My grandmother never listens to my rules when it comes to my son: Advice?

Does anyone have this problem with anyone? I usually hear this from my grandmother when she is taking to my child saying ‘we have to follow moms rules’ or ‘we need to listen to what mom says’ then turn around and won’t listen when I tell her to stop doing even the simplest of things with my child-like telling her not to put underwear on them and let them run around commando for a bit. I turn around, and she has done it anyway after being specifically told not to. It bugs me to no end. Am I the only one with this problem?

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I mean…if it’s something that endangers their life, or even something like dietary restrictions, I’d say youd have every right to be ticked. However…putting pants on your kid? Not really the end of the world, is it? Be thankful.

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Wait are you telling the grandma to let them run around naked. Or is she just letting them run around naked. Regardless kids need on underwear like at all times

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Wait, you are telling your grandma not to put underwear on them, and let them run around commando, and she is putting underwear on them anyway, and that’s making you mad?

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My mother took my daughter out of her carseat while I was driving the other day because she was crying. I had to stop the car and put her back in the carseat, then try to explain why she couldn’t take her out and hold her. She just didn’t understand that you couldn’t drive down the road without the baby being in the car seat I had to tell her she could either leave the baby in the car seat or she can find her own damn ride home

Why would you want your kids running around naked without you present?

Gramas and papas have different rules. If it isn’t hurting them guess what. It won’t change. Gramas let you eat ice cream for breakfast. Grama raised your mom. Good luck hun. It can be frustrating but pick your battles. Just don’t visually argue with her over your kid in front of your kids or it’ll Escalade

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Omg, you can’t just tell her what to do. And expect her to do as you please. If you don’t like it, do it yourself :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2: or maybe hire a babysitter that would follow your orders.

Grandmas do what they want. It is what it is. :joy::joy:i know my mom does anyway

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She won’t be around forever! It will just be memories one day … As long as she is not hurting them let them make there memories! I would give anything to have my parents or grandparents still here to sneak them cookies or whatever…

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So many questions. Is grandma babysitting? For free? Why does the kid run around naked? I’d say pick your battles… you can’t control everything. If she’s babysitting and for free I’m assuming, pay a babysitter. Then have her follow your rules. It’s going to be awkward when a nosey neighbor calls CPS about a kid running around naked…

Thats a fairly petty reason to be upset with ur grandma… i’ll just go ahead and quote my dear granny who has been gone from this earth nearly 19 years now " im old, ive seen alot of things, ive done alot of things, ive probably forgotten more in my life then most will ever know…"i would have given my left arm if she could have been alive to see ans spend time with my children and you better believe i would have let her spend that time however she saw fit! Count your blessings or good luck getting another free babysitter who will love and care for your kids with the love and care of a grandmother

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Is this her house? I mean if she doesn’t want to see baby bits you kinda have to follow her house rules. If she’s a guest in your home you should put pants on the little buggers lol weird thing to fight about pal

Lol I’m sorry I’m s grandma of 5 and I’m sure I drive my sons and dils crazy

Look doesn’t matter if it’s not hurting them dont worry about it…my kids never got to meet my mom and only had both thier grandpa’s for a short while…never got to meet any of great grandparents…relax and laugh

Might be the odd one out here but if someone wants to spend time with my daughter, family or not, they’re going to follow my rules or she won’t be coming over anymore. Going commando is a pretty common potty training technique. If the mother or father asks you to follow their parenting style or rules, you should do so. Being family doesn’t mean they can do what they want. It’s called respect. If they don’t wanna give it then they can come visit my child at my house, they won’t be spending time unattended there. It shouldn’t be that difficult to respect the wishes of the parent.

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I would talk to her. If it continues I wouldn’t let her see my child alone.

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Imagine not having Grandma around. Does your perspective change?

First I have 6 kids that would LOVE to have people in their lifes whom would love them. With that pick your battles. My kids hated clothes but all were potty trained really young (6months-14months) let your babies be loved especially if its not harmful to them… my dad died young but wouldve done anything to be gpa to my kids… this breaks my heart

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Let me be the first to say my dad died 8 WEEKS before I found out I was pregnant, so I know what it’s like to have your kids miss out, but on the same note, what I say about my kid, goes. I am his mother, I make the rules. She has the privilege of spending time with him, she should be respecting moms rules, and setting an example for him that moms rules are to be followed.

Your kid your rules mama.

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Geeze lady - you must live a privileged life if this is your biggest problem.

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Lol I have a similar issue. No excessive junk food and my parents don’t listen lol
In a way it’s kinda cute because my son sees my dad as his hero lol. Papa saves him from mommy :joy:

These are memories everyone will remember one day. relax and enjoy, as long as no one is getting hurt

Just because she’s “not going to be around forever” doesn’t mean she gets to disregard your parenting.

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When my children were with my Mom, they were allowed to follow her rules. As long as it wasn’t harmful to them, and it never was. I thank God everyday for her helping with and spoiling my children. They’re all grown now and she is gone. But, God, I miss those days!:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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My kids stayed with me when they were little but when they got older they went to GMA’s an she made the rules at her house I respected her to there was some things I didn’t care for but just let it go!!They weren’t harmed an they loves it they grew up an my g-kids went too no harm in it I do thing my kids don’t like we talk about it like give them candy lol that’s what GMA’s are for you have a issue talk about it or let it go mine are gone now an sure do wish they were here even after I left my ex my mother in law an me got along I would take gkids an visit

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My mother used to do the same thing. She would let my kids sleep on their stomachs, give sugar water, etc after i said not too. But i figured we all lived so it could of been worse… grandmas know best!

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I think it depends on why they’re with your mom. Is it just a sleepover once in a while? If so there should be no rules! :tada:

Is she your daily babysitter? If so you should probably either have a serious talk and figure out a happy medium or find a different sitter.

IMO

Your child your rules. If it’s just little things that add up to grandparents spoiling them, well that’s what grandparents are for. No harm done. If it’s important then your rules or no visits

Take a chill pill…is it hurting the child? Cherish every moment they have together…you won’t get back yesterday

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My mom cannot get it into her head that I don’t want my children having 5 tons of sugar every day. She buys them pop tarts, cookies, cake, popsicles, and all sorts of things that I don’t mind giving my children in MODERATION. They are still babies (2&1) and can’t have all that crap in their system. Especially when I’m trying to teach them to eat decent and trying to get them to try vegetables. She has a candy dish she fills with something new every time we come over and my girls just automatically go to this dish when we visit even though it’s always before their dinner. And I have been telling her for sooooo long to chill with the sugar but I can’t get through to her.

Let it go, unless its physically harming your child. I’d give anything for my kids to have grandparents around them. #belucky

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I’m a grandma, I try to respect kids rules. We let a few things slide as the grandparents. But so far it seems we have a few more rules than the parents do…

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Only take them to grandma when you are going to be there stop using her as a babysitter .

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God bless her, they are going to have some great stories to tell!

Your grandmother will only be here for a short time. She is making memories with your children’s that will last a life time.

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Your not over reacting one bit. Dont let people tell you that. You are the parent and others should follow your lead. I know parents/grandparents are just trying to love them and let them get away with the small stuff but it is disrespectful for them to not follow your lead. Showing your child it’s ok to go against what mom or dad says is not right. Maybe just try sitting them down and talking to them will help. I had to do this myself. It was all fun and games until my son looked at me a few times and said " well nanny said this" or " at nannies house I’m aloud" like I said i get they think its harmless but as the child gets older the issues change and then it creates conflict at home. I dont know about the moms who say its harmless or they are lucky to have grandparents etc. Yes they are but I know I dont want to look like the bad guy and have to continuously fight with my child defending my rules.

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Young parents now days are way to anal and controlling. Since I was little I feel like it’s been a grandparents joy to be able to indulge their grand babies. Funny how young parents love to control the joys of us grandparents. I remember being able to drink soda and have ice cream for lunch with my grandma. She also took me to church My mom endulged my kids with popsicles McDonald’s but she also taught them how to sew and card games I think young moms need to chill out and look at the big picture. Grandparents aren’t trying to break any rules on purpose. They are just trying to be grandparents

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Your kids are lucky and blessed to have grandparents. My kids don’t have any grandparents and all family lives in South Africa. How I wish I was you

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Grandmas are for endless chocolate, cookies and unconditional love. If she’s not hurting the child, let her be. Kids work out what they can away with from each person

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What is the big deal? Parents today are a bit much. You lived to tell the tale so it can’t be that bad!

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Simple little things like whether or not my kids have clothes on or not, etc. I dont worry about if my parents do those things differently than we do.
But the things like making sure the kiddos say please/thank you & yes please/no thank you or anything of that sort that is a common courtesy and respect I will stand up and tell them they must follow our rules

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I definitely wouldn’t be listening to the ones that are trying to invalidate your feelings and that it’s not hurting the child. It’s not about hurting the child, it’s about respect. Undermine someone for so long, especially a parent against their child, and it’s going to help create problems for that parent later on down the road. I should know, my parents have done it to me and it’s a huge pain in the ass trying to deal with the effects of it now. If someone can’t respect you as a parent, family or not, they don’t need to see your child.

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Stop bringing your kid over there. Simple as that

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Honestly I have no idea… people are so stubborn when they think that since they have already raised kids they know what they are doing. It’s really annoying honestly.

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That’s what grandparents are supposed to do

I am the grandmother of 2 grandchildren of one of my sons. We literally argue all the time of our rules or what we each think is best. It is so bad I don’t care to be around my son at all. Unfortunately the children now see and hear us arguing. Re: his son he truly does not think his son could get hurt in situations that he shouldn’t be in, in the 1st place. Like climbing in windows and looking out them, climbing on kitchen counter tops by the stove, standing on his chair while eating with his fork. Offering 3 and 4 food items when he doesn’t want something etc.
Re: daughter keeps giving her cups and cups of things to drink all day as if she’s a baby she’s 4 yrs old. Candy, cookies, sugary snacks late at night before bed time, Brushing teeth is not a problem. But. I keep explaining nothing wrong yet but it will.
So my final argument with him is I raised him the same way, so if he thinks im so mean about everything then leave me alone. I’m so, so tired of the arguments

My mom this way it put barrier between us

its memories with grandma. get over it. I dont like my kids eating candy at my moms but hell she sneaks it in any way. Let them have their time with her. She wont be here for long

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It is about respect. There are some things that will always slide that grandparents will do. I just have to accept that my kid will have cookies before dinner or a soda when we ask her not to or be on YouTube when grounded from it. My 11yo step daughter goes to my MIL house and gets on her phone for things she is grounded from, to a degree its is my MIL I get the most mad at but at the same time my SD is damn well old enough to know the rules.

Thing I won’t tolerate with my own children that she does with my SD.

  1. Not respecting my time schedule for pick up and drop offer not being courteous enough to let me know if something came up.

  2. Asking the kids to stay the night before asking us. It turns into my MIL whining through my SD phone about why not even if we say let us talk about it first and call back

  3. Using or doing something that we specifically told her not to that we feel is dangerous.

  4. If something becomes an issue at our house that they previously allowed and we talk about them about no longer doing it and they do not respect that. I will not deal with mouthy remarks or attitude because they do not pay attention or just let them do whatever.

Prime example of #3 they have the latch crib from when my husband was a baby (it was used then 33 years ago) we told them while he is immobile it is ok but once he rolls over he is not to be in it because it is too dangerous and recalled for many reasons. They got shitty with us, if they can’t respect the rules they will not watch my kids.

Old African saying: “it takes a village to raise a child” you wouldn’t survive here where everyone has an opinion about your child and your expected as a young mum to keep quiet and listen😀. Benefits of sending kids off a few days to someone else is that they learn and experience life in a different way than I could teach them. Children should be raised to adjust, adapt and relate to many situations and people. They’ll be better suited for life😏. You won’t always be there to protect them, they’re humans not robots, the only constant I know of is change.

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I think you better grow up. Children’s grandmother probably thinks that you’re a fool and you probably are doing things that aren’t good for the child. If you don’t want to hear it don’t go over there. Don’t use her Don’t transfer all your inadequacies to her. You are probably a very average mother who does a lot of things right and some things wrong. Take it for what it is.

Free day care is a mf’er

One would ask did you ever obey her rules. You can’t dictate to others who they have to be just cause you say so. They are adults who helped raise you too. Try letting people be themselves for a change. I am a mum of 3. Their grandmother is someone who is different from me but showing something old fashioned called respect goes along way. You should show some to your grandmother after all she’s been around alot longer. Chill out it’s minor in the scheme of things. Stop trying to rule the world you will never be happy.

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Pick your battles. As long as the kids are happy and safe I don’t see the problem. Certain rules need following other rules not so much.

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No, you’re not “the only one!!”
My ex-husbands grandmother used to practically force-feed my kids when they were toddlers; I always told her that we encouraged them to stop eating when they were full, but she persisted.
And she would do it WHILE I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE!! She would wait until my head was turned. As if!!
I would just dismiss my kids from the table and be done with it. Who in the Hell did she think she was?!?!

Chose your battles. My mom does the same sometimes or has rules opposite of mine such as bedtimes (she’s earlier than mine) but if they are at her house… her rules. Honestly if the kids are not in harms way you need to decide what’s really worth the hassle. Depending on the age, why are they running around commando? Are they potty training?

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I won’t allow my kids to go with my dad because he can’t respect boundaries. But, the things he does against my wishes could actually cause harm to my kids. My mother is an addict and he will leave them with her and allow her to drive with them. She has multiple dwis and no license.

If someone could not respect my boundaries when my daughter was little, than they were not allowed around her. Plain and simple. My kids my rules.

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The elders may rarely follow the rules of the children they themselves raised. If she’s not teaching bad habits or glorifying negative behavior expect grand parents to spoil them have fun and do crazy things in ways you wouldn’t. Builds character

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I stopped letting my parents watch my child for a short while so they understood that I was serious about following my rules.

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As a mother and a grandmother, I have to side with you on this. Grandkids are a gift, but that in no way makes it ok for me to disrespect the way my daughter has chosen to raise HER CHILDREN. I’m all for a little spoiling here and there, but not at the expense of disrespectful behavior and totally disregarding what my daughter has put in place for her children and how important to instill her beliefs and rules when it comes to her raising them…Your mother needs to respect her position and I’m quite certain that if the tables were turned, she wouldn’t allow this to happen, so sadly boundaries would have to be in place and if they cannot be respected, then there has to be consequences, and once this happens I’m sure your mother will elect to do whatever you want/need and set aside her personal feelings for her and all of your sakes…

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If its not harming them let it go. Grandmothers are grandmothers let them be.

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:joy::joy::joy: tell her i got 2 kids she can come babysit, no seriously, if its not harming them let it go

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I mean I wouldn’t want kids running around my house butt ass naked either.

How old are your kids?

Maybe she has different views. I don’t think you should be making a big deal about someone making your children wear underwear.

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Then find a sitter you have to pay and shut up.

Is grandma at your house or hers? Being a grandma myself I know I do things my children don’t like. If grandma takes care of them Don’t sweat the small things. Enjoy her being around and the good things your children will learn from her .

So stop seeing her until she can behave. It’s quite simple. YOU are their parent she is NOT.

My kids have extra needs and some have allergies, so whoever is around them need to listen and respect what I say… But mostly they know… But I wouldn’t be letting mine run around commando with visitors… Even my asd girl who couldn’t wear clothes had to learn to wear them and get used to them. Not something you do with visitors or even at someones house…

My grandparents loved to spoil us with fun and gifts and a sweet now and again, but they never, ever undermined my parents. They raised their children and in turn respected that it was my parents turn to raise us. This excuse that, “it’s just what grandparents do” is nonsense. It’s what grandparents who don’t respect their children do. Spoil your grandchildren in a good way, not in a way that will one day cause problems for your children and grandchildren. Why is that so hard to grasp for some people? If you had been so readily dismissed by your parents, you certainly would have had issues, I don’t understand how anyone can disregard their children’s wishes so callously.

I think mums and the childrens grandparents will usually have spats sometimes. I got an angry face. Because l agreed with one grandmother. Because granny thought it was alright. To give an eightmonth child diluted juice. And leave the child to cry to sleep. To me it made perfect sense. Especially as health visitors told us to do that with our own children. Babies get thirsty. Babies soon fall asleep after a little cry.

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She is a grandma. Raised the man I love and father of this child. Give her some slack and stop trying to control minor things. Everyone does things differently. Somehow we mostly turn out alright.

It is important to know that different households have different rules ,not all family’s are the same, even when related, you need to know things can be different.

My mom is that way :roll_eyes::expressionless:

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Ahh that’s just pay back when
U were that age :crazy_face:

Oh my goodness to some of these comments! My mom didn’t do everything I said but it was minor things like letting my kids stay up late on a Saturday. I’m a grandmother & I’m the same way. If my mom did something I didn’t like, I would simply explain why I don’t like it, (no extra snacks b/c kid is already over chubby) and ask her not to do it again. Same with my daughter. If g-mom can’t follow the rules, your consequences have to be set. Good luck

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