My heart is slowly sinking . Everyone is playing with me right now

Me and my boyfriend of 3 years had a lot of ups and downs but i think i have hit my rock bottom this time. We both planned a visit back home booked the tickets together , he was visiting his family after 4.5 years and i was gonna see my family after 3 years.This trip was going to very hard for me since i was seeing my mom after one year of my dad passing because of covid. i could not visit my family when my dad was on death bed because of countries being under lockdown and borders were closed. I just never wanted to go backhome since it was going to be a reality check for me but i still went because i have very bad separation anxiety and my bf convinced me that we will be together and will support me , cant My immediate family and friends live far from me and i barely see them or feel comfortable taking about my relationship. Since i have no friends and family where i live ,

i am so alone, desperate and was put into a guilt trip when i argued with my bf for staying another month there and sending me back all by myself. He stayed back saying he did not get enough time with his family and meeting them after so many years. Mind you when we were back home we were in different provinces and were together only for 10 days out of a month and half. So now i am sitting here with my heart in my mouth and such bad anxiety. I know i am wrong for not being happy with his decision for staying back for another month. i might be wrong for not been content enough with myself that i cant live alone for a month. The most important thing that is pushing me back is he never called or texted me first , i am the one who was begging for his attention or wanted him to talk to me but he would always say that i am with my family after this many years , i am busy with them doing stuff . He will again put me in guilt trip that i was mad and crazy over scenarios that were building in my head. I am back since 4 days now and still a month to go. He knows how lonely i would be in my basement right after seeing my family. He chose to go on a boys trip where it was zero network and he could not spare anytime to talk to me.My heart is sinking right now and cant stop being miserable even though i work for 15-16 hours, a day i think of him all day and night. I cant stop feeling betrayed even though he has not cheated or talk to any girl behind my back (i hope i am right ) I did not call or texted him past 2 days since i was told i am ruining the time of his life. so he has not checked on me or even tried getting hold of him

i know this is a long one. SORRY