the kid inherited it Yes I think you should consider it. I have heard of a kid being so bad they had to separate him from other siblings for there safety I don’t think it’s bipolar it may be worse than that get him to a shrink that can give medicine ask for the best one he needs a diagnoses. Ask the shrink What’s his diagnoses as soon as he can figure it out. Then find organization that works with this kind of a kid he may have to be placed somewhere that they can control him he may be to young for that. God bless you
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THERAPY immediately. He has witnessed his father doing this to you so he is mimicking his father. For his sake & you & your other child get therapy quickly before it escalates to the point he harms his sibling then child protective services gets involved. Although they may be help you to expedite his testing. Prayers for you & yours.
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His angry…did your ex husband also mistreat him as well ? My son was like this as a child and yet to this day is still hard to deal with…
Get to the drs and get him checked over and get him into therapy. He’s mimicking his dad as that’s what he’s grown up with and sees as the norm. Now dads not there, he’s taking his place. You need to get done medication to relax him enough to sleep as he’s a danger. Put all cleaning products up in a licked cupboard and I’d get licks on the downstairs rooms so he can’t get in them at night. You’re going to have to adapt for a while by moving certain things out of reach and even install cupboard locks too
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I have a 4 year old the exact same way. His sperm donor is the exact same way but he never seen any thing. His father’s DNA runs strong. Be stern and if they are willing to diagnose him at 4 let them. Try different things. Read up on different things about the way he acts. I have been going through this since the day my son has been born and he has only been around his sperm donor a handful of times. You got this momma. Keep your head up. My child’s doc will do nothing til he is 5. I went from almost 200 lbs to 100 lbs over it. He has been kicked out of daycares because they said he was a liability to them. No one will keep him or ever help with him except 2 people. He runs off you can’t catch him. He hurts other people and kids he is completely out of control. I will be praying for you guys and I know it’s hard cause you stay so stressed and frustrated but try positive reinforcement and give him good attention. He may have gotten some of it from what he seen but you are not alone I promise.
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I also say it’s learned behavior. I would do to him exactly what he does to you. If he slaps you and asks if you want him to beat you, yell louder, slap him back and ask him the same. I feel like he will get scared and back off. Then you sit him down and have a conversation about why he was wrong, why how you reacted was wrong (even though you were doing it purposefully) and why it was wrong for the man you got away from to do the things he did. When he hurts his brother, do the same. When he gets into things he shouldn’t, get into some of his things and break them or mess them up. Then explain why it’s wrong when he gets upset about it. It seems harsh…but…idk I just feel like it would work…then again, it could backfire and make him that much more violent…
this is such a tough thing for you to be going through I’m so sorry love. I saw one person mention play therapy…my method was tough love, but I’m thinking with these babies nowadays that therapy may work better. My little one bit me once really hard and pulled my hair. I did the same to her and she has never done it again. But then she yelled at her nana and got in her face and when I did the same thing back it didn’t work because she continued to do it. I got a friend of mine who I a specialist on child behavior to help me out and she told me to talk to her more calmly and not yell as much. And I’ve been making sure that I do that and she no longer yells at her nana AT ALL…So I ended up being the issue because I was yelling at her ya know?..parenting is so hard. It has made me cry on many occasions. I feel your pain…we just have to keep trying different things and see which one works. I’m praying for you. We all gotta pray for one another 
PLEASE BLESS US LORD!!! I rambled because I just feel so bad that you’re going through this. My mom went through this exact same thing when she left her ex hubby…I’m sorry girl and sorry for this rambling. I’ll shut up now
It sounds like your child is possessed with a demon or demons. He needs urgent deliverance before it gets worse or before he ends up killing you or/and your other child. Idk if you are a Christian or not but I’d advise you to pray over him and ask God to protect you every night before bed. Plead the blood of Jesus over your home and children, the devil is a liar and he wants your son to end up being a serial killer, rapist etc. The only thing the world is going to label him as is "rebellious " " traumatized " "schizophrenic " and so on, but he won’t get any other help apart from being jailed, hospitalized or put on heavy meds or even a straitjacket. I pray that he finds help and that God delievers him from all the demons that are oppressing him
I have a son with autism and one thing I spoke to his doctor about when trying to get him diagnosed was schizophrenia. She assured me my son didn’t have that and told me some of the signs to look for. You just named quite a few she mentioned. Not sleeping was the main thing she mentioned. It’s definitely something to look into. I’d keep trying different behavioral health clinics and tell them it’s urgent. Hopefully you can find someone to see him.
It sounds like it could be autism
Therapy I’m not a Dr but some of that behavior is not good get help asap
You’re not failing at all! Keep your head up mama!
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You’re not a failure. You’re doing your best! I hope everything works out well 
stay strong.
Talk to a behavioral health specialist. Therapy will help too but it’s past the point of that being enough on its own
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Make sure your two year old doesn’t share room with him. At least until your oldest sees a therapist
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Definitely sounds like therapy is needed and some sort of door alarm or something like that to let you know if he wakes up and sneaks out of the room. That sounds rough momma and I wish you all the best
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Melatonin gummie to help him sleep so u can and therapy.
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we had similar issue if u can om me ill tell you wat we have done
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OH dear he is well out of hand not your fault. I think he has mental health issues as well as the break up has affected him No child hurts animals and threatens his mummy at 4, I would have serious concerns about leaving the 2 year old on his own with him. If things get really out of hand you can always call the police you have done the best thing getting him into therepy maybe another call to them to say it is an emergency maybe they can bring his appointment forward. So sorry you are going thru this hope its sorted soon
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He needs therapy asap, whether you get it done online or find someone in person but he obviously needs therapy right now. Even if the doctors take 90 days, a therapist won’t. Go online and get one for him immediately. Also melatonin to help him sleep at night, and I would put an alarm at his door so you can hear him enter and exit his room. If he’s getting out into the kitchen, baby gate and also lock stuff up. Cupboards, drawers and fridge. It’ll give you more piece of mind that he can’t open and get into things, and even if he gets over the baby gate if you set it high enough you should hear him fumbling over that trying to get out there. But he definitely needs therapy right now to help him.
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Are you sure your ex didn’t sexually assault him. Kids don’t just change. He needs help, and yesterday. You are in my prayers
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You said you left an abusive relationship. Kids are so impressionable and so I believe he is imitating potentially what he heard and saw. That statement ‘to beat you mum’ sounds like a grown man and had to of been learnt.
Therapy is needed and the other brother needs to be separated from him u til he improves. He could do some serious harm.
I’m hoping you can get help with this soon. No mother should live like this it’s heart wrenching.
Head up mumma x
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Could a Dr refer the 4 yo to therapy as it sounds like there is a lot of trauma in that little boy? I wouldn’t leave him alone with his brother unsupervised at all! I hear your situation and my first thought is that little boy needs a hug and shown that this did happen to all of you but its not how you behave. Maybe he feels frustrated from the separation aswell? Maybe he’s learnt from the behaviour of your husband? I know my three year just copies what they’ve seen and been told.
Keep strong and keep going, by the sounds of things you’ve done so well to escape a relationship so toxic and creating a whole new chapter for ypur children and yourself!
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Get on to
Counselling straight away and meet his anger and tantrums with hugs and lots of love… you got this mama!
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Breathe. You’re doing brilliantly.
You sound like you’re doing all of the right things with appointments. Out of curiosity, do you spend any one on one time with him? I know that can be difficult, but perhaps when the other child is napping, or keep him up later and spend that one on one time.
Do not leave him unattended with any children or animals. Keep a diary of incidents, sleep, food and water intake and see if there is any kind of pattern or triggers while you wait for the appointment xx
Along with all the positive suggestions, maybe you could play some very relaxing music throughout the day, just in low volume going on in the background. Clean your house of any clutter. Hang up some beautiful pictures of yourself with him and keep flowers around. Maybe start gardening with him if you’re brave enough to give that a go… I understand how you might be feeling right now. Maybe start sorting through their toys. If you can, repair the broken ones and then clean and decorate your house with his toys…watch movies with them… laugh at silly things you watch on the cartoon shows with them… do handwriting practice with him maybe… learn a song with him… try yoga and meditation with him… make him sit on your lap whenever possible… put your head on his lap and let him play with your hair… tell him your head aches and tell him his massage is the best feeling for you in the whole wide world… complement him … so very often… on what he wears, on how he looks, his sweet voice, his tiny little fingers and toes… spend a few extra minutes giving him a bath… see what tickles him… buy some sweet smelling shampoos, creams and other kiddo products…hmm… I think this will help you guys to bond better… he may have a meltdown and start trusting you for everything… he might finally find that peace he’s lacking right now… talk about God… any God, there are like a zillion and more out there… say you thank God for him and his brother… how ever terrible their dad was to you, please try and say a few nice things about him to your kids… I know…that’s faking it, but then again… they forgiveness is a virtue and helps moving on, so why not! All the best girl!!! 
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You have to get medical help for him . No one should feel scared of their own child . Even as you better yourself for you and you children you have to get help for him . Good luck .
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You are doing a great job even thou it may feel like your failing, adjust your crown and keep going queen! You’ve got this!
Sounds like he is mimicking what he knows from dad.
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My 5yr is the same. ADHD odd autism. It’s so so hard. Mentally draining. He needs you mama. Your his safe space. Don’t give up on him xx
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He probably learned this from his dad. Kiss that age are impressionable and copy what they see. Hw thinks it’s OK because he seen the “man of the house” doing this. Time and therapy should help.
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No real knowledgeable advice but I would do my best to assure nothing in his life shows any hitting of violence at any time. Tv shows-back up to PBS only type. No video games or violent shows at all. No toys that encourage that sort of play. Get him outside in nature and show him kindness and beauty in the world.
Try not to send him away from you. Even if his dad was horrible, this little one is likely feeling abandoned and acting in the way a 4 year old will. Get him some counseling, not just a diagnosis
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I think he has seen alot and now has ptss don t know if you can get treatment that young but u may try therapy
Feel for you all i m not a professional so could be quite wrong but it seems that he needs more than a sleeping pill
Just as you need time to heal so does he good luck to you all
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Im a mother of an adhd child plus going to college for social work. I actually just learned how many kids are falsely diagnosed with ADHD, but actually experienced trauma or abuse. I think he may have ptsd and trauma related mental health issues and not necessarily adhd or odd. He needs help. Now that he is hurting animals and hurting others, you need to call your local er. He needs to be safe. You need to keep you and your other child safe. Line up therapy. Im sorry you’re going through this.
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Honey hes traumatized by your trama. Or maybe there are incidents without you that tramatized him. He needs a counselor. Prob both of you
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Get EMERGENCY HELP NOW DON’T WAIT
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Whatever it is he has seen many things for a 4year old. Where did he learn to do all that? Boundaries since he was a smaller of age crates a pattern. I think you being in an abusing relationship that robbed your kids from being raised with a healthy emotional pattern 
He could be bipolar, or autistic.
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He needs a very good hiding…know its agains the law…but nothing happened to us as kids n8r my own children…sorry just how I feel that naughty
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Number one you are NOT a failure. I believe bc he’s seen the violent behavior from your husband he thinks that that kind of behavior is ok. He most likely needs therapy to help him deal with his emotions. I’m so sorry to hear you go through this. Wishing you and your boys nothing but the best.
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He has seen a lot with your relationship and trauma like that can affect children. His behaviors needs attention, I would look for therapy for him.
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I am proud of you. You are doing an amazing job. Don’t give up.
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My friends son has Asperger’s and he is extremely violent to the point that she had him institutionalized. Can you see through health care professionals if this is the case with your child? Her son is getting better but has fits of rage that can be dangerous. I’m not saying this is what your son has but please check into it.
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Does the city where you live have a psychiatric hospital for children? He needs inpatient treatment ASAP…for your, his and your younger son’s safety! You have to protect your other son! Hurting animals and acting out in those ways is a bad sign of something seriously wrong. Please seek immediate professional help, do not wait the 90 days!
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He needs help now, not in 90 days. Talk to your pediatrician, maybe they can call and get you in sooner.
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And if he has sent your younger son to the hospital more than once then I’m sorry he needs to he in some type of institution. You have to protect your other child. I know he is only 4 but something drastic has to be done before he does something drastic
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Aspergers is also a form of autism! It sounds like this could be what is going on here. Get him to a specialized hospital that can diagnose and treat!