My guy is never in the mood: Advice?

What do you do when your guys never in the mood? Have they taken supplements etc to keep up with you?


Get a new one. Nah I’m just playing lol. First, there has to be a reason. Stress, excessive workouts, age, the bad stuff too, loss of attraction, someone else…try Horny Goat Weed. It’s a vitamin and can be found at Walmart, Kroger, Rite Aid, any place that has vitamins lol

What’s the cause? Depression—has he lost interest in activities other than sex? Stress? Can’t get it up? Gay? Boredom? Affair? Decline due to age? Other illness or disability bothering him? Financial problems? Sleep problems/exhaustion? Abuse? Bullying? Restrictive religious doctrine making him feel guilty? Has something happened to change his view of life/sex? Has he been body shamed? Does he feel “less than”? Ask him these questions and see how he answers.

Ask one question at a time & wait for the answer & don’t interrupt except to ask for clarification when he’s done talking. Make this as comfortable as possible, maybe by playing a simple board game, cooking together, or doing quiet chores together, (no vacuuming) or even while watching TV so he doesn’t feel like it’s an interrogation and he doesn’t have to make eye contact.

You could even chat during a walk where you’re not likely to run into people. If it’s safe in your neighborhood you can walk at night when it’s dark and most people are inside, even in urban areas.

If it’s too uncomfortable, just ask 1-3 questions at a time & ask him to pick a time when he’d be more comfortable looking for solutions (focus on the outcome of more happiness vs. on tne problem/s).

Then get him to the doc. Talk to the doc, PA or nurse in advance, tell them you want him screened for depression, stress/overwork/burnout, low testosterone levels, erectile dysfunction, blood pressure, circulatory problems—anything else that could lead him to being blasé in the bedroom unless he confesses something specific vs. general malaise.

Make the appointment and take him there yourself. Go to the car, for a walk, whatever and have him call you when it’s over & meet you at the car/bus/Uber. He’s probably embarrassed.

Tell him you’d like to know what’s up, but tell him he can pick a time over the next 10 days to tell you about the diagnosis, and what you can do to support him if he’s not ready to talk just now. There may be follow-ups with his GP and/or one or more specialists. See that he goes. Explain that it’s a few hours out of his life at the doc’s, not likely to include any needles or surgery, everyone is focused on making his life better, and the outcome could make you both happier for the expected X number of years you have left on earth.

Depending on age, average is once a week for sex. Are you demanding five times a day? Get yourself some toys. If he’s not up for sex (literally or figuratively) more than once a month, see if you can work out other ways for him to please you while he gets treatment. If it’s a mental block, it could take a while as a therapist peels back the layers of the onion to get to the root/s of the problem. What do you think you would do if he comes out GBTQIA?

Toxic masculinity means never showing weakness, vulnerability, or talking about feelings, so any or all parts of this process may be very, very hard for your guy. Be supportive, not accusatory.

BTW, pills worked well for an older gentleman I was with who was fairly fit, but not very well for a guy with extra weight and diabetes. Generally the more fit a guy is the better his performance. Plus exercise usually reduces stress and increases body positivity.

Find something he or you both enjoy. Water parks, swimming, learning line, swing, latin, ballroom, tap, or hip hop dancing; taking walks in parks, hiking, jumping rope, mini or large trampoline or trampoline parks, climbing walls, zip lining, circuit training, HIIT, Pilates, yoga, Tai Chi, Karate, cross-fit, yoga, ice skating, basketball, tennis, soccer, kickboxing, weightlifting etc. Or mix up activities during the week. Commit to 10 minutes once a week and work up from there. If taking a class, tell the teacher you’ll participate as long as you can comfortably, and build up your stamina until he/you can manage the whole class. If you’re better at something than he is and it bothers him, you go do something else instead.

Check out “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” movie. Good luck!

A BJ that always gets me going